Chapter 23

Kai

W hen I got up from my bed, I was ninety-nine percent sure Ash had already left. But when I heard his voice carrying through the halls as I walked downstairs, a bolt of joy shot through me. Ready to see him, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning who couldn't hold back his excitement. I still had no idea why Ash had come here and even spent the night, but one could only hope he'd finally broken up with his boyfriend.

"Good morning," I told Ash as I walked into the kitchen, forcing myself not to smile like an idiot at the mere sight of him. Tall, fit, with dreamy green eyes, pouty lips, and a face I would love to come all over, Ashy looked like a dream. He was sitting by the dining table with his dog, Pacha, in front of him. From the treats on the table, I guessed he was trying to teach him some commands.

"You mean noon?" he answered back with a slight smile.

I was never a morning person, and unless I had to wake up early for the restaurant, I slept in until noon.

"Some things never change." I scratched my stubble and went straight to the coffee maker.

"Where's Candace?" Ash asked while I focused on the drops that slowly, yet beautifully, filled my glass.

"Oh, that was her name?" I half turned to meet his curious eyes before drinking my coffee in one go. The caffeine boost was what I needed, and I groaned with pleasure at the fantastic taste. "Anyway, she's already gone. She left around six."

Ash grabbed his empty bowl from the table and came to wash it in the sink. Now, standing shoulder to shoulder, I examined him closely. He looked tired, almost like he didn't get any sleep, and the redness around his eyes made me suspect he'd been crying.

What was going on with him?

"I thought she wanted you to cook her breakfast."

"Honestly, I don't give a shit what Cameil wanted."

"Now you're just inventing names," he chuckled before turning off the tap.

"Maybe." I grinned, then handed him the towel he was searching for. "But I honestly couldn't care less about that woman."

He took it from me, and I watched as he carefully dried his hands.

"It didn't sound like it last night with how loud you two were," he mumbled quietly, then paused, realizing what he'd just said.

So Ashy was listening… Interesting.

Candace and I definitely had great sex, but only because I was thinking about him the entire time. Yet, despite my big and occasionally tactless mouth, I held back from telling him that. I didn't want to put him on the spot, even if I suspected Ash still found me attractive. I mean, how could he not? I was sexy as sin.

"Do you want me to cook you breakfast?" I checked my watch. "Or lunch?" I laughed because it was past 12:00 p.m.

"I already ate," he said quietly.

"What did you eat?"

"Yogurt with fruit."

I grimaced. "That does not count as eating."

"It does."

Pacha came to stand beside us while wiggling his cute little butt. I dropped to my knees, and he began licking my face.

"Hold on, boy." I put my hand on his head and tried shifting his tongue away and out of my mouth. Ash looked at us, unable to hold back his laugh.

Smitten by the sound of his sexy voice, I had to force my attention away from the deep, smiling line that formed on each side of his face. "So, what am I cooking you before I go to work?" I asked after I decided I'd make him a proper meal. "And we're not taking no for an answer." By we, I meant me and the dog, who was looking at his extremely hot owner with the same eagerness as me. Although, I assumed Pacha and I had different treats in mind.

As if not knowing what to do with himself, Ash looked around before he flopped his hands on his waist. "I don't know… a salad?"

I turned to face the dog. "What do you think about that?" I waited a second for an answer I'd never receive, then rubbed Pacha's head. "Yeah, my thought exactly." I stood and walked to the fridge. "How about pasta? You always loved Amatriciana," I said before opening the door and looking inside. Eh, Aiden didn't have all the ingredients.

"What? No. It's too fattening."

His words startled me, and I quickly shut the fridge door before coming to stand in front of him.

"What was that?"

Ash looked away. "Soren doesn't like when we eat empty carbs."

Oh my fucking God. Ignoring the fact Ash just referred to Amatriciana pasta as empty carbs, what the fuck was up with what he'd just said? Anger simmered inside me with the thought of that douchebag telling Ash what to eat or not, and I clenched my jaw before taking a breath to calm myself.

"Well, I didn't ask what Soren likes to eat. I asked what you like." I stepped toward him until we were close enough that I could hear the soft sound of his breaths. Ash finally met my eyes, and despite the clear hesitation on his face, he nodded.

"Okay, pasta sounds good."

"Great."

"Hey, where are you going?" he asked after I walked out of the kitchen.

"To grab my keys. Then, we'll hit the market."

He followed me. "The market?"

"Yes, Ashy." I winked at him. "We're going to find you some fine-ass guanciale."

I had already stepped out of the house when Ash asked, "Can't we just use bacon instead?"

I faked a gasp before climbing on my bike. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." With all due respect for bacon, it cannot replace guanciale when making a proper dish of Amatriciana. "Now, come on, put this on," I said while holding the helmet in my hand.

Ash glanced between me and the bike, his brows pulling into a frown.

"Can't we go by car?"

"With LA traffic?" I snorted. "We'd get there faster by walking backwards."

Shifting his weight from one leg to the other, he then bit his bottom lip, and fuck it. I wasn't about to make him ride a bike if he didn't want to.

"Fine." I dropped my head in a deep sigh. "We'll take the car."

An hour and a half later, we were back in the kitchen with our sleeves rolled up, making our pasta from scratch.

"When did you learn to do this?" Ash asked as I began feeding the dough through the pasta roller.

"I had a lot of free time after rehab, and I needed something to keep me busy."

"That's nice," Ash said while chopping the tomatoes for the sauce the way I showed him how. "What made you decide to… you know."

"What made me decide to actually get clean?"

He hummed a low yes.

Taking a knife, I cut the long stretch of the pasta into the shape I needed and placed it aside. "Well, there was this party I went to, which wasn't really a party but a house full of crackheads." My stomach rolled just at the memory of that night. "Anyway, it was a shithole, not that I cared about it back then, and me and some guy got high together. I can't recall anything that happened that night, but when morning came, I woke up next to him, and he was dead."

"Oh my God, Kai," Ash gasped, putting down the knife and looking up at me from the cutting board.

"I don't remember a lot from back then, only that I got scared as fuck. After they took his body away and we got questioned, I was free to go, so I just ran away. I ran for hours while all I could think was what if I were that guy who OD'd at a party full of strangers? I was one snort of coke away from ending up like that dude, with blue lips and a mouth full of vomit he'd choked on."

Ash shrank beside me, but it didn't deter me from going on. After all, he asked me to tell him my story, and I didn't intend to lie or save the details. Sadly, we both knew how ugly my addiction was. "You see, I was terrified by how close I was to being that guy, but I was even more scared because I was already aching to get high again." Those days were the darkest I'd ever lived. "That was the first real time I realized I couldn't get out of it myself. For months, I believed the lie I'd told myself, that I didn't have a problem, and even if I did, it would all be okay. But after what happened, the thought that my kid would grow up to learn his dad ended his life like some nameless addict with powder in his nose or a needle in his arm… that thought ruined me. Realizing that, I went to Aiden, who didn't hesitate to help, and the rest was history."

The whole time I talked, I focused on the pasta we'd just made. Looking up from it, I was met with Ash's gaze. He didn't say anything for a few dragging seconds, and the anxiety of waiting for his response danced on my nerves.

"I didn't know any of this. I mean, I knew you were doing better, but Aiden never told me what happened."

Aiden respected my privacy, although I honestly didn't mind telling my story. I had no shame in my past. Yes, I did many wrong things that could never be justified, but my addiction was an illness like any other; therefore, despite the stigma, I carried no shame.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," he added, and my stomach turned with the guilt his voice carried.

"Don't worry about it, Ashy. I understand why you didn't want to be involved. You had every right to stay away from me, especially after the things I did—"

"Don't you think we need to stir the sauce?" he asked, cutting in and bluntly changing the subject.

Assuming Ash wasn't interested in bringing up the past, I respected his choice and went on cooking until I made us one hell of a lunch.

Sitting across the table from Ash while watching him devour his pasta like a starved man brought back so many fucking memories. He always had an appetite; whether it was meals we shared at Rob's after our shift, his lame sandwich he brought to school, or all those dinners and breakfasts I cooked for him, he always ate with such enthusiasm that it inspired me to cook more for him.

"What's funny?" he asked when I suddenly began laughing.

"Remember that time you almost choked on a fry at Rob's?"

"Of course I do. I almost died, and instead of helping me, you laughed so hard that you started choking yourself."

We'd both squealed and coughed for almost an hour because we couldn't stop laughing. At some point, I'd even snorted milkshake from my nose, which eventually led to Rob kicking our asses for creating a mess.

Oh, the good old times.

Glancing back at Ash, I noticed he had sauce on the corner of his mouth. I was just about to reach over and clean it when he did it himself, not even noticing my intentions. My chest clenched with disappointment because I'd missed a Hollywood-like moment to be romantic.

Wait, should I be romantic?

"It was really good," Ash said, cutting my line of silly thoughts and focusing me.

"Yeah? I'll make it for you again."

He stared at me, eyes warm, before his lips spread wide. "Yeah, why not?"

The smile he gave me was so big and cute that I knew this was the time to ask the question that had been bugging me since he showed up here last night.

"So why are you here?"

The good mood he had just a moment ago vanished as his face fell and his lips quivered. He then twisted his mouth before shrugging. "Well, the thing is…" He paused and looked around the table, doing everything he could to avoid my eyes. "Soren and I, we—"

His words were cut off by the sound of the house door opening; a second later, I heard Zoe.

"My God, Kai, why aren't you picking up your fucking phone?"

"That's a bad word, Mommy," Paris mumbled after her.

"I know, sweetie. Mommy will put a dollar in the curse jar."

I glanced back at Ash, who seemed either shocked or surprised, right before Zoe and Paris entered the kitchen.

Zoe was ready to say something else when she noticed who I was with and immediately went silent, with her eyes pinned on Ash, who was just as taken aback by this meeting.

"Daddy!" Paris yelled before charging at me, his cute voice breaking the deadly silence.

"Hey, monkey." I picked him up into my arms.

Paris immediately started playing with my hair before he peeked over my shoulder at Ash. "Who is this?" he asked with curiosity suited to a five-year-old.

"This is Ash. He's a good friend of Daddy's." I then got closer to Paris so I could whisper in his ear. "But he likes it when I call him Ashy ."

"Hey, Paris, I've heard so much about you," Ash said in a soft voice I'd never heard coming from him before.

Paris studied Ash carefully, his eyes scanning him in detail before his lips quirked up into an ear-to-ear smile. But whatever it was that made him smile this way was no longer important as he got off my lap and went back to Zoe to grab his toy truck from her hand.

"Can I go play?" he asked, but he'd already run into the other room before receiving an answer.

That's my kid for you.

With Paris out playing with his truck, it was just us three for the first time since we were teens.

"It's good to see you, Zoe," Ash said while getting up to greet her with an awkward hug.

"Yeah, it's been too long."

Despite the fact these two never actually fought, I'd always had the feeling they weren't fans of each other. As a stupid teen, I didn't get too much into it. Ash was my best friend, my ride-or- die, and Zoe was my girlfriend at the time. Now, it was clear that it was much more complicated than that because all our feelings were involved. I understood how deep this thing between them was years later, when Ash was no longer in the picture and Zoe still brought up his name in arguments. She often told me how unfair I was for putting him first, even when it wasn't the case. Truth was, I'd been putting him last for way too long, but she had no idea. Even if she did know, she was too jealous of him to care. Even more so after I came out to her. And despite how angry her throwing out Ash's name years later always made me feel, I couldn't blame her. In a way, I was being unfair because even now, I loved him more than I'd ever loved her.

"I didn't know you'd be here," Zoe said, her eyes moving between me and Ash as if she was looking for some kind of explanation. Thankfully, Ash quickly provided one.

"I'm here for a couple of days, that's all."

A couple of days? Did that mean he'd be here tomorrow, too?

"Oh, well, that's good to know." Zoe faked a smile before turning to me. "Anyway, I came because I need you to watch Paris today and tomorrow."

I frowned at her. "You know I'd love to, but I've got work, Zo. I thought we agreed on the weekend?"

She sighed. "I know, alright? But the research team is going on a two-day sail, and I can't miss it. My research depends on it." She was currently doing her master's degree in marine biology.

"Can't your parents help?"

"They're on vacation," she explained, then tilted her head. "Please, Kai, if it weren't important, I wouldn't have asked."

"It's not that simple, and you know it." I took my phone and checked the time. "My shift starts in less than an hour. I can't cancel at the last minute and screw them up like that."

"Please, it's not rocket science. You can find a replacement at the restaurant while I can't. This research is relying on me , Kai."

Her words rubbed me the wrong way, and my frown deepened. "They rely on me at the restaurant, too ." I crossed my arms over my chest while trying not to get angry. I knew she was doing her best, splitting time between her studies and Paris, but so was I. Despite wanting to raise my kid, I also had responsibilities toward the restaurant.

"Listen, I don't want to argue—"

"I can help," Ash jumped in, and we both turned to look at him.

"Seriously?" I beamed at the same time Zoe said she didn't think it was a good idea. My eyes quickly shot to her. "Why the fuck not? We both need help, and Ash just offered it."

"Paris doesn't know him."

"We just introduced them." I pinned her with a harsh look. "Besides, Paris seemed to like Ash," I pointed out.

"And how did you decide on that?" Zoe questioned with a raised brow.

"Didn't you see how Paris smiled at him?"

She rolled her eyes. I fucking hated when she did that.

"The kid smiles when he sees a garbage truck, Kai. But anyway." She shifted her attention to Ash, who still stood in silence beside us. "You sure about doing it? He's an energetic kid."

I snorted. "By that, she means he's a little devil—ouch!" I grimaced as Zoe slapped my arm.

"Ignore Kai for a second." Her voice turned serious. "Are you sure about staying with him?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm sure Paris and I would have a great time. And I would love to help if I can."

With that, the matter was settled.

After telling Ash everything he needed and didn't need to know about Paris, we both left. I was a bit nervous my kid would drive Ashy nuts, because Paris sure had the ability to do that, but I was also excited for them to hang out. About mid-shift, I texted Ash, asking how things were going. He replied with an image of him and Paris building a sandcastle on the beach, and fuck me sideways if that picture didn't make me miss a fucking beat.

I was impatient for my shift to be over, and the second I was done cleaning my stand, I got the hell out of there. By the time I got home, all the lights were off. A bit disappointed for missing them awake, I reminded myself it was past midnight before sneaking up to my room. But as I pushed the door open to find my kid and Ash asleep on my bed with Where the Wild Things Are between them, I melted right there on the spot. The idea of Ash reading Paris a bedtime story before falling asleep with him struck me hard. I realized that the emotions I held for Ash weren't the remnants of a failed youthful love but an actual love that had been rekindled. It wasn't just love but the need to form a new connection. To build something. A desire to live with a person who'd just now come back into my life but never really left.

And although I wanted nothing more than to get under the sheets and join them, I turned around and stepped out of the room, making sure not to wake them. After all, we'd have tomorrow to find out how serious I actually was about making Ash mine again.