Chapter 1

I breathedthrough the pain and a growing knot of anxiety. It felt like darkness was closing in on me, but I knew what I needed to do. If I didn’t leave now, I wouldn’t ever do it. I’d been slowly preparing for this for a lifetime—or at least, it felt that way. I needed to wait until Derek finished his last drink and passed out for the night. I opened my eyes and watched the sunset through the grimy window above the kitchen sink.

It was now or never.

I slipped into the bathroom as quietly as I could, my socks barely making a noise on the tiles, and carefully pulled on my usual jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt. I had to take the clothes out of the laundry basket because if I had gone into the bedroom or had clean clothes ready, Derek would’ve known something was up. I braced myself as I tried to lift my arm to slip my shirt on and my breath caught. Pain radiated down my right side as my ribs protested the movement. Leaning against the bathroom counter, I was able to carefully pull my shirt over my head and down my arms. I had to maneuver my jeans on with one hand, since my wrist throbbed from my last encounter with Derek.

Once I was dressed, I opened the bathroom door a crack and could just make out Derek passed out in front of the TV, the football game still playing in the background. Opening the bathroom door as slowly as possible, praying it wouldn’t squeak, I tiptoed to the front door. Grabbing my hoodie off the hook, I shot one last glance back to check that the coast was clear and quietly slipped out. The night air was cold on my face, and it pricked my feet through my thick socks as I carefully closed the front door and crept down the steps, then around to the side of the house.

There was an overgrown mess of plants, which had once been a neat hedge along the property line, where I’d been hiding things slowly over the last few months. Recently, I’d added a backpack I’d found in the very back of the closet. Crouching down and breathing through the pain, I quickly moved the branches, dirt, and debris out of the way, then lifted the pack out from under a particularly dense bush. I’d managed to hide some food, money, my driver’s license, a few keepsakes from my long-forgotten childhood, and a change of clothes. I’d also been lucky enough to stash away my favorite pair of canvas sneakers. I grabbed the backpack and shoes before heading to the rear of the house and over the fence into the adjoining woods.

I stopped by the old oak tree where Derek and I had once carved our initials, tracing my fingers over the scarred wood while remembering the day we’d shared. This was back when things were still new, and I didn’t know the truth about the man I’d loved. No more. I rushed to put on my shoes as fast as I could, not really able to tie the laces. I just tucked the ends under the tongue so I wouldn’t trip. Standing carefully, I righted my backpack.

“Goodbye,” I whispered with one final look at our initials on the tree and the house that loomed behind it.

I prepared myself and took off as fast as I was able.

I knew these woods like the back of my hand, since they were the only place I’d been allowed to go for the last few years. If I didn’t keep moving, I wouldn’t make it far enough away before he realized I was gone.

Following the path that was mostly in my head, I finally reached the other side of the woods and Main Street. Not long now and I would reach the bus station. I needed to get there before 10:30 p.m. because that was when the last bus of the day left. I’d been planning for months, and I needed to be on that bus or I would never escape. Pausing to catch my breath, I glanced up at the large clockface on the front of city hall. Since the hands displayed 10:07 p.m., I had a little time to relax—as long as Derek stayed passed out. Looking over my shoulder into the darkness behind me, I could practically feel his hate-filled stare burning into my back....

It was that stare—the glint in his eye—that told me what sort of day we were going to have. It didn’t matter what I did. If he had that malicious look on his face, blue eyes cold and an almost evil smirk, it meant I was in trouble.

“Why can’t you do anything right?” Derek growled as he landed another blow to my gut. “Can’t even cook us dinner without burning it.” His hand dug into my shoulder where he gripped me hard enough to leave bruises.

“Why do I even put up with you?” he huffed out, pushing me back against the wall. He grabbed my face in his large hand, squeezing my cheeks hard enough to make me wince but not enough to mark. “I should toss you out and see how long you last. You are nothing without me.” His face was so close to mine that as he spoke, flecks of spit landed on me.

“I can fix it.” I whimpered before I could think better of it while trying to pull his hand off my face.

Scoffing, he shook his head. “Really? You think I’m waiting around for you to fix this shit?” He moved his other arm to brace it across my throat, pushing just enough to make breathing difficult. I clawed at his arm, angering him further and triggering another punch to my side, which forced out the air left in my lungs. My vision darkened at the edges as I grappled with Derek’s arm.

His hold loosened. “You would think after all this time you would’ve finally learned, but no. Maybe you just can’t be taught. Is that why you had so many foster homes? People realized you were too stupid and useless to bother with?”

A somewhat manic expression crossed his face like he’d finally solved a puzzle. He knew I was extra sensitive about my dyslexia and how everyone at school had called me stupid—and sometimes worse—because I couldn’t really read like them, especially when I had to read out loud. He always managed to find a new way to stab at that old wound.

“That’s it, isn’t it? Too stupid for anything,” he hissed, moving me with him to slam me against the wall. He brought his knee up into my side with so much force the blow knocked the wind out of me again. He growled as he let me go, and I slid down the wall, clutching my sides and wrapping my arms around my waist to brace myself for the next hit.

There was always another hit coming.

One thing I guess I could be thankful for—Derek was always aware of where he hit me. The bruises were always in places that could be covered up. It wouldn’t have looked good for the Deputy Sheriff’s boyfriend to be sporting marks on his face and neck on the regular.

“Clean up this mess. I’m going out,” he said with one last kick that caught my already injured wrist. Sucking in a breath and biting my tongue to stop from making a sound, I nodded and waited for the front door to slam.

Shaking off the memory, I knew what I had to do.

That last encounter had scared me more than the others. Things were getting worse. I steeled myself and crossed the street to the bus station. I was lucky, in a way, that Derek chose to live in a bigger town like Waterloo, Iowa, so I had the opportunity to travel on a bus this late at night. I walked determinedly to the ticket booth and bought my freedom, or at least, it felt that way. I didn’t care where I was going, just that I was leaving this place. I’d decided on somewhere in Montana. I didn’t care what the town was called, only that it was far enough away that I could forget my life here. I rifled through my backpack for some cash and handed over way more than I wanted to spend. The Greyhound employee looked tired and bored as I waited for my ticket and change. I needed to make this cash last as long as possible.

With all the coupon clipping, change collection, and secret selling of some things from our house that Derek wouldn’t even notice were missing, I’d done all I could to gain this measly stash of cash. I was determined to stretch it. I needed to ensure I had enough to settle in wherever I ended up and survive before finding a job. With what I’d just paid for the bus fare, it was going to be incredibly tight, but I knew I wouldn’t survive if I stayed.

I really had no choice.

Once I had my ticket, I headed straight for the terminal to wait. I couldn’t sit still, so I paced back and forth in the station while keeping an eye out for the bus. There was no one else around, just me and a building full of empty seats. It would seem I was the only person waiting for a bus. Maybe I would have the thing to myself, and I could enjoy some peace and quiet. Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t be able to enjoy anything until I put as much distance between myself and Derek as possible.

The bus finally arrived at three—excruciatingly stressful—minutes past 10:30 p.m., and I quickly boarded, then headed straight for the back of the bus. I wanted to hide as best as I could while still being able to see everyone coming onto the bus as we traveled. I would ride this till the end and just hope it was far enough away.

I hugged my backpack to my chest and leaned my head against the window, trying to calm my racing heart. It was no use. I was on edge, my stomach in knots, and I couldn’t stop my knee from jiggling up and down. As the bus took off, I kept an eye on the road ahead and braced myself for the realization of what I’d done.

Oh my God, I’d finally followed through and escaped.

I pressed hard on my bruised ribs and winced at the pain, proving to myself that this was real. I was leaving. This wasn’t the dream I’d had over and over again. I wasn’t safe yet, but I was leaving town, and that was a step in the right direction. Tears pricked my eyes as the pain receded.

I had escaped.

After a long forty-eight hours, way too many stops, and too many of the required transfers, I was beyond exhausted and had fallen asleep soon after settling on this most recent bus. I just wanted to rest because I’d been awake for way too long due to stress, preparation, and then this grueling travel, but I was jolted out of my fitful sleep when a bright light flashed into my eyes. Someone kicked my foot. I instinctively brought my arms up and braced for impact as my backpack fell from my lap and landed on my foot. Flinching, I glanced up through my arms.

The bus driver stood over me, looking tired and a little gruff, but he did smile. “Last stop for this leg. You gotta get off.” He turned and walked back down the bus.

There were a few other stragglers like me shuffling off, looking tired and weary. I quickly grabbed my backpack, pulled my hoodie back up and over my head, and then exited with the other patrons.

The sun was high in the sky as I stepped off the bus into what seemed like a metropolis compared to where I’d come from. There were so many people bustling around. Everyone was busy, rushing from one place to the next. I started to move forward, trying to avoid knocking into people while following the general flow of the crowd. Everyone seemed to know where they were going. I entered the large terminal building and noticed a few ticket booths and workers guiding patrons.

Looking up at the nearest schedule, I searched for the next available bus leaving. I could wait for another transfer and continue my assigned route, but it felt safer to keep on the move. I didn’t think I could just cool my heels even if it was for only twenty minutes. I needed to ensure I was far enough away so I could safely start over.

Finding a bus that would be leaving soon and still heading east was easy enough. I walked toward the nearest terminal booth and dug into my dwindling cash to purchase my new ticket. I was able to jump onto the bus just as it was getting ready to leave. I ventured to the back again and settled in, heading somewhere called Hope’s Ridge. Breathing deeply and smiling to myself, I decided to take that quaint name as a sign I was going to the right place and to have hope that things would be better soon.