Chapter Thirty: Like I’m Going to Lose You

Georgie

LIKE I'M GONNA LOSE YOU

Performed by Meghan Trainor & John Legend

I'd flown to Texas with flutters in my stomach. Flutters at thoughts of seeing Mac. Flutters at thoughts of telling him that the only thing I was afraid of anymore was losing him, and that I hoped I hadn't.

When I got to the beach house early Thursday morning, Mac wasn't there. Ava told me he wasn't getting there until later that day, and I could tell she was nervous about it. Nervous about part of her wedding party not being there. Or maybe nervous for Eli not having one of his "brothers" there.

I didn't have time to dwell on it, though, as we removed ourselves to the hotel downtown, and Jenna and I went into party-planning mode. We held the bachelorette party that night at the bar, and I almost expected the men to show up. Almost hoped the men would show up, but Ava said she'd threatened Eli with a month without sex if he dared. She'd sent him a list of perfectly acceptable bars in Corpus Christi, but he'd insisted they'd just get drunk at the house .

On Friday, after Jenna and I drowned our hangovers with greasy food that Ava refused to eat, we set to decorating the suite at the hotel for her bridal shower. We were joined by Eli's mom and their family friend, Leena. Jenna's mom was there, and Lacey from the bar. Even Dani showed up, and she hugged me while purposefully dropping Mac's name a half a dozen times to the others in the room. It was a small shower, but it was the women who Ava loved most in the world.

Ava had a cute little baby bump that was hardly noticeable if you didn't know she was pregnant. I was sitting next to her as she unwrapped gifts, and she suddenly grabbed my hand and set it on her stomach where I felt the baby's tiny movements against my palm. I gasped and then smiled, but then I wondered what my baby would look like if Mac were the father. What if…

I got to see one of my closest friends turn to tears as her mother-in-law gave her a ring to wear on her right hand that had once been her ring when she married Eli's father. And I wondered what Mac's mom would say to me if we were getting married. What if…

On Saturday, I got to help Ava into her wedding dress, knowing she was anxious to see Eli again after two days apart. That she was dying to see his expression when she walked barefoot down the sand outside their house in a white dress that was elegant and graceful but all spunky Ava in the flips and curves. And I wondered what Mac's expression would be if I was walking down the aisle toward him in a white dress. What if …

But nothing mattered once I showed up with Ava in the limo at their house and saw Mac waiting there for us in another tux. He opened the limo door and helped Ava out, and then Jenna, and then I was touching him, and my body rejoiced. Happiness filled me as I looked up into his blue eyes and saw a curious mix of emotions in his, which had me hoping there could be more to us than a story of a man and a woman who'd met but had let the world tear them apart.

I hoped there would be no more what-ifs.

I hoped there would only be a reality that was a dream.

"Georgie," he breathed out in that deep voice of his that still sent waves down my spine, even more so because of the absence of it over the last few weeks.

"Mac-Macauley." I smiled, and I saw the emotions in his eyes change to hope, and my heart leaped.

The wedding planner came bustling up and shooed us down to the beach. But Mac hadn't let go of my hand as he led the way. We halted at the dunes. We could hear the music playing and the chatter of the people who were sitting in the chairs. It was a small wedding. Eli's tiny family and Ava's almost nonexistent one. Andy, who was more like a dad to Ava than her real dad, showed up in time to walk Ava down the aisle. Truck held out his arm for Jenna, and Mac twisted the hand he still held so it was laying on his arm.

Mac and I were the first to walk down the aisle.

"You're breathtaking," he said quietly, and I smiled up at him, unable to stop. Unsure if the smile would ever disappear from my face throughout the day. So many good things to celebrate. Hoping beyond hope that this all meant that Mac and I would be one of them.

"You clean up pretty nice yourself, Mac-Macauley."

We parted ways at the end of the red carpet, Mac going to stand behind his friend, and me going to the spot marked on the sand by the seashells the wedding planner had used instead of flowers. I looked at Eli, whose eyes were glued to the aisle. He didn't look nervous at all. He just looked joyful, and when he saw Ava on Andy's arm, his whole face broke into a euphoric smile. It made him more handsome than when he was serious, but when I looked behind him to Truck and then Mac, my entire body was caught up in a blue gaze that had locked onto me. The entire wedding disappeared until it was just Mac and me on the beach where we'd first started to get to know each other.

While Eli and Ava exchanged their vows and their rings with words that stole my breath at their sweetness, I was still watching Mac, and he was still watching me, his large, beautiful smile drowning me. He was gorgeous. A gazillion points of gorgeousness.

During the wedding pictures, we had moments when we almost got to touch and speak but not quite. It was tantalizing, the anticipation hanging in the air between us. We journeyed back to town to a reception at the bar with Truck, Jenna, her husband Colby, Andy, and Lacey. The bar was closed for our private party. The first time the bar had been closed on a Saturday evening ever.

Once we got to the bar, Brady cornered me for a while, catching up on his tour and the behind-the- scenes gossip from Fighting for the Stars . Dani appeared next to me, and I hugged her while she listened on as Brady talked. I watched Mac over Brady's head, half hearing what Brady was saying. Mac watched me, his smile from earlier starting to glower the longer I spent at Brady's side. I winked at Mac, and I swear his whole face tore at the grin that took over it.

Brady left to go sing a song he'd written for the bride and groom about love lasting longer than the tides. It was good, but it wasn't an Ava song.

And then, finally, Mac was at my side again, twining his fingers in mine and pulling me onto the dance floor. The song was slow and moody as he turned me into him. My entire body sighed. That's what it felt like. Relief to be in his arms again after the ache of not being there. Of being apart.

"I'm redeeming my favor," he said.

This caught me off guard. "I think you already did."

"But you never granted it," he said, all seriousness, but I could see the sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

"A dance is your favor?" I smiled up at him.

He chuckled. "Not hardly. I need you to hear me out. Can you do that here, or do we need to go somewhere else?"

I didn't respond. I put my forehead on his chest, afraid of what I would say or not say. Afraid I'd let the what-ifs burden me down again. My heart was pounding because I so desperately wanted to hear what he had to say. I wanted to believe that the look I'd seen in his eyes all day was the same look that had been in his eyes when he'd said he loved me.

He drew me from the dance floor, through the storage closet, and up the ladder to the roof. The sun had faded, turning the sky deep purple. The wind had picked up, and I shivered. Mac ran his fingers up and down my arms, but it made the goosebumps worse instead of better.

"Georgie, no job―political, military, or otherwise―is enough for me to give up you," he said, and my heart sped up, feeling like it was going to jump out of my chest. But it was hard to see his expression in the twilight.

"You've already reenlisted," I heard myself say when I really wanted to say, "Thank God."

"I can go down right now and have Eli and Truck break my leg for me. Get out just like Eli got out."

"You'd break your leg so we could be together?" I asked, my heart beating a new tune. A tune of "what is." A reality and a dream built together.

"If you want me out. If that's the condition upon which you'll take me back," he said quickly and honestly.

"Mac, I don't want you to give up your career—any of them—for me," I told him, but he misunderstood. He thought I was saying what I'd said back in D.C.—that we couldn't be together—when that wasn't what I meant. I really meant that if he'd have me, I'd take him no matter his career.

But when I went to talk, he put a finger on my lips and said, "I understand that. I know that you don't want me to, and that makes me love you even more. The fact that you want me to have the future I always envisioned. The thing is, once you walked into my life, the only future I could imagine was one with you in it. One where I get to wake up guessing what color your eyes will be when you come out of the bathroom. One where I get to kiss the place at the corner of your ear and your jaw that makes you shiver and moan."

His words were so sweet they brought tears to my eyes, and he continued to misread them and said, "Do you know what I can't envision? I can't imagine living with the idea that you're out there with some other man. Where some other man gets to hold you, and protect you, and make you his. I can't imagine any other woman coming into my life and fitting into the curves of my life and my body and my soul the way you do. I can't imagine any career that requires me to give up―"

I kissed him. I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled his lips tight up against mine, and my body relaxed for the first time in over a month. I was where I belonged. In his arms. For as long as he'd have me. He didn't even hesitate before he was kissing me back. Fiercely. Like a man who was drowning and asking to be pulled ashore. Like a man who loved a woman who loved him back.

I pulled away, and he groaned in protest.

"I was right, and you were wrong," I told him, and he looked at me questioningly. "I told you that you have all the beautiful words when you speak from your heart."

"It's because you are my heart. All of it."

He went back to kissing me and found my favorite spot below my ear along my neck that had me saying his name in desperation. Forty days of longing. He picked me up, tongues and lips still locked in a battle to show who had missed who the most, and headed toward the picnic tables that were on the roof, and we'd almost gotten there when we heard a ripping sound.

I pulled back from his lips as we both burst into laughter. My hand found the torn sleeve of yet another rental tux. He set me down on the edge of the table, moving in between my legs, my short bridesmaid dress riding up my thighs.

"Why did you pick me up?" I grinned up at him.

His smile faded. "I didn't want to let you go in case you changed your mind."

We stared at each other for a long time, and then I put both my hands on his face before carefully and gently brushing my lips along his. "I'm not changing my mind. Why would I want hamburger when I can have steak?"

"You're quoting Newman to me?"

I smiled at him, and he devoured my lips in a kiss that took us both to a new dream realm where it was just us, his hardness rubbing up against my middle, making me wonder why I'd ever thought I could walk away from this. Why I'd ever thought I'd want to walk away from this. From a man who saw me for who I was and still loved me with all my pieces and parts strewn around the world.

Truck's laughter from the rooftop entrance brought us to our senses.

"I absolutely won the bet!" Truck hollered at us.

"What bet?" I asked, looking over Mac's shoulder at Truck's grinning face .

"The bet that said he'd be kissing you before the wedding was over."

"The ceremony ended hours ago," Mac said, but his lips were smiling against mine.

"I didn't say the ceremony, I said the wedding." Truck snorted.

"Potato, potahto," Mac responded.

"They're about to leave," Truck said and then disappeared back down the hatch.

"You bet on us?" I asked as he helped me down from the picnic table and entwined his hands back with mine.

"I'd bet on us a million times."

His words tore a new hole in my heart. A hole that was anchored with the string that bound me to him. That would forever bind me to this man who was willing to sacrifice everything for the ideals and the people he loved.

"I love you, Mac-Macauley."

"I love you right back, Georgie-Girl."