25. Chapter Nineteen

Doxy

Sitting here by the creek I look at my reflection in the still water. I don't see the girl I used to be anymore. I don't see the innocence in her eyes or the joy of life and what the future holds for her, all I see is the empty shell staring back at me. I had my story tattooed all over my body. The three tattooists that worked on me at once thought I would tap out and not be able to handle the pain but I proved them wrong. I liked that they never asked questions about my scars. I think they knew how I got them because when I went to pay they gave me fifty percent off and said it was their pleasure to help me cover up my past.

"Can I ask you something?" I peer over my shoulder to see Kimber standing there with her hands stuffed into her pockets. She looks nervous and that is a look I have never seen on her before.

"Yeah."

She slowly lifts her head and meets my gaze. "How do you sleep at night?" I snort out a laugh.

"Look at where I am, Kimber, what makes you think I sleep?" She nods her head and comes to sit beside me but keeps enough space between us so we don't accidentally touch. I have also noticed she doesn't spar with any of the others and trains on her own, she doesn't like being touched and I respect that.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see them." I keep my gaze ahead and not look at her, knowing that the second I do she will clam up.

"I see them too," I whisper.

"I hate that I have gotten free of them but I'm not really free. I'm still a fucking prisoner and I've been sentenced to life without parole. I can't escape them, I can't outrun them?—"

"You'll escape them. You will out run them but not until you are truly ready to let go," I say. "I preach about wanting to kill them and make them pay but the truth is, every fucking day I wake up I pay the price. I feel the ghosts of their hands on me. I fuck Xander and Trey as a way to show myself I have the power. I control when I want to be fucked, I control how I get fucked. My body has become my weapon and I hate it, I fucking hate myself for using sex as a way to feel strong."

"Why do you only fuck them?"

"Because in a sense I trust them not to hurt me. I may boss them around and feel nothing toward each of them but I do trust them not to cause me harm. I know they are both dominant in bed and want to call the shots, they take the control from me knowing that is what I need. I don't know if I will ever be able to have sex without feeling used or use it as a way to make myself feel strong."

"The thought of having a man's hands on me…" I peer over at her and see her shiver in revulsion.

"Everyone deals with trauma differently. I find strength in using my guys to get off. You find strength in training so you won't ever be at the mercy of another man again."

"Your guys, huh?" I frown and purse my lips as I turn away from her. "I see you with them. I know you like them but you don't let it show, why?"

I answer without hesitation. "Feelings are a weakness. The moment you allow yourself to care for someone they hold power over you. I have been stripped of power for years and I refuse to allow anyone to have that hold over me again. I cared for my family once, they chose to believe I was dead and gave up on me. Love is what makes you falter, rethink yourself and I won't do it."

"How did you end up here?"

"I honestly don't know. After I pushed my best friend out of the car, it went into the water and when I woke up, I was strapped to a table."

"Fourteen years is a long time," she whispers.

"You have no idea."

"I do actually." I snap my head toward her.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"I'm twenty-one, Doxy. I was sold when I was nine." My brows raise and I jerk back.

"You were with them for twelve years," I whisper. Anguish roars to life inside me. She was a fucking child, innocent and pure and they… they fucking defiled her. "I'm sorry." Her features harden.

"Don't fucking pity me. I got out, you said we can be victims or survivors and I am a survivor. I will get my revenge and then I will find where the fuck my daughter is."

"You have a kid?" I rasp out past the lump in my throat. Her eyes turn glassy and fill with unshed tears that she quickly blinks away.

"I've never told anyone about her," she says brokenly.

"What happened to her?" I hear the pain in my own voice.

"I don't know." The bitterness that laces her words can be felt.

"How long ago did you have her?"

"I was thirteen." My face slackens and I gasp. "She would be about eight now." I slam my eyes closed and try to breathe through the sharp pain in my chest, I know what she is thinking. Her daughter is eight and she's imagining all the ways those cunts have hurt her.

"I had a son," I say quietly. I feel her gaze on me as I stare ahead at the water.

"Had?"

I smile sadly and nod. "He was perfect, so pure, so handsome and born sleeping." I hear her sharp intake of breath but push on. "They stole him from me—Karl, Nolan, Fin, Ron and Donald all hurt my baby boy and will fucking pay for what they did to my son. I will make their deaths slow and painful."

"He used to visit me, you know."

I frown. "Who?"

"Karl." My face slackens. "He stopped coming to see me when I turned seventeen, he was over me then because I was no longer a child."

Disgust rolls through me, I fight back the bile from rushing up my throat. "I'd rather shit in my hand and clap than ever think about the vile things he has done to women over the years." Her laughter booms out around us and I can't help but smile. When she snorts I lose the battle and begin to laugh with her. Our laughter cuts off the moment we hear someone approaching. We both jump to our feet and turn to see Trey coming toward us.

"Catch you later, shit clapper." I smirk at Kimber as she heads back to the others. Trey stops a few feet away from me, I can feel the dread rolling off him in waves.

"I've never heard you laugh before."

I scoff. "It's hard to find things to make you laugh when your life is a clusterfuck of events that are out of your control."

"I promised him I would find him, Doxy. I'm going after him tomorrow."

"You really give a fuck about Xander?" I ask in disbelief.

His gaze meets mine and I can see the resolution in his gaze. "Yeah. I do give a shit about him and I know you do as well. He's your family, he's closer to you than a blood relative."

"My tampon has blood on it and I still throw that shit away." His face morphs into a picture of disgust at my metaphor. I groan and tilt my head back to stare up at the night sky but the moment his hands grip my waist, I snap my gaze back to him. I see the lust in his gaze lurking just beneath the surface and heat begins to pool inside my belly.

"I love you, Doxy, and it's because I love you I am going to give you what you want. You can use my body to take the edge off but come tomorrow, I'm going after him because you may not admit it but I know you need him just as much as you need me." I search his gaze looking for a sign of deceit or anger but I see nothing but understanding. He slowly trails his hands up my sides as he bends down and ghosts his lips over mine. "If you want me to stop, say the word."

"Don't stop," I breathe out. He slants his lips over mine and I open for him without complaint. I moan when the taste of him ravishes my system. I'm not the type of girl to go slow, not anymore. I grip the hem of his shirt and pull it off, breaking the kiss. I reach for mine but he grips my hands, halting my movements.

"No way, I am not taking the chance of one of those fuckers walking out here and seeing you naked." I gape up at him.

"You do?—"

"I don't give a fuck who has seen you naked before or how many, you're our girl now and I will kill any fucker who sees you bare, got it?" My jaw unhinges at the same time my pussy clenches on air. "Lose the fucking pants, baby." I shove my yoga pants down my legs and kick them to the side, hearing him so in control and aggressive is turning me on. "Lay down." I do as he instructs and spread my legs. "Fuck baby, that pussy is perfect."

"Taste it."

His eyes blaze with need. "Not yet. I want you to touch yourself, can you do that for me?" I falter for a second, I've never actually done that before.

"I don't know how." His brows raise in surprise. Before I have a chance to feel nervous or embarrassed, he drops to his knees and runs his hands up my thighs sending a shiver down my spine.

"Pinch your nipples for me, baby." I lift my hands and do as he says arching my back off the ground, that feels… good. "Now run your hands down your body." I follow his instructions. "Now, circle your clit with your index finger." I lick my lips and do as he says, a moan tumbling from me without consent. "Now, I want you to push your finger inside that perfect little cunt and finger fuck yourself while I watch." His words have me growing slick with need. I circle my entrance, loving the way his eyes track my movements. He pushes his pants down and frees his cock. The moment I push a finger inside my pussy, he begins to stroke his cock.

"Hm," I whimper before biting down on my lip to remain silent.

"Fuck no, I want to hear everything," he snarls. I release my bottom lip and begin to pant as I work myself up. I circle my clit with my other hand as I continue to finger fuck myself. "Fuck, baby, you look so fucking hot playing with that beautiful pussy. Make yourself come, then I'm going to fuck you so hard you black out."

"Oh fuck, Trey," I cry out as I feel my orgasm cresting. He groans and drops his hold on his cock before smacking my hands away and slamming inside me in one swift move, causing us both to cry out.

"Fuck, baby, your pussy is so tight." .

"Fuck me," I plead. He does as he is told and thrusts inside me at a relentless pace. He lifts me and grips my waist.

"Fuck me," he demands. I bounce up and down on his glorious cock, loving how deep he feels inside me.

"I'm gonna come," I whimper, then his hold on me turns punishing as he meets me thrust for thrust. The orgasm rips through me without warning. I toss my head back and scream.

"Take it, baby, take it all," he orders a second before he comes with my name on his lips. We're both panting and trying to regain control of our bodies. "I love you, Doxy."

The air rushes out of me as I stare down at him and shake my head. "Don't waste your love on me. I'm not worth it and I will never love you back," I say before climbing off his lap and pulling my pants on before heading back to camp.

I'll never be weak, I'll never give anyone that power again.