Chapter 8

8

P ain threaded through my teeth as I gritted them, forcing myself to take another step forward. The wood beams parallel with my forehead inched by as I fought with everything I had to just fucking reach the end of the training ring. Sweat soaked my hair, my clothes, my entire body as I managed to move my trembling muscles one last time before collapsing forward on hands and knees. My chest heaved from the force of my efforts, and cheers erupted around me, from the guards it seemed I’d sparred with only days before.

But it fucking wasn’t days since I’d held a sword and won my weight class at Béke.

The darkened crystal flared alongside my rage. Tears mixed with sweat and dropped onto the dusty ground beneath me as I lamented the loss of the strength I once had. Digging my nails into the dirt, I allowed that grief to flow through me and bend to my will, then shoved myself upright, swaying slightly.

I was not done yet.

Drazen, Ruslan, and Zuriel watched me with bated breath, but I ignored them and pushed on, the edge of the ring only steps away. Liliana stood there with another metallic cocktail of Demon blood, and the moment I reached her, I snatched it and downed the entire glass. A trail of red joined with my sweat and tears, and I was grateful that my back was to the rest of the onlookers, because I was certain I looked insane.

“You did it!” Liliana exclaimed, overjoyed for my weakness. But her bubbly face fell as more tears did from my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel so helpless,” I ground out, blinking at the sky as I tried to regain control of my emotions. Even the sunny blue day couldn’t brighten my mood. It was my first summer out of the cave, and here I was, trying to jam together the pieces of me that wanted to shatter when I should have been laughing with my mate and enjoying the warm wind that gusted down from the mountains. I was weaker than I had been taking my first steps into the world beyond.

And here I thought I couldn’t regress any further than that.

She laughed and smacked me on the shoulder, causing me to jerk my head forward and shoot her a confused expression. “Of course you’re weak, you laid in bed for half a year. But you know what? You’re a fighter, and before the week is up, you’ll be ready for a sword again. We’ve got to show these dumb males who're really in charge here.”

Her unabashed confidence pulled a grin from me, and I swiped my face with the bottom of my tunic. “You’re right. They think they’re so powerful, but we can bring them to their knees anytime,” I quipped, some of the heaviness that clung to me like a winter cloak lifting.

“Exactly,” she giggled, glancing over my shoulder at the pack of males hovering like mother hens.

Zuriel’s melodic voice floated over the din of clashing swords and into my ear. “Well done, cousin. Ready for magic lessons now?”

“Ugh,” I replied, making a face and earning a snicker from Liliana. The three came into view as I faced them, stoking the white fire that wrapped itself protectively around the rest of my magic. At least the sun still made this new mixture of white and black undulate wildly in my chest. “Can I have something to eat first?” I groaned, my stomach making its wants known with a rumble loud enough to echo around the Agrenak Mountains.

“I’ll have Cedomir bring some food to the suite. You can practice magic on the roof,” Ruslan suggested. A hint of guilt trickled down our bond, and I knew, because there were no barriers between us anymore, that he blamed himself for what had happened to me. Hence, his eagerness to take care of me in any way possible.

Batting my lashes at him to take advantage of that fact, I asked, “Will you fly me up there?”

Liliana snorted beside me, covering her mouth and whispering, “Case in point.”

Ruslan unfurled his black wings, the leathery membrane nearly translucent in the summer sun. His wingspan was enormous, nearly knocking Drazen and Zuriel back as he showed them off. The former rolled his eyes as Ruslan snatched my waist and tucked me into his body. “I won’t marry you until you fly yourself up and down.”

This had become our joke over the past week, new conditions to schedule our vows that had been so rudely interrupted by Kazimir trying to fucking kill me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be married to Ruslan – no, my hesitation came from the lack of space in my head for responsibilities as empress. The only thoughts I could entertain for any length of time were of revenge.

Of blood dripping down my blades.

Before I could tease out a retort, he leaped into the air, stealing my breath and a scream from my lips. The laugh that followed the sound was maniacal, and I banged weakly against his chest in mock defiance. Moments later, we hovered over the palace built into the side of the mountain, and my mate set me ever so gently on my feet. The wind from our friends’ wings buffeted us as they landed in various positions around the smoothed rock roof. Liliana, Drazen, and Ruslan disappeared through the hatch a moment later.

Stepping to the balustrade, I took a moment to admire the breathtaking view.

The Iron Realm spread before me, the high peaks spearing into the sky like they had every right to be as angry as I was at the way my life had been unfolding. Even in the summer, the peaks still wore caps of snow, the whiteness of them nearly blinding as the midday sun reflected off of them. They were sentries to the valley below, nestling the capital of the Iron Realm in a protective embrace and preventing any unwanted intruders from penetrating the peace within. The sun was even stronger higher into the range, bringing with it a joy I had only felt since leaving the cave where I had been chained for most of my life. As the light kissed my skin, I tipped my head back, breathing deeply in the fresh mountain air, and the white flame that lived inside my chest flared to life, filling me with power and banishing the lingering frustration with my inability to do more than walk around.

At least my magic felt more powerful than ever, despite the darkened crystal.

The ethereal beauty had not weakened or dried up during my time wandering in the void. If anything, the well of magic was deeper, fueled by the rage of having more of my life stolen from me. It felt as if that white flame would consume everything inside me, then burst forth and engulf the world around me in a blaze so furious someone might finally see this pain that felt all-consuming.

Some day, and soon, they would face my wrath.

Zuriel stepped beside me, joining me in gazing across the realm that would soon be as much mine as Ruslan’s. The white locks of his hair lifted in a pine-scented breeze as it dusted across the mountain at our backs.

“It is beautiful,” he commented after a moment of silence.

“What is Keleti like?” I asked my cousin, thinking of his homeland across the ocean where he and my father, Ithuriel, had been captured along with some Demons.

“There are mountains like these that divide the continent in two. On one side, everything is lush and green, while on the other, it is a desert that stretches endlessly until it reaches the sea,” he murmured, his icy blue eyes taking on a wistful absence from the world around us.

“Do you ever miss it?” I asked quietly. Curiosity and something that felt a lot like sorrow filled me at the thought of the continent where my mother and father had tried to flee for safety so the mated pair could be together, without the blades of the kings of északi hanging over their heads.

Was it possible to long for something one had never known?

The Angel blinked rapidly, clearing his eyes and mind of wherever he’d wandered. “I do, sometimes. But my place is here, with you.”

He offered no more commentary, and I sensed that he wanted to speak of it no further. My cousin had his secrets, and he would share them in due time, as always. Checking over my shoulder, I realized we were alone on the rooftop. I stepped away from the railing, squaring my shoulders over my shaky legs.

Pinning Zuriel in my fierce gaze, I loosed a long breath and pronounced, “I want to practice immobilizing my opponents.”

The air inflating Zuriel’s lungs stilled, along with the whispering wind, as if the world was watching, waiting, for what would happen next. For me to embrace the darkness.

For Zuriel to help me do it.

Ruslan had vowed to stand hand in hand in the dark with me so I wouldn’t have to face it alone. He’d already spent enough time there that it was as familiar as his own name. Darkness, after all, had been my only friend in the cave. This was merely a different aspect of what inky blackness had to offer. A dark twist on my Goddess-gifted magic.

Was there really such a thing as light and dark? Or was everything merely a shade of gray, as Liliana had once said? Certainly, I could use my magic for good. For healing. For removing the pain, the burdens others carried like sacks of stones.

I could also use it to sow pain, discord, and strife.

It all came down to how I chose to use it. How I wanted to bend the magic to my will.

And in that moment, I was choosing to use it in an insidious way I’d sworn off before. Days ago, I’d decided I would never place limits on myself again, that nothing would hinder the full strength of my Goddess-gifted power.

Not me, not stupid principles, and certainly no male.

If I wanted the world to burn at my feet for what it did to me, I had to embrace every part of myself, utilize every scrap of magic and ingenuity I had, and plummet into an endless well of power. But that well would only deepen with repetition, with utilizing the magic in the sinister ways I wanted, over and over and over.

A thin line formed between Zuriel’s white eyebrows. “Are you certain?”

An affirmative dip of my chin was all I offered in response. Steeling my spine, I called on the threads of magic in my chest and brought them just below the surface of my skin.

The air finally fled my cousin’s lungs, and he nodded. “You will tell me when you tire. It will likely drain you faster than you realize, given how long it’s been since you last accessed the talent.”

He didn’t have to add that my current weakened state wouldn’t help matters either.

“I will,” I promised, rooting my feet into the rock.

Using a leather strap, Zuriel tied back his white hair, though a few stray strands fell into his face as the wind whipped through the mountains once again. “Prevent me from walking,” he commanded, his voice level and calm. Then, he lifted a booted foot and made to step toward the center of the roof.

Yanking on the threads of my hatred for Kazimir, I slammed it into the earth with enough force that his eyebrows shot up his head and the ground trembled beneath my feet. I pitched to the side, losing my hold on him immediately.

“Is everything okay?” Ruslan asked down our bond.

I winced, realizing I’d likely startled everyone in the suite below. “Just dropped something.”

“Cedomir will have food ready shortly. Don’t strain yourself too much,” Ruslan murmured, his tone soothing and filled with tender care.

“Thank you,” I sent back down the bond, then closed my mind to everything but Zuriel, who had righted himself again.

“That was quite forceful, Izidora,” he commented, head tilting ever so slightly to the side as he studied me.

“Well, I have a lot of anger to pull from,” I growled, flexing my fingers.

Without missing a beat, Zuriel began to move toward the center of the roof. “Again,” he said, eyeing me closely. He made it three steps before I called my empath power forward again, sticking his boots to the stone, though with less force this time. He nodded his approval, and I dropped the magic.

Despite the cooling breeze kissing my face, sweat beaded my temples. Glancing over my shoulder, I found one of the tables set haphazardly a few paces away. Gritting my teeth, I walked to it, then leaned my rear against it for extra support.

“We can stop if you are tired,” Zuriel offered, worry leaching into his eyes.

“No,” I snapped, diving into my magic again. “My well won’t deepen if I don’t push my limits. I just need a little support standing.”

His lips thinned as if he wanted to protest my declaration, but he must have thought better of trying to convince me otherwise. “Alright, stop me from flying away then.”

Massive white feathered wings, so much like my own, sprung from his back. In two flaps, he was airborne, racing higher into the sky. The dark crystal flared to life as I imagined his feet slamming into the stone roof, blending the image with the tangled knot of emotions in my chest. In a heartbeat, he was plummeting, and I only barely managed to release my hold before he collided with the roof.

A laugh escaped me as he touched lightly to the ground, grinning. “I appreciate you not hauling me into the suite via a rock tunnel.”

“It certainly would have startled the others.” My lips curled into a smile. “Maybe we should do it anyway. I could go for a bit of fun.” Everyone had been hovering so close since I woke, and I honestly wanted to do anything other than have Ruslan, Liliana, Drazen, and Zuriel staring at me, as they doubtlessly had the entire time they waited for me to wake.

Zuriel shook his head, a few more strands of white falling loose. “Perhaps another day, when you don’t look like you’re going to faint on your feet.” He closed the distance between us, and I made to follow him. Only, the world swam when I pushed off the table, and gray spots danced in my vision. I didn’t realize I was falling until Zuriel was hauling me upright again by my upper arm.

“I can make it,” I protested, but another step told both of us that was a lie.

He chuckled, then looped his arm through mine and supported me the rest of the way to the hatch that led to the suite. As if he sensed my need for him, Ruslan was there, arms outstretched, to accept me from my cousin.

“I don’t need–” I started to protest, but Ruslan cut me off.

“Yes, you do. At least for now.”

He tucked me against his chest, and I rested my ear against the steady thrum of his heart as we spiraled down, down, down to the living space. The iron lid banged closed a moment after the thump of Zuriel’s boots met the landing overhead. Liliana and Drazen were already splaying our feast across the dining table, and Ruslan settled us into two chairs on one end while they finished and Zuriel joined us.

Once my family was seated, we dug voraciously into our food, laughing, teasing, and even tossing bread at one another as insults were flung. For just a little while, I forgot all about the darkness, the rage, the thirst for blood, and simply let myself be with the people I loved the most.