CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

M orning came far too soon. My body still ached with exhaustion, and I wanted nothing more than to stay in Elias’s arms forever. But we had another day or two of climbing up the mountain, then another day or so of descent. Once we conquered Shadow Peak, we would be on the final stretch to Zolmara.

The mountainside had more wildlife than I imagined. Plants were woven between the cracks of the stones, and at one point, we even found an entire bush full of berries. Elias assured me we could eat them, but after Nadia’s mistake, I still checked the plant-life book I stole from the castle library. He was right, of course, and we devoured nearly every berry.

We still had food in our packs, but dried meats and fruits were hardly satisfying the ravaging hunger created by the physical exertion of the climb. Not too many animals lived that high in the mountains, but even if we found one, it would be too steep and dangerous to attempt to hunt. Elias promised me we’d find an elk or something large to eat when we finally reached the bottom of the other side.

Each night on the mountain, we would kiss passionately, but nothing more. At that point, it was obvious that Elias would need to make the first move to go further, whenever he was ready. I tried not to look too much into it. It wasn’t anything I was doing wrong, and I knew that. Sometimes I couldn’t help but think otherwise, but I kept those thoughts to myself, not wanting Elias to feel pressured or feel any sort of guilt.

But the way each kiss had me starving for more, the way he tensed whenever I moaned into his mouth as if trying to stop himself from taking me then and there…it was creating an ache in my core. A need. But I would wait for him. I would wait a lifetime, if it meant he would stay by my side.

The downhill hike was, as one could imagine, much easier. It was still heavy on my muscles, especially my legs, so we took our time. To no surprise, Elias showed no sign that he just climbed a mountain in three days. I, on the other hand, felt like I had three days of sweat caked on my skin, and my muscles trembled with each step.

After almost two days of descending, we were only an hour or two from the bottom when the sun started to go down. Instead of hiking down steep slopes in the dark to reach the bottom, we camped one last time on Shadow Peak. The next morning, we finally finished the descent. I could have kissed the ground, I was so elated.

Elias let me rest when we reached the bottom. He must have noted my exhaustion, and I was grateful. “You don’t even look tired,” I said as I took my boot off and shook out some loose gravel. “Have you climbed Shadow Peak before?” I sounded out of breath, even as we sat resting.

“I have,” Elias replied amusingly. “A few times, actually. ”

My jaw practically dropped to the dirt. “No wonder you have such a good physique.”

He must have been one hell of a bounty hunter, to scale this mountain more than once. And there he stood, with muscles on top of muscles to prove it.

Elias began to laugh, but I watched as he stopped suddenly and his head darted to the left. I froze. “What is it?” I whispered. Elias put his hand up and I silenced myself for a moment.

He stepped over to where I sat and put a hand out for me to take while he used the other hand to put a finger to his lips. I held my breath as I took his hand and let him help me up. He gently guided me towards the direction he had been staring.

“There,” he whispered softly. “Through the trees.” He pointed ahead of us and I squinted my eyes, but saw nothing but dense forest.

“What is it? I don’t see anything,” I muttered back.

“Look just beyond the oak tree with the broken limb. To the right,” he added.

It took me a few seconds but I found the tree he was referring to, and glanced behind it and to the right. Then I saw it. A doe was grazing on a patch of foliage just behind the tree.

My eyes widened. A deer would be more than enough to fill our bellies nicely compared to the scraps we had been eating for the last few days.

“You got this,” I heard Elias whisper in my ear. I turned to him, confused. A smile reached the corners of his mouth. “Get your bow out, little archer,” he chuckled. And then I understood.

“I could miss and we could lose it,” I countered. “Don’t you want to take the shot so you can ensure we actually eat?” I slowly pulled my bow off my shoulder and began handing it to him.

Elias looked into my eyes and didn’t even glance at the bow. “You need to have more faith in yourself,” he asserted. “Remember what Trybe taught you. Steady yourself, and take your time. You can do this.”

I narrowed my eyes and reluctantly readied my bow. “Fine,” I muttered. “But if I miss, don’t complain to me that you’re hungry.”

“Do I ever?”

He didn’t. I had never heard him complain about anything. In fact, I was the one who usually mentioned hunger, more often than I wanted to admit.

I let out a huff, and put the bow in position, with my left hand on the grip and my right reaching back to grab an arrow from my quiver. I nocked the arrow as Trybe had taught me, and pulled back on the bowstring until the tension forced it to stop. The next step, which was the hardest step, was to aim.

“Where do I shoot it?” I asked. The deer was slightly facing us, and had its neck bent down as it munched on the low bush in front of it.

“The heart,” Elias replied. “It will be an instant kill if hit just right, but won’t damage too many of its organs or destroy the meat.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes, as I didn’t want to lose sight of my shot. “Well I don’t really know where a deer’s heart is. Behind its chest, I’m guessing?”

“Yes,” Elias said with amusement in his voice. “But the best way to hit it from this angle is to aim just behind its shoulder.”

I stared at the deer, and focused my eyes on the spot behind its shoulder, per Elias’s direction. I steadied my shot as best I could. I took a deep breath in and out three times, hearing Trybe’s words in my head.

Take your time. The target isn’t going anywhere , she had said to me during our one practice session. She was right of course, and each rushed shot I took were the ones I missed. But this deer could take off at any moment.

I took another deep breath. Take. Your. Time . Trybe’s voice was assertive.

With two more deep breaths, I felt I was locked in on my shot, and released the arrow. It went flying, and within a split second, hit the deer only inches from where I intended. The deer jumped up like it was going to take off, but only made it a few yards before falling to the ground with a thud. Even though the shot wasn’t the instant kill I was hoping for, it was enough to kill her nonetheless. The deer’s life ended fairly quickly, with minimal suffering.

Elias patted me on the back, and I lowered my bow. “Great shot,” he praised, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I told you, you should have more faith in yourself.”

I gave him a crooked smile.

I actually did it. I shot the bow at a live target and hit it. Two months ago, I would never have pictured myself even holding a bow let alone shooting it and striking. I had come a long way from being the trapped princess in Rimor, and I couldn’t help but feel proud.

We made our way over to the downed animal. The doe lay on the ground and I bent down to pet her head. Even though the guilt of killing her tickled my senses, it was replaced by relief knowing that my empty stomach would soon be full.

“Thank you,” I whispered to my prey.

Elias carried the deer back to where we had been resting, and I started to make a fire while he prepared the meat for cooking. When the fire was ready, I watched Elias finish the butchering. He had shown me how to butcher a rabbit, but a deer’s anatomy was much different.

“Can we use every bit of her?” I asked. I didn’t want the poor thing to go to waste.

Elias raised a brow. “You mean the deer?” he asked. I nodded. He looked down at the doe then back at me. “If we wanted to do that, it would take hours, maybe a whole day to butcher it properly. I was just going to cut the meatiest parts.”

I bit the inside of my lip in disappointment. “Alright. That makes sense.”

Elias shifted to turn more towards me. “What are you thinking about?”

I sighed, feeling embarrassed. “I feel bad, ending her life. I was just hoping we might be able to make every single part of her count towards something.”

Elias studied me for a moment. “You feel bad for killing an animal, but you’re okay that I just killed three men?” His question was stern, and caught me off guard. I thought we had gone over this, that I confirmed his murderous rampage on the bandits didn’t bother me. But clearly it was still weighing on him.

“I…well yes, I guess so,” I answered unsurely. “Is that bad?”

Elias looked back down at the deer and continued working. “No,” he said, but his tone said otherwise. I gulped, not knowing how to respond. I let him finish his work in silence. Then we cooked the meat in silence, and ate in more silence. The tension was unmistakable.

After finishing my last bite, I mustered up the courage to speak. “Elias… Are you—”

“We should get moving,” he interrupted.

My heart sank. Was he angry with me? Was my respect for the life of an animal upsetting to him because he had killed humans before?

I decided to let it go, hoping he’d open up on his own. But in the coming hours, we hiked in quiet. It felt like those first few days after we first met, when he barely spoke a word.

We were nearing the end of the day when we stopped to rest again. We still had roughly two hours of daylight, and were only a few days from the Forest of Torment, so close that I shouldn’t want to stop. But my head was beginning to ache badly, and I asked that we rest for a moment. I realized I was missing his touch – and the pleasure it brought – and wondered if it was becoming somewhat of an addiction.

“Are you alright?” Elias asked as I sat and rubbed my temples. I looked up to see a worried look on his face.

“Maybe,” I answered. “Can we finish our conversation from this morning?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure I have anything to say.”

I refrained from scowling at him. “Does my guilt for killing an animal upset you?”

Elias crossed his arms and averted his gaze. “I just hope there never comes a day when you’ll have to kill a person. It is not an easy thing to do,” he replied. His voice held a sadness that I picked up on immediately. I realized he didn’t mean literally, but mentally.

“But killing those bandits was to protect me. That doesn’t make you bad.”

He tensed. “If only every kill I’ve made was for that reason, then I’d feel no guilt at all.”

Confused, but wanting to understand, I walked over to him, placing my hand in his. Elias looked up at me, grief hiding behind his eyes.

“You’ve killed a lot of people, haven’t you?” I asked quietly.

I felt Elias squeeze my hand gently. “I wish I could tell you no,” he said softly. He averted his eyes again. “I’m…I’m afraid, Aura.”

The admission surprised me. “Of what?” I whispered.

“I’m afraid that if you knew more about me…about the things I’ve done…that you won’t feel the same way about me as you do now.” He looked back up at me and I offered a half-smile.

“I’m not going anywhere, Elias. Your past doesn’t scare me.” I reached up and caressed his cheek.

Elias gently took my hand to stop me. “You might. If you knew,” he said, slowly pulling my hand away.

“Then tell me.” My demand was soft, not harsh .

“Aura…” he trailed off.

“Tell me, Elias,” I said more firmly this time. “I know who you are. Whatever you’ve done…that doesn’t matter now. I won’t pass judgement. Maybe if I understand your past, I can help you get through it. Help you move on.” I stared into his eyes, wanting nothing but to help him. What I said was the truth. Whatever Elias had done didn’t make him unworthy of love. I knew in my soul that he was good. I only wished he could see it too.

“Okay,” he whispered, his honey eyes darting between mine. “I’ll tell you. Let me just think about what to say first.”

I nodded in understanding. “Take your time. Here.” I handed him my canteen. “I’ll let you go fill this up for me while you think,” I said with a grin.

Elias gave a wry smile. “As you wish, princess,” he said. I made myself comfortable on an old tree stump and watched him walk off towards the nearest stream.

My heart began to flutter. Was the elusive Elias finally about to open up to me? I often wondered where he came from, and what was in his past to make him become the man I was falling in love with. I sat, wondering if his past was as bad as he thought. What if he really did do something unforgivably awful? I promised him I wouldn’t pass judgement, but maybe there was an exception.

No. He was good. No matter what, I had to trust my intuition. He was good. Maybe not pure , simply because of his past. But good.

As I sat there wondering, I started to lose track of the time. When I heard the rustling of leaves, I looked up towards the direction Elias had gone, but didn’t see him. I only then realized I could not discern which direction the rustling was coming from, which could only mean one thing.

It was coming from behind me.

Before I could whirl around on my tree stump, an arm come up and grabbed me from behind, and I felt the cold steel of a blade at my throat. My body froze.

A man’s voice hissed in my ear. “Scream, and I’ll kill you.”