Chapter 6

Drawing Room

Ten Minutes Later

Wednesday, 12th August, 1812

The door opened, and Jane Bennet entered clad in a blue morning dress, with only a simple silver cross around her neck as an ornament. She pushed the door mostly shut and walked over to where he was standing.

"Good morning, Mr. Bingley," she said gravely.

Bingley stared worriedly at his angel. Jane Bennet remained the blonde beauty who had so enchanted him the day they met, but her face was pale and thin, as if she had not been eating well.

"Good morning, Miss Bennet."

"Will you not sit down, Mr. Bingley?" Jane asked, and at least her voice was steady.

Bingley waited as the lady sank gracefully into the winged back chair near the window before taking the seat across from her.

"Miss Bennet," he began, "I know that your family is in trouble now, and I deeply regret that. I have no desire to cause you further pain, so if anything I say is distressing to you, please do not hesitate to stop me."

She pressed her lips together and then said, "Very well."

"I must begin by apologizing for leaving Hertfordshire last autumn and not returning. I was a coward and a weakling and permitted my sisters and friend to convince me that you did not truly care for me as I cared for you. I could not bear the thought of you rejecting me or, worse than that, you feeling compelled to accept my offer for financial reasons, and thus I chose to stay away from Netherfield. I know I hurt you profoundly, and I cannot tell you how very sorry I am."

He stopped and stared at his love anxiously. Miss Bennet gazed back at him, her blue eyes slowly filling with tears. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, and then closed it. What could he say to make up for his stupidity?

"I thought Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst were my friends," Jane said eventually.

Bingley sighed deeply. "I believe they were, at first, but I realized recently that they wish me to marry Miss Darcy, and once I began paying a great deal of attention to you, they decided to destroy our relationship by any means."

"And you do not wish to marry Miss Darcy?"

Bingley stared at her in wonder and shook his head. "Not at all. I have no romantic feelings for her whatsoever."

Jane promptly burst into tears, and Bingley felt his stomach lurch. He swallowed hard, uncertain of what to say.

"Read this," Jane finally gasped, pulling a creased letter from her sleeve.

Bingley took the paper hesitantly, opened it, and began to read.

Netherfield Park

28th November, 1811

My dear Jane,

The Hursts, Mr. Darcy, and I will be following my brother to Town within the hour, and we mean to dine today in Grosvenor Street, where Mr. Hurst has a house.

I do not pretend to regret anything I shall leave in Hertfordshire except your society, my dearest friend; but we will hope, at some future period, to enjoy many returns of that delightful discourse we have known, and in the meanwhile may lessen the pain of separation by a very frequent and most unreserved correspondence. I depend on you for that.

When my brother left us yesterday, he imagined that the business which took him to London might be concluded in three or four days; but as we are certain it cannot be so, and at the same time convinced that when Charles gets to Town he will be in no hurry to leave it again, we have determined on following him thither, that he may not be obliged to spend his vacant hours in a comfortless hotel. Many of my acquaintance are already there for the winter. I wish I could hear that you, my dearest friend, had any intention of making one in the crowd, but of that I despair. I sincerely hope your Christmas in Hertfordshire may abound in the gaieties which that season generally brings, and that your beaux will be so numerous as to prevent your feeling the loss of the three of whom we shall deprive you.

Mr. Darcy is impatient to see his sister; and to confess the truth,weare scarcely less eager to meet her again. I really do not think Georgiana Darcy has her equal for beauty, elegance, and accomplishments; and the affection she inspires in Louisa and myself is heightened into something still more interesting from the hope we dare to entertain of her being hereafter our sister. I do not know whether I ever before mentioned to you my feelings on this subject, but I will not leave the country without confiding them, and I trust you will not esteem themunreasonable. My brother admires her greatly already; he will have frequent opportunity now of seeing her on the most intimate footing; her relations all wish the connection as much as his own; and a sister's partiality is not misleading me, I think, when I call Charles most capable of engaging any woman's heart. With all these circumstances to favor an attachment, and nothing to prevent it, am I wrong, my dearest Jane, in indulging the hope of an event which will secure the happiness of so many?

Charles Bingley discovered, to his considerable astonishment, that he was capable of snorting like a bull. He did so, in fury and outrage and disgust with himself, and then buried his face into his hands. He was such a fool. He was a complete and utter fool.

"I am an idiot," he finally said, lowering his hands and gazing miserably at Jane Bennet. "I had no idea at all that my sister could orchestrate such a cruel deception. It is not true that I am interested in marrying Miss Darcy. She is a charming and accomplished young lady, but she is but sixteen years of age, and it will be many years before she is ready to wed. Moreover, I am confident that Darcy, while he considers me a friend, would wish for a higher ranked gentleman for his only sister. Indeed, Darcy would be furious at my sister's intimations in that letter."

"Elizabeth told me, the very day I received that note, that Caroline was lying to me," Jane said drearily. "I refused to believe it. I was convinced that your sisters were genuinely my friends and incapable of willfully deceiving me. It was only after Miss Bingley waited weeks to return my call in London, and behaved coldly when she did visit, that I understood the truth. I have always thought that the people I knew would behave in honest and honorable ways, and it has shaken me greatly to realize that I have been na?ve and, indeed, stupid."

"I feel the same way," Bingley replied. "I want my friends and family to get along, and I want them to be kind to other people. I recently realized that I have been like the proverbial ostrich, burying my head in the sand about the true nature of those around me."

Jane lifted her chin at these words, and her blue eyes flashed briefly. "Including Mr. Darcy?"

Bingley wrinkled his nose and forced himself to think for a minute before speaking.

"I am angry at Darcy for concealing your presence in London," he finally said. "That was, without a doubt, dishonorable of him, and he knows it. I believe that his motive was better than that of my sisters, as they wish for me to marry a woman of the haut ton in the hopes of raising their own position in society. Darcy genuinely believed you indifferent to me."

Jane sighed, looked down at her folded hands, and said, "I did care for you very much, but perhaps that was not obvious. I have been accused of being overly serene."

"Cared, past tense?" Bingley asked hesitantly.

She lifted her face and gazed into his eyes. "Cared, past tense, yes. I do not know how I feel at the moment, not with everything that has happened. In any case, we are disgraced now, and our reputations destroyed, unless Lydia is found and marries Wickham."

Bingley shook his head and said, "Darcy will take care of the matter, I am certain. Moreover, even if Miss Lydia is ruined, I would be honored to make you my wife. I have been accused of falling in love easily, but in the months since we were apart, I never stopped thinking and dreaming of you, and I never stopped loving you."

Jane blushed at these words, but she did not smile. "And yet, you did not return."

"I did not," Bingley agreed sadly. "I understand if you cannot forgive me for that. I know that when I left, you did care about me; it must have been incredibly hurtful to be abandoned in such a way, and I only have myself to blame."

"Not only you," his companion returned. "Others that we both trusted separated us. But let me say that, while I am grateful for your assurances, I cannot accept an offer from you or anyone else with the situation as it is. You may not care now about Lydia's shame, but if she remains unwed, we will all be tainted for the rest of our lives by our younger sister's foolishness. Are you at peace with that affecting your sons and daughters?"

"I truly do not believe that the memory of society is that long, and in any case, I am at peace. It was my mother and my sisters who were so interested in our family rising in society, and my father who wished me to be master of an estate. It is time for me to think about what I really want out of life instead of allowing others to decide based on their own ambitions."

"The same is probably true of me as well," Jane said wearily.

Silence fell for two minutes, and then Bingley straightened his back and said, as steadily as possible, "Do you want me to depart Hertfordshire, Miss Bennet? I have no desire to cause you additional pain, and if my presence in the area is difficult for you, then I ought to leave."

Jane tilted her head, cogitated, and said, "I do not wish to send you away; indeed, if you do not mind acting as a friend to our family, we would all be pleased. May I inquire as to whether Miss Bingley and the Hursts are here as well?"

"They are not; in fact, I confess I left Pemberley without informing them of my destination."

Jane's eyes widened. "You left without a word of explanation?"

"No, I merely informed them that I needed to leave on business. It was, perhaps, cowardly of me, but I did not wish to make a scene, which would be uncomfortable for Miss Darcy. While I have no desire to marry the young lady, I do like her as a person, and she is shy and retiring, quite unlike my autocratic sister Caroline."

"I understand," Jane replied.

At this moment, the door opened wide, and the Bennets' butler entered with a tall, familiar gentleman at his heels

"Darcy!" Bingley exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"And is there any news about Lydia?" Miss Bennet asked eagerly.