Chapter 44

Soren

"I s there something you want to say?" Ashton asked, keeping his eyes on the transcripts I'd handed him half an hour ago.

"Not that I can think of," I hummed, carefully studying him.

"So why do you keep glaring at me?" He glanced up to meet my stare, the look in his eyes letting me know he was angry.

We were currently sitting across from each other at the long table in our conference room. Since it was Sunday, the office stood empty apart from the two of us. Ashton would finally take the stand tomorrow, and I wanted to ensure he was ready. At first, I even tried to get him off the idea, but he insisted on testifying, claiming he wanted to help Camilo in any way he could.

"I'm not staring at you," I lied because I definitely was.

"Well, you clearly have something to say, so just spit it out, Soren."

I huffed. "Perhaps I'm just surprised you're finally talking to me." Did I sound petty?

"I've been talking to you the whole week." He flipped the page he was reading to a new one.

"Asking generic questions about the trial doesn't count as talking to me." My tone was almost as bitter as I felt.

"You're my lawyer," he muttered under his breath, putting the transcripts down. "What else am I supposed to say to you?"

I snorted at his hypocrisy then took off my glasses to buff them. "Technically speaking, I'm Camilo's lawyer, not yours. Therefore, your argument doesn't count."

From the anger on his face, I guessed he didn't find me funny.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"Nothing." I put my now clean glasses back on.

He held my stare for a moment longer before going back to reading. I was about to do the same when he tsked.

"Besides, you haven't talked to me in seven years. One more week won't kill you."

I frowned at his words because what did he mean by that?

Taking off my glasses, again , I placed them beside me. "What do you—"

"I see I'm not the only one working on Sunday," Daniel announced as he popped his head into the conference room, completely unaware of the moment he'd just interrupted.

Ugh , what a fool.

I was still rolling my eyes at Daniel's unwanted visit while Ashton quickly got to his feet and moved closer to my boss.

"Daniel, hey."

"How are you holding up?" Daniel asked, showing off the softer side he usually kept hidden.

"A lot better, thanks to your help." Ashton smiled nervously.

And as he went on, letting Daniel know how he planned to pay for everything despite Daniel insisting it was unnecessary, I took my time to examine Ashton. He clearly dressed differently from when we dated and went back to loose jeans and simple shirts. However, I did notice that in court, he made an effort to dress more formally. He was still bad at picking colors that suited him, but it was a part of his charm. My attention shifted back to the desk and the mess of files left on it. Bothered, I reached to fix them into a neat pile when Daniel cleared his throat. Turning to look at him, I frowned.

"What?"

"See what I mean?" Daniel patted Ashton's shoulder. "If this one gives you any trouble, please don't hesitate to come straight to me."

"Don't worry, Soren is the best."

Oh, am I now?

I narrowed my eyes at Ashton, who gave me a pissed look in return before facing Daniel and telling him goodbye. Before leaving, Daniel mentioned something about me stopping in his office later, but who cared? It was Sunday, and I'd only come in here because of Ashton.

"Suddenly, I'm the best?" I asked once we were alone while aligning the markers and pens we used with the now organized files.

Ash glanced at my work, probably impressed, then sat back down with his arms crossed over his chest. "Come on, Soren. I know you have something to say, so just say it."

Clearly, he was still in a sour mood.

"Fine," I sighed and pushed back from the table so I'd have a place to cross my legs. "The other night, I went to a restaurant, and I ran into Kai."

Ash looked almost bored as he raised one brow my way. "And?"

"And he wasn't alone."

Bracing myself for his reaction, I swallowed hard. But Ashton didn't react to the news and instead kept the same unfazed expression.

"I know he wasn't alone," he said, ready to go back to reading when I stopped him.

"So he wasn't lying? You truly are in an open relationship?" A muscle in my jaw twitched with this ridiculous idea.

Dropping his head, he snorted. "You're so full of shit. You know that?" he snapped, looking up to meet my confused eyes.

"Excuse you?"

Anger took over his features. "Just admit that you came here today, dying to tell me the big news to get my reaction." He leaned back in his chair while shaking his head. "What did you hope would happen? That I'd cry? That I'd thank you for telling me the truth?" He looked furious. "Maybe you hoped I'd jump right back into your arms. Was that it?"

Suddenly, I felt like an idiot for almost taking a punch for him.

"Do you honestly think so little of me that you'd believe I had some sort of a hidden agenda?" I hissed, anger flowing through my blood over his accusations. "I wanted to make sure you knew about it because it was the right thing to do."

Ashton ground his jaw. "Fine. Whatever." He looked away. "Let's just forget it."

"Actually, no." I crossed my arms. "I would much rather like to know more about this arrangement you two have."

"It's none of your business," he said.

"What on earth were you thinking, Ashton? An open relationship? Really?" Disgust oozed through my words. "You're fine with him screwing whatever he wants before coming back home to you?"

His jaw dropped, and his cheeks flushed red. "I-It's none of your business!"

"Of course it is. He's putting you at risk for STDs." I raised my voice, but so did he.

"That's an insulting stereotype, and besides—" He leaned closer. "—we're being safe. Not that it's any of your damn business," he hissed through gritted teeth, his face red with rage and embarrassment.

I highly doubted they were actually being safe, but that was beyond my point.

"Why are you living this way? Don't you have any self-respect?"

"Shut up!" he shouted, jumping to his feet.

Shocked by his reaction, I looked around to make sure we didn't catch Daniel's attention.

"Y-You have no right to judge me." His voice shivered as he swallowed back a sob. "You have absolutely no right to judge me, Soren, when you're the reason I'm like this." He took a deep breath, his whole body shaking. "It's because you broke my fucking heart that I can't allow myself to fully be with him ."

My anger vanished, leaving me with nothing but sorrow. My heart broke with his confession, and my body ached to get up and hold him. But as I tried to do that, he raised his hand and stopped me. "I've asked you, over and over, to keep what happened between us in the past. But you keep ignoring me, so please, please let it go." He calmed his breath, his hands clenched into tight fists. "Kai and I might have an odd arrangement, but it's working for the two of us."

My brows pulled into a frown. "Judging by your tears, it sure doesn't look like it."

His lips trembled before he took another deep breath. "I love being with him," he admitted. "It's easy."

Easy .

Ashton tossing that word felt like a punch to the gut, but I deserved it. After all, being with me was everything but easy. My wealth, job, and charm were nothing but coverage to hide what I truly was. A freak . A man who counted photos to fall asleep or got annoyed when a bunch of papers didn't sit in a neat pile. A man who was so scared that he'd be left alone that he did everything in his power to isolate the one person he truly loved. And now, that same person couldn't have a normal relationship because of the way I had hurt him, and instead, Ashton had settled for this open relationship nonsense. I knew this was an arrangement that worked for some people, and I respected that, but not for Ashton. He was a monogamist in the purest sense of the word. He wanted to be owned, to be cherished, and loved by one person to the point of dying without the other. It was what I wanted, too, and it was exactly what I gave him—until I didn't.

No wonder he looked at me with such hurt in his eyes after I took our life away.

My throat dried as an awful taste filled my mouth. I felt like crying, too, but I held back from embarrassing myself even more. And if it weren't for how he'd just begged me to stop bringing up the past, I might have been just tempted enough to tell him why I'd left. But what was the point of digging into closed wounds?

"I understand," I admitted, my stare locked with his because I refused to look away from his pain. "Life is a lot easier when you don't need to deal with someone like me." I was a confident man, but I still had my insecurities the same as any other human. Although, it only ever mattered when Ashton was involved. Any other person's opinion never mattered. Only his. Always his.

Ashton's eyes widened. "Soren, that's not what I meant—"

"I know." I smiled at him because even when he was mad, he was simply precious. "I know you didn't mean it, but it is what it is. And I'm sorry for hurting you and for continuing to do so." I looked aside at the big window that splashed the room with sunlight, thinking how Ashton was my eternal sun. Even in my darkest hour, he was still there, waiting behind rain clouds to shine on my day. He could be miles away, but his warmth would forever reach me, even to the bottom of the ocean my heart was currently sunk in. "You can hate me all you want, and rightfully so. But you can't expect me to stop caring about you, Ashton, because that is simply impossible."

He didn't say a word in response, and that was okay. I didn't tell him that in order to squeeze out an emotional reaction but to make sure he knew it—that no matter what, I'd forever care for him.