9. Diana
After spending three days in the infirmary, I was reluctantly discharged. I wanted to stay there forever, where I could be alone and not have to deal with seeing the guys, but Judas' medical team assured me I was fine. They promised me my magic would stabilize in due time, and I couldn't tell them the real reason I wanted to stay. Until Judas could find me another secure place to live, I had to go live at my old barrack. With every step toward it, my anxiety mounted. Thoughts of all the good times clashed with the memory of the guys revealing the secrets that had broken my heart. Even three months later, everything still felt so fresh…so visceral, as if it had happened yesterday.
Ares' cheerful tone rang through my mind… "I mean, she's a week and a half late on her period. She'll have to take a test, but I'm confident she is."
I shook the memory off. Reminding myself of their betrayal wouldn't make me feel any better. Getting another barrack to stay in would, though. I understand that we had backup troops coming in who needed rooms to sleep in, but I was desperate to have some space from the guys. The idea of having to spend time with them—and be around them all the time—it seemed like torture. Could my resolve stay strong if I was constantly being bombarded by them day in and day out? I wasn't dumb enough to think that Desmond was the only one who wanted to get back together. The rest of them were biding their time…and who knows what plans they had made in the interim.
"Are you ready for this?" Mal asked me as we stood outside the door. He squeezed my hand, then brought it to his mouth and kissed the back of my knuckles. The gesture made me melt, taking some of the panic away.
"Not really, but I don't have a choice right now. The compound is a limited space, and I have to make do with what I have."
Mal laughed, his smile wide as his thumb stroked my hand. "You sound like Lucifer when you talk all diplomatic like that."
I fake gagged, then bit the bullet and opened the door. Desmond, Ares, and Bash were all sitting on the couch, watching a wrestling match on TV. They were all wearing gray sweatpants, because they knew what those devil pants did to me, the fuckers. and I made sure to focus on their faces, and not their packages. Or Ares' bare chest. Or Bash's smoldering gaze.
"Welcome back Little Goddess!" Ares shouted as he vaulted up from the couch and waved his hand, revealing a ginormous bouquet of pink and white flowers. The roses, carnations, tulips, and lilies smelled amazing. I had never been a flower kind of girl, but the arrangement was beautiful, even if it was gifted to me in guilt.
He handed them to me, and I awkwardly took them. "Um, thank you?"
I had no clue what to say, because flowers wouldn't make what he did any less fucked up. They wouldn't erase the pain or repair our shattered trust. He tried to hug me, but I stepped back.
Bash joined him. "Good to have you back. We took the liberty of stocking your closet with some new clothes and shoes, since you came back with less items than you packed for your…vacation. There are also some of your favorite snacks in the pantry and some meals Nonna and Angie made in the refrigerator."
His voice sounded smoothly posh and had its usual dryness. But his face was a mess of emotions. Little black veins sprouted at his temples. I wasn't used to dealing with such an unconfident version of him.
"Thank you." I scanned the room, frowning when I realized Azazel wasn't here to see me. Of all the guys, my feelings toward him were the most screwed up. "Where's Azazel?"
"He's out, but you'll see him at the meeting Lucifer set for tonight," Desmond assured me. "It's good to have you home, where you belong. We all missed you, dollface."
My knee-jerk reaction was to tell him I would have been home, had they all treated me with respect and not been such jackasses. Instead, I gave him a sickly sweet smile before placing the flowers on the counter and going to my room. I locked the door behind me, spelling the entirety of the room so no one but Mal could fade in.
The space was almost the same as when I left it. The same navy linens were on the bed, and my last read was on the nightstand. The hamper was empty, though. When I looked in the closet, the clothes hung next to the new selections Bash had mentioned. They picked a little bit of everything—activewear, dresses, casual clothes, and a few business selections. The rack on the far wall was filled with new shoes. Toward the end of the rack, some of the guy's clothes were hung. I took one of Azazel's hoodies off the rack. It was the one he gave me a day after we moved here. I was so shaken from losing Nonna, it felt like the entire world was crumbling around me. He put it on me, wrapping my fragile ass up in his arms, and laid in bed with me through the night.
He probably knew about my mom while he held me and listened to me cry about how the woman who raised me was missing. The whole time I fell apart in his arms, baring my soul to him, he betrayed me. Looked me dead in the fucking face and lied.
I teleported a cardboard box from the back of the closet to the hallway, then magicked the hoodie into it. I combed the entire room for any of the guys' things, except Mal's, and got rid of them. I didn't need the constant reminders of them hanging around.
There's a box of your things in the hallway. Feel free to take them, I mindlinked them.
Wait, what? Ares replied. I shut my mindlink down to the four of them so they couldn't reach me.
The meeting would start in a few hours, so I changed into some pajamas and curled up in bed. Left with only my thoughts, I came to the realization that if I was going to survive living here, weakness wouldn't cut it. This needed to be a new era for me, one where I'd have to be strong enough for myself. Desmond, Bash, Ares, and Azazel had proven to me that they couldn't be my safe space any longer. Circumstances forced me to live with them and fight this war together, but I refused to forgive them, no matter how hard they tried to weasel their way in. I'd have to be strong and independent enough to handle whatever was thrown at me, because relying on them wasn't an option.
Lucifer kept telling me to act like a Morningstar, so guess what, Daddy Dearest? I'd act like a Morningstar and shine bright enough on my own that I'd never need them again.
I slept like a rock,but I still felt exhausted. The only silver lining about my magic being unstable was having no issue facing and staying asleep, despite the raging, whirlwind of my thoughts. I heard mumbling and movement in the living room and focused my sonic hearing to see what was going on.
"She's been asleep for a while. Should one of you wake her up?" Azazel asked.
"I faded in to check on her an hour ago, and she has an alarm set. If she sleeps through it, I'll wake her." Mal got up and walked a short distance, then I heard a clank in the kitchen sink.
"You're the only one who can get in there. I tried to break in and see her, but the wards she made are air-tight. Ares' melancholy tone hit me hard. "I haven't seen her in months and I miss her."
I heard his soft crying, and a pang of hurt rippled through my chest. I missed him too, but I couldn't forgive him for trying to get me pregnant.
Well, you know what to do. You have to prove you're a better man, that you've changed. You all do. Mal sticking up for me should have made me happy, but it only reminded me why he had to do so in the first place. I hated that he was in the middle of everything, like a gatekeeper.
Eavesdropping wasn't doing me any good. Walking into my closet, I searched for something that would be nice enough for a meeting, but comfortable. I felt like a steaming hot pile of garbage. I found a black shirt-dress with a collar and golden buttons. The tie front snatched my waist, and even though I felt gross, this dress made me look fierce. I dipped my hand into the pockets and pulled out a note.
I had no clue when Mal would have found the time to write me a love note between healing, being in my hospital room around the clock, and catching up with everything that happened in our absence. A rush of anticipation raced through me—he wrote the most romantic notes. I opened the thick cardstock and noticed that his handwriting seemed a bit off.
Diana,
I remember the first time I saw you in person. I was watching you from across the street as you stormed out of your house. You were so furious that you caused an earthquake. This was before you had control of your full powers, before you met me. You were fiery, chaotic, and so beautiful that it took every ounce of self-control to stay in the car instead of abducting you and dragging you back home on the spot.
That was the moment I knew, without a doubt, that you were mine. Forever. Through ups, downs, and all the rest. We're going through a down right now, because I fucked up. But know that I won't give up. I'm the God of War, and one lost battle doesn't mean there's no hope. I'll fight for you until the world ceases to exist. I'll become a better man for you—be everything you need me to be. If I have to tear myself apart and fit the pieces back together, so be it.
Love you, Little Goddess 3
Ares
PS: I hope I'll get to see you wear this dress. It's the perfect dress for the perfect goddess.
I sat on the bed, willing myself not to burst into tears. His romantic words cut right through my defenses, and before I could take a deep breath, the floodgates opened wide.
"Hey, princess what's wrong," Mal said after he faded into the room.
"Huh, what are you talking about," I asked between sniffles, confused as to how he knew there was anything wrong in the first place.
"I'm not sure, but I felt…I felt you get sad. What happened?"
I handed him the note, and after he read it he sat next to me on the bed. "I got one from him too, but it was a message bubble."
"What did it say?" He handed me a tissue and I blew my nose. I hated crying, but Mal had already seen me at my worst. It didn't matter.
"Basically that he loves me and he's glad I was there for you. He promised to be a better person, and he won't rest until you love him again." Mal's hand squeezed my thigh, and I rested my hand on top of his.
The issue was that I still loved him, despite how majorly fucked up his actions were. Not loving someone who was so dedicated to you was almost impossible, but history showed us that not every love story ended in happily ever after. You could love someone and fate could keep you apart. Life wasn't one of my romance novels.
I folded the note and put it in the box where I kept Mal's. He smiled when he saw them, and seeing his joy was a sole ray of light on a dark day. Given how much I had cried during my time away, Michael had taught me a spell to fix a red, puffy face. I did a quick updo, added light makeup, and was on my way to the living room. As soon as Ares saw the dress, his face lit up. I couldn't help but give him a small smile, even if it was a sad one.
"The perfect dress for the perfect goddess," he cooed at me.
Thankfully I was saved from responding when my fathers, brother, Judas, and Angela walked in. I still missed my aunt, even after having lunch with her and Nonna before I was discharged. She sat next to me at our kitchen table, and Oisín sat on my other side, giving me a good distance from the guys.
They all look like shit. The Penis Parade is flaccid! Oisín cackled through our mindlink. He glared at Desmond, making a slicing motion across his throat. I almost forgot that my brother hated him…for multiple reasons, but mostly because they shared the same red hair. So ridiculous.
I had to stifle my laughter, because Lucifer's stone cold face meant he wanted to get down to business.
"If everyone can pay attention. We got new intel as to how Red was able to invade the compound. Someone from the Costa Coven was turned. We'll detain the culprit and torture them accordingly."
"Wait, when did that happen?" I asked, obviously missing some key details.
"A couple of weeks after you left," Bash explained. "Red's forces attacked the compound, and we fought them off. Then, when he realized you weren't here, he returned with more backup a few days later."
His expressionless face didn't give me any insight as to how he felt about the attack, but I couldn't help but feel it was my fault. Had I been here, he wouldn't have been able to wreck so much havoc. Judas smiled at me, as if he was reading my mind. Sometimes I wondered if his vampire powers meant he could…
"Don't feel bad, it was safer for you to be away. You were in no shape to fight, and we held him off well enough." Judas side eyed the guys, who all sat together on the couch and the floor near it.
Everyone in the room knew what Judas was referring to—I wouldn't have been useful because my heart was curb stomped. They all frowned or looked at the floor, except for Mal and Desmond. They locked eyes with each other, as if they were having some secret conversation.
"But the location of your compound is compromised now, which is an issue," Michael stated. "We need to know exactly what information was passed on, and see if Red turned him into a sleeper agent like he did to Desmond."
"We'll find out exactly what your traitor told Red. Give the fucker a few days without blood to squirm, then we'll have him screaming for mercy," Ares growled. His fists caught fire, which he promptly put out.
Hearing his protective, gravelly voice sent shivers down my spine. I shook them off, then accidentally met his eyes across the room. His head tilted like a predator observing its prey. I hated the effect he had on me, even after everything…and he knew exactly how he made me feel.
Lucifer's commanding tone broke through my consuming thoughts. "Word got out that Diana spent time in the infirmary after her mission, and gossip is spreading across the compound, the kind that tanks morale. We need everyone on board if we're going to defeat Red. Judas is going to host a welcome home ball this weekend. Diana, you need to attend and make sure everyone knows you're okay."
"I'm definitely okay," I lied.
There was no doubt in my mind that I was not okay. Anger, pain, and wanting overwhelmed me, and I could feel my carefully constructed walls cracking. The longer I was around my men, the more I wanted them. And I couldn't let myself fall back into old ways with them because I'd just get hurt again.
"How about you, me, Angie, and Mal go dress shopping tomorrow?" Judas asked me. His smile was downright mischievous and his sharp, pointed canine teeth gave him a sinister edge.
"I'm inviting myself along," Charlie piped in. "As her best friend, I need to approve of her fashion choices. Girl, where did you get this dress? I love how classically chic it is."
"I picked it out for her, actually," Ares admitted, his rumbling accent thick.
The room went quiet, and there was an obvious tension between Judas and the guys. He was riling them up, because they were territorial, easy targets. Heat flashed across my face. I knew my cheeks were probably pink with embarrassment.
The meeting went on for another half hour—something about training arrangements and ally outreach—but I barely listened. My mind kept drifting away. Usually, I'd sit with them at these meetings and we'd all mindlink each other with side comments and jokes. I'd barely been able to contain my laughter. But now I felt like I was on the verge of crying.
When the meeting ended, everyone hung around for a few minutes. Michael and I made plans to meet up for breakfast tomorrow at his place, and I caught up with Charlie. Oisín stalked him from across the room, and I had a feeling they were working through their own issues. Relationships never seemed to end well for the Morningstar family.
Once everyone left, it was just me and the guys left. To say the energy in the room was awkward would be an understatement. I couldn't stand being around them for a moment longer, and I escaped to my bedroom. Before I could lock the door and ward the room, Ares shot in behind me with his unnatural speed and did it for me.
"We need to talk."