29. Crisis & Comforts

CRISIS COMFORTS

I absolutely did not wantto wake up this morning. The urge to call out and lie in bed with Lincoln all day was so tempting.

But the man grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me down the bed and all but tossed me in the shower with him.

Mornings aren't so bad when I get to stare at my hot boyfriend in the shower.

I'm not sure that term fits what me and Lincoln are, but he seems dead-ass set on holding the title, and well, I like that he wants a label on it—even if it's loose as hell. While I'm absolutely not looking to be with anyone else, it's still weird since the people closest to us don't know.

I know he hates it. That he wants to rip the band-aid off and just deal with how our families react. But my insecurities are still holding me back.

I get these glimpses of what our lives look like with one another when we're alone and it has me ready to take that jump, but then we get around our family, I want to disappear and act like this is all some twisted dream I'm just not waking up from. Which is ridiculous, because not even my wildest imagination could have cooked this up.

"My place tonight? I can pick you up after work and we can go out to eat or just pick something up?" he asks while he washes my shampoo out of his hair.

The idea of him smelling like my lavender shampoo has a smile spreading across my face.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"How are you feeling after last night?" he asks.

He's rubbing his jaw, and that's when I see it. I'm not the only one with insecurities in this relationship. Lincoln is always so confident, sure of himself and what he wants. But deep down, he's scared too.

There's a deep sinking feeling in my stomach over the fact that I made him feel that way. That I made him think he was unwanted and I hate it.

I wrap my arms around his waist, holding him tight, the warm water spraying against my back.

I think about saying I love you, but fear still holds me back. A piece of my heart has always belonged to Lincoln, but now the whole thing is his. Yet, I still can't let the words fall off my tongue.

I rest my chin on his chest, looking up at him. His hands are casually resting on my hips, giving me a soft squeeze as he looks down at me.

"Amazing. You're amazing, Linc," I say, pressing my cheek against his chest.

One of his hands slides up and cradles the back of my head.

"It took you long enough to figure it out."

I pull back, my mouth falling open as he gives me one of his wide smiles. "You're pretty amazing too," he says, leaning down and peppering my face with kisses, making me laugh.

The promise of my mornings being filled with Lincoln's smiles and sarcasm has more of my reservations about this relationship slipping away. Letting myself love Lincoln might be the biggest risk I've ever taken—but I know it's too late to turn back now.

Lincoln drivesme to work and, for whatever reason, gets out of the car when I do.

"What are you doing?" I hiss as we approach the office building.

"Walking my girlfriend to work," he replies lazily, and clearly not going back to his car.

He trails behind me and when we reach the glass office building, there are hundreds of papers taped to the office front.

They're all pictures of Jessa and Aiden kissing at a Rays game they went to. Completely outing them to the entire office.

"Fuck," I hiss, grabbing one of the papers and ripping it off the wall.

"Who would do this?" Lincoln asks, furrowing his brow and looking at me.

There are already cars in the lot, which means most of the employees saw this shit and did nothing about it.

What a bunch of bitches.

"That's what I'd like to find out," I say, swinging the front doors open and stomping into the lobby.

The cubicles are to my right, and I hold up the paper.

"Who the hell put these up front?" I say.

A bunch of cowards—including Sharon—tuck behind their cubicle walls in shame. Meanwhile, Zach comes strolling toward me. Lincoln's at my back and I swear I feel him inch closer as Zach leans against my desk, grabbing the paper out of my hand and sneering down at it.

"Serves him fucking right. Honestly, I thought he was better than this," he says. He's had it out for Jessa ever since their father gifted her the shares in the will. He's been cruel, but this goes beyond what a dick he's been.

"Did you fucking do this?" I question him.

Zach looks me up and down, like I'm something stuck under the bottom of his shoe.

"Please. Like I have time for something as petty when it comes to that bitch."

"Your father left her those shares, and this company is rightfully Aiden's," I say, trying to watch my language. Technically, Zach is a part owner and I unfortunately need to keep this job.

Zach rolls his eyes, not even acknowledging Lincoln's menacing presence behind me.

"Do what you do best and sit behind a desk, look pretty, and keep your mouth shut," he says.

"The fuck did you just say?" Lincoln says, grabbing my arm and tugging me behind him. Lincoln is older than Zach by a good six years, but definitely more built and slightly taller.

"Lincoln, it's fine." I try to calm the situation and grab his arm.

"Is this what you do, Penny? Have your family handle all your problems? It's why you have this job. It's not like we'd ever actually?—"

Lincoln grabs a fist full of Zach's shirt and I gasp, grabbing his arm tighter.

"You wanna finish that fucking sentence?" Lincoln says, getting in Zach's face.

"Lincoln, it's okay. Let's go outside."

The two men stare at each other for a long time, and Lincoln lets go of his shirt, slightly pushing him away. Zach acts like he's dusting himself off and turns around to see everyone in the office watching the altercation.

"Get back to work," he sneers, storming back to his office and slamming the door.

My heart rate is through the roof and everyone in the office is still staring, so I grab Lincoln by the sleeve and drag him outside as I angrily start ripping off the flyers.

"You shouldn't have done that," I say.

"He shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"No, he shouldn't, but you can't just put your hands on people when they're mean to me," I say, gripping the papers with Jessa and Aiden's cute faces on them. It almost feels wrong crinkling up their happy moment. But I really don't want her to get to work and deal with this. She's already had to deal with enough shit from Zach. Jessa and Aiden are in such a good place after the trip. This will just sour it.

"I just grabbed his shirt." He waves a hand in the air like it isn't a big deal.

"He's still my boss."

"Well, he shouldn't be," he snaps back.

"It's not like I have many other options."

He invades my space, in that way he always does—constantly pushing me.

"Penny, you know damn well you could do anything you put your mind to. The only thing you like about this position is the event planning. I could talk to Krystal and see if her service is hiring with her baby on the way. I'm sure she'd be looking for extra help."

I blink at him, a sinking weight hitting my stomach. It always feels like people are helping me and I can't ever do things myself.

"I don't want you to use your connections to get me a job," I say, hastily grabbing more papers.

"It would be an interview, and you and I know you're more than capable."

I pause, trying to swallow back all the insecure mean things I want to say.

"You really think she would want to hire me?"

He grabs a few of the papers that are taller than I can reach and hands them to me.

"Yes. It's not a handout. It's me knowing Krystal's company needs help and knowing the perfect fit. You aren't happy here, and I don't like how that fucking dickhead spoke to you. But beyond that, you should be following your dreams. You said you were working on finding yourself. Don't let your pride get in the way of a good thing," he says.

I sigh and look up at him, it's still too hot outside, but the sun brings out the different shades of his hair and God, he's fucking handsome.

"Why are you so good to me?"

"You know why," he says softly before cursing and pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Shit. I have a meeting in ten minutes. Are you okay handling this?" he says, waving at the wall.

"Yeah, I got it."

"If he talks to you like that again, you tell Aiden right away," he says sternly. I nod and he leans forward to kiss me, but stops and sighs. "The next time I drop you off at work, I'd really like to kiss you goodbye."

I realize I want that too; I give him a smile as he walks away. I go back into the office and call the security company asking them to send the footage from last night and grab my trash can. It feels like the employees of Kemper's Sports Supply are a bunch of traitors as I go to remove the flyers by myself. But I know it's because Zach is acting this way and no one wants to upset a partial owner.

I'm taking more of the signs down and mulling over the potential of switching jobs. If I could work solely planning on events? It would truly be my dream job, and he promised that it wasn't a handout, that he truly thinks I'm built for this.

Lincoln believes in me and suddenly I feel like maybe I can believe in myself.

The sun is hot against my back as Aiden and Jessa walk together from the back of the building towards my direction. I pluck the papers off at an unnatural speed. Like I could actually get them all down in time.

"Fuck, I thought I'd be able to get them all down by the time you got here," I say, yanking another flyer.

Jessa looks dejected but resolved over the situation.

"Okay, so everyone knows we kissed," Jessa says calmly, but it's clear she's pissed.

I grimace, knowing that everyone knows it's more than that. "Zach is on a bit of a tirade inside."

"Who put these up?" Aiden asks, taking Jessa's hand and I shake my head.

"I called our security company and asked for the footage," I tell him.

"Thank you," Aiden says, pulling Jessa off to the side as I keep tugging down the papers.

They're chatting in low tones as I keep taking them down. Aiden and Jessa go inside as I get every last disgusting piece of paper.

Who would do this?

My trashcan is full and I head back to my desk and eavesdrop on the entire altercation and listen to Jessa tell her half-brother to go fuck himself and that she quits. I act like I'm working when I'm really listening to everything and wondering if I can be more like her.

Kemper's is a secure job, one that isn't overly difficult. Can I really just branch out and try something new? It's terrifying, and I'm wondering if I'm brave enough to leave a sure thing?

The office quiets, and eventually Jessa comes around the corner with a box full of her shit. As much as I'm considering taking up Lincoln's offer, it doesn't mean I'm happy about her leaving me here with these assholes.

"This doesn't change anything between us, you know?"

"I know, but now who am I supposed to get lunch with? Sharon?" I make a face, feeling like she completely betrayed me today. Jessa is the best work friend I've had ever. I mean, we're more than that now, but it still sucks.

"Who knows, maybe this will take off and I could use some help." I love that she'd be willing to hire me, but I hate the idea of someone else feeling like I need a pity job.

"What exactly are you going to do now?"

"I think a mixture of freelance design and finally putting my designs on apparel. That's always been something I wanted to do, but just never moved forward on. I think it's time I start following my dreams, and working here with Zach breathing down my neck isn't it."

"But Aiden," I say softly, wondering what it's going to be like for him without Jessa here.

"He understands, and we're going to be okay. More than okay, actually."

"No kidding. The family loved you, by the way, if you didn't pick up on that. I've never seen Aiden this happy, and of course he wants you to follow your dreams, but who is he going to stare at all day?" I joke, trying to swallow down my fear that Jessa and I won't be as close as we are with her getting a new job.

Just add it to my very long list of shit I need to talk to my therapist about.

She laughs and waves me off. "I'll come by for lunch next week, okay?"

"Okay," I sigh, standing up and walking around my desk to wrap my arms around her to squeeze tightly. "Don't be a stranger," I tell her and she hugs me back.

Maybe I'm naive, but I think this friendship might survive just about anything.