38. INSTABILITY

38

INSTABILITY

A iden splashed water on his face, willing his breathing to calm and his body to settle. Minor tremors troubled his fingers as he settled unsteady hands against the counter on each side of the bathroom sink and stared into the mirror.

Another nightmare.

The lines around his eyes served as proof of the frustration weighing heavily on him. Frustration that even though he'd met with the counselor in the psychology department like the others, the nightmares persisted.

He understood two therapy sessions after Charlotte suggested it wouldn't be a magical fix-all for his situation, but he expected to have a better handle on the after-effects. Less panic. Maybe the ability to fall back asleep without struggling. Talking about the trauma and coming to terms with what he went through should have made it easier to get control of himself once he was awake enough to realize the nightmares weren't real. At least, it should be that way. The therapist had given him techniques to ground himself once awake, but they weren't helping.

The nightmares weren't as frequent with Charlotte nearby. With the bond growing between them because of their openness to one another and the physicality of their relationship, the nightmares weren't as intense. Instead of a vivid reel depicting his death and the subsequent events, the nightmares transformed into a hazy and disjointed sequence reminiscent of normal dreams.

He grabbed a hand towel to wipe water from his face before tossing it back on the counter and leaving the bathroom.

Charlotte slept without a hint of awareness of his nighttime struggles. For that, he felt grateful.

Tonight was one of those nights where she decided to be a gymnast. She lay with her upper body hanging off the bed, arms stretched over her head, and both legs propped on the wall. He didn't know how she found comfort in the weird positions she contorted her body into. At least this position appeared tame compared to others. Still, if she slipped lower to the floor, her neck would hate her come morning.

"Alright, Kitten. Time to sleep like a normal person," he whispered, lifting her from her peculiar position and placing her onto the bed proper. She snuggled into the bedding, a smile on her face. His chest tightened at the sight.

She had burrowed under his skin and made a home, and he wasn't sure he wanted anything different. He wanted her as enamored with him as he felt for her. He questioned if his obsession with her was normal, but at least he wasn't stalking her.

Of course, she never gave him a reason to.

Shaking the strange thought, he pulled the covers over her and turned to go back to his bed. He paused when her phone chimed on the nightstand .

It took him a moment to realize the growl disturbing the peaceful quiet of the room came from him. The sight of Noah's name on her phone tossed rationality out the window. He snatched the phone from the nightstand. He couldn't see the complete message, but he saw the preview.

Noah:

Did you talk to the headmistress? I haven't talked to…

He gripped the phone. After what happened in the alley, and with Noah's identity exposed, he didn't think Charlotte would have anything to do with the guy again. What did he mean by talking to the headmistress? Had Charlotte spoken with him about the academy? Why would she want anything to do with him? The questions swirled in his mind, inflaming his irritation.

Trusting her had seemed like an easy decision. He didn't have any reason to doubt her feelings or suspect her of anything. Now, he couldn't ignore the uncomfortable thing slithering in his gut, agitated at the possibility something was happening between her and the rogue.

He didn't have those answers, but he knew one thing without question: Charlotte was hiding something from him.

She wanted him to not hide things from her, but here she was hiding things from him. He wasn't about to allow a double standard to cause a rift between them.

Tomorrow, he would get answers.

The entire time he sat on his bed playing with his phone waiting for Charlotte to finish her shower tested the limits of his patience. He wanted to go in there and demand answers, but acting like a neanderthal would get him nowhere.

He witnessed enough of the asshole posturing from his friends to know the kind of damage that behavior would do to his fragile bond. Even if he felt like throwing a fit, he wouldn't do it.

The problem with good intentions was they tended to fly out the window when faced with reality and heightened emotions.

The bathroom door opened, and Charlotte stepped out into their dorm room. Her shoulders inched up, and she froze, looking at him with trepidation.

Lifting her phone from where it rested against his leg, he said, "What's this about?" His voice was calm, but her body language hadn't changed. His irritation flowed to her through their bond without restraint. He couldn't hide it from her if he tried.

"What do you mean?"

She hadn't checked her phone when she woke up, instead going straight to the bathroom. The unread message remained on the screen, taunting him.

He held the phone out. Afraid if he said anything, or moved, he would do or say something he would regret. While he would never harm her physically, he didn't trust himself not to say something stupid and hurt her heart. The jealousy trying to steal his rationality surrounding the situation strangled him.

Closing the distance between them, she took the phone from his hand.

Her face fell, and confusion swept her features as she looked back up at him. "Are you upset Noah messaged me?"

His eye twitched. He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. His words were measured and slow as he said, "Of course I'm upset a rogue who had the audacity to attack you is texting you like you're friends."

She put a hand on her hip and angled her head. "We are friends—sort of. He didn't attack me, though."

He dropped his phone on the bed and stood, towering over her. She didn't shrink back. Her chin tilted up so she could meet his eyes. He wasn't angry like in the cafeteria, but her casual way of addressing the situation contributed to his volatility.

"How can you stand there and say that when he was with the rogue who bit you?"

"I talked to him the other day with Riley at my mom's shop."

His voice rose with anger infusing his tone. "You talked to him?" He only had so much patience.

Her eyes narrowed. "That's what I said."

"No. Absolutely not."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

"He has no business talking to you again."

"Aiden," she said, hand lifting to take his, forcing him to unclench the fist at his side. "He's my friend."

The soothing way she ran her thumb over the top of his hand grounded him and allowed him to temper the aggression he felt. He couldn't understand why she wanted to be Noah's friend after everything, and he told her as much.

"Because things didn't happen like you think."

"What?"

"I'll explain, but first let's sit down."

He let her lead him to her bed. When he sat down and scooted back against the wall, she sat perpendicular to him against her headboard, putting her phone on the nightstand beside her. Before she could cross her legs, he lifted them and draped them across his thighs. He massaged her bare feet, giving himself something to do to give himself a fighting chance at keeping his emotions settled.

"I meant to tell you we talked to Noah. You were already asleep when I got home from dinner with the girls, so I couldn't tell you then. And then yesterday morning… well, with what I woke up to, I didn't get the chance."

Her face flushed pink, and he smirked in satisfaction, more of his tension deteriorating at the memory.

He loved knowing she enjoyed herself. Loved knowing what he did to her. He'd never felt a desire for the kinds of things they did, but with her… Charlotte unlocked a side of him he didn't know existed. It freed him of all his worries to be like that with her. It felt like in those moments, he could let go, and she allowed him to control every aspect of the situation with complete and utter trust. He needed it more than he realized.

"I didn't want to mention Noah when we went out with everyone, and then at dinner last night, because I wanted to talk to you first, but when I got back to the room after stopping by Riley's room, I was so tired I didn't get around to it." She flicked her thumbnails against one another. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just really didn't get the chance. I planned to tell you, though." She looked up at him.

"I believe you." He squeezed her foot. "I just don't understand why you talked to him."

She proceeded to detail how Noah reached out to her and told her about the man named James who directed them to get close to Charlotte to see how close she was to Blaire. How the other rogue who bit Charlotte was, in fact, her stalker. A man who lost his Korrena and went off the deep end upon seeing a redhead like his wife. She explained Noah's erratic behavior was an attempt to get her to run, but he was suffering from sanguis manie, so he appeared unhinged instead .

By the time she finished, Aiden didn't know what to think.

In most situations, he would have doubts, but with how Charlotte explained the way Riley tore into Noah, and the questions she had, he wasn't sure he had much of an argument. Still, he would refrain from complete trust.

"So the headmistress is going to help him?"

"I talked to her yesterday before we went out with everyone. She told me that Noah is right. It's treason if she keeps it quiet. But with my willingness to forgive him, and in exchange for information that would help them against the rogues, the clan might make a concession."

He put his other hand on her thigh. He didn't think Headmistress Velastra would risk herself like that for someone she didn't know. She already put herself in a dangerous position by hiding the murder Aiden had committed.

"She said she would speak to Dom and contact the clan to see what'll happen." She stared at her nails. "I hope it'll be sooner rather than later because from the way Noah talks, he's in danger. If they'll punish him by denying what he needs to live…"

Her eyes met Aiden's, and he hated the sadness he saw there.

"Maybe it's wrong of me to want him to be okay after what he did, but I'm not the type of person to let someone in trouble stay in that situation if I can help it. Even if they've wronged me, I can't knowingly allow someone to suffer."

"And that makes you a good person. I love that about you."

She looked down at her knees.

"So what's he said?" Aiden motioned to her phone on the nightstand.

She grabbed her phone and opened it. "He's asking if the headmistress said anything and said that he's not talked to James. He hasn't contacted Noah."

"It's only been a couple days."

"Yeah, but I don't know how often they talked on the phone. He's never actually met the guy in person."

His hand rested on her ankle as he studied her twisting a curl in her fingers while looking at her phone screen in concentration.

Guilt gnawed at him for his assumption of the worst. The lack of patience and knee-jerk anger wasn't his default setting. He wasn't that type of person. With the nightmare still fresh in his mind, the lack of sleep the night before, and the bond's influence heightening his jealousy, his emotions were unstable.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted," he said.

Charlotte lifted her head to look at him, placing her phone down beside her.

"Or rather, the things you felt coming off me. I knew you could feel it, and I still couldn't control my emotions enough to make it easier on you. For that, I'm sorry."

Her lips drew in, and her nose screwed up adorably, eyebrows smashing together. "I just don't understand it."

"What?"

"What has you on edge?"

"It's nothing serious." He squeezed her leg.

"That's not what I wanted to know. Serious or not, if it's bothering you enough that your emotions are that intense, I want to know." She wriggled and her toes curled on his thigh. "I care about you. You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

"I know." He laid his head back against the wall and rolled it to the side to look at her, resigned to admit to her his problems. If he expected their relationship to flourish, he needed to not be so rigid in his control and let her in. "I had another nightmare last night, then saw the phone message. I didn't sleep much because of it all. I think it didn't help the way I responded."

"Is there anything that makes it better?"

"The nightmares?"

When she nodded, he said, "Sleeping next to you."

Her mouth parted.

"When we touch, they tend to lessen." His hand slid to her foot again, massaging the heel. "At least, more so since you've come to the academy."

"Maybe we should start sleeping together, then."

"You move like a contortionist in your sleep," he said, laughing at the incredulous look on her face. "You do. I think for my own physical safety, we should have a bigger bed first."

She leaned forward and smacked his arm. "You're mean," she said with a pout. "Fine. I'll just sleep all by myself. More room for me." She smiled brightly, all her teeth on display. He loved seeing her smile.

He grabbed her chin with his forefinger and thumb before she sat back and gave her a soft kiss. When she sat back, he asked, "Do the others know now?"

"I told Blaire, Layla, and Riley what the headmistress said when I went by Riley's room last night after dinner. Blaire and Riley said they'd talk to Lukas and Seth. Dom probably knows by now from the headmistress. Blaire didn't know a James either."

"We'll have to ask Dom if he knows anyone important by that name."

He didn't get angry that she talked to them. Riley already knew. It didn't bother him if the others knew about the situation, or about Noah. Before he knew the full story, the only thing that bothered him was thinking she kept in contact with Noah after she learned who he was.

He hoped by letting Noah in, she didn't end up hurt again.