27. Forget Your Morals

FORGET YOUR MORALS

It'sdifferent being out with Lincoln like this.

Not being a secret. It feels more real than any other date I've been on, and I somehow feel at peace.

His hand is freely roaming literally anywhere it can touch; my hair, my thighs, my waist, while we drink and eat.

"What's the first thing you want to do when we get home?" I ask him.

"After I fuck you senseless?" he jokes and I nod, sipping on my margarita. "I want to take you out on a proper date. Go see some stupid movie and talk about it over dinner and then take you home and wake up next to you."

"I do like sleeping next to you," I say. My heart flutters over his answer.

"My bed misses you," he says.

"You know, I never knew you were this smooth."

"You just haven't been paying attention."

I laugh, and he leans forward, peppering my face with kisses. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

"What about you? What do you want, Penny?"

"I want to spend time with you and work on figuring my shit out more."

"What shit?"

"I'm still working through everything. With you know," I wave my hand in the air and he nods in understanding over all my birth mom's trauma. "But before the Key Club and everything after, I was kind of on a mission to figure out who I am."

His brows furrow.

"What do you mean?"

"I just feel like I've always catered to what I thought other people wanted me to be like and never really worked to figure out what I like."

He grabs my stool and scoots me even closer to him, like there can't even be a breath's width between us.

"You're Penelope Abigail Myers, the most gorgeous, selfless, funniest woman I know. You hate mornings, love pets and babies, watch shitty tv shows, and you can't sing for shit."

My mouth gapes open and he smiles.

"You love the sun and it loves you back. You hate overly loud noises and rude people." He pushes my hair behind my ear. "You're strong, stronger than anyone gives you credit for, and you're the best fuck of my life."

I throw my head back and laugh.

"You really had to go and ruin it."

"I am the most romantic person you know," he throws my words from last night back at me .

"It wasn't a lie," I whisper, meaning it.

Lincoln might be crass, a total fucking baby when he doesn't get his way. But he wants me in a way I didn't think was possible. It's the type of romance I've always read and dreamed about. The thought of this all crashing down is terrifying.

But I'm falling so hard and so fast, I just hope he's still around to break my fall.

It's pouring rain outside as the band continues going through their set list, the white noise of the rain fall just adding to the melody.

"Dance with me?" he asks.

He gets off his stool and holds out his hand, which I grab before getting off my own. He smells like coconut sunscreen and sunshine as we join the dance floor. It's a slower number, and he rests his hands on my hips as I hold his shoulders.

The strumming melody has me leaning forward, resting my head on his chest as he holds me tight. Lincoln presses a small kiss to the top of my head and it's at that moment I know I'm completely in love with him.

I love his sarcasm, his humor, and how thoughtful he is. Not once has he tried to make me into someone I'm not. He's never told me to stop crying or that my feelings aren't valid. Even with all this business with our family and how frustrated he's been, he's never truly tried to change me, just make me understand.

With his arms wrapped around me, I feel secure and cared for in a way I haven't felt in a really long time, and never by a romantic partner.

Lincoln has chosen me repeatedly and all he's asked for is the same in return. I hope he can sense what I feel, that I'm willing to risk it all for him too.

I tug on his shirt to tell him just that as he curses and pulls out his phone.

"Hey Dad," he answers the phone, not taking his hands off of me. "Uh," he says, looking around the bar for his brothers. "They aren't here."

There's a long pause, and he looks down at me and sighs.

"Yeah, we'll meet you out front," and he hangs up the phone. "He's picked up Aiden and Jessa and wanted to pick us up before the storm gets any worse."

I nod, hating that this bubble is being burst, but it's like reality tossing ice cold water over me again.

"Hey," he says, cupping my face. "We'll figure this out."

I nod, wishing I could get over this, that I could give him everything he wants and deserves. Because, to be honest, he deserves the entire world.

I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest, my chin on his sternum to look up at him.

"You're the sweetest man I've ever met, though most other people wouldn't know it. You'd give the shirt off your back to anyone who needed it. I've never laughed or smiled more around anyone else in my life. You're too hard on yourself, but it's what made you so successful. And… you're the best fuck I've ever had in my life," I say.

He grins down at me, his smile making my stomach do a flip.

It wasn't a love confession, but it sure felt like one.

Lincoln wraps his arms around me and picks me up, kissing me roughly.

"One more day," he whispers against my lips.

One more day and we won't be surrounded by family constantly and we can really see if this is going to work.

"One more day," I repeat as he closes our tab and we go outside and wait for my uncle Jeff to pick us up.

Tonight's dinneris catered and there's no fear of slicing a finger or Lincoln seducing me in the kitchen. Though I can only imagine what other sexy things he could do with other food and drink.

I'm sitting in between Jessa and Lincoln at the dinner table as the first course is served. It's a Caribbean ceviche, and it nearly melts on my tongue.

"How have things been going at Carlson's?" My dad asks Lincoln.

"Good, we've got the trade show and awards coming up next month," he replies easily.

"Those things always were a headache," Lincoln's father says.

"What's worse is Krystal, the event planner, is out on maternity leave earlier than expected," Lincoln says.

"You should take Penny if you need someone to help with events," Aiden says easily, and Jessa squeaks a little next to me. "You good, baby?" he asks her, and she nods her head.

"Yeah, must have just swallowed wrong," she replies.

"You know, I really could use someone to keep us on track," Lincoln says with an easy smile, clearly loving the idea.

"What about Kemper's?" I ask Aiden.

"It's just a few days. We'll be fine. Maybe Tabitha will do some of her own fucking work for a change," Aiden says, and both Jessa and I snort a little at that.

"It would be great for you, Penny. You love event planning," my mother says enthusiastically.

"Plus, Lincoln can just get a hotel room with two queens. He doesn't even need to get you your own room," my aunt Maggie suggests.

"That truly is so convenient," Gavin suggests.

"Weren't you supposed to be with a bachelorette party?" I say as he directs his shit-eating grin at me, changing the subject about Lincoln's upcoming event.

"And miss time with my lovely family? Never," he replies.

"I'm so sorry about them. I'm hoping one day they all find girlfriends to help make them a little less feral," Maggie says to Jessa.

"Don't hold your breath," Ben whispers.

"There's hope for Lincoln at least," Maggie says with a smile. "Vanessa was nice. Whatever happened to her?" she asks.

I still in my seat and Lincoln pauses in his. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "Considering she was already married with kids unbeknownst to me, I'd say I could do better."

My jaw drops, and everyone is silent for a few moments. It clicks for me then, why he was so detached for so long, why that breakup changed him.

Maggie clears her throat. "Well, on second thought, she's a bitch and if I ever see her?—"

Ben laughs and interrupts her. "You'll what, mom?"

"I don't know. Have very colorful words for what a terrible person she is."

Lincoln smiles and shakes his head. "I appreciate it, Mom, but looking back, it wasn't as serious as I thought."

"You deserve a good girl," Maggie says and Gavin chokes on his food across the table.

"You really do, Lincoln," Gavin says, and I truly want to grab the butter knife and poke his eye out.

"I'm sure it will happen for me eventually," Lincoln says, discreetly sliding his hand under the table and squeezing my thigh.

I couldn't stop the heat traveling up my neck if I tried.

"Penny, are you okay?" My mother asks and I nod.

"Yeah, I think I had a bit too much sun today."

"That Caribbean sun will get you, alright," Gavin says.

Maggie furrows her brow and looks at Gavin. "Is there something we're missing here?"

"No, just fucking with Lincoln."

"Leave your poor brother alone," she says. "You're going to scare Jessa away."

"It's nice seeing a family like this. I'm not planning on going anywhere," Jessa says. Aiden wraps his arm around her shoulder, squeezing it like he couldn't be prouder to be with her.

It hits me then that I want that open, easy affection.

I want it with Lincoln.

His hand is still on my thigh, soothing as ever, even though I feel like I might combust with the tension and our secret hanging over our head.

There's a piece of me that just wants to stand up and blurt it out, and deal with the fallout. But I don't. I stay seated in my chair, yet I don't remove his hand.

Maybe there's a piece of me that wants this secret to be unfolded for us, but I also want to keep him to myself. What if telling them ruins everything and creates a wedge between us?

It's so much easier to forget about the consequences when I'm not surrounded by my family every waking second.

"What about you, Penny? Are you seeing anyone?" Maggie asks.

This woman is out to kill me. Why yes, Aunt Maggie, I'm falling in love with your son, who has his bare hand on my thigh right now. Lincoln squeezes my leg.

"There's someone I like, but I'm not sure yet."

Maggie and my mom both perk up wanting to know more, and I know I fucked up. I should have lied. But lying about having feelings for someone seemed like too big of a lie. Haven't I hurt Lincoln enough?

"What's the issue?"

"It's complicated," I say, grabbing my glass of water and willing myself to disappear.

"What's so complicated about it?" Maggie asks.

"It's a moral issue," I reply.

Her brows furrow. "He's of age?"

I gasp, Gavin and Ben laugh, and Jessa covers her mouth next to me.

"Ew, yes, he's of age. What the fuck?" I whisper the last line.

"You said morality," Maggie says, waving her hands.

"Nothing that deplorable, Jesus."

"Then forget your morals. Go get the guy you want," she says.

Lincoln squeezes my thigh again, and I smile at my aunt Maggie softly. The woman has no idea that she just inadvertently gave me the green light to fall for her son.