Chapter Five

Collin

The note was risky. It could come off creepy if I didn’t word it right, or it could come off pathetic if she thought I was just avoiding seeing her and asking her in person. But I didn’t want to abuse the privilege of having her phone number for work purposes to ask her out, and I wasn’t positive that was a personal number anyway. The note was safe. She had a stick-on magnet of Madie’s on the door of her car, making it obvious which one was hers, and I had one of the unused napkins folded up in my pants pocket anyway.

Heading home that evening, knowing I likely had a house to put back together after the girls had used it all day, I found I didn’t care as much. Work ahead of me didn’t seem so bad when I could use that time to shut off and let my brain wander around in my memories. Specifically, the memory of having Brandy in my arms and dancing.

I’d done my best to mimic my brothers in how they interacted with people, specifically women. It was slightly fake, I guessed, but it was the best I could do. Social situations were still awkward for me. I couldn’t quite remember what it was I was supposed to do in most instances, relying on thinking about my brothers and wondering what they would do.

Not Jesse, though. No one did what Jesse did but Jesse. He was the only one that stuff worked for.

Mostly, I tried to think about what Logan would do. Logan never had any issues with picking up women. Part of that was probably because he was a fireman who was built like a firetruck, but also, he just had a quiet charisma that women liked. He was confident and easy, while still maintaining that sense that he was a serious man who handled his business. He was a man’s man without being a misogynistic jerk.

I tried to hold some of that seriousness myself, but it was difficult. I wasn’t all that serious of a person. As long as I wasn’t currently being plagued by memories, I’d consider myself a pretty easygoing guy.

That, of course, was the problem. I was plagued by the memories more and more these days.

On top of that, I just didn’t have a whole lot of experience going out as an adult on my own. I had been nineteen when I joined the military, and I spent the rest of that year on the ranch, not going anywhere for anything. I didn’t really go out and do anything until my twenty-first birthday, when Luke insisted on bringing me to Crockett’s. Ever since, I’d go there occasionally, but always in the company of one or more of my brothers.

I’d made small steps to inoculate myself against society at large. Going to grocery stores, birthday parties, and the fair when it came to town. But it was always a miserable experience, and I’d spend the next twenty-four hours or so locked away inside the office “working.”

The house was shockingly neat when I got back, and with Jesse off with his new-ish girlfriend, Logan heading back to his apartment near the fire station, and Owen heading off to do his hobby that he didn’t like to talk about, I had the place to myself.

I went upstairs, keeping the doors open in an attempt to not allow myself to get shut up in the house completely, and went into the office. Sitting heavily in my chair, I picked up my controller and hit the center button, turning on the video game system I spent most of my free time playing.

It used to be that I would game every so often, usually solo. City building strategy or world conquest games were my favorites, and I could blow hours playing them. But in the last few years, at the behest of Micah, I’d bought the same system they all had and a couple of the same games. While most of Foley was still struggling with terrible Internet, we had a high-speed satellite dish, thanks to Dad, who wanted to keep up with all the baseball games and had been talked into buying one. We’d kept it because we’d grown up with it, even though none of us really watched much TV, and because the Internet was pretty spectacular.

Slipping on the headphones, I searched for the party the boys would be on if they were on at all, and surprisingly found both Dwayne and Red. I joined, and as soon as the click signifying my arrival happened, so did the greetings.

“Hey man, we’re just wrapping up C.O.D. Want to join for a round?”

“Ahh, nah,” I said. I had no interest in playing a war game. Ever. I did once in a while just to appease them, but I never enjoyed it and was terrible at it anyway. I was only half-decent at the alien ones. “I’ll just play something else until you guys are ready.”

A few minutes later, they announced they were done and asked if I had anything I wanted to play. When I didn’t, Dwayne suggested a soccer game.

“Soccer?” I asked. “Have we ever played a soccer game before?”

“No,” Dwayne said, “but it’s free on the pass, and we’d all be equally bad at it to start.”

“That’s a decent point,” Red said. “I’m down.”

“Sure,” I said. “Let’s give it a shot. Maybe I’ll unlock a hidden talent.”

Unfortunately, I did not unlock a hidden talent.

Being horrible at a video game was not new, though, and the guys were also comically bad. We played for a while until Red was so frustrated with himself that we audibly heard him throw his controller in disgust. Dwayne was then called away for family duties to his young wife and child, and Red decided he wanted to go back to playing the shooter I had no interest in.

It was evening now, and I turned everything off to go check on the animals. Surprisingly, I found Owen already out there, finishing up.

“I didn’t know you were home,” I said. “I thought you were out doing … your thing.”

I had no idea what it was he did and frankly didn’t mind he kept it a secret. I kept my gaming a secret for the most part and didn’t like the idea of Luke knowing just because I knew how he would be about it. He would immediately assume any time I was in the office and not doing something out in the ranch yard that it was because I was gaming. It would become the scapegoat.

“Got canceled for tonight,” he said. “Figured you could probably use some help tonight anyway. You were out among people a lot today.”

“I appreciate that,” I said, nodding and falling into step beside him as we headed back to the house. “It was a lot.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Owen said. “You doing okay?”

I smiled. It was nice when any of my brothers checked in on me like that, but especially when it was Owen. He was so much of a baby to me still in so many ways, despite being the physically largest of all of us. But he still had that child-like energy and empathy that seemed to go away when people got so absorbed in their own lives sometimes.

“I’ll be all right,” I said. “Just got some stuff on my mind I’m trying to sort through.”

He nodded solemnly. “Want to go work out?”

I huffed a laugh, then realized he was serious.

“Me?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Come on, bird arms. Let’s go.”

He was joking, but compared to him, I did have bird arms.

I was built lean, like Dad and Luke, though leaner than either of them. I was taller than them both too, but that didn’t mean much when it came to strength. I had what people called ‘farmer strength.’ I might not look like I had a whole lot of bulk, but I was built for function and prided myself on staying in shape. I was, as they called it, ripped. It came from working on the ranch, doing any heavy lifting I could, and then tons of exercising in the office when I was inside.

That was the secret Luke didn’t know. I wasn’t avoiding work, but when I was inside and not doing the work I had in front of me, I was going through a series of workout routines that would put most people in bed. That included a yoga for men series I’d found on YouTube and doing plank exercises constantly.

Weights, however, were not really my thing. They were clearly Owen’s thing.

He was huge and had the big, showy muscles you saw on superheroes. He looked like he could fight God. I took one look at the amount of weight he had set on the bar and laughed. He could lift a car if he wanted. I was going to need to drop that a bit.

Owen helped me get through a couple of sets, and as he did, we talked a little. It wasn’t until I was spotting him for a few that he said something that really piqued my interest.

“At any rate,” he said as he squatted an astronomical amount of weight, “you’ll want to get your stamina up. Gotta keep up if you’re going to be dating a younger woman.”

“Excuse me?”

He chuckled. “I saw you at the wedding with that caterer girl. What’s her name? She runs Madie’s, right?”

“We’re not dating,” I said, then caved. “I mean, we might go out on a date, but she hasn’t answered yet. How did you figure that out, anyway? I didn’t see you there.”

“I was around,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep it a secret for you. I know a thing or two about secrets.”

“I’ve noticed,” I said.

“How are the nightmares?”

I froze as he lifted again and dropped. He said it so casually. It was like he’d asked how my dinner was.

“My nightmares?”

“The ones you have when you walk around at night. From the war?”

“Hang on,” I said. “Put down the weights.”

He did as he was asked, placing his massive hands on his hips and looking like Captain America. It was annoying. He was my younger brother, but he was bigger than me and somehow knew all my secrets.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“How did you know about my nightmares?”

He shrugged. “I’m usually still up,” he said. “I’ve helped you get back to your room before. Of course, you thought I was someone else. Some dude named Red?”

“Oh my God,” I said. “I called you Red?”

“Yeah,” he said. “You kept talking about getting to Gary. You were real adamant you needed to get to Gary. I just guided you back to your room, saying that’s where Gary was.”

“Has anyone else seen this happen?”

“Not that I know of. I mentioned it to Luke one time, and he shrugged. Said you must have been under a lot of stress with the finances of the ranch.”

“I see.”

“Look, I won’t tell anybody,” Owen said. “But you might want to talk to someone about that. If something happened to you out there, you know there are resources, right? I don’t remember much about you coming home, but I thought you just kind of flunked out, right? Sorry to be so harsh, but that was it, wasn’t it?”

“No,” I said. “It wasn’t.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s… it’s all right,” I said, sighing. “I guess I was too vague. I let people believe what they wanted to believe. You were, what, thirteen? How were you supposed to know?”

He shrugged. “Well, if you ever want to talk about it with me, I’m here for you. But you might really want to see a professional.”

“I might,” I lied. “Thanks. This was good. I should do this more often.”

“I’m almost always in here,” Owen said. “Anytime.”

I headed back up the stairs, turning on the shower and grabbing a few towels to rinse off. When I got out, my phone had a new notification. I opened it up to see a text from the number I’d saved as Brandy.

You still up for that drink sometime?

You bet. What about tomorrow night? Crockett’s? 9PM?

Sounds great. See you there.

Smiling to myself, I got dressed for bed and crawled under the sheets. Even if I had another nightmare tonight, it wasn’t enough to take away the excitement of what was to come tomorrow.

I had a date.