11. Azazel

"I'm the problem?" Bash asked. "I want to ensure I heard you right before I strangle you."

"Yeah, your sour attitude is why Diana is going to up and leave us for good." Ares crossed his arms and shook his head at Bash.

"No, being around you and Az is why she doesn't even want to live here!" He shouted.

I should be used to him saying that shit about me by now—it's been over three months—but it still hurt, especially after we got so close in our relationship before she left.

"Sebastian, do you take any responsibility for what happened?" Desmond stood between us, like a demon shield.

"I kept things from her, but for the most part I was minding my own business. I didn't actively fuck her over. And I didn't drive her away like they did."

"Oh fuck off with that shit!" Ares shouted. "We all fucked up?—"

"Except me, for once," Mal chimed in.

"Yeah yeah, not you, we know. Bash you fucked up, too. You were the first one, Mr. I Claimed Her Without Her Consent. Azazel and I got mad at you, but we didn't rake you over the fucking coals every day for months over it. You've been borderline abusive, treating Azazel like complete shit."

My face heated at how vehemently Ares dressed Bash down. I knew he was coming from a good place, but it wouldn't do any good. Bash was stubborn and couldn't imagine being wrong. He was a huge reason our relationship with Desmond didn't work the first time around.

"Yeah, you have. I should have stepped in a lot sooner to stop it, but I was going through my own shit. I'm sorry Azazel," Desmond said. "I'm not going to tolerate your shit, Bash. You either apologize, or you shut the fuck up. Az has been so good to you, even with you treating him like garbage."

"Yeah, bro, Feathers is a fucking saint. He's been running himself ragged looking for a way to help Diana's mom, and trying to right his wrongs. When you fucked Diana over you just said "Oh well, Birdie. You'll eventually like being chained to me for the rest of your life." Ares' fake British accent was ridiculous, but it got his point across as to how badly Bash actually handled the situation.

"You weren't even this hard on me, and I got brainwashed and stabbed her to death for fuck's sake. You need to get over yourself," Mal scoffed.

It felt good having the guys stand up for me. I've felt like shit for the past few months, no matter how hard I worked toward righting my wrongs or tried to remind myself why even though what I did was wrong, it was for what I thought were good reasons.

"I…I…" Bash stood there, speechless in his slate gray button down shirt and black dress pants.

Objectively he was the textbook definition of tall, dark, and handsome. His chiseled, devilishly handsome face hooked me right away. I used to think he was worth getting kicked out of heaven for and never regretted my decision until Diana left, and I realized his personality made him ugly at times.

Don't you dare go easy on him, Feathers. Don't say everything is fine before he's apologized. You deserve more, Ares linked me. When I glanced at him, he winked.

He was right. I had to have the courage to say my piece, because if he didn't apologize, I was done with him. There was only so much one person could take, and I was done being his doormat.

"The way you treated me since Diana left has made me rethink the way I feel about you. I get that we were all going through an emotional time, but I can't think of a reason to so viciously treat someone you claimed to love. You turned on me, when we could have been supporting each other…" I said each word carefully, trying not to lose my nerve.

His face fell and he sat on the couch, raking hand through his hair. After a few tense moments of silence, said "You're right. I was so furious that she left us and took Mal with her. Instead of admitting my own guilt, I just blamed you because it was easier…" He shifted in his seat, sighing. "I'm sorry."

Shellshocked. My brain went completely offline, because I had never heard Bash apologize before, ever—not the first time we dated, and certainly not this time. "Okay," was the only thing I could manage to say.

"Okay?" he parroted back. "That's it?"

"Yeah. I'm still processing it, and I'm really hurt…"

"Just to clarify, Diana didn't take me with her. I begged to follow her. I wasn't about to let her go into the past without one of us in the state she was in. If anyone else has an issue with me choosing her over you, speak now or forever hold your peace. Better yet, don't fucking speak at all, because If you were in my shoes, none of you would have done differently," Mal snapped.

"I think you did the right thing, and I'm thankful you made sure she was safe," Desmond said.

Bash scowled at me, probably realizing that I shut my mind to his mindlinks a while ago. I didn't feel like dealing with him now. Just because he could get over himself didn't mean I could.

"Me too, Mal," I agreed. "I'm going to go get some sleep. I'm helping Judas welcome some of the new reinforcement troops tomorrow morning before breakfast…" I took the opportunity to leave.

Ares lifted the wards, and I faded out into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I opened the refrigerator, letting the cold air hit me for a few moments before grabbing a bottle. When I closed the door, I saw Diana on the other side of the room. Her body was clad in black silk sleep shorts that barely came to her mid-thigh and a matching tank top, both with matching lace trim. She was quiet, her icy blue eyes taking me in. I hadn't seen her since she came home, purposely giving her space to heal and letting her seek me out.

"You lost weight," she said, her voice soft as her eyes roamed over me from head to toe.

"You look beautiful," I told her. No matter what, Diana always took my breath away, whether she was in her pajamas or a ballgown.

She cleared her throat, then went opposite of me to grab a mug and bag of sleepy-tea from the cabinets. "You want one?"

"Sure." I wasn't a fan of herbal tea, but I'd suffer through a mug of it to spend time in her company, even if it hurt to be faced with how awkward things were between us.

She filled both mugs up, then used her fire magic to heat the mugs until the water boiled before dropping a teabag in each. We stood together waiting for the tea to steep in silence. If I had the courage to face Bash, I could have enough to apologize to Diana.

"Diana…I'm so sorry. It doesn't matter what my intentions were, what matters is that I kept something so monumental from you." I waited on pins and needles for her to say something.

"I hated you for a long time when I left. But Lucifer said something the other day that made me rethink how I felt about you." She took a long sip, and my nerves somersaulted in my gut. That man was evil incarnate and I wasn't sure how he could make her any warmer toward me. "He said you both did what you did so I wasn't distracted, because if I failed, death would be a mercy. Were you trying to protect me when you lied?"

"Yes, in more ways than one." I wouldn't lie to her ever again. "I watched over you after you lost her the first time and didn't want to watch you go through all that pain again. That was a cowardly move, and I regret it."

"You were trying to protect me, like you've been doing my whole life. You went about it the wrong way, but the intention was good. I think it'll take time for us to be okay, but I don't hate you anymore, Zaz."

Hearing her call me Zaz warmed my heart. I hadn't heard that nickname since the day she left. "Can I hug you?" Asking her was a kick to the gut, but I didn't want to overwhelm her like Ares did—that wasn't my style.

She didn't answer right away, then turned her body toward me, so our hips were against the counter. When she nodded, I carefully took her in my arms and held her close, burying my face in her bouncy curls.

"He said you've been searching for a way to bring her back?" she whispered into my chest.

"For almost three months. That's why I didn't see you when you came home. I was meeting with Bain to see if he knew of a way. He's looking into it for me. I even met with Rafael…"

She gasped, pulling away from me. "You met with Rafael for me? You can't stand him after he casted you out of heaven."

"I would do anything for you." I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. My lips lingered for a few seconds, but I didn't want to push her. "I'm going to bed early. Goodnight, Angel."

"Goodnight, Zaz."

Walking away from her was hard, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I was determined to win her back, and giving her space to process everything was necessary if she was going to take me back. That was what I told myself as I brushed my teeth and went through my nighttime routine. When I pulled my covers over myself, I was almost convinced.

I felt a large,warm body press into me from behind as a heavy arm banded around my chest. Ares had taken to sneaking in and cuddling me after I fell asleep some nights, and I never stopped him, because I needed it almost as much as he did. I rolled over and buried my face into…rough fabric, not chest hair.

Lifting my head,I opened my eyes to see Desmond, not the Greek god I expected. Desmond hadn't really bothered with me after Diana left. He wasn't cruel or dismissive, just absent. He was working through her leaving in his own way–drowning himself in whiskey–and didn't really socialize with anyone unless he had to. It was a gut punch, because we were working on getting to know each other again and I thought our relationship was going somewhere.

I didn't sayanything for a few moments, waiting for him to explain why he was here. When he buried his face in my hair and inhaled, it became obvious he wasn't going anywhere.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Not exactly…"he said, rubbing my back. I quirked a brow at him in a silent attempt to get him to continue his line of thought.

"Bash can be…singular-minded.I think he was expecting your immediate forgiveness, and when you didn't give it to him… I saw the wheels turning in his mind. I wanted to make sure he didn't come into your dreams to fuck with you."

"How would you even know?You can't get into my psyche."

"You talk in your sleep."My face fell, and his smirk was enough to make me want to slap him.

"I do not!"Wriggling, I tried to get out of his hold, but he held onto me.

"You really do,"he laughed. "Diana and I used to laugh our asses off at some of the things you'd say in your sleep. ‘The ducks are chasing me, make them stop' was one of my favorites."

"You didn't haveto snuggle with me to keep an eye on me," I said with an unintended bite. I knew we all grieved in different ways, but it felt shitty to be dropped by him while Diana was gone.

"I like holdingyou and sniffing your hair like a creeper while you sleep." He ran his nose up my neck, inhaling along the way.

"Could have fooled me.I haven't really seen you for the past three months." I sounded so passive aggressive, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't even realize that Desmond's absence bothered me until I told Bash how alone I felt earlier.

Desmond sighed,like he was gearing up for something uncomfortable. He tipped my chin up so I could see his golden eyes. They glowed in the darkness. "You're right. I kept to myself and let everything and everyone I care about fall by the wayside. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't. Emotions aren't my thing…I'm making up for it, though."

"I guess you are,"I murmured.

When I had grace,it was easier to forgive and forget. Angels had a moral code of goodness we were expected to follow to the tee. Once I had fallen, it was easier to hold a grudge. I stopped suppressing my emotions and started living for myself. For some reason, I didn't want to hold Desmond's actions against him. He wasn't cruel–he was just a good man that made mistakes sometimes.

"When you leftBash and I, I wasn't surprised. I was almost relieved because I saw myself screwing our relationship up and didn't know how to fix it. It frustrated me and made me feel out of control…" He took a deep breath and squeezed me harder. "Now I see myself screwing up and I'm determined to fix it, because the thought of you wanting nothing to do with me, or with any of us, makes me feel empty."

"I don't thinkyou'll ever truly be rid of me. We're both becoming better people, and fate keeps bringing us together again. We're good, Des." I burrowed into his chest more, kissing his smooth skin. "It's Diana I'm worried about."

"Yeah,me too. Take us and all of our bullshit out of the equation–she's upset about her mom, her magic isn't right, and she feels guilty about the attack on the compound. She makes mistakes when she's too caught up in her emotions."

"Judas'healing team wants her back in training ASAP," I reminded him. He threw his leg over mine, settling into the mattress more.

"Okay,then we have somewhere to start. We can focus on getting her on track. Keep a persistent presence around her. Cat-plan." His grin shot warmth through my entire body. He truly believed in himself, and to see him taking charge, in his natural element, made me feel better. "Let's get to bed. Good night, Az."

"Goodnight, Des."