2. The Mockery, Dash

Dallas, Texas

Being unexpectedly chosen by my professors to be lead counsel for the nationwide mock trial competition team was one of the most prideful moments of my life. I'd done well in law school, consistently going above and beyond what was required of me.

As a young, determined student, halfway through my studies at SMU's Dedman School of Law, I considered those qualities my strengths. My teammates, in their last year of law school, viewed them as weaknesses, making sure I always remembered I was a trust fund baby. Undeserving of anything since my family name was on several of the buildings on campus.

Like most of my life, I maintained a singular, intense focus while prepping for the competition being hosted at Dedman this year. The rest of the world faded as I spent day and night absorbed in the trial prep.

It all came down to this moment. I stood behind the defense table, the pump of my breath synchronized with the ticking clock on the back wall. Sweat began to form in my armpits, I stood paralyzed as the judge finally delivered the verdict. Her measured words marked the culmination of the final showdown. We won!

A hard-fought battle to the very end against trial teams from all over the nation, and we bested them.

I argued the fuck out of this case. Prepared for every twist and turn thrown my way. A sudden and powerful cheer broke out from my side of the mock courtroom, while a palpable sense of defeat loomed from the other side.

They were worthy adversaries even if I did kick their ass in the end.

A rare surge of pride welled; one I couldn't contain. A wide, toothy grin spread across my face. I hoped to know this exact feeling at the end of every case I argued.

"We did it!" Alexis, second-chair counsel, clutched my arm as she gave a celebratory leap. The rest of the team embraced and congratulated each other.

As the victory unfolded in my periphery, Dr. Harris, my team's mentor, came forward. His hand outstretched to shake mine. He didn't come at me with a smile, but the standard frown appeared less severe.

"You held your composure, Richmond," Dr. Harris said.

"Thank you, sir," I murmured, aiming for humility, but feeling far from it right then. "They're a formidable team."

"Dr. Harris, we're going to Parliament to celebrate. Join us," Alexis invited, shaking his hand. In a first-time move, she looped her arm across my shoulders and beamed at me. "You're legal drinking age, aren't you, Dash? Come along too."

Hmm, was that another jab at my maturity, or an earnest invitation to join in the celebration? It was difficult to tell. My peers had a relentless competitive streak, always ready to point out each other's perceived shortcomings, yet this invitation was a first and sounded genuine. "I'll be there."

"Great," she said. Her grip on my shoulder evolved into a side hug. "I'll welcome you on my team any time."

I doubted her sincerity since she was graduating at the end of this term, but let it slide as she redirected her excitement back to Dr. Harris, breaking protocol by giving him the same side hug she gave me. Stranger yet, he accepted it with one of his own.

"The championship trophy's coming to the place it's always meant to be. Come by the bar."

"I'll be there in spirit," he said before making his way toward the crowd of students pouring into the litigation area.

I took my briefcase and quietly exited through a side door, departing unnoticed. Today had been a triumph. I felt a true sense of accomplishment, but like usual, I had no one to share it with.

Chandler might eventually lend an ear, but his self-centered nature often meant he was only interested if it affected him directly. Since he'd been overlooked for the mock team, he didn't care.

Moreover, my devotion to the silent man on the other end of my cell phone was the real cause of my solitude. My loyalty to Beau created a divide between me and those rare few people who knew my reality. No one, whether friend, family, or foe, understood what motivated me.

I slipped my hand into the inner pocket of my bespoke suit jacket, made for this day. I retrieved my cell phone to report my big news to Beau. Absently, I extended an elbow to push open the building's main door and trotted down the perron.

"Dash! Be at Parliament by seven." Joshua, a teammate, called from the front doors. I didn't break stride until the final step, then pivoted around to shout back, "I'll change then head that way."

"Don't bail," he instructed, leveling a warning finger my way.

My thumbs-up flew high as I started for my car. My complete concentration was back on the screen in my hand, tracing a familiar path to Beau's contact information.

I refused to give up on him even if the situation appeared hopeless. I'd resolved that if I hadn't heard from Beau by summer break, I was going to find him. If I had to abandon my dreams, it was probably better to know sooner rather than later.

My pace slowed, my thumb hitting all the wrong letters until I finally had to stop. I set the briefcase between my feet in order to use both hands to craft a readable message. After reading and rereading the words, making alterations here or there, I pushed the send button. Good. He'd know before anyone else. I slipped my phone back into my breast pocket, close to my heart.

Before my briefcase was back in my hand, a series of dings had me looking around the tree-lined sidewalks, leading to the maze of buildings on campus. The short hairs on the back of my neck stood on end at the uncanny timing. A shiver slithered down my spine.

My heart thumped wildly. I spun around, scanning the kept lawns and stately buildings of the school. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary. Still, I couldn't let it go.

The parking lot, a short distance away, drew me like a bullseye. In the distance, I saw a man getting into an older pickup truck. The slanted angle of the winter's sun hit just right to make it difficult to see well.

The creepy crawly sensation intensified as the rumble of the engine came to life. Another shiver quivered over me. The building's front doors burst open. Students and teammates spilled out loud, with excitement. The eerie notion released its hold as suddenly as it had gripped me.

I started for my car again, parked not too far away from where the pickup truck had been. A few weeks ago, I woke to a new Audi R8 in my driveway, technically not available until later this year. My father didn't appreciate its handling and passed it on to me. It drew gawkers everywhere I went. Maybe that was it.

My vigilance became razor-sharp until I slid into the driver's seat and locked the doors the second they shut. If my possible stalker allowed me to survive the night, I'd take action on these eerie feelings tomorrow.

Right now, I had a celebration to attend.

Maybe I'd been wrong about Parliament, a favorite watering hole for many local attorneys. The place reminded me of my dad. Stately and sophisticated with a constant humming vibration of deals being made while others were dissolved. I guessed most patrons, with the exception of the law students, didn't allow themselves to become too mentally impaired. Deals needed a finesse to be negotiated properly. Vodka probably didn't help as well as some may think.

The interior walls, bar top, and tables were steeped in deep reds and polished mahogany. Designed to appear sophisticated and exclusive. Very masculine. A prestigious and expensive networking hub.

I'd never been here before. My future path was set, no need for networking in bars like these quite yet.

"Everybody thinks you're at Dedman because of your family's influence, but you proved them wrong today," Joshua stated boldly, his courage fueled by his alcohol consumption.

I appreciated the straightforwardness and believed most of my peers still shared his opinion—the latter one, not the new one. But nevertheless, I'd showed my worth today.

"We all thought that way," Alexis seconded, noticeably tipsy, raising her glass in salute. "But you set us straight today. Cheers."

With that, a chorus rang out in unison. The roughly fifteen attendees, half my teammates, half their guests, lifted their glasses to the heart of the table before downing what was left of their drinks.

What I hadn't judged properly was my attire. Amidst the sea of crisp, new suits and shiny polished shoes, I'd opted for pressed blue jeans and a relatively new SMU sweatshirt. If the clothing weren't enough to make me stand out, I also refrained from drinking, choosing a club soda with lime instead.

My innate sense of responsibility didn't allow me to drink and drive. The way things were looking, I'd be everyone's designated driver tonight.

I lifted my glass for the toast then dropped an ice cube inside my mouth. I had somehow commandeered the best stool at the table, giving me a view of everyone. The Dedman pride resonated deeply throughout the entire bar.

The low hum of the music began to amplify, signaling it was ten o'clock. Time for the bar to go from sedate to popping. A Madonna hit replaced the previous instrumental playlist. Of course, I knew the song. An essential requirement in maintaining good standing with my gay card. My head began to nod to the beat of the infectious tune.

My simple move seemed to serve as an invitation. Alexis bounded from her stool, grabbing my forearm. I was yanked to my feet. "Dance with me."

I barely managed to get my glass to the table when she tossed her hands in the air and began dancing. The sultry sway of her body aligned against mine. What was I to do with that?

As suddenly as Alexis started, she stopped. Whatever she saw had her standing to her full height, her attention laser-focused behind me. That same weird sensation from earlier resurfaced. I didn't understand it any more than I did this afternoon, but also didn't resist it.

I allowed the feeling to guide me.

Something unseen circled my heart and tugged me forward. My nerve endings sent in flight. A shivery sensation washed over me in continuous waves. Dark shadows encroached on the edges of my vision. What I was able to see came through saturated, vivid, and sharp, all at the same time.

"Damn…" Alexis declared appreciatively, craning her neck to see the front door. "I've never seen his kind here before."

I scanned the bar, searching for the source of my unease and Alexis's delight. My gaze zeroed in on one of the ornate support columns in the open space. My unsteadiness held the focus of two dark blue sleeves poked out from each side of that column.

As I moved closer, the world fell silent.

From the sweep of chestnut colored hair falling onto his forehead, to the strong jaw encasing such a handsome face, my vision began to tunnel. It was Beau. He'd changed. Larger, harder, and almost too gorgeous for my senses to absorb. My heart stuttered to a stop for one, maybe two seconds then began to race wildly as his familiar amber stare met mine. He left the waitress hanging as he zeroed in on me like I did with him. Uncontrolled tears spilled down my cheeks as I broke into a run, launching myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, my legs tightly around his waist.

Even with a balancing step backward, I had no idea how he managed to stay on his feet after my forceful impact. Both his hands gripped my thighs, my ankles locked together. Inches from his handsome face, I kept my gaze fixed on his, afraid to close my eyes for fear I was once again dreaming.

My words faltered as I gently used my palm to brush aside the long strands of hair from his forehead. Through all of the tortuous time and distance, nothing had changed. Beau was with me again.

"You came," I whispered seconds before my lips crushed against his, my eyes closed as my tongue insisted on entry into his mouth. He opened, and I swiped forward, executing the perfect deep dive all the way in. My arms tightened possessively around his neck, determined to never let him go again.

I lavished his mouth, taking everything he offered, which wasn't much. Where I was fully committed, he hesitated. An inner conflict urged me to slow down, but how could I? Full throttle was my default setting where he was concerned. As if he read my thoughts, he gently eased off the kiss, causing my arms to cling tighter around his neck.

"Stand on your feet," he whispered huskily. His warm, sweet breath coated my lips. The deep tenor of his voice vibrated through me. The masculine tone had changed too.

"No." And I didn't. Instead, I buried my face into the crook of his neck. The scent of an enticing cologne mixed with a fragrance that was unmistakably him. "Not ever again."

Sadly, he didn't caveman out. Sweeping me from the bar to have his way with me, or me with him. Instead, he leaned forward, letting go of my legs. My feet dropped as his strong hands gripped my biceps, pulling my arms from his neck.

It was now evident that strength also had to be added to the list of his physical changes.

We faced each other. I had to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. "I'm uncomfortable here. Can we do this outside?" he asked softly. Warm honey couldn't be sweeter than the tone of his voice.

"Yes, of course," I said, my stare locked on his. "I need to close out."

"I thought you might," the waitress said, materializing beside me. She extended a small black tray in the gap between our bodies. I hastily added a tip and signed my name on the sales receipt.

"Let's go." Beau nodded over his shoulder and stepped aside to let me pass first. I swear, his greedy eyes tracked me the entire way. I'd forgotten to collect my credit card which the waitress tucked into my palm as I started for the exit. In the same absent-minded manner, I barely remembered to grab my overcoat hanging off a hook beside the door.

The brisk night air cooled my heated skin, helping to untangle my jumbled thoughts. "Of all the ways I pictured our reunion, I never imagined it like this. I thought you'd send a text. My car's this way," I mentioned, looking back at Beau. He wasn't there. With a perfectly executed pivot, I turned around to find him leaning against the hood of a truck close to the entry.

"Mine's here," he called out with humor, watching me. I never wanted his stare anywhere but on me for the rest of our lives.

On closer inspection, I recognized it as the same truck parked in the school's lot.

I had sensed him without understanding what I was seeking.

"You were in the parking lot of my school this afternoon," I said, beginning to head his direction. My need to be alone with him fueled every step I took.

"Let's talk in the truck," he said. I heard the locks release as he climbed into the cab behind the steering wheel. I took a steadying breath as I realized much of our relationship had been defined inside one vehicle or another. As he closed his door, I opened mine, carelessly tossing my cashmere coat in as I hoisted myself inside.

"You cold? I can turn on the heat," he offered.

My ass shuffled across the leather seat until I was so close to him that I had to tilt my head to better see him. The distance still seemed too far, and I reached for his hand, clasping it tightly with mine. Peace and calm blanketed my spirit.

"Why didn't you tell me you were here?" I asked in lieu of answering his question. His handsome expression became unreadable, stoic, and stern. He didn't answer. Beau was still the most beautiful guy in the world, but the rigid set of his jaw and the possible permanent crease in his brow, made him appear harsh and distant. Life had changed him.

A chill unrelated to the weather emanated from Beau as he chose his words. Another change from the youthful guy I used to know. "I don't know what it is about you that compels me to make one bad decision after another," he said, shaking his head briskly, his long hair swaying with the gesture. "Earlier today, I set out to find you. The phone book didn't help so I took a chance and went to your school. I saw you when you came out of the buildin'. I watched you come down the steps. That should've been enough…" His angry stare remained fixed out the windshield.

"What?" I asked. "You planned to leave Dallas without meeting with me?" The way my mind raced, trying to understand what was happening, had me tightening my grip on his. "I've been waiting for you. I have a house nearby that I renovated to suit us both. I've saved quite a bit of money. You'll need therapy, and I found a therapist who specializes in deconstructing conversion therapy. The idea was for you to come here and stay here for good."

The cab filled with our silence. My heavy breaths fogged the glass. Time stretched, each second lingered until Beau tilted his head toward me. His face bore such anguish, the intensity struck deep inside me. If I could hold his hand tighter, I would. "Trust me, you don't want me. I'm broken," Beau murmured, tapping a fingertip against his temple. "I've lost my identity. I'm not the kid you knew in Sea Springs. I'm damaged."

"I'm not the guy you met in Sea Springs either," I countered. "I've grown and evolved. That doesn't mean we don't belong together."

"You don't get it. I haven't grown. My father broke me. I'm a coward. Life's too fuckin' complicated for me to navigate."

His head dropped, his hand shielding his eyes. I shouldn't have barked out a laugh, but it slipped out accidentally. "Cowardice is not a word I'd use to describe you. You're a strong man. I suspect tough as nails based on the calluses on your palm."

Beau shook his head, giving me a side-eye that clearly stated I was way off base. "Not like that. I became my dad's bitch. He broke me down until I was nothin' more than his yes guy. I'm ashamed of how easy it was for him. Then he died and I celebrated his death."

His pointed glare locked on mine with no sign of sorrow or regret. It also wasn't an empty stare of a man devoid of emotion. An ocean of turmoil churned in that amber stare.

"Good. I hope it was an awful death."

For the first time tonight, Beau's fingers tightened around mine. A hint of a faint smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. "I'm not sure it could get worse."

"I think we should go to my place and talk. It'll be more comfortable while we hash all this out," I suggested quietly.

"I'm already deeper in than I wanted to be," Beau answered, but he continued to stare at me, seemingly soaking me in. He lifted our joined hands as the tip of his thumb brushed down my cheek. I leaned into the caress, memorizing the touch, surprised when he used the finger to lift my chin. He was there close to me, descending until his lips pressed against mine.

The kiss began as a sweet searching exploration. At his urging, I opened, his tongue sliding inside. Quickly, desperation fused the kiss into a swirl of tongue and teeth. I allowed Beau the control, letting him guide us.

He released my hand to curve around my shoulders. He drew me closer to him. Oh yeah, my love wanted me. My arm tightened around him as my fingers moved through his lengthy strands. I loved the feel of his silky hair against my hand. I was finally home, again.

All the feels hit in a breathtaking kiss. My tummy tingled when he devoured me as if his life depended on our intimacy—mine apparently did too. A callused palm cupped my cheek and jaw. The teasing pad of his thumb stroked across my jawline, back and forth, while that wicked tongue delved deeper inside my mouth. Of course I followed his lead, matching him touch for touch as I absorbed the best kiss of my life.