Chapter Thirty-Nine

Collin

“I thought you had a broken ankle,” Luke said. “That’s all you told me. You were stuck on base with a broken ankle and that something happened to get you an honorable discharge.”

“You thought they sent me home for a broken ankle?” I asked.

“I mean… no,” he said. “But I didn’t want to question you. And when you came back… different… I thought you’d just changed. That they couldn’t send you home dishonorably, but that you weren’t really cut out to be there, either.”

“I hid everything from you guys,” I said, hanging my head. “I didn’t want questions. I guess I don’t blame you for not knowing any of it. I just… I didn’t want questions.”

“Why, though?” Jesse asked. “You’re a war hero. You should be proud of what you did.”

“It’s not the whole story,” I repeated. “There’s more.”

“So tell us,” Luke said. “What’s the rest of the story?”

I was quiet for a long moment. In my mind, all I could see was that little girl’s face. Her scared eyes, almost vacantly scared, knowing what her father was about to do but not wanting it to happen. Knowing she was going to run for her life and that it was against her parents’ wishes. And that she would be alone, with a baby, even if she survived. I couldn’t imagine that terror or that courage.

I recounted how I didn’t know I was wounded, and how I refused to look. How I happened on the tank and pulled the men out. How I heard the baby crying and found the man strapping the bomb to his chest.

How I saw the little girl lying on the ground, a pool of blood around her as I tried to escape.

My brothers were riveted. So were the police officers that were there, including the one in charge. When I finished my story, there was a long pause, and Brandy beside me sniffled.

“Can I say something?” Phil said from his place on the floor. “If you drop charges against me, I can make a hell of a movie out of that. I’ll make you a star. I can—”

“No,” I said.

“You keep your mouth shut,” the officer in charge said.

“I’ve had enough of the entertainment business, thank you,” I said.

It wasn’t lost on me that the cameramen were still rolling. That every word I spoke had been picked up by the documentary crew. If, somehow, Brandy didn’t get the rights to all the footage shot when she sued the company to smithereens, they might release this story to the world. At least then it would be known, and I wouldn’t have to tell it again. And the boys couldn’t bug me to sell it anymore.

“Well, I think I’ve heard about enough,” the officer in charge said. “I’m going to take this fella here and get him checked out by the EMTs, and then go off to jail. I can’t promise I won’t have charges for you, but I am not recommending any, and I’m not going to put you under arrest tonight. A detective will probably be along in the morning to talk to you and get a statement.”

“I appreciate that,” I said. “I really do.”

“Least I can do,” he said. “Now you get this young lady home and have yourself a good night. What’s left of it, that is. Garcia, Funk, will you uncuff those two and get this one out to the bus?”

Two officers nodded and proceeded to uncuff Jesse and Owen and then take Phil away. He was still trying to make a deal as they carted him off, negotiating with the officers to let him go for a part in some production, or a reality show about police.

As the lobby slowly emptied, each person being interviewed before they could go, we all gathered outside by the cars. The ambulance left with Phil inside, handcuffed to the gurney, and the commanding officer left, being replaced by detectives working the scene. We were free to go.

“Well,” Charlotte said, “we’re not too far from one of the hotels I used to work at. It’s actually closer than getting back to Foley. If anyone wants a room, I’m sure I can get us one there.”

“How far?” I asked.

“About twenty minutes east,” she said. “Just keep going down the road a bit. You can follow me. It’s one of the ones I struck ground on right before I quit. It’s a brand-new place.”

“Sounds interesting,” Luke said. “And I sure don’t want to drive all the way back to the ranch tonight. We hauled ass to get here, and it still took an hour and some change.”

“How about you?” Jesse asked Owen.

“I’m going to head back to the ranch,” he said. “If that’s all right with you guys. I want to meet up with Logan and make sure he’s good and secure the thumb drive.”

“Smart,” Luke said. “Collin? Brandy?”

I looked at Brandy and shrugged.

“I don’t have a change of clothes with me,” I said.

“I have a pair of your sweatpants and a T-shirt,” she said sheepishly.

“What?”

Putting a hand over her face in embarrassment, she slunk backward, going around to the side of the building and digging around behind a bush. She produced a duffel bag from back there and brought it with her to the group. Handing it to me, she grinned.

“Look inside,” she said.

I unzipped it, and on the top of everything was a folded T-shirt and underneath it a pair of my sweats.

“What in the hell?”

“I might have thrown them in with my stuff when I left the ranch,” she said. “When I thought I might have to go on the run… I brought them. So I had something of yours.”

“Well, that worked out,” Jesse laughed. “Come on. Let’s get going. I could do with a shower right about now.”

“Amen,” Luke said.

We all piled in two of the cars while Owen took the smallest one back to Foley. We rode with Luke and Amber while Jesse and Charlotte rode alone, and both Charlotte and Brandy fell asleep on the ride.

I couldn’t fall asleep yet. I was still too amped up. I had a feeling I was going to get into some trouble for how hard I’d fought, but on top of that, I was feeling very strange about my past.

For the first time since I’d come back, I’d really addressed what happened out there. Even when I hung out with Red and Micah, we never really talked about it. We talked about all the good times leading up to that day, and they talked about things that happened after I left, but we never really talked about what happened to make me leave.

It was much more cathartic than I’d thought it would be. I’d built it all up in my mind so much that it was going to be this gut-wrenching thing to speak of, and it was hard, but I’d realized as I spoke that I had support. I wasn’t dealing with it alone anymore. There were people who cared about me, who cared about the pain I went through and wanted to help me. It made it easier to deal with.

As we rode the twenty or so minutes to the hotel, with Brandy asleep on my shoulder, I let my mind go back to that day and settle with it.

There was no way to avoid the tragedy of it. There was no way to avoid the regret I had that I didn’t save everyone. There was no way to not mourn for the loss of life, both of my fellow soldiers and of the innocent. But what I could do was acknowledge their deaths and the sacrifices others made, including myself. I could acknowledge that I gave a great part of myself to save others that day.

I’d spent so long living inside, trying not to deal with life, and though those problems weren’t going to magically go away, I was at least dealing with them now. I was going to address them head on and know that even if I had hard times, days where I couldn’t bear it, nights where I woke up in a nightmare, that there would be people to help me. Now I had a support system, and I didn’t have to just journal alone.

“I’m proud of you, brother,” Luke said, puncturing the silence of the open road and almost startling me.

“Oh. Thank you,” I said.

“I mean it,” he said. “Not just for what you did for our country and our soldiers, but what you did tonight. You took charge, and you made it happen. And when you could have snapped and made things worse, you listened to your brothers and made the right call to stand down. And then you did the most courageous thing you could do, and you told us what happened to you. I couldn’t be prouder of you, Collin. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you, Luke. That means a lot.”

“Dad would be proud too,” he said.

I let that sit a moment. It was hard to think of my father as anything other than surly. At the end, he was an angry old man, embittered by the life he felt he’d lost out on. He knew I was going to join the military, like he had before me, and I knew he was proud of that fact. But he passed away before ever seeing me in uniform. I always thought, in a way, I’d failed him by coming home so early. By not being more than I was. By not sticking it out like I thought he would.

But Luke was right. I did everything I could, and Uncle Sam didn’t really give me a choice. I was sent home. Not because I couldn’t cut it, but because, despite the fact that I was alive and others weren’t, I had made a sacrifice for my country, and they couldn’t ask for more.

We pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and the bright lights made me squint for a moment. It certainly was impressive. Charlotte went in first, and when she came back out, we were all standing in the parking lot, Brandy barely awake and leaning on me.

Charlotte handed us all key cards and told us our room numbers and as we boarded the elevators, we found that we were on different floors. Brandy and I were somehow on the top.

I opened the door for our room and stepped back in confusion. This couldn’t be right.

“Holy cow,” Brandy said. “This is gorgeous.”

“This is our room?”

“I mean, the key card worked,” Brandy said. “Wow.”

It was a massive suite. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the town, and it had a full kitchen. The bedroom was off to the opposite side, and there was a king-sized bed and a private bathroom with a massive tub and shower. The living area in the center was a well that went down and had a huge TV and several couches. It was opulent.

My phone rang, and I answered it, confused as to why Jesse would be calling me.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Like the room?” Jesse asked.

“Dude, this is insane,” I said. “It’s too much. Tell Charlotte we love it, and thank you.”

“She’s glad,” he said. “Also, I want you to know, you have that room all week. Make yourself at home. I’ll make a run to the ranch to get anything you need.”

“What?” I asked. “No way. Jesse, no.”

“It’s fine,” I heard Charlotte say in the background. “Give me the phone. Hey, Collin?”

“Hey, Charlotte,” I said. “I can’t accept this. It’s too much.”

“It’s literally nothing,” she said. “Those rooms aren’t even available to the public yet. The hotel opened two weeks ago, and the top floor is still reservation only. The room you’re in was reserved for the CEO, but I made a call… it’s yours for the week. On the house. Enjoy it.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “That’s too good to be true.”

“It’s not,” she said. “Listen, I might want to warn you… your story is out there. Word is spreading, and it’s probably going to be on the news in the morning everywhere. A friend of mine, the COO and the brother of the CEO, he heard about it already where he lives in England.”

“It just happened two hours ago,” I said. “How the hell?”

“The Internet doesn’t turn off,” she said. “The story is out there and already on the front page of a couple of news websites. Its probably best for you to keep a low profile this week anyway. So the hotel is putting you up as a way of saying thank you for your service.”

“I can’t thank you enough,” I said, finally giving in. “Tell that COO I said thank you as well.”

“I will,” she said. “Get some rest, Collin. You deserve it.”

I hung up the phone and told Brandy what she’d said. She had been drawing a bath for the two of us, and when she heard, she was elated.

We sank into the bath and stayed there, holding each other, for a long while. Both of us dozed until the water turned cold, and then got out, dried off, and slipped into bed. We didn’t bother getting dressed. It was better to be skin to skin anyway.

As I lay there, curled around her as she faced away from me, smelling her skin and feeling her warmth against me, I felt more at peace than I ever had been.