31. Viva Las Vegas

VIVA LAS VEGAS

I'll beout of the office for three days and the weekend to make sure everything goes smoothly and report back to Krystal.

Before I leave, I'm having dinner with Jessa at her house. Well, her and Aiden's house. She's still been a little out of it, but every time I come and visit, she seems to be getting better and better.

I knock on Aiden's door, and Jessa greets me with a smile. I don't know why I don't mention Vegas, the new job, or how amazing spending time with Lincoln has been; it doesn't feel right to talk about what's going on with me when she's been through so much.

But I suppose that's a bit of a problem I have, isn't it? Letting everything build up inside because I'm too busy acting happy and not telling people what's truly going on with me. Even though, right now, I'm happier than I've ever been.

Talking about it brings some of the harsh realities to light though, ones I'm not quite ready to face.

Lincoln has been patient and loving, and the fact that he is a secret makes me sick to my stomach, he deserves more than that. He deserves everything and more. These past few weeks of just coming home after work to be with one another have been the best I've ever had. Lincoln makes me a better person, and I think I do the same for him.

So why am I still so afraid of telling our families? Why can't I make that extra push? I keep telling myself that I'll be ready soon, but then when I think about telling them, I retreat and feel like an anxious mess. Our little bubble is a happy one, and I don't want it to pop.

"Hey, Penny. Thanks for coming," she says.

I hold up the food with a smile. "Of course. How have you been?"

She smiles, and it's a true one. Not the forced ones she's given previously.

"Actually, really good."

We head into their kitchen and divide the food.

"I'm working myself up to leave the house. I promise we can go somewhere and eat soon."

"There's no rush, Jessa."

"I know that. Everyone has been so kind and patient with me. Especially Aiden, God. I don't know where that man came from, but he's a literal angel."

"The Carlson men will do that to you."

"Do you want to?—"

I shake my head. I don't want to burden Jessa with the details of my life. She reaches out and squeezes my wrist.

"We're friends, Penny. Best friends, if I remember correctly, from a drunken conversation. Just because I have my own stuff going on doesn't mean you can't share yours."

I give her a smile.

"You're right, I know you're right. Can I ask you something?" She nods and I clear my throat. "When you found out that Collin was dead, did you feel a lot of regret?"

"Yeah, of course. I still wish I had more time with him, even my mom too. But I can't change anything. There's nothing to be done about the situation. So I had two choices. I could hate Collin and hang on to this resentment I felt, or I could move forward and try to not let it bother me. Some days are better than others."

"I found out my biological mom passed away, and well, before that, she wanted nothing to do with me," I sigh.

"You never said anything," she says, her eyes going soft as she grabs my hand.

"I think I like the idea that everyone thinks I'm fun and exciting. Not sharing things about myself makes that easier. I'm working on it."

"You have so many people who love you, you don't have to do this alone anymore," she says.

"I know. I think I'm starting to truly understand that now," I reply, and truly mean it.

There have been so many times I've pulled away from my family and fallen in the arms of unsuited boyfriends because it was easier to be who they wanted than myself. Sometimes the reality of being who I am is hard, but I'm slowly realizing there's no one else I'd rather be.

I've completely fallen for Lincoln. And in the process of that, I think he's helped me fall in love with myself.

"Let's go,"I usher Lincoln to the car.

"We don't need to be at the airport this early," he complains, rolling both of our suitcases out to the car.

"Yes, we do. I'm in charge of making sure everyone gets to where they need to be."

"Very serious," he jokes, and I roll my eyes.

"I want to do a good job. Krystal needs to know that I can keep people in line and make sure things run smoothly under pressure."

"You're going to do great, baby," he says, leaning over and giving me a quick peck on the lips before loading the car and driving to the airport. On the way, I make sure I know every detail of the long weekend, like I haven't memorized it backwards and forwards.

Lincoln reaches over, his reassuring hand on my thigh, squeezing. He doesn't joke about it again, knowing I'm a little anxious.

It's not that I don't think I can handle the work, I just really truly want to prove myself. I've never wanted a job so bad, working for Krystal would be the opportunity of a lifetime. She doesn't care about my education; she cares about my work ethic and dependability and I plan on proving myself worthy in both aspects during this trip.

Lincoln and I park in long-term parking and head toward check-in as I gather everyone's tickets. I'm inputting our information and scrunch my brows at the screen.

"You put us in first class?" I ask, glancing over and Lincoln.

"I was flying first class, anyway. You think I'm going to let my girlfriend sit in the back?"

"They can't see you giving me special treatment."

"Why? You're not an employee. You're working for our subcontractor. They won't even notice. They'll assume Krystal put you there."

I push the button with more force than needed, not wanting to argue with him, mostly because it's a longer flight and the idea of coach doesn't sound great.

"Is there anything else you've upgraded or have planned that I don't know about?"

"Where's the fun in that?" He grins at me as we check our bags and wait for his employees to arrive.

Lincoln must run a tight ship, because they're all on time and I don't have to hunt a single person down to make sure they don't miss this trip.

Phase one complete.

There's a weight off my chest as we go through security, grab breakfast, and wait at our gate.

I go through the schedule again.

"Seriously, Pen. I know you have it memorized."

I nod and close out of the schedule on my phone.

"How do you want to celebrate if you win Commercial Design of the year?" I ask him.

He's hardly even mentioned the award, like it's not a big deal. He's put plenty of his salespeople and marketing up for awards, but this would be the big one.

"We won't. There are too many nominees, but they expect you to submit for tons of shit. Milking me fucking dry, if you ask me. How many tables did we purchase?" he asks.

"Two," I reply, not knowing the cost.

"Ten grand a table."

"Seriously?"

I start doing all the math in my head: the event, the flights, the hotel, and food. Lincoln has taken a significant chunk of money to fund this trip for his employees.

"Why spend all of this money?"

"It's good for morale, everyone loves Vegas. Plus, the convention beforehand is informative."

"I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for those two days."

He taps my thigh twice, and I know he'd love to just rest his hand there, but he doesn't.

I think I'm getting tired of being in the dark when I want nothing more than to fully embrace Lincoln in the light of day.

Our gate boards and I'm very thankful for the upgrade as we make our way to Vegas. I don't know why, but this trip feels like a turning point in my life.

The first twodays were easy, beyond easy. As I sat on my ass, accepted overpriced spa treatments from Lincoln while everyone was at the conference.

The only thing I truly had to do was handle dinner in the evenings, and those weren't even mandatory, though most employees take advantage of drinking and eating on the company"s dime.

It's been nice seeing Lincoln with his employees. They clearly respect him and find some joy working here. I wonder if it's a Carlson brother trait to be so good at managing people.

But today is the big night. Tomorrow we have some team-building exercises and then the rest of the day is free for everyone to enjoy the last bit of their trip.

I straighten Lincoln's tie, and he glances down at me.

"You look too good in a suit," I say and he shakes his head.

"How can someone look too good in something?"

"I don't know, but you've managed it."

"Can you tie the laces on my back?" I ask, throwing my hair over my shoulder as Lincoln ties the straps to the rose-gold sequin dress that I blessedly got on sale. I know Lincoln would have bought me a dress for the event, but I didn't want to ask, not when he's already done so much.

"I think I know what you mean about looking too good," he says, kissing my bare shoulder.

"Are you excited?" I ask, turning back around and straightening his already straight suit jacket.

"I've been coming to this thing for over a decade," he says. "But this one is special, because you're here." He kisses my cheek, not messing up my gloss. "Everyone has said how lovely you are, and how smoothly everything has gone."

"Lincoln Carlson, are you inflating my ego?"

"Will it get me laid tonight?" He smirks.

"Most definitely. Now, let's go get your employees and rack up those awards," I say, grabbing the camera that Krystal gave me to take better pictures of the event and the employees. She stressed that posting about this on the company website and social media would look good for clients.

Lincoln blessedly carries my ID, lip gloss, and credit card in his pockets, so all I have to worry about is the hefty camera.

We head down to the lobby, waiting for all the employees to arrive. One by one they trickle in, looking like a million bucks. I take headshots and pictures of them smiling and mingling.

"Where's Jacob?" I ask, looking around.

He's up for an award based on his volume of sales and if he's not there to accept the award, that will look bad on the company, on Lincoln, on Krystal. I'll get a key to his room and drag him down here by his hair if I need to.

He comes running around the corner with windswept hair and his suit out of place.

"I'm here. Sorry, lost track of time," he says, catching his breath.

"You look a fucking mess," Paula says, helping him fix his hair and Lincoln leans into me.

"I saw the look of murder in your eyes."

"You saw no such thing. Alright, the cars are here," I say, leading everyone to the underground garage. The ride is only a few minutes, but we make our way through the hotel to their banquet hall.

I can tell Lincoln wants to stay at my side, but I push him away as I take pictures of everything and watch as an observer.

I take more pictures of Lincoln than I should… I'll just save some for myself and delete the others before I return the camera to Krystal. He just looks so good, so in his element. He commands respect and just has a swagger to him that I find too enticing.

When I look at Lincoln, I realize that I've never actually been in love before. Maybe my heart was always reserved for him and I just didn't know it.