52. Charleigh

FIFTY-TWO

CHARLEIGH

"How are you holding up?" Concern filled Raven's voice as she peered at me from where we sat at the island.

She had asked me that no less than fifteen times throughout the day.

"I'm okay," I told her. "Shaken for sure, but I know they'll figure out who it was."

It was strange that I was the one who was reassuring her because honestly, I was terrified.

But Raven had been extremely anxious.

Unable to sit still with each second that'd passed.

A constant diffusion of fear emanating from her spirit.

Last night, when River and I had finally returned to the house, she'd been pacing the living room, and she'd come beelining for River and had thrown herself into his arms right as she'd started sobbing.

He'd promised her again and again that he was fine, telling her he'd never let anything happen to him since he needed to be there to take care of her, but that promise hadn't seemed to soothe her.

Their bond had never been more obvious than right then. Their pasts forging an affinity that was stronger than I'd realized. It was also apparent that Raven's scars went deeper than I'd ever imagined .

Otto had stayed with her, and he'd been sitting on the couch, his expression grim when he'd finally stood. He and River had disappeared down the hall, their voices hushed snarls as they discussed what had happened.

We learned that Theo and Kane hadn't been able to catch up to the attackers, and they'd returned to the club to check on Cash, carrying only hate and hostility.

River had kissed me hard before he'd said he had to go and meet with his crew. He'd crawled into bed with me at just before dawn, had undressed me slowly and taken me quietly.

His dark, dark eyes had watched down on me.

After he'd picked Nolan up this morning, he'd brought him back here and had spent a couple hours with him before he'd said he needed to go back to the club. They were doing everything they could to weed out whoever might be responsible. To find who might have picked up on a trace or a clue.

So now, Raven and I were at the house, the alarm set, and one of the bouncers from the club was stationed outside, the same as another had been last night.

River wasn't taking any chances.

Raven looked at me with all the worry she couldn't evade where we sat at the kitchen island. We'd made an easy dinner, and the coffee we'd drank throughout the day had been exchanged for a bottle of wine we were sharing.

"I know they will find whoever is responsible," she whispered. "They're…careful."

My swallow was thick as I was still toiling with the details River had given me last night. Still unsure what to make of them. Torn though it was clear where I'd landed.

"I'm so glad you stayed," Raven said, as if she'd known exactly what I'd been thinking. "I knew you'd be able to hold his burdens, too."

She reached out and squeezed my hand.

I blinked through the reality of what River was. "It's really difficult to make sense of something that is both so honorable and depraved."

Something he could…go to prison for.

For…forever.

Her nod was slow. We both turned our attention to Nolan where he was playing with Legos on the floor in the living room. We kept our voices low enough that only we could hear.

"He only does what he has to… when he has to. For people like him." She softly gestured with her chin toward the boy. "Could you imagine if it was Nolan? And there are so many women and children just like him. In trouble. Desperate to get free of their situations. Trapped with no way to get out. River makes sure they can. In the moment, I believe most of us would do the same."

"I know. If someone were in danger right in front of me, and my only option was to…"

My heart hitched, unable to say the words, and my gaze returned to Nolan, sure of the lengths I would go to protect him.

He looked up at that moment with his sweet, sweet grin.

My heart nearly seized with the amount of love I felt for him.

It's you and me from here to eternity.

My spirit hummed.

It was going to be us.

All of us.

This child a permanent part of my life which made sense since I could already feel him etched in my soul.

Nolan climbed to his feet as if he felt the pull of my heart. "Whelp, I better take a bath because my Daddy-O told me I needed to be extra good today since he was gonna be gone, and I don't want to go breakin' any rules. I need a really good report when he gets back because maybe then I'll get to go get ice cream after I get picked up from Miss Liberty's tomorrow."

Blinking, I attempted to shove off the heaviness. The worry that strained on the atmosphere as we waited to hear any news. "That sounds like a really good plan."

I glanced at Raven as I slipped off my stool. "I'll take care of it."

She didn't argue with me. She just let this softness rise to her features, as if she understood the position I was taking.

She waved her glass of wine in my direction. "I'm going to polish this off and then I think I'm going to go upstairs and read. I need something to get my mind off things."

"Go ahead and polish mine off, too." I shot her a grin.

She pressed her fingers to her chest. "And here I thought I was the world's best bestie. I think that title might actually belong to you."

"It's the little things," I told her.

She laughed a soft laugh. "God, I really love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered, then I took Nolan's hand and let him lead me upstairs.

He rambled nonstop the entire time, telling me all about the great time he'd had the night before.

"And Gage is already going to be eight and Juni Bee is seven." Then he frowned as he looked up at me with his index finger pressed to his chin. "Wait a minute…I'm not for sure because I can't even remember how many birthday parties I've been to but I think that's pretty right."

A soft laugh rippled out of me as I followed him into the bathroom that was off the same side of the hall as his room. He started peeling off his clothes while I ran the water, making sure it was warm but not too hot.

"I like lots of bubbles, Miss Charleigh. All the way up to my chin. It's the pink bottle because it smells like bubble gum, and I love bubble gum. Do you love bubble gum?"

Amusement made its way through the worry. "I haven't had any bubble gum in a long time, but if I remember right, I think I do."

I tipped over the bottle of bubbles and squeezed it beneath the rush of water from the faucet.

The scent of bubble gum filled the room.

Nolan was not kidding.

"Well, we should probably get you some because it's really good if we have the things we love." Without warning, he hopped into the tub. He splashed a giant wave of water over the side, and his blue eyes went ridiculously wide. "Oops. I think I got the floor wet."

I couldn't stop my giggle, and I stood so I could grab a towel to sop it up, then I climbed back onto my knees at the side of the tub. The water rose, and the bubbles gathered and grew .

"There, all the way to your chin." I dabbed a bit of suds onto his dimpled chin. "I think it's because you want to look like Santa Claus."

Laughing, he kicked his feet and splashed more water over the side. "Santa Claus is my favorite, and he's probably a good guy to want to be. Like my dad except my dad doesn't got no white beard."

My spirit clutched. Because I knew he was. I knew his father was a really good guy while being so thoroughly bad.

"Okay, let's get that hair wet," I told him. I edged up high on my knees so I could reach him, and I slipped an arm under his back to support him while I dunked him without getting water and suds in his eyes. Then I grabbed the shampoo bottle that also was bubble gum scented and squeezed a dollop onto his head.

His head was tipped back, and he was beaming up at me as I massaged it into his hair.

Only I frowned when color started staining the suds.

A dark, dark brown. Almost black.

I pulled my hands away, staring at them and wondering if I was imagining things. I would have chalked it up to dirt, but this was…

My brow pinched.

Hair dye.

It was fresh hair dye .

I'd dyed my own hair enough times to recognize exactly what it was.

I was frozen, staring at it in confusion. Bewildered and perplexed. Though something more consequential nagged at the back of my mind.

"Is your…hair dyed?" The question cracked.

"Oh, yep! My Daddy-O made my hair all better a couple days ago, and that always happens and gets my water all dirty, but don't worry, Miss Charleigh, after one more bath, it's all gone and then I'll be all clean again."

He smacked his hands against the surface of the water, sending droplets splattering onto my shirt and arms.

"Your dad…dyes your hair?" I pushed out on a whisper. The words were laden, as if the disorientation made it difficult to speak.

"He says he likes it really, really dark so it can be just like his, and that's good because I really want to look like him and not Santa Claus like you thought."

He cracked up like it was hysterical while the walls spun around me.

I didn't know why it unsettled me so profoundly. Why I was shaking as I rinsed the shampoo out and repeated the process with the conditioner. Why disquiet gathered from the edges of my being, whirling together to become a gnarl of apprehension.

Woodenly, I helped him wash then rinse, then I undid the drain stopper and wrapped him in a towel. He prattled on as he brushed his teeth and hair, still going on about his favorite friends as he dashed into his room and pulled on a fresh pair of pajamas.

He read me another book while I just stared at him. Stared and stared at him through the disorder that billowed and blew through my consciousness. And when he flopped onto his back for me to tuck him in, I lifted his left arm and ran my fingertips over the birthmark on the inner side.

A tidal wave of memories crashed through me.

Nolan giggled. "That's my love mark."

"Love mark?" My voice was haggard.

"Yep. My dad said he thinks I probably got it from my mom because it's almost like a heart, and he bet she loved me a whole, whole lot."

That disorder surged, and I couldn't make sense of what I was feeling. The chaos that battered my insides.

I was going insane. Conjuring ideas that I couldn't afford to conjure. Still, my insides quaked and my spirit shivered.

I pulled his covers to his chin, and he squirmed beneath them. "Do it like my dad does it," he said through his sweet voice.

I tucked the covers under his little body while my pulse thundered through my veins.

"How's that?"

"Perfect!" he shrieked, then he threw his arms out and squeezed them around my neck. "I love you the most just like I love my dad!"

"I love you, too." It was a breath. A whisper, and I finally stood and moved across his room, looking back at the child where he snuggled on his bed.

His heart beating. Blood running through his veins.

Finally, I forced myself to flip off his light. I moved to River's room, changed into sleep shorts and a tee, and slipped under the cold sheets.

I tried to find sleep, but I couldn't rest. Couldn't stop the dangerous idea that had sprouted roots in my heart and mind.

I squeezed my eyes closed. I had to be being…paranoid. Grasping at straws. Imagining things that weren't there. My heart trying to convince me of something that was impossible.

But still, I couldn't let it go when River finally slipped into the room in the middle of the night. He crawled in behind me and pulled me into his arms, his big body a thousand degrees as it burned into the chill that had taken me hostage.

I wanted to turn to him and demand answers.

Scream.

Plead.

But no.

I couldn't force the hazardous thoughts from my tongue.

Because if I was wrong? It would destroy me all over again.