49. Charleigh

FORTY-NINE

CHARLEIGH

I cleaved myself to River as he flew down the road, my face buried in his shirt and my hands fisted in the back of it. It was disorienting, traveling backward, unable to see where we were going or even understand what was happening.

Trying to come to grips with what had transpired outside the club. Trying to process the horror that pummeled through my insides and spun me into confusion.

Dizziness washed through my brain and nausea roiled in my stomach.

River's heart thundered at a manic pace, a thunder at my ear, a snarl of turmoil and a clutter of wrath.

He took the right turn fast, barely slowing as the bike angled before he was gunning it again. In an instant, the air was cooler, and I knew we were on Vista View, though I could tell he'd passed by the turn-off to his house and instead was barreling farther toward the mountain in the distance.

Finally, he slowed and made a couple quick turns, and I peeled myself back enough to see that we'd hit a dirt path that wound beneath the trees. When he came to a stop, we were in a clearing up close to the lake .

Trees all around.

Soaring and shrouding.

Moonlight glinted through their abundant leaves, casting a pale glow over the wild grasses that grew at the shore.

River killed the engine.

In an instant, silence surrounded us. The only sound was the distant hoot of an owl and the lapping of the waters against the embankment.

That and the frantic beat of our hearts that refused to slow.

River curled his arms around me as another sob hitched in my throat.

"I've got you, Charleigh. I've got you."

I hiccupped as I wept into his shirt, and words started tumbling out, "It's my fault. I never should have come here. Never should have entangled myself in your family. Put you in danger. It's my fault."

That's what this was, wasn't it? Frederick had found out where I was. Had found out I was alive. I should have known I could never sit still. Should have known I could never stop watching behind me.

Could never stop moving.

Running, running, running.

River held me tighter, and I could feel the hostility bristle in every muscle of his body.

"No, Charleigh. Don't think that was about you." His voice was hoarse. "Think it's me who put you in danger. Me who's getting you entangled in my shit."

His words barely cracked through the tumult that wracked me through.

"Me," he wheezed, somehow pulling me closer.

A thousand questions spun through my mind, thoughts breaking through and penetrating the disorder.

The confessions he'd made.

The warnings he'd issued.

"I've done terrible fuckin' things."

A slow awareness crept over me. I'd been so shocked that I hadn't recognized River's reaction. The way Trent and Jud had gotten out of their SUV with guns drawn. The way Theo and Kane had taken off after the shooters on their bikes.

And no one had called the cops.

No one.

And rather, River had run with me to this secluded spot.

Trepidation clotted in me like curdled milk.

Sour and fermented.

"What do you mean?" How I managed to get it out around the rocks in my throat, I didn't know.

River shifted, edging back to take me by both sides of my face. Those storm-cloud eyes raged. A hurricane in this false calm. They flicked all over my features as if he was the one who was hunting for answers.

He swallowed hard, and the words tattooed on his throat bobbed and writhed.

No mercy.

"Warned you I was a bad man, Charleigh."

My insides quivered, and part of me wanted to hop off his bike and run. The rest of me was pinned, unable to move beneath the weight of the man that'd had me hinged since the moment I'd first met him.

I could feel the plea pinch my face. "What does that mean?"

Hesitation brimmed in him, and I could almost hear his secrets bashing against the confines of where he kept them chained.

"Please…you're scaring me, River."

He exhaled a shattered breath before his eyes dropped closed as he squeezed my face tighter. "You asked me about the tattoo me and my brothers have on the back of our hands."

Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach, and when he finally opened his eyes again, I could see all the way to the depths. To the torment and shame. All the way down to the corruption and immorality.

The second he lowered his walls, I could feel it ooze from him.

"Told you it was a pact we made. That we'd always be there for each other. Have each other's backs. But it goes way deeper than that."

"Tell me." It wheezed from my mouth .

He warred for one anxious second before I could see him come to a resolution.

See the walls drop.

This man exposing himself to me.

"You already know we started out rough. On the streets."

"Because you protected Raven." I thought I was begging it because I needed that to be his reason.

River's laugh was hollow. "Yeah, Charleigh, I got Raven to safety. Got her out of that house. Hidden from the violence. But that violence still lived in me. My hatred for the monster who'd hurt her. Knowing he was still alive after what he'd done to her? Knowing he could do it to someone else? I waited a year…a fucking year that piece of shit got to breathe when he should've been six feet underground. But I went back, and I made sure he would never get the chance to hurt anyone ever again."

Sickness coiled my stomach.

I'd known immediately, though, hadn't I?

That he was dangerous?

I'd tasted the wickedness that emanated from his being.

And still, I remained there, pinned. My eyes were wide as I watched the horrors play out through his expression.

I couldn't speak, and River continued, "After I got her out of that house, we went into the city. Into LA. We were basically homeless, staying in whatever pit we could. Met Theo, Cash, and Kane there. All of us were running from something. We survived the best way we could, doing whatever odd jobs we could find and stealing the rest that we needed to get by. That was until Trent took us under his wing. He set us up with a safe place to stay. I patched into his MC because it was clear from the start that was where we belonged. The rest of my brothers followed."

River paused, gauging my reaction. My fingers were curled into his shirt at his stomach, my breaths harsh and shallow as he finally gave me access to the places I'd known he'd kept concealed.

"World we lived in was rough," he said through the strain. "Full of crime and misdeeds. We were surrounded by it night and day. One night, I was walking the street, and I heard this woman screaming from her apartment above, and a man was shouting as he clearly was beating her. I tried to keep moving. Mind my own goddamn business, but I couldn't force myself to walk away. I climbed the fire-escape stairs and went in through the window. She was just fucking…bloody, and I knew if I left her there, she'd end up dead. Maybe not that night, but one day, she would. So I ended that fucker right then and there."

His jaw ticked, the muscle feathering as he fought a wave of aggression, while I struggled to breathe.

To make sense of what he was saying.

His voice softened as his brow pinched. "The woman, she was crying and crying, whispering that she didn't know what she was going to do. Stuck in that fucked up cycle of relying on someone who would only hurt you. So, I took her with me, and me and my crew set her up in another state. Helped her start a new life. MC was running drugs and guns at the time, so we had plenty of cash to make it happen."

My mind spun with what he was telling me.

The brutality up against the generosity.

The kindness up against the barbarity.

My lungs squeezed as I tightened my fists in his shirt, my pulse thundering with each detail that he gave.

He tilted his head back to be sure I was fully in his line of sight. The severe cut of his jaw flexed with the clench of his teeth, his carved cheeks hard, his sharp brow cut in this beautiful defiance so fierce that I wasn't sure how to make sense of it.

"That was when Sovereign Sanctum was born."

SS.

I felt the burn of the imprint on the back of his hand where he had his palms gripping my cheeks.

"What exactly does that mean?" The words wobbled.

"Means I didn't stop after that. It became my purpose. My sole reason for living. Getting the vulnerable to safety. Setting them up and giving them new lives."

Shock tore through me, and the question shook. "All of you…that's what you do? "

My brother and his friends are exactly who you should turn to if you're in trouble.

Raven's encouragement from that day flashed through my thoughts.

"Yes. Each of us has different responsibilities. Kane funnels the money where we need it, Theo temporarily shelters them at his motel until we can get them moved to their new homes, Cash creates new identities for them, and Otto gets them to where they're going to be."

My eyes searched the grave lines of his face. "And what's yours?"

I somehow already knew what his answer would be.

"I get them out. By whatever means necessary."

He didn't need to say what was clearly implied.

He killed whoever tried to stop them.

The air wheezed from my lungs, words locked, uncertainty unending.

He gripped me even tighter, drawing me toward him an inch. "Say something. Please fucking say something."

I blinked through the reservations and doubt. "I'm terrified." It choked out of me, and he started to pull away, only I dragged him back by the shirt. "I'm terrified and awed."

A frown curled his brow. "You should be disgusted."

"How could I be?" Maybe I was all wrong. It wasn't like I didn't know his actions were criminal. But even if I hadn't met him and I read about what he and his friends did? I think I would…understand it. Secretly applaud it. Because if you were exposed to the type of depravity they worked to save the vulnerable from? You understood saving them was worth it. Understood going beyond the laws that had been set to offer a justice that would rarely otherwise be found.

It seemed insane that I had tried myself. Tried to fight for what was right.

Only, I'd failed and had lost everything.

At that time, I would have given anything for someone like him. For someone to have helped me. Guided me.

My hand slipped up and splayed over the booming of his heart. "I told you I recognized what was here. Recognized who you are. And maybe that's why I was drawn to you to begin with. Because I'm no different than any of those women and children you've helped, and I knew, even though there was a part of me that was terrified of you, that I'd be safe with you."

River curled his hand over mine that remained on his chest. "We don't let anyone in, Charleigh. Because the more people who know what we do the likelier it is we're going to get caught. Because what we do is dangerous. Because of things like what happened tonight. Because of a thousand reasons."

His hand cinched down. "I'm not supposed to keep you, but I don't know how to let you go."

"Then don't."

He groaned as if my words caused him physical pain, then his hands were in my hair and his mouth was on mine.

His kiss was crushing.

Bruising.

Desperate in its demand.

His tongue was hot as it swept over mine, an anguished searching that had me whimpering into his kiss.

Pleading for it as I kissed him back.

His fingers drove into the locks of my hair, alternating between gripping and splaying over my head. Every move was wrought with the need to get me as close to him as he could.

"I won't. I fuckin' can't." He rumbled the words at my lips. "Can't let you go."

His hands clamped down on the sides of my head and he pried himself back so he could look at me. Our breaths panted between us, and those stormy eyes raged.

Torment twisted his expression. "Because I love you. I'm so fucking in love with you. So caught up I can't see a future where you don't exist in it. I can't imagine a day that I wake up without you in my arms. You fuckin' struck me the first time I saw you, Charleigh. Pierced me all the way through. Stole some part of me when I inked myself on you. But you have all of me now. If you want it. If you'll take it. "

Emotion rushed, careening through my veins. It washed away every last question and reservation.

My words were a jumble of desperation. "I'll take it. I need it. Because I love you, too. I think maybe a part of me fell for you that night. Because I was dead inside. So dead, and you lit the last vapor of hope that I possessed. Stoked it and brought it back to life. And I want to live. I want to live. And I want to live it with you."

In grief we must live.

I just had never known that in it I might find joy, too.

He pulled me all the way to him until our noses were an inch apart, and he uttered, "It's you and me, Charleigh. From here to eternity."

Then his mouth was back on mine.