44. Carter / Lara

Chapter 44

Carter / Lara

Carter

F rom the moment I curated the Oxford Street Playboy persona, I knew one day it would bite me on the arse. I just never expected it to be a bite from the most incredible woman I’ve ever known.

“At the risk of sounding incredibly cliche, it’s not what you think. Please let me explain?”

“I’d love to hear you explain how never being seen with a woman more than once ‘isn’t what I think’.” Lara scoots back slightly, pursing her lips with her arms crossed against her chest.?

When I don’t immediately respond, she gives me an incredulous smile. Fuck, I’ve really got my work cut out for me, and I’ve no one to blame but myself. Given my time again though, I wouldn’t change a thing.

“It was a ruse I formulated to protect my family. I created this playboy persona and fed it to the media outlets, knowing they’d swarm on it like vultures to a carcass. Only my family and those closest to me know the truth, because they were the only ones who mattered.”

With each word out of my mouth, I watch Lara become more and more perplexed. She sits and stares for a moment, her mouth silently opening and closing.

“You—it . . . wh-what?” The words tumble out incomplete, her utter confusion apparent. “What? Why?”

“For Winnie.”

“Your niece?”

“Yes, for my niece. She was an unexpected surprise for our family, and more specifically for Teddy. For the first year of her life, we had no idea she existed.”

As expected, this causes Lara’s jaw to drop.?

“How is that even possible?”

“It’s a long story for another night, but for now, let’s say her mother was never going to be in the running for the Model Citizen Award.” Lara nods absentmindedly, pressing her lips together and pulling them between her teeth with an understanding hum.

“Once Teddy knew about Winnie, he called me and was completely freaked out. Not about Winnie herself—he was thrilled to find out he had a daughter after the initial surprise—but about the scandal that could be brought to light. Our family is often in the media given our status in society and wealth, and he couldn’t afford the bad press in his position with the Army, nor did he want his baby daughter to be the centre of a scandal.”

“As soon as he explained the situation, I knew I had to do something, anything , to help my family. That’s when I came up with the playboy-image ploy. I figured if I could capture the media’s attention with pictures of different women on my arm every week and feed them just enough tidbits for their imaginations to run wild with gossip, I’d be able to take the brunt of their focus. That way, Winnie’s past would never be found out.”

“So all of those pictures in magazines and online articles were, what, fake? Or had you been dating that many women?”

“Yes Lara, they were fake.”

“You didn’t date a single one?”

“No, they were all amateur models who were more than happy to pose for some candid pictures with me in exchange for an introduction with Lisette Manuel.”

“Woah, sidebar—you know Lisette Manuel?”

“She’s an old family friend; we spent holidays together in the countryside as children.”

“And you really didn’t date a single one of those beautiful models?” She cocks an eyebrow.

“No, I really didn’t. Besides a slightly awkward but brief period seeing the daughter of my parents’ friend that I ended not long after meeting you, my last relationship was a whirlwind two-month summer romance when I was in my mid-20s.”

“Before Winnie.” I struggle to make the words out from beneath her breath, apparently a thought unintentionally spoken aloud.?Her eyes have widened slightly, resembling a deer in headlights.

“But isn’t Winnie, like, four now? Why continue with the ruse? Especially given everything you’ve said to me tonight. About me, about us.” She ducks her head as she speaks the last words, avoiding my gaze in favour of her rings.

“Oh, love.” My palm finds the juncture of her cheek and jaw. It’s subconscious at this point; something within me has an almost innate desire to touch her. “I stopped feeding the media staged images the second I began having feelings for you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you thinking any less of me. From that moment, you’ve been the only woman on my mind and in my arms.”

“It’s easy for you to say that, but how can I be sure you’re telling the truth? I want you to prove it.”

I blink, slightly dumfounded. “Prove it? Okay, just give me a moment.” Pulling my phone from my pocket, I scroll and tap ferociously on the screen, searching for proof. “Here.” I flash the screen toward her so she can see the image.

“Uh I’m sorry, what is this proving?”

“Look there,” I say, pointing to the top of the image. “Look at the date—March 16 th . Correct me if I’m wrong, but that was only a few days before we first met.” I look down at her, those deep blue eyes boring into mine with an intensity that’s almost too much to bear. There’s understanding there too; she’s coming around.

“That’s correct.” Something unseen by me suddenly catches her attention, her eyes cast downward. But it’s not enough to hide the ghost of a smile floating across her lips.

“This was the last picture I had orchestrated. Once I met you, this incredible, beautiful, powerhouse of a woman, no one else mattered. There’s not a woman out there who could hold a candle to you, Lara.”

She lets out a wet laugh, looking up at me with tears brimming again.

“How do you manage to make the cheesiest things sound so un-cheesy?”

“It’s the sexy British accent,” I respond with a wink.

Lara

I’m failing to reconcile the man in front of me—the man saying the sort of things younger me could only dream of—with the man I’ve seen plastered all over magazine covers and across various social media outlets.

How could someone with a reputation like his possibly mean everything he’s saying?

“But the news articles?—”

“Were fabricated. By me.”

“All of them?”

He gives me a warm smile. “All of them.”

I’m aware I’m making him repeat himself, but Carter is nothing if not patient. I have no doubt he’d repeat himself until the cows come home.

I sit in silence for a moment, turning this over and over in my mind. The longer I ruminate on it, strangely, the more it makes sense. The way Carter has been towards me since the moment we met has never been anything less than sincere, and yet it was always a contradiction to what I’d seen about him in the media.?

At the beginning, I didn’t really think much of it, nor did I have a problem with the image portrayed—after all, I hadn’t been looking for anything serious. But looking back, as July and August rolled into September, I became increasingly aware of the contrast in the versions of Carter.?

“You make it impossible for me to even look at another woman, Lara, let alone consider touching one. There is only you.” Carter continues to speak, utterly unaware of the realisation I’m coming to.

The back of his fingers trails over the dampness coating my cheek. Reacting on instinct, I lean into his touch. He cups my jaw, his gaze locking on mine, and there’s a quiet confidence behind it.

“There will only ever be you.” Carter’s words are strong and steady as if they’re the only thing he’s ever known to be true.?

But how do I accept the kind of love I’ve never believed in??

“I tried so hard not to feel anything for you.” The words escape so quietly, to the point I fear Carter hasn’t heard them. Though, the fear is short-lived. Carter lets his hand drop from my face, resting it on my exposed knee. He stares at me unabashed before an uncontainable grin breaks out across his face, his eyes alight.

“You can’t give me that smile right now.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because it makes me nervous. I’m trying to have an adult conversation here, and the smile does something distracting to my insides.”

The grin only widens.

“Carter, I'm serious.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” But he doesn’t look the slightest bit sorry as he casually flicks his wrist. “Just don’t look at my face then.”

After a deep breath, I continue. “I fought hard against developing any feelings for you. There are so many reasons we shouldn’t work. Firstly, you’re my?—”

“Boss??That’s easy. I’ll move you into any other suitable position within the firm that you desire. But I know this isn’t your dream job, so I’ll help you into any industry I have connections with. Whatever will make you comfortable, I’ll do it. Next reason.”

If I didn’t know Carter as well as I do—the way he has to exercise in the morning or he’s unbearable; that he orders his black coffee extra hot but then lets it cool for five minutes before taking a sip; that he’s the most organised male I’ve ever encountered—I’d be gobsmacked by his prepared response. But I do, which is how I know he’s someone who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. If that means exhausting all favours with professional connections in the hopes I give in to him, he’d do it in a heartbeat and ask what’s next.

To hide the smile playing on my lips, I roll them between my teeth and rub a finger along my cupid's bow.?

“Mia.”

“I know her as Emilia, but I’m familiar with her.”

“God, you’re insufferable. Mia is my next reason.”

His hand remains firmly on my knee, encouraging as ever. “I don’t believe you can claim my sister as a reason to place a tally in the con column of us.”

“And why not?”

“Out of the three of us, she’s really the only one who should be allowed to have an issue with this, given I’m her blood and you’re her best friend?—”

“You just proved my point.” Lounging against the arm of the couch, I give Carter the smuggest look I can muster. I’m a little thrown when he mirrors it.

“You didn’t let me finish. I was going to add that, last I spoke to her, she wasn’t against it at all. I’d go as far as to say she was encouraging.”

“Encouraging? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Emilia Lawrence?”

“Unless you’ve befriended and moved in with another of my sisters named Emilia, I believe so.”

“There’s no way. There was a moment when I first told her where I worried for my life, Carter.”

“Come on, Lara. I’d expect you of all people to know how she is—dramatic and reactive straight off the mark, but she always comes around.”

“Even so, this ” — I gesture between us — “isn’t really the sort of thing you could expect her to come around to.”

“Lara.”

I take a deep, grounding breath. Yet again, I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed. I look over at Carter, who’s sitting beside me with his most sincere smile and those gorgeous green eyes, and I know there’s no word of a lie in what he’s telling me.

Mia is okay with this, encouraging it— us —even.?

“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me the truth sooner. I mean I do, but I don’t, you know?”

“Because you spook easily.”

My jaw begins to drop, but Carter is quicker. “I’m kidding.”

Carter lets out a yelp mingled with a chuckle when I smack him on the knee. “You deserved that.”

“You’re right, I did.”

There’s something different about holding Carter’s gaze. He looks at me as though he can see everything; my past traumas, our present, and my future, and there’s nothing he wants more than to be just that—my future. Perhaps that’s how it should be.

The longer we look at each other, the more I notice the way his eyes begin to water. Ever the physical touch type, he grabs my hands and wraps his own around them, cocooning them.?

Carter

A tear slips down my cheek unbidden, but I don’t move to wipe it. I’m not afraid of showing emotion around Lara.?

“You must know, I’m deeply sorry for not coming clean about the whole facade sooner. My family needed to come first. But if there’s one thing I’ve come to know is true, it’s that I can so clearly see you being part of my family as well.”

“Doesn’t that scare you? Having those feelings about someone who could break your heart?”

“It is scary; quite frankly, it’s fucking terrifying. If I’m honest, I think my exact words to Dex were, ‘ fuck, Dex, I think I’m falling in love with her, and that scares me more than almost anything .’”

Lara’s head flicks up, those tear-brimmed deep blues looking into my soul. Her eyes soften as a small smile pulls at the corners of her glossed lips. She blinks, a lone tear rolling down her soft cheek. I’m mesmerised by her.?

“Carter . . .”

“Yes, love?”

A gentle giggle escapes, Lara’s hand coming up to stifle it before wiping the stray tear away. “You have no idea what you just said, do you?”

Oh no, what did I say? It can’t be anything too horrible, given the giggle.?

Oh fuck.

I just told Lara I think I’m falling in love with her without actually telling her.

As someone who prides themselves on the way they’re able to handle any situation thrown at them with a smile, satire, sense, or all of the above, I’ll be the first to admit I royally fucked this one up.?

Lara looks at me expectantly, no doubt wondering if I’ll freak out or double down. This is far from the way I imagined telling her, but there’s a silver lining—I’m going to tell her. Any agonising over timing is out the window. That initial ‘oh fuck’ feeling subsides, and a wave of calm washes over me. I’m going to tell her. Wrapping my hand around hers, I look deep into those beautiful blue eyes that I’ve come to know so well.

“It might not be the way I’d have liked to tell you, but that doesn’t make it any less true—I’m falling in love with you, Matthews.” Her hand trembles in mine, becoming clammy. Despite every part of me wanting to break eye contact from fear of rejection, I don’t. Instead, I hold her gaze like it’s the last thing I’ll ever do. I catalogue each variation of blue, the varying thickness of the darker rim, and the almost imperceptible flecks of green, committing it all to memory on the off chance this is the last time. But as I witness the tears welling again and the tiny pull at the corner of her mouth, I know with absolute certainty no one will ever look at me the way Lara is in this moment.?

“I’m not expecting you to say it back or even reciprocate the feeling, not yet anyway. But I don’t doubt one day you will, and it’ll be the second greatest moment of my entire existence.” I lean in closer, my mouth inches from hers. “Second only to any occasion where I find myself between your thighs, drowning in that?—”

“Oh, shut up and kiss me, Lawrence.” Her tear-stained cheeks develop her signature blush as the most captivating smile reels me in.

I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I crush my mouth to hers, kissing her with everything I have. Running the tip of my tongue along the seam of her lips, she opens herself to me.?

It’s the type of kiss you’d expect to see at the end of one of those holiday Hallmark movies Lara’s been forcing me to watch right before it fades to black. She doesn’t need to say a word; this kiss tells me everything I need to know. She’s falling for me, too.