Chapter 44

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

T erena clutched at Nyx’s reins, blinded by tears and anger and a pain so sharp she thought she might die from it. She cried harder when she thought of the pain she’d experienced seeing Lerek’s dead body that night.

This pain was different.

This pain broke her soul.

Made her want to rage at the gods.

Her breathing was coming so fast now, her chest hurt. Nausea roiled up in her belly.

“Hold!”

She heard Rydon yell at them to stop, but it sounded so far away. Someone grabbed her reins, and Nyx almost reared.

Terena didn’t care. She slumped off her back, stumbling away a few steps and retched.

She dry heaved for what seemed like forever before someone was at her back.

Sonah.

The girl cried and beseeched her. To do what, Terena wasn’t sure.

She didn’t care.

Terena swung her right arm back, trying to swat away Sonah’s hands as she rose, her legs weak and more tears blurred her vision.

She heard them speaking behind her, but she kept walking, not knowing—not caring—where she went.

Terena wiped at her face and then stopped. Throwing her head back, she screamed.

Screamed with everything she had.

The earth trembled beneath her, as if her cries had unleashed a response in the world. Her anger and pain a shockwave making her stumble.

She fell to her knees, sobbing, her heart and soul dying inside her.

“Terena,” Croak said softly behind her. A moment later, he came and covered her back, wrapping her in his arms as he kissed her head. He whispered words meant to sooth but Terena was beyond hearing.

“That was…. something,” he muttered, moving to crouch at her side.

A long silence followed, broken only by her sniffles and ragged breaths. Croak stroked her back while he sat with her.

Much later, Terena wiped her eyes and sighed. “I feel like I’m dying,” she whispered.

“I know,” he said in a low voice. He moved away.

“Ren?” Sonah came over, hesitant. After a pause, she sat in front of Terena, crossing her legs.

Terena opened her eyes to see Sonah and her face crumpled again, fresh tears welling and spilling over. Sonah wrapped her arms around Terena, her sobs shaking the both of them. Croak moved, standing and walking away while she cried on Sonah’s shoulder.

“Terena,” Rydon said a long time later. He crouched next to her, his hand on her back. “I know you’re hurting. We’re all hurting with you. But we need to get moving. Solon’s men are nearby, and I’m pretty sure Daris will come after us, too. There’s no way what you just did wasn’t felt for at least fifty miles.”

“Let him come,” she said bitterly, the effect spoiled when she wiped her nose on her arm bracer. “I’ll fucking kill him this time.”

“You can’t, remember?” Croak snorted. When she skewered him with her gaze, he held up his hands. “But, you know, a dagger to the heart might make you feel better.”

“How could I be so fucking stupid? I’m such an asshole.”

“You’re not,” Rydon said firmly. “You have history with him and it’s all tangled up with what you’re feeling now. Which is normal. I don’t know what happened, but I promise the pain will ease.”

“I didn’t feel like this with Lerek,” she whispered, swallowing as she wiped at her nose. Looking up at Rydon’s kind expression she begged, “Did I not love him? I thought I loved Lerek, but this is so much worse, Rydon.”

“I know, love. I know. But let’s not sit around like easy prey, all right?”

Terena nodded and allowed him to help her up when Sonah let her go. They walked back to the horses, Nyx snorting softly as she moved to nuzzle Terena’s arm when she came near. Terena whispered to her, “Such a good girl,” and mounted.

“We should ride for Tursk. At least there, if we’re stopped by soldiers, they won’t be loyal to Solon. It’ll take us a week to get to the Pass if we ride hard, and then another to reach Seleste. Only a few miles to the border from there. And we should probably start traveling at night,” Rydon said, his voice firm.

“They know we ride for Seleste,” Croak objected, his arms wide as he looked between Rydon and Gabriol. “They’ll be waiting for us!”

Rydon waited until Terena settled in the saddle before he turned on Croak. “We’ve no choice. We can’t go through Osta and we can’t go anywhere near Aurora or Ovenno right now. If we go through Tursk, we can lose them in the mountains. Maybe wait it out for a week or more. He can’t watch forever.”

Rydon and Gabriol looked back at Croak. He raked his hand through his hair, a lost look on his face. He caught sight of Terena watching him, and he squared his shoulders, turning back to Rydon.

“All right,” he said quietly, and walked to his horse and mounted.

Terena wiped her face one last time, then rode off after Rydon.

As soon as the sound of horses’s hooves faded, Daris turned to face his men.

“Who talked?”

By the looks his men gave each other, they knew what he meant.

No one outside of his officers in the Liodari and King Altos knew about Prince Lerek.

And since that didn’t include any of Terena’s friends, that meant one of his men had been talking about something that would get them all killed.

His men remained silent.

Daris’s eye twitched. He pulled his lips in to stop them from trembling. His mind raced, still thinking of the fight with Terena, but he was so despondent he latched on to any excuse absolving him of the blame she’d laid at his feet.

How could he have hoped to explain it to her when he’d lied to her for months?

And she was right. He had said he’d never hurt her.

But keeping this from her, after everything?—

“It was me, Commander,” Fane said, holding his chin up as he took a step forward. His blond hair looked mussed as if he had slept badly.

“I made a poor joke and mentioned it. It was only in passing, and although I had believed we were alone, I had no right to speak on the subject.”

Daris lunged at him, grabbing fistfuls of the man’s leathers in his hands. The metal plates at his shoulders rattled when Daris shook him.

His face a breath away from Fane, Daris asked softly, “What was said?”

Fane, to his credit, did not flinch. “As I said, it was a poor joke.”

“I want to understand how a poor joke accounts for a state secret being spoken of so openly, people outside of Sparta are now aware of it?”

The other men stopped moving. Everything stilled around him as Daris’s eye narrowed on Fane.

“Do you know what will happen if this gets out? If they want to use that against us?” Daris asked, pushing Fane back to look at every one of his men. “The eyes of the Heylisian Empire will turn to us once more and we will now not only have Solon at our throats but a unified Heylisia! And all for a fucking joke? ”

The clearing remained awkwardly quiet as the blood roared in Daris’s ears.

“Break camp and prepare to ride. We’re going after them. Michael and Fane, ride for Messene and meet us in Seleste with a host of Liodari.”

He strode off, needing some space, when the ground beneath him trembled.

Daris looked up and saw the looks of bewilderment on the faces of his men.

A moment later, they were knocked to the ground, and what sounded like the loudest clap of thunder Daris had ever heard rumbled over them.