19. Charleigh

NINETEEN

CHARLEIGH

"That was delicious," Raven said as she pushed out the door into the wash of the sun that was steadily climbing the eastern sky, the pinks and blues and purples giving way to the fullness of blue.

"It hit the right spot, didn't it, Auntie?" Nolan agreed in his adorable lisp, the child holding my hand as he led me out as if we'd always shared this connection.

Raven glanced back with that big smile on her face. "The best spot."

Nolan giggled and glanced up at me. "Did it hit all the right spots for you, Miss Charleigh?"

Emotion trembled, this piece inside me that pulled me one direction and pushed me another. The entire breakfast I'd had a hard time rectifying the shift. The decision I'd made last night to run when I'd been gripped by grief and sorrow and fear.

Fear of so many things.

Of what might be lurking for me in the shadows and what had seemed to be waiting for me right here.

Friendship and a semblance of belonging.

I had no idea what to make of it or how to embrace it. But as Nolan held my hand, trotting along at my side as we all stepped out onto the sidewalk, I didn't want to let go.

"How about you, Daddy-O?" Nolan asked from over his shoulder toward where River followed us.

River who'd seemed too large to be contained by the small café.

"Pretty danged good way to start the day." River's voice was a coarse scruff.

The whole time, he'd sat a bit away from the table, slung back in the chair with his massive legs stretched out in front of him.

So cruelly casual that I'd barely been able to eat or drink, my mind unable to stop whirring with the memories of the way it'd felt to have his lips against mine. Big, big hands touching me. The way I wondered if…

I'd put a lid on the dangerous thoughts that had begun to boil, hoping it might be enough to extinguish them. Though with the way I trembled when he edged closer behind us, I feared the only thing trying to suppress them did was stoke the need.

"I'd better get back upstairs. I have a lot to do today," I said.

You know, like stew and fret over my decisions the entire day.

"I'm so happy we ran into you. I love these kind of BFF surprises. Best way to start the day." Raven's voice might have been light and rimmed in playfulness, but she hugged me hard.

Hard enough that I was pretty sure she was trying to send a message.

Gratitude spun with the apprehension. "I loved it," I told her, knowing at least that was the truth.

"I loved it as much as I love my puppy since you got it for me and that makes it even more extra special," Nolan rambled, so sweet, still holding onto my hand and beaming my direction.

I shifted so I could run my fingertips over his plump cheek that was smattered with freckles, the curls of his dark brown hair waving in the gentle breeze.

My heart fluttered. "This morning was definitely extra special."

He grinned his crooked, dimpled grin. "That's because we're all special together. "

My fluttering heart clutched, and I leaned down so I could wrap my arms around him. I hugged him for the longest time before I forced myself to stand.

I barely glanced at River as I mumbled toward the ground, "It was nice to run into you, too."

He didn't respond. Instead, he looked at Raven. "Go on and take Nolan home, yeah? I need to make sure I put Charleigh's suitcase in the right place."

I went red. Talk about blatant bullshit excuses. Couldn't he have come up with something better than that if he wanted to talk with me? Because Raven's smile shifted to suspicion. Pinging between concern and salacious glee.

She took Nolan's hand. "Of course, no worries here. We'll just head on home while you check out her suitcase ."

She clearly was implying my suitcase was my vagina.

River's dark eyes ripped over me like he might be imagining it was.

While I stood there mortified and stammering, "Oh no, that's not necessary. I'm sure it's fine wherever you put it."

"River should definitely make sure. Just in case."

"Yeah, definitely should," he grunted.

"Bye." Raven lifted her free hand and wiggled her fingers, and Nolan was hollering, "Bye, Miss Charleigh! Have the very best day you've ever had," as she led him down the street.

River just stood there, his energy severe.

An earthquake that rolled beneath my feet.

When Raven and Nolan disappeared around the corner, I turned on my heel and moved around the side of the building and started up the exterior stairs.

I knew he'd follow, and with each step I took, he took one that matched.

A shroud that covered from behind.

With shallow, uncertain breaths, I stopped at the door, facing it.

River reached around me and slid the key into the lock. His big body burned into mine, so close that I could feel the thunder of his heart beat into my back.

"Go on in." The words bristled across the sensitive skin of my neck, and I reached out with a shaky hand, turned the knob, and stepped into my apartment.

River came in behind me, and I kept my attention forward for a few seconds, trying to gather myself—to find what to say and how to handle this man—before I slowly turned around.

But there was nothing I could do to prepare myself for the way he looked standing within my doorway.

A vicious fortress that writhed in the threshold as if he were a sentry who'd been fated to protect it.

Muscles rippled and bunched beneath the ruthless designs that thrashed over the top of them.

Cloud-ridden eyes dragged over me. I shivered beneath the perusal, and he took a step forward and let the door drift closed behind him.

"Suitcase is in your room. How about you plan on leaving it there, yeah?"

I glanced that way to find it sitting at the base of the bed.

"Thank you," I muttered, fiddling with my fingers when I turned back to him. "But you coming up here wasn't necessary."

He took a step closer. The ground tremored. A shockwave. "I think it was very necessary, Little Runner."

"Why's that?" I managed, lifting my chin and trying to play it casual.

"Because I don't think we quite settled things."

"And what things are we supposed to be settling?" I was letting myself get played right into his massive hands, but I couldn't stop myself from wanting to find out exactly what he was thinking.

What he was imagining.

If I'd possibly left him as unsettled as he'd left me.

"That you can trust me."

My head shook, and I glanced to the French doors to buy myself a second before I swung my attention back to him. "How could I trust you when you told me you're exactly the type of person I shouldn't?"

And it wasn't only the warnings he'd given .

It was everything about the man that warned he was dangerous. Hell, I could feel the threads that held me together fraying with his presence.

The man clearly held the power to pull me apart.

He moved, coming to within a foot of me. Electricity sparked in the bare space that separated us, that magnetism he possessed reeling me forward as if I were on a hook.

A flounder flapping around on the sand.

Desperate for a breath but the only oxygen I could find was him.

"Might not be the kind of guy to fall for and I sure as hell am not one to love, but I am absolutely the kind of guy to come to if you're in trouble. And I know it, Little Runner, that you're in trouble."

He dragged the fingertip of his index finger down my cheek.

A shudder rolled through me.

Before I could find the words to respond, he angled down to make sure I was in his line of sight. "And I felt the way you wanted to let go last night. The way you were aching to be touched. The way you needed to be shown that you deserve it so you can move on with your life and find the lucky bastard who's the match to this sweet, beautiful heart. I see what's inside you. I see what you need. And I know what you've been missin'."

Raven's words pummeled me. "And maybe what you've been missing is us."

But I couldn't have them. Couldn't keep them. At least that much was clear.

River set his palm over the organ that was battering at my ribs, flailing with the very need he'd been referring to, his fingers splayed wide as if he could cover the entirety of it.

"You said I don't know you, Charleigh, but I'm asking you to give me that chance. Let me get to know you, then you can decide if I'm worthy to be the one you come to."

"I'm terrified of trusting anyone that way." Without my permission, the truth whispered from my tongue.

River removed his hand from my heart and cupped it around my left cheek. The soothing of his thumb stroking across the flesh was at odds with the words that dropped from his mouth. "I want to destroy the bastard who hurt you."

My spirit quaked. A convulsion of the instinct to run and the impulse to sink into what he said. The way he knew without me confessing the details. I wanted to let him hold it when I'd never been brave enough to allow anyone else to.

Except for that one time. That one time I'd gone to my parents and given them the truth.

Sorrow rushed through my being, stunned again by the horror of what it'd caused.

I should warn him away, but River had started brushing that thumb over the ridges of my lips, tracing them as he watched me. His eyes had turned to pitch.

Black flames that lapped.

"I want to erase every scar he left. Kiss each of them away. Help you heal them so you know you have the strength to go on. So you know you don't have to hide anymore. Because hiding who you are is a fuckin' tragedy, Charleigh. Tragic when I can feel the goodness trying to shine out of you."

"River…" My eyes dropped closed. I wasn't sure I could keep looking at him when he made me feel like this.

I was struck with a wave of possibility.

With that hope I'd felt the first time I'd stepped off the bus and into Moonlit Ridge.

He kept brushing his thumb over my lips. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Mesmerizing.

Hypnotizing.

"Give us twenty questions, Charleigh. Twenty questions of getting to know each other. As simple or as deep as you want them to go. Then you can decide if you trust me. If when you're in need, you feel safe enough to come to me."

If I were being logical, if I had my bearings, it would have been clear that I had to tell him no. I could never agree to something so ridiculous or reckless.

But I found myself nodding and whispering, "Okay."

His expression flashed with something dark and resolved, though his touch remained tender.

Careful, even.

"Good." His tongue stroked out to wet his plush bottom lip, and his eyes darted all over my face, as if he were searching me for answers to something he hadn't yet asked.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he murmured, words raw. "That is as long as it's good with you?"

It was a question.

A proposition.

One I knew would ultimately wreck me.

I could already feel my heart swinging wildly in the man's direction. Wanting to make the leap when I knew he'd never truly be there to catch me.

But maybe I did need this.

Maybe I did need a buoy.

A life raft.

Someone to support me for a little while until I made it to shore and could stand on my own two feet.

It was time.

It was time.

I swallowed around the reservations and the skitter of fear that streaked through my being. I didn't want to bear it anymore.

The fear.

The terror.

The nightmares.

"Does that count as one of your twenty questions?" It came out breathy and with the tweak of a smile at the corner of my mouth.

He touched the spot where my lips fluttered, attention dipping there before the force of it returned to my eyes. "Considering it's one of the most important ones, then yeah, gorgeous, it does."

My nod was erratic. "It's good with me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. "

His hand slipped from my cheek, and he glided it up until his fingers were notching into my hair. His other hand came to my hip, and his fingers barely curled around my waist.

Heat sheared through my middle, while a ripple of anxiety spread within it.

I struggled to breathe around it.

River curled his hand around the back of my neck, and his forehead dropped to mine.

"Promise you, these hands will never hurt you, Charleigh. They'll only ever bring you pleasure." His words came out in short, heated rasps, panted a hairsbreadth from my lips. "Protect you. Do you understand?"

"I think so."

I wanted to.

I wanted to believe it.

Did that make me a fool?

More so, did this?

The way his big body towered over mine as he kept me close. The way his fingers felt as they slipped up my neck and to the base of my skull, barely kneading and sending little bolts of that pleasure he'd promised ricocheting through my body.

But it was his lips pressing gently to mine that sent an inferno racing far and wide.

It was a tumult to my senses.

The feeling of safety that swept through me clashing with the need to press myself against him and take everything that he might be willing to give.

The urge to fully place myself in his hands.

He kissed me softly. So soft I wasn't sure how it was possible for a man like him.

Little nips and sucks of my lips, his head shifting back and forth as he plucked and pressed, nibbling my lips between his.

Then his tongue barely swept across the seam of my mouth. I fisted my hands in the fabric of his tee as I opened to him.

His tongue swept against mine .

Need barreled through me, making me weak in the knees and throbbing between my thighs.

A gush of air ripped from my lungs at the onslaught of sensation, and he inhaled it.

Sucked it down as if he were the one who'd demanded it.

He pulled me closer, and he fully looped his arm around my lower back just as the fingers of the other hand tangled in my hair.

My hands were pinned between us as I hung on, and I could feel the intensity increase.

Could feel the desire curl through his massive, vibrating body.

The way he wanted to take it deeper.

Devour me. Ruin me. Wreck me.

Part of me wanted to let him do it.

The other was relieved when he peeled himself away. Relieved when he made the choice because I wasn't sure if I could have stopped myself.

The man's eyes were a toiling mess of greed.

Body twitching in volatility and restraint.

"Still have every intention of makin' you forget, Charleigh. I'm just not sure you're ready for that yet."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked out. He left me gaping behind him, wondering what I'd gotten myself into.

Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised when my phone buzzed from my back pocket one minute later, and I found River had already sent a text.

River

Favorite color? Tell me it's pink like those sheets I got a peep at on your bed. Pink like those distracting scrubs you always wear. Same as the pink that flushes your cheeks when you're turned on. Because I'm pretty sure that exact color just became my favorite.

And I was the fool who wandered into my bedroom, grinning down at my phone the whole way as I tapped out a response.

Me

Pink is my favorite color.

River

Favorite food?

Me

Pizza. You?

River

Steak.

Why was I not shocked?

River

How old are you?

Me

Twenty-six. You?

River

Thirty-two.

These ones were easy, though on the next, I tripped.

River

Did you always want to be a nurse?

I hesitated for a moment before I responded.

Me

No, I wanted to be a doctor, and I'm not really even a nurse. I'm just a medical assistant.

River

Why didn't you go for it?

Me

I did.

River

What happened?

Me

I got trapped.

River

Want to elaborate on that?

Me

No. Did you always want to tattoo?

River

Not sure, Charleigh. Only thing I'm sure of is I just wanted to survive.

The tattoo on my inner arm burned its reminder. And I wondered if I was more like the man than I ever could have thought.