Chapter 29

Ash

"Y ou can open your eyes now. We're here," Kai said, not trying to hold back the amusement in his voice.

"You said you'd ride slow," I grunted and hit his back before getting off the bike, my legs shaking with how frightened I'd been for the last forty-five minutes.

"I did ride slow," Kai protested, laughing.

Ready to hit him again, I suddenly noticed where he'd taken us. "This is—"

"Our place."

Getting off his bike, Kai moved to stand beside me. Now, we were both looking at the beach where we used to spend days and nights. Memories flooded me at once: hours of paddling in the water and catching the most epic waves, campfires, nights of looking at the stars, and days bathing in the sun. The days before the drama and pain. Days that were pure fun, where fifteen-year-old Ash followed fifteen-year-old Kai without a single worry on his mind.

"Let's go for a swim," Kai said, jolting me out of my head.

"Now? But it's dark."

"I don't recall you ever caring about shit like that, Ashy." Teasing me, he'd already begun running forward.

"We don't have swimwear." I ran after him.

"Even better." He stopped not too far from the water and began stripping. First, he got rid of his shirt, then moved to undo his pants while half turning to me. "Come on, Ashy, let's go for a swim."

Luckily, he kept his boxers on, not that it mattered with how the thin red fabric clung to his body, showing every curve and bulge. He definitely didn't have the same physique as he did back then, and my cheeks turned a bit hotter.

Kai ran to the water, his beautiful muscles lit by the moonlight and his blond hair swaying with the wind. He was always handsome and sexy , and I used to love looking at him. But now, it felt different .

Kai's skin was tanner than Soren's fair complexion and his muscles thicker, less defined. His hair wasn't the black that merged with the night but a bright blond that stood out. There were also many tattoos that I didn't quite like, and to be honest, there was nothing about Kai that reminded me of Soren, and yet, even now, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

About Soren. About the guy I still loved with a full, yet broken, heart.

But Soren was no longer here, and he would never be here. He'd made that point clear back in New York when, out of the blue, he told me we were over.

Done.

Finished.

In a matter of minutes, Soren managed to shatter my world into a million pieces. Thinking about him brought so much pain but mostly anger. I was angry at myself for being that stupid and believing the lies he'd told me. He'd promised me forever, and for him, forever ended after seven short years. This anger that began simmering in the pit of my stomach was what brought me to visit Kai today. It was also what caused me to strip out of my clothes and run to the water in nothing but my boxer briefs.

" Shit , it's cold!" I hissed and took a step back.

"It'll get warmer once you're in," Kai called as he began swimming toward me.

His body was wet and beautiful, and those thoughts confused me. Because how could I think this way while still mourning the loss of my relationship?

"H-Hey!" I yelped after Kai grabbed my waist and lifted me over his shoulder. His naked skin pressed against mine. It was cold and wet but not unpleasant. "Put me down!" I began laughing while hitting his back, and then it hit me.

I was laughing.

For the first time in weeks, I didn't feel like dying.

But before the realization sank any deeper, Kai tossed me into the freezing water, which was like a wake-up call.

Babe, you gotta understand. It will take time, and you'll hurt. But hurting is part of life. The best way is to go right through it, hoping you'll come out of it stronger.

My mom's words from years ago returned to me as the cold water of the ocean surrounded me. Back then, I was hurting over Kai, thinking I'd never get over him. But I did. I mean, the last time he and I were on this beach, he punched me to the ground, but here we were. Together, again .

"How's the water, Ashy?" Kai asked with a grin as I resurfaced.

"You made me swallow salt water, you jerk!" I pushed his chest, and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me close. We began wrestling, and the sound of his laugh warmed my soul. Soren was probably enjoying a glass of pinot noir with some new guy, not giving a shit about me, so why should I drown in misery when I could—

"Hey! That's cheating," Kai yelped after I dunked him down when he wasn't looking, water splashing everywhere.

This was the most fun I'd had in weeks, and I wanted to enjoy it, even just for a little bit. I knew that once we were out of the water, the sadness would return, and so would the loneliness. It was a type of new loneliness I didn't even know could exist. The type that dug a hole in my chest so big I knew it would forever stay open.

"Hey." Kai cupped my face in his palms, holding me close, and his blue eyes looked at me with kindness. "Don't think about him," he whispered, and I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch.

If only it were that simple.

But then, Kai got closer until his lips were an inch away from mine, and my breath caught.

"Just focus on me," he said, or should I say begged, and closed the distance between us until our lips met.

My first instinct was to push him away because, deep down, I didn't want this foreign touch. Until now, Soren's lips were the last I tasted, and I wanted to keep it that way. But my body didn't push Kai away, and instead, I opened my mouth for him and allowed him in.

He wrapped his hands around me in a tight hug and pulled me closer as if not to let the waves wash me away. With my hands on his chest, I latched on to him, moaning at the intrusion of his tongue. Everything about this kiss was different, from the roughness of his stubble to the impulsiveness of his moves, but it was consuming nonetheless. My soul yearned to be loved and cherished—even if it was by the wrong person. Kai's kiss brought me comfort, and selfishly, I thrived on it.

"D-Don't stop," I nearly cried when he pulled back for some air.

Biting his lip, he stifled a groan and shook his head. "You're driving me nuts," he admitted, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me into a much more aggressive kiss.

My lips, chin, jaw, and neck—Kai put his lips anywhere he could reach while his fingers dug into my flesh. Painfully . Possessively. Like a thief holding on to his stolen goods, Kai kept me close, the two of us fully aware that I wasn't his to hold this way. Not yet, anyway.

"W-Wait," I panted, and he took the opportunity to push his tongue into my open mouth and massage it against mine. It was hot and messy, and my cock took notice, growing harder and harder with each passing second until it rubbed against Kai's thigh.

Without saying a word, Kai slipped his hand between us and grabbed me over my boxer briefs. I moaned at the relief and buried my face in the crook of his neck as he began stroking me.

The waves splashed against my back, so I held tighter on to Kai, who increased his pace. The water didn't at all ease the friction, and the salt stung in a way, but with my growing need to come, I focused on the pleasure of his hand.

"K-Kai," I gasped, my eyes closed.

He didn't answer and, instead, gripped my neck and turned my head up to take over my mouth again, controlling my every move. My heart hammered fast inside my rib cage, and I could feel my whole body tensing a moment before I climaxed and came into his palm. The water quickly washed away my release, almost like it had never happened, and replaced the steaming heat with shivering cold. If only the waves could have carried with them the guilt that struck me the moment the adrenaline crashed.

"Ash?" Kai asked while trying to contain his heavy breaths.

He sounded nervous, worried, but I blocked it away.

Slightly pushing him away from me, I avoided his gaze. "Let's go home," I said, already starting to move back in the direction of the shore.

I hated that I couldn't control my emotions or that I turned my anger on him. But it was stronger than me. What if Soren knew what I'd just done? Why did I even care? He dumped me, right?

I was out of the water when Kai reached for my arm.

"Ash, wait." He turned me around to face him, but I shrugged him off.

"It's fine, seriously." I bent down to pick my shirt off the sand. "I'm just tired."

I didn't say another word, and Kai didn't push, which I was grateful for. When we reached home, I immediately went upstairs and got into my room. Alone. Tonight, I couldn't bring myself to seek comfort in Kai's warm embrace. Not after what we'd just done.