Chapter 28

28

Mack

This week has been way more stressful than it has any right to be. Mary and I aren't completely sure we got the recipe right, so I'm relying on Davey's taste buds being shit at this point. His LEGO Millennium Falcon had some, uh, setbacks that involved an old man, an unreliable brake, and a broken wrist. I should be more sorry about Taylor's broken bone than a broken LEGO set, but I'm struggling to find the balance.

Christmas Eve is two nights away. Two. I'm running out of time to get everything perfect, even with Ford and his grease monkeys staying back this week to help me. I'd feel guilty about that fact if I wasn't so selfishly determined to make Davey happy and if they all weren't so ridiculously determined to get it done.

"Got everything?" Davey asks, ready to pull the front door closed behind us .

I peck him on the cheek. Even knowing he's back at work in a week, I think I'm the happiest I've been in my life. That might change again when he's actually gone, but for now, I can ignore that and live this, and everything is great. "Think so. We'll buy them fries and corn dogs for dinner."

"That they'll probably throw up after all the rides."

I do not want a repeat of last year. Things were tense enough between us before we left the house that losing Van for a solid thirty seconds, having Kiera throw up her food, and then carrying Van out of there screaming has scarred me for tonight. I want everything to be perfect, but with my track record so far, "perfect" and "us" don't fit in the same sentence. I'm good at getting things wrong. At putting too much pressure on a moment instead of letting the moments happen.

So I've decided that I'm going to pull up my man panties and take whatever fuckery comes.

The winter fair is held at the sports ground on the edge of town. The fair is expanding, and with it growing that little bit every year, the oval won't be able to hold it soon. I overheard Payne and Art talking about him putting in a proposal to hold it at Killer Adventures.

The more I think about it, the more it would be the perfect location, but given they've only just gotten the place up and running, taking on something this large would have been too much for him.

It's awesome to see him expanding. To see Beau moving in with him. Then there's Griff and Heath, who've made their partnership in Magnolia Ridge official. Ford and Orson, who are looking to open a second garage. Art, who's been prodding Joey to run Killer Brew with him while Joey keeps turning him down. Keller and Will recently settled down. Then me and Davey. Further behind than we've ever been in terms of our relationship.

And I've never been more positive about the future than I am right now.

Sometimes you have to go back to the foundations and figure out where you went wrong before you can rebuild, and it feels like that's what we're doing. We didn't focus on that the first time around.

The parking situation is a bit of a mess when we arrive, especially with Kiera and Van going wild in the back. The rides are all lit up, music blaring, and even with the droopy gray sky, the whole thing does look magical. I remember coming when I was a kid and thinking it was the most amazing experience ever.

It's not snowing tonight, but it's fucking freezing, and I'm glad we decided to come earlier in the afternoon than usual. Not that it helps. My nose is like ice even under my billions of layers, but Davey's only in jeans, a sweater, and a coat, the smart-ass, and I had to bribe the babies into their puffer jackets. They'd run barefoot through the snow if I didn't stop them.

We line up to grab our tickets, and as soon as we're inside, Kiera can't stop talking. She pulls us from place to place while Van takes a moment to warm up to the overstimulation. The game booths are right at the entrance, with the amusement rides further back. Frozen dirt and gravel on the path crunches under my feet, and I'm glad the kids are holding Davey's hands because my gloved ones are stuffed up under my armpits.

I fucking hate the cold.

I drift a little ways behind them, watching Davey. My gaze travels over his broad shoulders, admiring the way his light brown skin looks against his black coat and curls. How tall he is compared to Kiera and the easy way he has Van tucked up in one arm.

We go from booth to booth, losing epically at just about everything. We finally reach the rides just as Van is reaching that hopped-up excitement where he gets tunnel-visioned and way more determined than any three-year-old has the right to be. To the point where he wants to go on the train ride, and we say he can go on the train ride, but he keeps asking for the train ride.

My frustration prods at me.

"Yes. Van. Train."

"Train, Daddy, train, Daddy, train, Daddy."

"We're going there now," Davey tells him. "You need to wait a minute."

"Train! Me go on train! Traaaaain!" His voice turns shrill as he kicks his little legs, and Davey has to set him on the ground.

"Hey, no kicking." My voice has slipped up a notch.

"Traaaain!"

"Yes. We are going to the train."

"But I don't want to go on the train," Kiera says, stomping her foot.

"We'll go on the train first, and then you get to pick something," I point out.

"Traaaain, Daddy! Van go on train!"

"I hate the train!"

The argument goes on, funneling into this one constant stream of noise in my brain. The incoming explosion is going to be a big one because dear fucking god, children, listen when I speak.

But before I can get a word out, Davey tosses Van over his shoulder .

"And home we go."

He walks calmly in the direction of the exit, and Kiera's mouth drops.

"But you promised us rides!"

Davey glances back at her as Van keeps flailing and screaming. "Well, you said you didn't want to go on the train, even though Dad said your ride would come after, so that makes me think you didn't want to go on a ride at all."

"I do, I just don't want to go on a train."

"Then don't go on a train. Wait while Van does, and then it's your turn."

"But I don't want to wait."

"Then we go home."

"That's not fair."

A stray elbow hits the back of Davey's head, but even that doesn't bring the anger out in him. "I know it feels that way. But since Van is little and doesn't understand, he goes first. You're bigger and can understand more, so you go second. Dad and I are biggest and understand how to be patient the most, so we go third. Taking turns is important. Otherwise, we go home."

I watch as she struggles to process it all before she turns determined and nods. "Fine. I'll go on the stupid train."

"Excellent." Davey turns, grabs my hand, and the three of us cross to the stupid fucking train ride as fast as we can. Davey sets Van on his feet when we're right beside it. "There. Train."

The sobbing immediately stops, and the ringing in my ears dies down a notch. It's not until they're both safely strapped in the little carriage, ready to go around the tracks, that we step back from the safety fence and Davey's arm settles around my shoulders .

"You okay?"

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"I sort of … shut down. Left you to deal with it all."

He squeezes me tighter. "Nah, that's not something to be sorry for. We all have our limits, and you hit yours. I didn't."

The ride starts, and suddenly, Kiera and Van are angels, waving and laughing every time they pass us.

"Are we spoiling them too much?"

Davey looks indulgently on. "They're kids. They're still learning. We have our rules and boundaries, and we stick to those, but it's okay to leave our rules at the door on nights like tonight."

"But Van … he had a tantrum over nothing, and now we're rewarding him."

"Was that a tantrum?"

I shoot Davey a confused look. "He was kicking and screaming and elbowing you in the head. Yes. It was a tantrum."

He ducks his chin into his coat to hide his laugh. "I just mean this kind of place isn't a normal environment for a kid. It's a lot. His emotions are a lot. I'm not going to expect him to behave like an adult because he isn't one. Kids are held to an impossible standard, and they're never given a chance to learn."

I wind my arm around his back. Half because I love having him here and half because I'm shamelessly stealing his body heat. "When did you get so smart?"

"You have Beau's word porn; I read parenting books while I'm away."

"You do? "

He frowns a little. "Of course. I don't get the same experience time as you do, so I have to keep up somehow."

"You put me to shame."

"You're a thousand times the father I'll ever be, and we're not arguing about that." He presses a hard, quick kiss to my lips. Here. In public. With who knows from town in plain view, and it makes my heart fucking swim. "No arguing."

My cheeks heat as he pulls away, and I give him what he wants. No arguing.

After the first crisis, we go from ride to ride, and I don't hit explosion level again. I wander slightly ahead as Davey waits for them at the bouncy house until I reach the Ferris wheel. We haven't been on it since before kids, but every Winter Fair when we were together, we'd ride it and kiss at the very top.

Has tonight been perfect? Far from it.

Am I going to wallow in that? Fuck no.

So here's one more ditch attempt to make a moment happen. I make a call, buy two tickets, and then wait. Keller and Will find me before Davey catches up.

"I'm so glad you were here," I say.

"It's Will's first Winter Fair."

"This is awesome," Will says, face lit up with excitement. "Makes me wish Mols and I came before now."

"Eh." Keller shrugs. "He was trying so hard to be grown-up for a while there that I'm not surprised he avoided the place." He turns to me. "Where are the kids?"

"They'll be here in a second. Are you sure you don't mind waiting with them?"

"No way. You know I love kids."

That poor man has forgotten so much. "Give them five minutes and you'll regret that. "

"Is that Davey down by the bouncy house?"

"Yup."

"We'll send him up." Keller takes Will's hand, and as they walk away, I hear Will ask, "Think we'll be allowed on the bouncy house too?"

Keller's going to have his hands full with his boyfriend, but he's happy, so that's all that matters.

Davey walks up a moment later, gaze sliding from me up to the Ferris wheel and back again. "Keller and a stranger have kidnapped our children."

"You know Will."

"Barely."

I grin because he's trying to act suspicious, but he keeps glancing over my head.

I hold up the tickets. "Want to take a ride with me?"

He snorts, and it takes me a second to realize how that sounded.

"I mean on the Ferris wheel! That sounded a whole lot more romantic in my head."

"I'm not so sure it did. Either way, taking a ride with you sounds top of my list."

Idiot. I squash my amusement, and we hand over our tickets as an empty basket reaches the bottom. Davey climbs in behind me, sitting so close our thighs are touching.

It's not until the ride starts again that he says anything.

"Remember … remember how we always used to do this?"

"Yup." I lean in closer for more of that body warmth. "I wanted that again."

"Remember how it started?"

Surprisingly, I hadn't until he asked that question. "Wait … you're scared of heights, aren't you? "

He chuckles, little puffs of white coming from between his lips. "Very."

"Shit. We can get off?"

Davey quickly shakes his head and looks at me. His brown eyes look bright in the multicolored lights flashing around us, and he's so close I can make out every freckle. The ground falls behind, and he doesn't look away.

"Remember how you distracted me? That first time?"

My gut squirms pleasantly. "A kiss at the top."

"Yeah …" The word is a whisper. A question. A sound that makes my heart sing. We kiss a lot now. More than we did in those last few years of being married, but still nowhere near as much as I'd like.

This feels different.

Like a meeting of who we were and who we are and who we're going to be. And who I'm going to be is a better husband and father. Because I'll be a better person to myself as well. And as we sit there, watching each other, slowly climbing toward the top, I know I want to remarry him. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want to give him everything he wants and everything that never occurred to him to ask for.

After waiting what feels like forever, we come to a shuddering stop, high above the fair. Davey's hands are fists in his lap, and I slide a hand over one of them, wriggling my fingers until they're linked with his.

When my lips find his, it's warm. Welcoming. The type of kiss that sends shivers from my mouth down to my toes. He's a blazing heat against my eternal chill, and as the kiss deepens, as his hand finds the back of my head, and we lean closer, press deeper, a tear slips out onto my cheek .

Nothing about these past few months has been perfect. Nothing about tonight has been perfect either.

But this moment … it's perfect for us.

And maybe that's what I should have been focused on this entire time.