19. Lorin

Chapter nineteen

Lorin

K it was solid against his chest. Still human, but silent, anxiety rolling off him and mixing with the stench of fear Lorin was no doubt filling the air with.

After their library meeting, Glenn had driven them both home in silence. Lorin was still reeling, but he was fighting with himself to respect Kit's decision and support him. To trust his grandma's words that she wouldn't let this go ahead if she thought it would hurt Kit.

Lorin had bundled them into the bed in the main bedroom without even thinking twice about it. All he could think about was making sure Kit was okay and keeping him close. All that was on his mind was his familiar, his mate, being safe and comfortable and with him.

The living room sofa wouldn't do. So bedroom it was.

Lorin helped Kit out of his clothes and into pajamas, changing himself before tucking them both under thick blankets. Kit's notebook and pencil were resting next to them, just in case Kit wanted to say something, but he had been worryingly still and quiet since they'd gotten back.

Lorin wished he could read his mind. He wished there was a way to glance inside and see what Kit needed so he could give it to him so he wouldn't feel so powerless. Instead, he just held him closer, kissing his messy hair and cold cheeks, brushing his nose against his temple and whispering reassurance into his skin. He hoped it would be enough to let Kit know he wasn't alone. Neither of them would be alone ever again.

The trembling subsided after a time, and the panicked tension in Kit's body seemed to seep away, but it was replaced by a different kind of tension as Kit pressed back into the curve of his body. Hands grasped his and pushed them under Kit's shirt, against a smooth chest. Lorin shuddered out a breath against Kit's nape, fighting to keep from curling his nails into Kit's delicate skin. He felt a little crazy picturing what it would look like, the contrast of his markings against Kit's skin.

Electricity coursed through Kit, passing into Lorin and making every hair on his body stand on end. He caught his breath, the charge in the air making it hard to think. He tried holding Kit closer to control the press of their bodies, but Kit wiggled around until Lorin's grip on his body loosened slightly.

Kit turned in his arms, gluing their bodies together as he kissed Lorin on the mouth without warning. Without preamble. He pressed their lips together, his fingers wrapped around Lorin's shirt.

It wasn't their first kiss—far from it—but the intensity of it almost knocked Lorin out. His vision blacked out at the edges, and every sane thought left his brain as he kissed Kit back. He wrapped his arms around Kit's waist and Kit whined into his mouth, pushing his tongue past Lorin's lips. Kit's fingers left his shirt and twined into his hair, gripping the long strands tight. Pulling. Making Lorin hiss at the slight burn on his scalp.

It didn't feel like any of their kisses before. It felt saturated and vivid, like splashes of bright color against a canvas. Lorin wanted to paint himself in it.

Kit slung a leg over his hips and settled onto Lorin's lap, pushing himself closer, his frustration evident when closer became an impossibility because they were already occupying the same space.

"Kit," Lorin said against insistent lips, gasping at the sensation of Kit's hands wandering from his hair to places they hadn't been before.

Kit tugged at Lorin's clothes, pushing at the fabric to reach the skin beneath. His nails ran down Lorin's chest and back, sharp like they were still claws. He was like a man on a mission and Lorin couldn't help but force himself to stop because none of it felt like it was coming at the right time.

Hating himself for it, he gripped Kit's hands in his and broke the kiss, swallowing Kit's labored breaths as he looked him in the eye. He brushed Kit's hair back from his forehead, cupping his cheeks as gently as he possibly could.

"Hey," he said softly, trying to lessen the blow of having stopped them going any further. "We need to slow down."

Kit's expression shattered Lorin's heart. He looked wrecked and vulnerable. He scrambled off Lorin's lap and dove for his notebook, flipping it open and scribbling in it so fast that Lorin feared he wouldn't be able to read it.

Kit shoved the notebook under his nose and Lorin pulled back to be able to see it.

You don't want me?

Lorin shook his head wildly, looking back at Kit. "Of course I want you. I've wanted you since the moment you appeared in my life."

"Why?" Kit whispered without any additional explanation, but Lorin knew what he meant.

"We learned something really shocking today, Kit. You're still reeling from it. We both are. I just don't want you to do something you're not ready for."

Kit whined low in his throat, looking down at the notebook as if thinking about what to write in it without following through. He was just silently muttering to himself, gripping the pencil tight and shaking his head. He turned desperate eyes to Lorin, staring at him as if begging Lorin to just do something that would help ease it all.

"We'll fix this together, and we'll have time for everything we want to do together. There is no rush with us. We're forever."

Kit blinked back a few times before grabbing his notebook and writing in it.

I want to do the spell.

Lorin swallowed. "I know. I support you."

Kit bit his lip harshly as he scribbled the next note for Lorin.

I just don't want them to take me away from you.

Lorin swallowed the pained noise that threatened to rip out of his chest and plucked the notebook from Kit's shaking fingers. He put it to the side, reaching for Kit and tugging until he had him back on his lap, straddling his hips. Lorin's hands went around his waist and he tucked Kit's face into his neck.

"Listen to me," he whispered into Kit's ear, kissing his temple, his forehead, his cheek, whatever part of him he could reach. "Nobody is ever going to take you away from me. I will use every ritual in every book in that pathfinder room to make sure that never happens. You, Kit, are mine. Just as much as I am yours. I will never let anyone take that away. Okay?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Kit nodded and Lorin tucked his fingers into his hair to bring his face out of hiding and look him in the eye.

"You and me," Lorin said. "Against whatever comes our way."

Lorin watched Kit struggle with that for a moment before he gave another nod, firmer this time. More convinced and secure.

"You and me," he whispered back, his words getting clearer with each day.

Lorin used the hold he had on Kit's hair to pull him in, molding their lips together in a fierce kiss.

He wanted Kit to know he meant every word he said. He wanted him to taste Lorin's resolve in the kiss and be assured Lorin would keep him safe from everything that came their way. There was nothing he'd allow to touch Kit ever again. If he could stop it, he would.

He kissed him like he was starved for it, and before he knew it they were right back where they'd been before he put a pause on it—pressed against each other. Glued together. Hungry and rushed and desperate. Lorin didn't know if he had it in him to stop it again. He was weak before Kit. Aching to feel him. Greedy for everything he had to offer.

He didn't think he'd ever felt that way about anyone else. Like he wanted them to exist in each other's skin. Like he didn't think forcing them to be two separate people was fair when all Lorin wanted was to be one with Kit.

He slipped his hands beneath Kit's shirt, finding his skin warm and soft under his fingertips. He pushed the shirt up until he could pull it off, Kit doing the same to his until their chests were touching with nothing in between.

Lorin took the moment to look into Kit's eyes one more time, desperate for Kit to be okay with it all.

"Sure?" he asked.

Kit smiled that soft, beautiful smile at him and nodded. "Want you."

Lorin didn't need anything more than that whisper. He flipped them over with a soft grunt, sprawling Kit onto his back. He leaned over him, taking him in, drinking down the sight of his mate beneath him, beautiful and wanting and his. Lorin had had no idea anything could feel like that.

After spending all of his life feeling unmoored, just the sight of Kit grounded him. It felt like he belonged. Like there was no other place on the planet that was made just for him the way the bracket of Kit's thighs around his hips was.

He dove into him like a man starved, kissing his neck and down his chest, wrapping his lips around Kit's nipple. He basked in the choked-off little sounds Kit was letting out, wanting to roll around in them and hear them forever.

He ran his hands down Kit's body and curled his fingers into the waistband of Kit's pajamas, looking him in the eyes again to double-check.

All he got was molten embers and desire as Kit nodded, lifting his hips off the bed and allowing Lorin to strip them both until they were completely naked in front of each other.

It had been a long while for Lorin, and he knew Kit had never been with anyone else before, so he took his time. He toned down the rush and the desperation and made sure every kiss and every touch was deliberate.

He worshipped Kit's body, letting him know in all the ways he could just how incredibly precious he was to Lorin. How irreplaceable and essential he was for him.

He took him in his mouth like he was sacred, opened him up with his fingers like he was a magical portal to another world. He watched him throughout, locking eyes with him, kissing him, holding him close, worshipping him.

Kit gripped his back, his biceps, and his ass, pulling him in closer, as close as he'd go into him, not allowing an inch of space to form between them.

Lorin sank into him slowly, watching every micro-expression on his face, resting their foreheads together as he bottomed out, breathing in Kit's shaky exhales.

Kit's body held him tight, constricting around him, pulling him in, and Lorin couldn't help but rock slowly in and out of him, searching for all of the ways he could make Kit shatter beneath him. Lorin wanted him to remember this. To have only the most beautiful memories of his first time with his mate.

He brushed Kit's hair off his damp forehead, kissed his trembling lips, ran his hands down his body and hitched Kit's thigh higher on his hip to open him up more, to make space for himself.

"Lorin," Kit whispered brokenly between soft moans and gasps. "Mine. Mate."

Lorin drank in his words, nodding, kissing them off Kit's lips and swallowing them down to keep them safe. They weren't for anyone else to hear. They belonged to Lorin and Lorin alone.

"All yours," he told him, speeding up his movements, urging Kit to hold on to him.

Kit's arms and legs went around his body, his face hidden in Lorin's neck as they climbed higher and higher together.

Their bodies were slick with sweat, flushed with desire and need, wild and open and restless together. Lorin felt himself inching close to the edge, far too quickly, but there was no stopping it. Kit's moans getting louder told him he was right there with him.

"Close?" Lorin asked, and Kit nodded, his eyes screwed shut and his nails digging into Lorin's shoulder blades. "Together then."

Lorin sped up the movements of his hips, changing angles until he found that spot inside Kit, and just a few pointed thrusts later he felt Kit shatter beneath him.

He threw his head back, his fingernails breaking Lorin's skin, voice increasing in volume as his entire body locked and he spilled between them.

The sight of him, the smell and sound of his pleasure pushed Lorin over the edge too, and Kit held him through it, breath hot and fast on Lorin's neck.

He hissed softly and Lorin raised his head, watching Kit examine his left palm. His eyes were wide open and there was a smile stretching his lips.

"Kit?" Lorin's voice was shaky, and Kit looked into Lorin's eyes, some of the excitement and happiness seeping away. Lorin frowned. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No…" Kit shook his head, tightening his legs around Lorin's hips.

He was still inside him, still locked in tight, and he didn't want to detach himself just yet. Not when he didn't know what was happening.

Kit swallowed hard and slowly turned his hand toward Lorin, showing him the palm. There was a stark black mark spread over all four of his fingers, matching Lorin's power mark exactly. Like a replica of it. An exact copy on Kit's skin.

Lorin gasped and gripped Kit's hand, staring at the mark and feeling his entire body freeze at the sight of it.

He'd thought it would scare him.

He'd thought it would be enough to send him running.

History repeating itself.

But there was none of that. Just pure joy spreading through him like wildfire.

"Kit…" he whispered, and Kit swallowed hard, fighting to keep his eyes locked with Lorin's. Lorin understood now why he was acting like that. "My familiar, my mate. My soulbond."

Just like his parents.

Kit nodded and Lorin kissed him deeply for a moment before bringing his marked palm to his lips.

"My everything."

Kit

The early dawn slid its crisp fingers underneath the heavy curtain and across the floor toward the bed to offer a gentle hello.

Kit's half-asleep, slitted eyes hazily tracked its progress as he felt slow breaths warm his nape. The feel of Lorin's body at his back, his chest rising and falling in time with his own was enough to keep his mind and body in a dreamlike cloud, suspended by the need to soak in its purity.

Higher thought didn't exist. Just his senses.

He felt melted down to his basest form, both fox and man. Flayed open, with his beating heart and their tender connection glowing faintly like a firefly to light up the space between them. Kit had never felt more vulnerable, yet safe. He was wrapped up in his den, curled up with his mate. He didn't know how long he'd been purring for before the sound reached his ears.

It didn't hurt his throat anymore, the muscles relaxed and vibrating without that horrible stab of pain.

His body felt well used and sore, the mark on his hand still sensitive.

He wiggled his fingers on the sheet in front of him, watching the markings shift and move like they were alive.

Lorin's arm tightened around his waist, his knees pressing more tightly behind Kit's own as he twitched in his sleep like a kit before settling heavily against the mattress again, still dead asleep.

Kit's purring grew louder, a lullaby for his mate.

The sun continued its rise, more light bleeding into their den around the edges. Kit dozed on and off, feeling the pull of the animal in him lifting its head to go outside and greet it like he had done many times before.

He pushed it away with a lazy hand and it listened, quieting down and curling back up in his chest to sleep some more.

His brow creased slightly as awareness spiked.

He reached for his animal again, feeling around the edges of its amorphous shape and searching for the chains that had become a forced part of him.

They were nowhere to be found.

His heart jolted and his eyes snapped open.

He looked down at his own hand again as he mentally counted how many hours he had been human. The rush of extra magic from finding the pathfinder room had sustained him during the day. Once the mating was over Kit had been expecting to wake up in his fox form, but he'd forgotten that as he'd rolled in the gentle surf of their bonding, letting the tide take him.

He was…free?

He felt stunned by the possibility.

Everything they'd shared last night and the effervescence of the tie that bound them irreversibly made him whimper. It had burned through his body and lit up his mind, eclipsing all else.

Kit blew out a shuddering breath, slipping out of Lorin's hold and off the bed. His feet took him out of the bedroom and to the back door, sliding it open silently.

He let the chill of winter prick his naked body, raising gooseflesh all over that the sun did its best to wash away. He turned his face up to it, listening to the rustle of the trees as he reached for his fox.

The change was like sliding into a cool pool.

No longer did he fight or struggle. He wasn't bound by anything but himself and what he had chosen.

He felt the connection between himself and Lorin, humming and solid. A tree that could not be felled, its trunk too strong, its roots too deep.

He raced into the snow on four paws, dashing through the undergrowth with his newfound freedom and crying it out. Creatures scattered at the noise, birds taking to the skies and pawprints left in the snow to signal retreats.

Kit crashed through all of them, rolling and hopping through drifts until ice clung to his whiskers and lashes, clumps sticking to his fur.

He hadn't realized how chained and weighted he'd felt even in his fox form until the spell had been removed. He'd forgotten the joy of shifting because he wanted to, no vicious hand holding his scruff tightly.

He raced, heart beating fast, legs moving faster with no destination in mind.

But he always ended up home.

He skidded to a halt as he broke through the bushes that separated the garden from the forest and saw Lorin was standing there waiting for him.

He had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, leaning against the frame of the open door with the muted glow of a lamp behind him. A mug was between his decorated hands, steam curling up into the air.

He was the end of Kit's path. The home to reside in. The place that would never waver.

Kit drew closer and Lorin smiled at him, beautiful and wide, his eyes sparkling from beneath his dark messy locks.

Kit reached for his human form and shifted on the way to him, watching Lorin's eyes widen at the ease and grace of a shift without chains. His smile turned into open-mouthed awe as he realized.

Lorin hadn't sent him any magic.

Kit didn't need it anymore.

He approached Lorin on light feet, snow crunching and sifting between his toes until he was standing before him, shivering, but alight with boundless joy.

"How?" Lorin breathed.

Kit grabbed the mug from Lorin and set it at their feet before grasping Lorin's slack hand in his. It was still warm from the heat of the ceramic.

Kit laced their fingers together and flipped them so their palms were showing, their marks side by side, like a tapestry woven together.

Lorin swallowed audibly. "The soulbond…"

Kit gave him a cautious glance from under his lashes. He knew that it must have been frightening. The idea of it had sent Lorin running from magic entirely once. Had caused him untold pain.

Lorin opened half of the blanket and used their joined hands to tug him in. His arm curled around Kit's shoulders and the blanket wrapped him in heat. Kit tucked himself into Lorin's neck, feeling Lorin shaking slightly as the bond between them thrummed and glowed, golden and alive.

Lorin placed his mouth at Kit's ear, whispering the words, "I love you."

Kit's breath hitched, an animal whimper escaping his throat.

Lorin clutched him tighter, cupping his head, his voice rough. "My soul knew it and chased you down the path before I even knew the way."

It was the reassurance Kit had needed. The only thing he wanted to hear for the rest of time. And he could feel it filling him up. He was loved, he was wanted, he was claimed, but he was free.

Kit clutched Lorin's back, raising his own mouth to Lorin's ear as he begged his damaged throat to carry the words. "Lorin, my mate, I love you. I searched so long."

Lorin pulled back to look him in the eyes. He moved the hand on Kit's head to cup his chilled cheek. "We would have found each other. I see it now. Everything is so much clearer to me. My journey was always leading me here. I'm sorry you had to wait so long."

Kit shook his head, grasping the back of Lorin's neck with cold fingers and pulling his mouth down to claim. "Forever," he whispered against his lips. "I would wait."

Lorin embraced him tenderly, mouth moving against his as the sun kissed both of them.

Lorin drew them inside between kisses, closing the door. His mug was abandoned outside for the frost to leech the last of its warmth. They ended up in front of the small fire, Kit drawing Lorin down to the rug and lying on his back with his arms held loosely on either side of his head.

Lorin stoked the flames and sat back to observe Kit, watching the orange flames paint him rosy, dancing on his pale skin. Lorin followed their steps like a diligent student, first with his fingers and then his mouth.

Kit shivered under the attention, curling his fingers, small gasps of pleasure escaping his parted lips as Lorin explored the valleys of his body.

He kissed behind his knee, found the hollow of his hip and thigh, devoted himself to the curve of his belly button, tongue dipping inside.

Kit watched him from beneath heavy-lidded amber eyes, unable to tear them away. He felt like a canvas being painted as a masterpiece as Lorin left more marks on his skin, like flowers to bloom beside countless others.

As Lorin settled his shoulders between Kit's legs, his thighs parted. His mouth followed the path farther down, and Kit arched off the floor, sweet moans filling the air as Lorin opened him up on his tongue.

The push of magic along their bond, no longer needed but electrifying his skin, sent him over the edge, stars bursting in his vision.

After they lay sated once more, the corner of the blanket clinging to their tangled calves, Lorin found words again.

They were nose to nose, eyes locked. Lorin was running his nails from shoulder to elbow, leaving faint lines that disappeared with every pass. Kit's hands were curled between them, resting against Lorin's collarbone and tapping a disjointed rhythm every now and then.

"I understand better now," Lorin whispered. "My father."

Kit hummed. He could feel it too and knew instinctively what it meant.

They were connected at the heart. At the soul. If one of them went, the other would soon follow no matter what. It wasn't a choice. It was inevitability.

"It still scares me a little," Lorin said. "But there's peace too."

Kit nodded his understanding, rubbing their noses together.

"I'm really happy," Lorin breathed. "My light in the dark."

Kit took his mouth in a gentle kiss, his heart singing with the words. Like this, it was easy to forget about the looming spell and the coven still lurking outside their door. For now, Kit allowed himself to forget.

The front door's handle depressed and squeaked, the door thudding like someone had walked forward, expecting it to open.

Both of their heads snapped that way.

There was only one person who invited themselves in unannounced like that.

Kit didn't remember either of them locking the front door at any point, and he wondered if the house had done it for them. He giggled.

"Hey! What gives?" Glenn's muffled voice was still loud. "I just nearly broke my nose!"

Lorin rolled his eyes and called out, "Go away!"

"Who's rude enough to lock their door so people can't just walk into their house whenever they feel like it?!"

Kit giggled louder and called, "Away! Away!"

"Kitty Kat!" Glenn said, scandalized. "Not you too! Lorin has been teaching you bad habits."

"Teach something," Kit said with a flirtatious bat of his eyelashes at his mate.

Lorin's flush was beautiful, as always. Rosy pink.

"He doesn't need to know about that."

Oh really?

Kit rolled away and onto all fours. Lorin made a noise of protest, reaching for him, but Kit squirmed out of his grasp, shifting into his fox form and bounding away.

He rushed to the front door and shifted again, sending a mischievous look to Lorin, who was now sitting up, hair mussed all over and tickling his neck and cheekbones.

"Don't you dare," Lorin warned.

Kit flicked the lock while keeping eye contact.

"Kit…" Lorin said.

Kit opened the door and stuck his head and torso around. "Hello!"

Glenn was pouting on the porch with his back to the door, all wrapped up in green winter gear, but he perked up when he heard him and spun around.

"Finally! I thought you were going to leave me out…here…" His speech slowed and his eyebrows rose higher as his eyes moved over Kit. "Um…I'm getting the impression I may have interrupted something."

"You think?!" Lorin yelled. "Close the door!"

Kit smiled impishly, proudly showing off all the marks Lorin had left on his skin. "Want something?"

"Okay, okay, I get it, Kitty Kat. This is your den, that's your mate. You don't have to preen like a peacock in front of me."

Kit pulled a face. "Fox."

Glenn laughed. "I was stopping by to ask if you wanted a ride into town since I'm going, but you're clearly busy getting busy. Do you need me to stop off at the pharmacy or are you guys stocked? It's better to be safe—"

"Oh my stars, go!" Lorin yelled, muffled slightly by him pulling the blanket over his head.

"Yes, please," Kit said instead. "In colors!"

Glenn winked at him and stepped back. "Got you covered. I'll drop them on the front porch."

"Thanks!"

Kit closed the door with another giggle and rushed back over to Lorin, diving on top of him. Lorin let out an oof and Kit found the edge of the blanket, peeling it away from Lorin's red face. Lorin scowled up at him and Kit grinned down. He was the color of strawberries in spring. Kit wanted to bite his cheek.

So he did.

Lorin gave up on scowling and laughed out loud, grabbing him around the waist and rolling him onto his back.

Kit let go of his prize with a giggle, letting himself be pinned. He wiggled enticingly against his mate and watched Lorin's eyes darken.

"Wily fox," he scolded.

Kit smirked proudly, wrapping his arms and legs around Lorin and pulling him down to get lost again. Everything else could wait.