Chapter 3

Chapter 3

‘I'd love to help you, but we just can't. '

Naomi stared at the woman, unable to process what she was hearing.

‘But this is a homeless shelter, right?' Naomi insisted, trying to keep her fear at bay.

‘Yes, but—'

‘And I've nowhere else to go. You've got to let me in.'

The manager, who called herself Tara, looked concerned, clearly affected by Naomi's distress. For a moment, Naomi allowed herself to believe that the gatekeeper would now soften and relent, ushering her inside, but as Tara looked Naomi in the eye, her expression crestfallen and guilty, the teenager felt the hope die within her.

‘I want to, of course I do, but we don't have any beds available. We're completely full.'

Naomi stared at her dumbly. None of this made any sense. How many homeless people were there in Southampton? Yeah, you saw plenty of them on the street during the day, but surely there weren't enough to fill this entire building?

‘There are another couple of hostels you could try,' the woman continued earnestly. ‘One on Bridge Street, one on Thurlam Road.'

‘I've tried those,' Naomi countered, her voice shaking. ‘They told me to come here, they said you'd sort me out.'

‘Do you have any family who can help?'

Naomi shook her head.

‘Friends?'

Naomi dropped her head to her chest. She really didn't want to cry in front of this stranger, but she felt utterly desperate, as if the entire world had turned its back on her.

‘Look, perhaps you could come back later?' the hostel manager continued. ‘It may be that someone vacates their bed, decides they're better off elsewhere. These things do happen occasionally …'

It was a lie and they both knew it. Which is probably why she now reached out and squeezed Naomi's hand, whispering, ‘Look after yourself, eh?'

Ten minutes later, Naomi found herself in Hoglands Park, trudging along the faded concrete paths. The skateboarders were out in force tonight, laughing and joking, as their boards clattered up and down the ramps. Their joy, their banter, seemed to mock Naomi, for whom every step was a struggle. The teenager felt robbed of energy, of resolve, of hope, as if nothing she did now would come to any good or make the slightest difference to her situation. Night was falling and she was alone in the city, with nowhere to go. Her misery was all-consuming, her fear palpable, yet the people who passed by seemed oblivious, hurrying to get back to their nice warm homes, as the rain clouds gathered above.

How had it come to this? Six months ago, Naomi had had a roof over her head, three square meals a day and someone to take care of her. It was just her and her mum, had been for years now, and even though they argued like hell, they'd been OK, or at least no worse than anyone else. Then he had come along – handsome, charming, manipulative Darren Haines. They'd met at a house party and he'd said all the right things, never leaving her side. She knew he was a bad boy, that he had a habit, but that only added to his allure. She knew better now, of course, having begged, stolen and borrowed to fund his grim addiction, having endured his vicious, drug-fuelled rages, having lived in that awful squat for over three months. But back then she was hooked – hooked on love, on rebellion, on proving to everyone that she could stand on her own two feet.

What a fool she'd been. What a naive, deluded, pathetic fool. She'd followed that boy – no, that man – to the moon and back and where had it got her? To Hoglands Park, with night closing in and the gunmetal clouds starting to spit on her. Perhaps it was all she deserved. Thinking back to the abuse she'd rained down on her mother, Naomi felt sick with shame. Her mum been trying to protect her only child, to warn Naomi off a boyfriend who was way older than her and who was obviously trouble. What had been her reward? Vicious rejection and vile accusations. Naomi shuddered now to think that she'd labelled her mother lonely, bitter, jealous, when she'd simply been trying to keep her on track, keep her in school, keep her from sinking into the gutter. Why? Why had she been so stupid? So cruel?

Naomi pressed on, avoiding the eyes of the men who passed by, seeing danger in every stranger, every movement, every shadow. Where was she supposed to go ? Where would she be safe? She had lived in this city all her life, but now felt utterly bewildered, uncertain where to go or what to do. Should she head to the bus station? No, that was full of creeps and Darren occasionally dealt there. The train station, then? No, the police always moved people on there, she'd seen them do it. The Common? Just the thought of that made Naomi shiver, being out there alone in the cold, surrounded by those deep, dark woods …

Naomi was shaking now, fear mastering her. She'd have to find somewhere outdoors to bed down, but the temperature was dropping fast and what if someone bothered her? How could she defend herself? She had nothing but her coat, a few pounds and her phone.

Her phone. Naomi paused, running her hand over the smooth surface of her Samsung. It was a mad idea, an outrageous thought given everything she'd done, but what choice did she have? Quickly, she scrolled through her contacts, until she located ‘Mum'. Her thumb hovered, hesitant, guilty, then taking the plunge, she hit Call.

Naomi's heart was thumping as she waited for the call to connect, then suddenly it was ringing. Immediately, Naomi felt her whole body tense up. What was she going to say? What could she say after the way she'd behaved? Then suddenly, the call was answered, her mum's familiar voice punching through, urgent and fearful.

‘Naomi? Is that you, love?'

Naomi was frozen to the spot, unable to move, unable to speak.

‘Naomi, are you there?'

And now it hit home – the guilt, the all-consuming guilt. Naomi had turned her back on this woman, humiliated her, destroyed her. What right did she have to call on her now?

Naomi hung up without a word. Her chest felt heavy, tears were pooling in her eyes, and she hurried on her way, determined not to appear distressed or vulnerable in this nasty place. She'd barely taken three steps, however, before her phone started to ring – her mum calling back. This time Naomi didn't hesitate, rejecting the call and turning off her phone. She had made her bed and now she had to lie in it.

Pulling her coat up round her ears, Naomi continued on her lonely journey through the park, as the heavens finally opened and the rain cascaded down.