Chapter 120

Chapter 120

She burst through the doors, striding out into the autumn sunlight. Having made up her mind, Helen wanted to be as far away from Southampton Central as possible, marching fast to her Kawasaki. But as she neared her bike, she heard a familiar voice ring out behind her. Slowing, Helen turned to find Charlie approaching, breathless and concerned.

‘Is everything OK?' she demanded. ‘You shot out of the press conference like you were on fire.'

‘I couldn't bear to listen to another word,' Helen replied brusquely. ‘Holmes is washing her hands of the whole thing, whilst simultaneously using this whole disaster to polish her CV. It's disgusting, it's immoral …'

‘Well, I won't argue with that,' Charlie conceded, pulling a grim face. ‘It is outrageous, maddening … but publicly walking out like that isn't going to help your cause, our cause …'

‘And what cause is that, Charlie?' Helen countered bitterly.

‘To shake up this place, to change things, to make everyone feel safe again …'

‘And you really think that's going to happen, do you?'

This time Charlie said nothing, taken aback by the strength of Helen's fervour.

‘Holmes, the police commissioner, the powers-that-be, they don't want to embrace real change because that would mean admitting that the whole thing is rotten. Yes, there are good officers, scores of them, but there are also lazy, arrogant, entitled, criminal officers who are protected, even promoted, by the system. You'd have to tear the whole thing up and start again if you wanted to make a difference, and they're never going to do that …'

Helen gestured dismissively at the upper floors of the towering limestone building.

‘… because that would mean undermining, destroying, the very system that has got them to the top. So what if you have to lie and fudge and sweep all manner of wrongdoing under the carpet? As long as their promotions and pensions are safe, what do they care?'

‘So what now, then?' Charlie hit back, angry and unnerved. ‘You can't lead this team, can't help our new officers to grow, can't do your job if you're constantly railing against the regime …'

‘I couldn't agree more,' Helen confirmed. ‘Which is why I've just resigned.'

For a moment, Charlie was speechless, her mouth opening in shock. ‘You can't be serious?'

‘Deadly. I couldn't communicate my decision directly to Holmes, as she was busy , but I emailed my resignation letter to her office just now. I'm done here.'

‘Helen, please, don't do anything rash. You're too important to this place …'

‘But it isn't important to me anymore. Not the way it is now. I've given my whole life to this place …'

Helen faltered, ambushed by emotion, a lump rising in her throat.

‘Because I believed in the fight, because I believed in what we do. But I can't go on like this, when we are undermined and compromised at every turn. This job is my life, was my life, but to these people it's just a game.'

Charlie stared at her imploringly, but Helen wasn't for moving.

‘And it's a game I'm not prepared to play anymore, Charlie. I'm out.'

Helen turned away to conceal her emotion, angry with herself, with Holmes, with life, for forcing her to walk out on her friend like this. But her mind was made up, so snatching up her helmet, she mounted her Kawasaki.

‘So that's it, is it?'

Charlie was tearful, but indignant too.

‘After all those years, taking the hits and getting up again, taking the fight to the bad guys, protecting the weak and the vulnerable. After everything you've done, the knocks you've taken, the scars you've earned, the good you've done, you're just going to walk away?'

Helen stared at her deputy, but didn't respond, knowing she needed to take what was coming to her.

‘You of all people know how important it is to keep struggling, to keep fighting, to never give in. How many times have you pulled me back from the brink, made me carry on when all I wanted to do was walk away. And you were right every time, because I would never have forgiven myself if I'd thrown in the towel.'

‘That's not what this is, Charlie.'

‘Isn't it?' her deputy countered forcefully. ‘Because that's what it looks like.'

‘That's not fair. I've given everything, but I've nothing left in the tank. I can't fight an entire system.'

‘I get that, I really do. I know you've done more for this place, for this city, than anyone before or after you. And I know it seems thankless at times. That the responsibility placed on you, the task allotted to you, is Herculean. Dangerous, gruelling, shattering, sometimes even thankless, but it has to be done. Otherwise, people suffer. Otherwise, people die . It's an impossible job, Helen, I know that, I really do. But if not you, then who ?'

For a moment, neither woman spoke, Charlie staring at her old friend, passionate, disappointed, sad. Then, shaking her head, Charlie retreated, marching back into the station lobby. Unnerved, angry, Helen fired up the engine. This was it then. All she had to do was ease back the throttle and she would be free and clear, Southampton Central a receding speck in her mirrors. One tug of the wrist and all the pain, the agony and disappointment of the past, would be behind her. It was time to decide. Should she heed Charlie's heartfelt plea? Return to the fray?

Or had she finally reached the end of the road?