Chapter 22

22

Mack

My eyes get wider and wider the further I read. I haven't been able to put Beau's book down. Not only has the plot got its hooks into me, but … damn. I didn't know he was so filthy.

My cheeks are burning up, and it's not because of the fire.

I take it back. There's nothing Tolkien about this book.

"You okay?" Davey asks.

I glance up, forgetting to close my mouth, and stare at him. "Uh …"

Suspicion crosses his face. "What are you reading over there?"

"Ah, nothing! It's totally, umm, like … dragons. There's a dragon. And these, umm, magical monkeys …"

He gets up, smile slowly creeping across his face, and drops down into the spot beside me. His dark freckles are extra obvious up close, and I remember running my lips over them the other night. I want to do it again. "Let me see."

"See …"

"Your book. I want to read it."

"Ah. No. You don't read."

"Not usually, but I'm curious now."

"I told you it was nothing." I clutch the book to my chest, mortified over the idea that he'll catch me reading something so … so … smutty. Trying to tell him that everything up until this point has been amazing worldbuilding will be useless when he sees a page full of cock.

"Right."

I go to stand, but Davey yanks me back down again and wrestles the book out of my grip. He finds the page I had open and—one hand holding me back, and the other stretched out away from me—he starts to read. "… splitting him wide with his cock and pushing until he was seated in divine comfort. The pair cradled each other close as Jaciel's whimpering exhale breezed over his lips … "

Davey turns slowly, eyes wide, face reflecting all the exact same shock that played over mine minutes before. "Porn. You're reading porn."

"Fuck off." I snatch the book back. "This is the first sex scene, and it caught me by surprise too."

Davey's shock wears off. "That's kinda hot."

"What?"

"Are all books like that?"

"No. At least, none of the ones I've ever read before."

"Well, damn. I probably could have gotten into The Hobbit more if it'd had the dwarves all banging each other."

My gaze snaps to him. "What did you say?"

His lips twitch. "Just pointing out that if the king was banging more people, he probably wouldn't have been so uptight."

"Right …"

"I'll have to message Payne and find out if he knows his boyfriend is such a deviant."

I huff and toss the book aside. "I was enjoying that, and now you've ruined it."

Davey leans forward to pick it up, then sets it back on my lap. "I'm only teasing. I think it's cool you're reading Beau's book." He runs his fingers along the spine. "Actually, I don't think I've seen you read in a while."

"I haven't," I confess. "I'm trying to get back into it. This is the first book I've read in … too long."

"In that case, I'm doubly sorry for the teasing," he says seriously. "You used to read all the time when we met. I still remember having to use sex to distract you from the damn books."

"Hmm … those were the days."

They really were. Things weren't exactly not complicated, but we were happy. Too young and dumb to know where we were heading. If we'd known we were going to get divorced, would we have still gotten married?

I slide my hand over Davey's stubble, and his eyes fall closed as he leans into the touch.

It gives me my answer instantly.

Yeah, I still would have married him, because that's what got us to this exact moment.

My thumb lightly strokes the spiky hairs, and it brings a small smile to his lips.

"Tell me about work," I whisper.

Davey's eyes fly open, and I hate that there's worry there. "What? "

"What's your favorite thing about it?"

"Ah …" He clears his throat and pulls back, breaking contact between us. "It's … good."

The fact he can't even talk about it makes me feel guilty. It makes me hurt for that dark place we got to. But I know better now, and I'm going to do better. Starting with this. "Really. I want to know what you love about it. Like, for me … I love that even though I wasn't reading, working at the library kept me connected to books in a way. I love chatting with the people who come in, and it's always fun to come up with new ideas to get the community involved." I try to show him with my eyes that I'm serious. No hidden motive. No agenda. I just want access to that side of him again.

"Well, I have a team now …"

I nod, encouraging him to keep going.

"It's pretty cool to manage a whole department. Obviously, a lot more stress, but …"

"What's stressful about it?"

His eyes search mine, and I understand why he's cagey. Do I want to hear about everything so great and wonderful that keeps pulling him away? Absolutely not. But I also need to stop making everything about me.

"For one thing, if someone else fucks up, it's on me. If we lose a big contract, or the client is unhappy, or we blow out the budget—all me. It means I need to be communicating hard with everyone, but there's also a layer of trust involved to stop me from micromanaging. Taking that step back was difficult."

"Sounds tough."

"Yeah …"

"Probably even more tough without a supportive family behind you. "

"What? No." Davey wraps my hand in his. "You've always been more supportive than I deserved."

I squeeze his hand back, knowing that I don't ever want him to feel that way again. "No. We both fucked up in different ways, but I'm sure we can agree that I'm the one who pulled away. You might have physically left, but you always came back. I put that wall between us."

Like he can't stop himself, Davey shifts forward, face burying into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close. This is how we're supposed to be.

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore," he whispers.

"You know what I really, really want?"

He glances up again, face so close I could kiss him. Those warm brown eyes search mine. "What?"

"To let it go."

His eyebrows flex in question.

"I think it's time we put it all behind us. I want to move on. I want to do that with you, however that looks for us. Friends, boyfriends, husbands. I don't care. I'm working on myself, for you, for the kids, for me. I want to be happy again. But I can't keep relying on you to be the one to do it."

"But I want to make you happy."

"I know, and you do. But you can't be the only one. It's too much pressure."

"So … we just … move on."

I cup his face again. "You okay with that?"

"Yes, but … nothing's actually changed. I'm still leaving in a few weeks."

"Yeah, and it's going to hurt. But I don't want you to think that you can't talk to me if you need to. Like you said, your job is stressful, and you have a lot of responsibility on your plate. Let me help you. "

Davey's shaking exhale is the only sound between us for so long.

"I'm going to come with you," I whisper.

"What?"

"I looked up homeschooling today. And how it would work if we could do half and half, but?—"

His mouth crashes down on mine, hands finding the back of my head as he holds me to him. Davey makes no move to deepen the kiss, just keeps us pressed together in the type of connection we've missed for so long. I revel in it, heart soaring, hoping that this is it. This is the moment where everything makes sense again. "You're the most amazing person I've ever known," he murmurs.

I hurry to shake my head. "It's the right thing to do."

Davey pulls back, slowly, like he doesn't want any distance between us. "I'm sorry, but it isn't."

"What do you mean?"

"We can't do that to Kiera and Van. And you can't leave the library—listen to how you were just talking about it."

"But you're more important."

He glances down, indecision all over his face, before those gorgeous eyes meet mine again. "That's what I was supposed to say, wasn't it?"

His words hang between us for a long time.

"We said we were putting that behind us," I remind him.

"And we will." He opens his mouth again but cuts off. "We'll figure it out. I promise." He stops me before I can push some more. "And no , it won't be because you all uproot your lives for me. I'd love that. Knowing I got to come home to my family, but the guilt would kill me, Mack. The kids love school. Their friends. They need stability."

"They need you. "

"I know." His jaw sets. "And I need you all as well. So like I said, we'll figure it out."

I can't lie, I'm relieved that he didn't want to take that option. Sure, leaving the library would have been hard, but I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's the upending Kiera and Van that's the problem. We didn't realize how much more complicated our whole arrangement would be by adding kids to the mix. They were this golden ideal of family life, and while I don't regret them at all, I do wish parenting and life with kids was more transparent.

"What does this all mean?" I ask. "For us?"

"It means … I think it means we'll see. I don't want to jump back into a relationship only for us to end up miserable again. Just … let's try and work it out."

"But no dating anyone else," I hurry to add. "We're going to fix this, and I don't want anyone getting in the way of that."

"Agree." He scowls. "No more Luke."

"He's my friend. That's all it ever was and all it was going to be."

"He wants more."

"I don't think he knows what he wants. I think he wants to settle down, but not necessarily with me. I do hope he finds his person, though, because I like him."

Davey's mouth flattens. "I'm going to have to be okay with that, aren't I?"

"I hope you are." The note in The Hobbit shifts through my mind, leaving me uncomfortable for a whole second before it changes. My memory tickles over Davey bringing up The Hobbit . Davey talking about the dwarves.

Was that a coincidence?

Or … could it have been Davey ?

Each note flits through my mind, and this time, I hear them in his voice. With his love behind them.

If that last one was left by him, the whole context changes.

I won't give up .

Wild how something can go from creepy to romantic just based on who it's from.

I smile. "You'll like Luke. And you have nothing to be jealous of. My heart has always been yours."

The relief that crosses his face is something I feel in my bones. "In that case, I'll be friendly."

"Thanks." I stand up and yawn. "We should probably leave it there. That was a whole hell of a lot we covered."

"It was."

I pick up my book and send a cheeky grin his way. "Besides, I have porn waiting for me."

Davey groans, pretending to melt into the couch, while I leave with an " Oooh, his ravaged hole! "

I'm not sure what comes next for us, but I know it's leading one way. All this time with winning him over, I'd wanted someone on my side to help us succeed, but turns out the only person I needed was him.