16. Charleigh

SIXTEEN

CHARLEIGH

Trembling, I pressed my back to the interior side of my door, my breaths rasping from my aching lungs as I tried to orient myself. To steady the fear that continued to pump through my bloodstream.

My fingertips found my lips that felt seared.

Branded by his kiss.

A kiss that had ripped through me on a torrent of flames. Flames I wanted to burn in before they licked deep enough to ignite the old fears.

Wounds opening and threatening to swallow me whole as the terror had slicked through my veins.

Poison that would always be there to consume.

What was I doing? How had I let myself go that way? Let him touch me? Especially after I'd gotten the sense that someone had been out in the shadows, watching me.

Frantic, I looked around my little apartment, unsure of what to do with myself.

It wasn't odd for me to have moments when I felt as if I were being watched.

Tracked .

Whenever I did, I'd pack my things and get out of town because there was no chance I was going to stick around to find out if my worries were valid.

My only constant had been moving. Staying one step ahead of the peril that would forever haunt me.

Paranoia pushed me to run from one city to another, even though I doubted there was any real reason to keep doing it.

No one knew I existed, but it didn't stop the slick of ice that would slip down my spine when I'd get the sense that someone was there. Didn't stop the dread. Didn't stop the anxiety that one day it would all catch up to me.

Right then, self-preservation urged me to run into my room, drag out my suitcase, toss my few meager belongings into it, and disappear into the night.

It was the first time in over five years that my spirit constricted at the thought of doing it.

Of leaving.

Hope oppressed by the idea of giving into the prompting.

The other part of me warned of how careless I was being.

Reckless.

Slipping into a false sense of security that I would never truly have.

But worse? My mind hinged on River who I could feel lingering outside my door.

That dark, violent energy battered against the wood and slipped through the cracks.

It crawled over me like vapor that had the power to pin me down.

This man who'd…followed me. Followed me when he'd noticed that I'd freaked out.

And there I was—terrified for entirely different reasons.

Terrified of what he made me feel. Terrified of what he made me want. Terrified that for one beat of a second, I was surrendering to him.

God, what was I supposed to do?

It was only made more complex because of his little boy who had just slipped right into my heart—no resistance to be had from his beaming smile and adorable lisp.

From his sister who'd reached out and made me feel important. Made me feel as if I might want to connect for the first time in years.

But it was this menacing, volatile man who really made me want to connect .

Stretch out my fingers and dip them into something that would cause me more harm in the end.

I knew better.

And still, I couldn't move from where I was chained as I listened to the buzz he emitted from the other side of the door. I could feel the echo of his reticence before his heavy footfalls finally retreated down the steps, growing quieter with each one he took.

When the thudding finally evaporated into the night, the man taking his intensity with him, I exhaled a shattered breath and did my best to gather myself.

I needed to process what course to take.

Run or stay.

Run or stay.

Sorrow billowed at the thought of the first.

I was so tired. So tired of running. So tired of being alone. But it'd been a consequence I'd long accepted, a part of the sentence that I would carry out for the rest of my days.

When I'd stepped off the bus in Moonlit Ridge, I'd been set on trying . On trying to forge some semblance of a satisfactory life. To try to make this place my home.

In grief we must live.

But I was afraid I'd been a fool to hope for any of that. I already felt the complications rising around me, the truth that I'd barely allowed someone into my life, as faked and superficial as it was, and they were already butting against the boundaries.

Pushing up against the secrets I could never give anyone access to.

On shaky legs, I pushed from the door and trudged into the little kitchen, tossed my purse and keys to the counter, and dug into the cupboard for a glass. I filled it with water from the faucet and took a sip, hoping it would cool the fire that burned my insides.

If only I had someone here who could splash it in my face to bring me back down to reality.

My heart spasmed when my phone dinged from my purse, and the glass clinked on the counter as I set it aside. My fingers were still trembling as I dug into the bag and pulled out my phone.

Unbidden, a smile pulled to my face when I saw the text.

Raven

We already miss you! Why did you leave us?

A picture was attached. Raven was kneeling and wrapped around Nolan from behind, both of them grinning with goofy faces toward the camera. The lights of the dance floor tossed glimmering streams around their heads, striking like halos, the child such a little angel it made my heart hurt.

Me

Sorry. I didn't realize how late it was and I need to get up early.

It didn't take her long to respond.

Raven

And what could be so important that you'd take off like a bat out of hell when we were having a blast? And don't forget it was the BLAST I'd promised you.

She ended it with two shooting fireball emojis.

There were flames, all right. Ones licking up my insides and threatening to leave me ash.

I struggled for the right lie. It wasn't as if I could tell her I was contemplating leaving or tell her I'd been spooked. That would only conjure all the questions I could never answer.

I typed out the first thing that came to mind. I'd already pressed send before I realized the excuse was out of left field.

Me

I'm going on a hike in the morning, right at daybreak.

Raven

*mind-blown face* With who?

I bit down on my bottom lip, slipping down the spiral of the lie.

Me

By myself.

Raven

By yourself?! Do you have any idea what kind of horrible idea that is? A bear might eat you.

Me

I like to hike alone. It gives me time to clear my head.

Okay, I hadn't been on a hike in years.

It took her a little longer to respond that time, and I could feel her contemplation.

Raven

Well…be careful, okay? Call me if you need me. I'm not much of a hiker, but I'd make the exception for you.

My chest squeezed. Of course, she would.

Me

I will.

Another lie.

My spirit sank with the plunging realization that this was the way it was. I could never really allow someone to know me. Could never truly let someone in.

It would always be a sham.

A fa?ade.

Every word I gave counterfeit.

My phone buzzed again, and I expected it to be a response from Raven, but I froze halfway to my room when I saw it was from an unknown number.

Unknown

What are you running from?

A shiver rocked through my middle, and I glanced around the dimness of my apartment like I might find River pressed against the wall and hiding in the shadows .

Warily, I turned back to my phone, gnawing at my bottom lip where his had been.

I could still taste him.

Leather and ink and wicked things.

I shouldn't even respond, but I was typing out words that would only invite him in.

Me

Who is this?

Unknown

You know exactly who this is.

I could almost see the glower of his face through my phone as I read his words.

Me

How did you get my number?

Did he come right out and ask Raven for it?

River

I looked up the information you filled out in my shop.

I blinked, shocked that he was admitting it.

Me

That is a blatant invasion of privacy.

River

Don't care.

My chest clutched, and I didn't know if it was out of fear or exhilaration.

But that's what happened when you'd hardly talked to a soul in close to five years. So isolated that you're desperate for any connection.

River

Not going to turn a blind eye when I know something's up with you.

My throat constricted, and I stood there in the middle of my living room staring down at my phone. Having no clue what to say.

I knew what I should say.

I should end this. Put him off. Block him.

Forget that stupid kiss had ever happened.

Still, my imprudent fingers were moving across the screen.

Me

You don't know me.

River

Nope, but that doesn't mean I can't see what's written all over you. As defined as the words I forever marked on your skin.

Me

Why do you care?

So foolish, letting that question free, but I'd sent it to him before I could reel it back. Not sure if it was in defense or a plea.

Begging for a breaking.

But there was something about this man that compelled me toward his gravity. A magnet so strong it could rend me apart. Tear me to shreds.

But it seemed it was the raw, tender pieces that were reaching out.

River

That's the whole problem, isn't it? Why I haven't been able to get you off my mind? Why I can't look away? Why I feel like I'm going to go mad if I don't get next to you?

Me

You should stay away from me.

River

I should stay away from you?

I swore, I heard his dark chuckle rumble through the air. A warning cut through the atmosphere.

River

Make no mistake, Little Runner, it's you who should be running from me. I'm the last person you should get close to. Know it as well as you do. Yet here I am, standing across the street watching your apartment.

Chills flash-fired across my skin, lifting far and wide, and my stomach tilted as my attention lifted from my phone to the French doors that overlooked the street.

Compelled, I slipped across the floor, keeping my footsteps light, like I was worried he could hear my approach. I peeled back the sheer drape. Streetlamps shined over Culberry, and I could see a handful of people meandering the sidewalk and a few cars traveling back and forth .

It didn't matter.

He might as well have been the only thing out there.

A silhouette on the opposite side of the street that had me stuck.

The man a pillar in the night.

He leaned against a plate-glass window with a single hand stuffed into his jeans pocket.

Even in the distance, I could see his violently beautiful face was tipped upward, and his stormy eyes raged where they were pinned directly on me as if he knew exactly where I'd been standing.

My heart beat manic, a brutal pound in my chest, and I realized right then I'd taken this too far and had placed myself in too precarious of a situation.

Toeing a line I couldn't balance.

Gathering all my strength, I forced myself to type the words.

Me

Tonight was unlike anything I've experienced in a long, long time. Your son and your sister are amazing.

I didn't tell him that there was a part of me that knew that under all the aggression he wore, I was sure he was, too. Instead, I told him what needed to be said.

Me

But I don't have space for any more pain in my life. This needs to end here.

Then I pulled away from the drape, letting it drift closed behind me, and fumbled into my bedroom and flicked on the light.

It illuminated the small space. The queen bed sat against the wall and had a white metal headboard. I'd covered the mattress with a white and pink floral coverlet and pink sheets. Pink pillows in different sizes and shapes accented it, and small lamps glowed from the nightstands on either side.

I'd hung some floral paintings on the wall, making it comfortable and cozy, though there were no real traces of me.

Those were hidden in the top drawer of the white dresser that rested on the right wall.

The emotions I'd been trying to hold back hit me all at once, and tears began to fall as I crossed the room and slowly pulled open the drawer. I took out the small, lidded box, carried it to the bed, and crawled on top. Crisscrossing my legs, I set the box in front of me.

My spirit thrashed when I opened the lid.

I had so few things other than the memories I kept shored in my mind. But these two pictures? They were the only tangible things remaining.

Treasures that I protected at all costs.

I pulled out the stack. My mouth tweaked in love and sorrow as I looked at the picture of me with my parents. They both were standing on either side of me at my high-school graduation. They'd been so proud. So excited. So unaware.

If only I'd been brave enough to tell them then, but I'd thought what I'd been doing was protecting them.

I set that one down so I could look at the next.

A grief so severe slammed me that my entire being swayed to the side. Dizziness washed me through as my heart gripped and bled with looking at the image.

My tiny baby boy was smiling back at me.

Only two teeth on his bottom gums.

The whitest blond hair was sticking up all over his head.

Fisted in his hand was a tiny plush stuffed animal that he held in the air. It had been his favorite toy, one he hadn't been able to sleep without.

A blue puppy.

And I knew what I'd been doing tonight. I'd been trying to fill a hole that couldn't be filled. Trying to cover a void that would forever ache.

I could never truly have this.

Love and home and a family.

Because I'd already lost that a long time ago.

Tears streamed as I stared at his precious face before I finally gathered myself and stood, quickly coming to the only logical decision I could make.

I couldn't stay here .

I'd allowed myself to get too comfortable. To want things I couldn't have.

Another rush of sorrow hammered me at the thought of leaving here, but there was no other choice.

Ignoring all qualms, I tucked the pictures back into the box, then knelt and pulled the suitcase out from under the bed.

I filled it with my sparse belongings. Clothes and toiletries and three pairs of shoes. I carefully tucked the box in the middle so it would be safe.

I did it systematically.

Robotically.

Rhythmically.

There was almost a comfort in it since it was an action I knew so well.

Then I curled up on the bed on top of the covers and slept restlessly, still wearing my clothes and shoes, so when the dawn broke on the horizon and the dark of my room turned to a murky gray, I was ready to leave.

I'd waited until I was sure River was long gone and any threats from last night had melted away.

I waited until the last minute that I could.

Then I stood, inhaled a steeling breath, and wheeled my suitcase to the front door. I forced myself to walk out of it and lock it behind me, then I knelt to leave the key under the mat.

I'd text the owner tomorrow to let her know I'd vacated the property.

Awkwardly lifting the heavy suitcase, I let it bang against the side of my leg as I hurried down the exterior steps with the cool of the morning brushing across my heated flesh.

Only I stumbled to a stop when I started to round the building.

Gasping.

Because River Tayte stepped out in front of me, blocking my path.