Chapter 27

Kai

2 Years Later

I hadn't heard a single word from him for over two years.

Not. A. Single. Word.

But then, one evening, without any warning, Ash was there, sitting in our living room with a dead expression on his face—an expression of a person who'd lost everything in his life. He looked so lost that I couldn't even bring myself to be happy about his return. Quite shocked and mostly worried, all I did that evening was exchange confused glances with Aiden.

That was another matter—Aiden and me.

Things had gotten awkward between us a while back, and now, with Ash's mysterious return, they had only gotten worse. I couldn't blame the old man for feeling weird around me, but now definitely wasn't the time to open that coffin. We decided never to talk about it again, and I wasn't about to break our promise. Not when our full attention was on Ash, who was in the worst state I had ever seen him.

It took Ash about five days to finally speak to Mel, who told us that he and Soren had broken up. Why? When? How? All those questions remained unanswered, and I doubted Mel intended to push her son to tell us more, considering how Ash was in no state to speak.

We all hoped Ash would one day leave that asshole, but at what price? At the cost of him being so sad that he couldn't get out of his room? At the expense of him crying until losing his voice? Or for him to look like a shell of his old self?

Since Mel's house was going through a renovation, Ash ended up staying with Aiden and me, and for the last two weeks, I'd been walking around the house feeling like a sack of stones was weighing on my shoulders. Seeing Ash in so much pain was brutal, but I also understood my place, which was to stay out of the way. I tried being around the house as little as possible, giving Mel and Aiden the space to help him. Today was the first time I stayed home, alone, with Ash. Mel had a shift at the hospital, and Aiden had to run some errands, so I said I'd stay to keep an eye on him.

I doubted we'd run into each other because Ash spent most of his days in bed, but just in case, I decided to watch TV in the living room instead of my own room. An hour into a boring movie, Ash showed up.

Dressed in some baggy sweats that seemed too big for him, he stopped at the entrance to the kitchen. Despite it being the middle of summer and the AC not working, Ash stood with his arms wrapped around himself as if he was cold.

"Eh… Where's my mom?" he asked, voice weak.

It was actually the first time he'd acknowledged me since returning. Until today, he hadn't even looked my way, let alone spoke to me.

Shutting off the TV, I jumped to my feet. "She's at work, and Aiden is out for some errands. Do you need anything?"

Averting his gaze from mine, he shook his head. "No." He bit the tip of his nail. "I'll go back to my room—"

"Maybe I'll cook you something?" My question made him shake his head harder, and I moved from around the couch to get closer to him. "A drink, then? Coffee? Hot cocoa?"

He looked at me, and my stomach rolled at the sight of the sorrow in his eyes. Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat before smiling at him. "Paris says my hot cocoa should win awards."

The mention of Paris probably shifted something inside Ash because, to my surprise, he agreed. I told him he could sit on the couch and wait while I went to make him the drink. Suddenly, I felt nervous. It wasn't just nerves twisting my guts but also excitement that finally, I had a chance to speak to him. And maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to make him feel a little bit better, even just for a moment.

"Here you go," I said, handing him the mug.

"Thank you."

Taking it from me with two hands, he brought the mug close to his chest before cuddling into himself on the far side of the couch. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, I sat down far enough so that a full seat was separating us.

"It's a bit hot, so be careful."

He hummed in response, his eyes fixated on the black screen of the TV.

Silence continued to linger between us, and each time I took a small gulp from my drink, I glanced at Ash. So far, he hadn't even taken a tiny sip. Disappointed, I frowned.

"Come on, Ashy, at least taste it." His nickname slipped from between my dumb mouth before I could think about it and caught Ash's attention, as he just glanced back at me with raised brows and tired eyes.

"Ehh… sorry, I didn't mean to call you that," I mumbled, moving a hand through my hair.

Once again, he looked away and stared into space like he was in a completely different place. I knew it had nothing to do with me but with the inner struggle he was currently facing, but it still hurt. Could I really blame him for being so sad? Sure, I'd been through breakups in my life, but none were heartbreaking. I'd never been in love with anyone I'd dated, anyone but—

"I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep," he said, placed his untouched cocoa on the table, and stood.

He was out of the room before I could even finish my thought, leaving me aching and worried.

The sound of a chair dragging jolted me awake, and I perked up on the bed while looking around my dark bedroom. With eyes heavy with sleep, I reached for my phone and checked the time. Seeing as how it was 2:00 a.m., I planned on going back to sleep when I heard another sound coming from downstairs. With a grunt, I dragged my ass out of bed and went down to check the source of those noises.

"Ash?" I asked, surprised and worried at the sight of him standing by the front door.

"O-Oh, sorry for waking you up. I was just taking the dogs for a walk."

Only now, I noticed the leashes in his hands and the two dogs by his side.

"Oh… Okay," I said, already turning on the stairs to go back to my room when something occurred to me. Half turning around, I frowned at him. "You're taking the dogs for a walk at two in the morning?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

I was tired as fuck and had to get up in a couple of hours to shop at the farmers market, but fuck it. Going down the rest of the stairs, I jolted the front door open. "Let's go." I got out first, with the two dogs right behind me. Ain't no way I was about to let him walk around the beach alone so late at night.

Surprisingly, Ash joined me outside with no protest. He might not have said a word, but he came to walk beside me, and it was more than enough.

The moon brightened the clear sky as the sound of the ocean mixed with the night. We continued to walk while watching the dogs running ahead, enjoying playing with each other. Suddenly, I remembered the last time we'd walked like this on the shore. It ended with Ash slapping me, which, looking back, was kind of hilarious.

"What's funny?" Ash asked, his question invading my memories.

"I just remembered that time you slapped me," I said, shoving my hands into my sweats pockets.

"Oh." He stopped walking and turned to look at the pitch-black ocean. "I almost forgot about it."

"That's okay. It was two years ago," I tried joking while stopping beside him.

He turned quiet, the waves filling in for his words until he spoke.

"What did you do in those last two years?" While he asked me the question, he kept his eyes pinned on the dark horizon.

His sudden interest was somehow exciting—an opportunity to have a conversation with him. To try and reach what was clearly broken.

"Nothing special, really." I crossed my arms over my chest while kicking some sand. "I'm working at a new restaurant where I'm the head chef… I love it there. Having people do what I say is real fucking nice," I joked, and he looked at me for a short second. His piercing gaze warmed my heart, as usual, and once he looked away, I felt cold and stupid. "Well, other than that, I'm still trying to be a dad, which turns out to be harder as the kid gets older. Especially with mine—you should see his attitude." I snorted, remembering Paris's cute little frown when he didn't get what he wanted. "But that's pretty much it. Work, family, some sport. Living life, you know?" I nudged his shoulder. "What about you? What were you up to in the last two years?"

"Nothing," he answered flatly, and I noticed the glint in his eye of an unshed tear.

Ash took a deep breath, then wrapped his arms around himself. "I did nothing because I am nothing."

"That's not true," I protested, unable to accept what he'd just said.

"But it is, Kai. I'm twenty-five, and other than being his , I have done nothing with my life."

Other than being his.

Before I could dive deeper into the meaning of this startling statement, Ash went on. Only now, he could no longer hold back from crying, and each word he spat was choked with pain and sorrow.

"I loved it, him . I loved my life, so I went on with it. I allowed him to push me to whatever lengths, thinking—" His cry worsened, and he had to pause to take a breath. "Thinking we'd last forever… But then he ended it." His voice completely broke, and he covered his face with his hands before crouching down.

Scared something had happened, I quickly moved beside him.

He was physically okay… I wish I could say it was the same for his heart.

"What was it all for if he… if we…"

Not knowing what to say, I put my hands around him and hugged him. He didn't push away but continued to cry, to sob so hard that it shattered my heart.

"He promised me forever, only to throw me away one day. Why?" He clenched my shirt in his fist while burying his face in my chest, his tears and snot wetting me. "Why would he do that? What did I do wrong? Why did he stop loving me?"

"You did nothing wrong, Ash," I said, holding him as tight as I could as his cry pierced my heart like daggers. "It's not your fault it ended."

"It hurt," he sobbed. "It hurts so much, and the pain just doesn't go away."

I understood that feeling.

I might have never suffered from a breakup, but I knew sobriety, and I knew how painful it was when the body ached for something it couldn't get.

Ash was an addict, and his drug was Soren Dane. The pain he was experiencing right now was just like any other addict had when trying to get sober. Sleepless nights, nausea, sickness… All that went away eventually, but then you were left with the hardest part, and that was the lifelong battle of never going back. Day after day where you keep telling yourself that you were better off without that shit.

"I know it hurts, Ashy, physically hurts." I kissed the top of his head while holding on to his shaking body for dear life. "But it will get better. I promise."

"I can't live without him," he cried.

"You can, and you will." Just like I did. "Trust me that you will. I know what I'm saying now sounds impossible, but after enough time has passed, you'll see that it wasn't. And when you look back on tonight, you'll be fucking proud you made it."

He didn't answer me, and I was pretty sure he didn't believe me either, but that was okay. Eventually, he'd see I was right. I might not have been in his life for the past few years, but I knew Ash, and I knew that he was a strong man with a heart of gold.

After he'd finished crying, we went back home. Aiden was still asleep, so we snuck in quietly and went upstairs immediately. I was ready to get inside my room when Ash grabbed my wrist, stopping me.

"C-Can I sleep with you tonight?" he asked, his eyes pinned on the floor. "It's just that sleeping alone feels weird… and I don't like it."

Words were unnecessary at this moment, where I took his hand in mine, opened the door, and walked us both in. I climbed on the bed first, making room beside me on the mattress. Ash hesitated for a bit before doing the same. With his back to me, he rested his head on the pillow, and I covered him with the blanket before throwing my arm around his waist and pulling him close. His body physically relaxed at the touch, and his breath softened. He was colder than I remembered, but maybe I was just imagining it. And as I held him close, I knew this was all about comfort.

Ash's request came from his need to feel loved and nothing more. Yet, I couldn't help but be satisfied that, at last, he was where I wanted him to be. Unlike Ashy, I wasn't a man with a heart of gold, and I wasn't about to pretend otherwise. I knew I was selfish and that, deep down, I enjoyed his pain because it created an opportunity. Ash's heart might be broken for now, but my greedy ass was counting on changing it. Eventually, his love for Soren would die, and when that happened, I'd be right there, waiting.

Knowing no one could see me, I didn't hold back my smile as I hugged him a bit tighter. And for the first time, which would probably be the last, I thanked Soren because, thanks to that son of a bitch, Ash was finally mine .