34. Chapter Twenty-Eight

Doxy

When we arrived at the hotel, Lake led me to a room that she somehow miraculously had the key for and then dragged me into the large bathroom that had a jacuzzi size tub in it. She ran me a bath, then undressed me without uttering a single word. She placed me in the bath before disappearing for a few minutes only to return with two bottles of vodka. I shook my head when she stripped off her clothes and climbed into the bath with me, handing me a bottle and keeping one for herself. I can tell from the way she keeps eyeing me that the tattoos I now have are making her curious. I know Lakeland and it is just a matter of time before all the question bursts out of her so I pop the cap off the bottle and take a long pull.

After the first drink I can't seem to stop myself from drinking more or maybe I don't want to stop, I just want to feel numb again. It's fucking terrifying feeling again after so long. I thought I was dead inside but turns out all it took to shatter the carefully crafted walls I had built inside myself was the sound of my best friends voice.

"I saw them, Wave," she whispers hesitantly before taking a drink of her own bottle.

"Saw what, Lakeland?" I bite out.

"The scars," she whispers brokenly with unshed tears in her eyes. "The tattoos are beautiful but they don't hide the raised skin."

"What the fuck do you want from me? Do you want me to tell you that they were kind, loving and never laid a hand on me? Do you want me to make up a fairytale story so you can feel good about the past fourteen years and not feel guilty because you were happy and I was being treated worse than a dog and fucked like a pig?" Tears trail down her cheeks and I hate I just said all of that and want to blame the fucking vodka for loosening my lips but that's a lie. I was never good at holding back when it came to her. No matter how hard I tried to keep things from her, I couldn't. The only thing I managed to keep hidden was my relationship with Xander because I feared she would tell Knox and he would take him from me.

"If hating me is what helps you, then hate me because I can take it so long as you don't leave me. For years I envisioned you being laid up in a hospital in a coma or something like that but I never thought…" She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "He came to the meetings with the head families, went to Switzerland with Knox and the others to play mediator for the Argyros and the Murdochs and never once did Knox suspect that his sister's tormenter was right there beside him."

"Why the fuck would he suspect anything? My own twin thought I was dead!" I hear the bitterness in my own voice.

"He didn't know, Wave. You know him, there is no way he would have stopped searching for you if he thought you made it out of that car. Xander jumped in after you and searched for hours and no one could locate you. How the fuck did Karl find you before us?"

I purse my lips and ponder her question for a second. "I actually don't know how he found me." We remain silent for a long while as we get lost in our own thoughts and drink. I'm starting to feel light, like I can almost float.

"We need to get out before we get too drunk and drown." Laughter bursts out of me the second she finishes speaking, I have no idea why I am laughing. It feels weird to do it and even hear the sound. "Why are you laughing at me?" she snaps, clearly getting annoyed.

"After everything I have been through, it would wound my ego so badly to die by drowning." She eyes me for a second before she begins to laugh, we sound like fucking hyenas but neither of us can seem to find the strength to stop, that is until my laughter morphs into sobs.

"Fuck, hang on," she says before she is emptying the tub, then leaping out to dry herself and then comes to help me out. She wraps a robe around me, then I'm crushed against her as she holds me while I cry. I see nothing through the haze of my tears as she leads me from the bathroom and helps me onto the bed. She climbs in, spooning me from behind as she wraps her arms around me and holds me close.

"I can't stop crying," I choke out.

"Then don't stop, let it all out. You don't need to be strong in front of me, Waverly. I will never judge you, but just don't push me away, let me be your anchor. Let me hold you and be here for you." Her stupid fucking words have me sobbing harder. For years I was alone and had only myself to rely on. I became my own savior, my own white knight because I thought no one cared or even wanted me to be alive. I thought they gave up on me but Lay didn't, she has been searching for me since she got her memories back.

"Why am I so angry at everyone except for you?" I rasp out, my voice is hoarse from all the tears but I don't care.

"You are angry at me the most and that is why it's easier to project that anger onto everyone else because you don't want to hate yourself for hating me because you saved me."

"I don't hate you."

"A part of you does and that's okay because I hate me too for not finding you." I roll over and face her. She smiles sadly and reaches up to swipe away my tears with her thumbs.

"I don't hate you, Lakeland. I could never hate you but it seems I don't have that same issue with my brother." It feels weird calling him my brother or my twin after so many years of refusing to acknowledge that we were even related. I guess in some way she is right. It was easier for me to hate Knox and blame him for everything if I didn't think of him as being related to me.

"Give it time. What you went through, the horrors you endured at the hands of that cunt will last a lifetime. There is no time limit on healing from trauma."

"I have a family to run. I don't have the luxury of staying in this hotel and pretending that the world outside doesn't exist."

"Yes the fuck you do. Your guys are handling all of that stuff for you, Knox will help them."

"No—"

"It doesn't make you weak by allowing others to help you, a great leader knows how to delegate and that is what you are doing." I mull over her words for a minute before relenting, I can take one night to myself. I also know Kimber and Anna won't let Trey and Xander fuck shit up.

"So… Xander and Trey, huh?"

I narrow my eyes. "What are you, the twat swat?" She chokes on her own spit for a split second before she begins cackling like a damn hyena again. I find myself smiling at the sight of her curled into a ball laughing her ass off.

"The twat swat," she wheezes out, then goes back to laughing like an idiot while I lay here staring at her for a second before laughter begins to work its way out of me. Before long, we are both curled into balls facing each other with happy tears rolling down our cheeks.

"You're an idiot."

She smiles. "I know but you love me anyway."

All traces of humor vanish from me as I stare into her eyes. "I always will."

Her features grow taut as she reaches out and cups my cheek. "I never gave up, I found you."

"Technically, I found you."

"Knox and I had talked about leaving Canada after Rave was born and moving to Spain but we couldn't do it."

Frowning, I ask, "Why?"

"Because I knew one day I would find you and you would want to come home. Not only that, what if you did find your way home and we weren't here? I couldn't take that chance."

Realization crashes into me. "You put your life on hold for me, didn't you?"

"No. I went to nursing school and studied hard so I made something of my life so you didn't sacrifice yours for nothing. I married the only boy I have ever loved and we have two beautiful little boys who are named after our four favorite people."

"Xander told me what happened, what he did to you."

She takes a shuddering breath and nods. "I wanted to tell you that night. I tried but then we got run off the road."

"It was my fault that you lost your baby," I whisper.

"No. Don't you do that. None of what happened that night is your fault. Do you hear me? Our baby paid the price for my father and your uncle's greed. Xander had no idea I was pregnant and it doesn't change the hideous thing he did but I get why he did it. I'm at peace with it, Wave. God needed another angel so he took the best. I will see my baby again when I get to the pearly gates and… you will see yours as well."

Pain explodes in my chest. I slam my eyes closed and try to breathe through it. "I named him Laiken Knoxville Bronson, after you and Knox," I choke out.

"Oh, Wave." She cries as we hold each other, tears trailing down my cheeks.

"He was so beautiful, Lake. He had a button nose and the most angelic face."

"I'm sorry I never got to meet my nephew."

"He was born sleeping." I can't bear to tell her the rest. I may have told Trey and Xander but I will never tell another living soul.

"God must have needed another angel."

"I needed him more." I sob. "I was fine, I could take everything they did to me and compartmentalize it, they were hurting Doxy not Waverly. I kept Wave safe. But that all changed the day Waverly gave birth, she died with her son and Doxy took over. Doxy feels nothing. She's strong, doesn't need anyone, she just wants them all to fucking pay for what they took from her!"

"Doxy became your savior, she was your redemption, she is your superpower."

"My what?"

"Becoming Doxy Da Luca is what saved you. She gave you the power you needed to survive hell, she brought you to the other side and kept you whole while your world was falling apart. You gave your alter ego a name so it would help you process but make no mistake, you are Doxy but you are also Waverly Bronson."

"I don't know how to be Waverly again," I answer truthfully. "I haven't been her in years. Xander has tried to push me to be her?—"

"Because he fell in love with Waverly Bronson."

"Trey has never pushed me to be her?—"

"Because he is in love with Doxy Da Luca." The twinkle of mischief in her eye has me wanting to groan but I refrain.

"Can you stop acting like you aren't loving my misery?"

"Oh, I do not love hearing about your past at all but I do want to hear every single detail about you, Trevante and Xander. You have those boys eating out of the palm of your hand."

I scoff. "There is nothing to tell, we fuck and that's it."

"Oh, that is a load of crocodile shit!" I scrunch my face.

"Who the fuck says crocodile shit?" She waves me off.

"I have a five-year-old son who is obsessed with them and thinks Knox and I are rude because we won't buy him a pet croc for his birthday." A smile scratches across my face as I picture what their sons must look like. "Axlyn is a plague. Rave lulled Knox and me into thinking kids were easy, he was such a good baby so we had another. Ax has put us off having more children." Laughter bursts out of me. "I'm not kidding, I love being pregnant and going through labor but I don't have it in me to raise another mini Knox. These boys have a complex, and it's all their father's fault!"

"I want to meet them," I blurt out, her eyes soften immediately. "I-if… that's okay?"

Anger flashes through her eyes. "Don't you ever for a fucking second think that it wouldn't be okay. You never have to ask to see your nephews."

"Thank you."

"I missed you," she whispers brokenly as her eyes begin to fill with tears again. I clasp her hand in mine and place a kiss to the back of it.

"I missed you too." She sniffles and tries to smile but fails. "I never thought I would feel a semblance of Waverly inside me again but just hearing your voice had her spurring to life. I've felt nothing for years, Lake, not since my son died."

"I will be by your side as you face your demons, I will never leave you."

I hope she means that because I have more demons than Lucifer does in his army.