Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Smashing

When we got back to my place, after letting the dogs out into the yard to pee, I showered and put on some comfortable pajamas. My ass felt weird and bereft after holding on to that steel ball for so long. But there was also a delicious ache that made me remember.

Aiden and I cuddled in front of the TV after I'd checked my phone and made sure there were no texts or calls from either Lucy or her grandparents. But everything seemed fine.

By ‘fine', I meant that none of them had tried to contact me while I was otherwise occupied. I was still unnerved by the idea that Daniel's parents might try to take Lucy from me. At least getting thoroughly worked over by Aiden in the Bordello had helped me to relax, even in the face of that.

My bones felt like jelly, and I hadn't yet fully exited my submissive frame of mind—in the sense that I was still deferring to Aiden for everything and enjoying the caretaking he liked doing after a scene.

Daniel had looked after me in similar ways, and I was finally able to remember without too much heartache. Having another man in my life, one who treated me well and didn't make unreasonable demands, meant that I could continue to process Daniel's death. It seemed to be helping, and I didn't question that, beyond realizing that if Aiden and I broke up, it would hit me hard. But I was convinced that the journey that I'd begun with Aiden, no matter where it might lead, was a journey of recovery and growth. I knew the odds were against us ending up together forever, and I'd made peace with that. I was grateful to have someone by my side for now, and I resisted putting any more pressure on our relationship than that.

The odds of finding someone who was willing to engage with me the way that Daniel had, but with his own style of Dominance, had been exceedingly rare.

A pain, like a gut punch, hit me all of a sudden. I looked upward, even though I didn't actually believe in Heaven. But was it possible that Daniel was still looking out for me? Had Daniel sent me Aiden? It was the most comforting idea I'd had concerning Daniel's passing in a very long while—maybe ever. I might not believe in Heaven, but I did believe in energy and the idea that the inner essence of a person—the soul—might disperse into the universe upon death. The energy that had made up Daniel was still floating around out there—in the trees and clouds and ether—somehow. Whether I believed it completely or not, the thought soothed me. I snuggled closer to Aiden and closed my eyes, enjoying his comforting presence and the turn my thoughts had taken.

When I woke, about two hours later, Aiden was still watching television. I blinked up at him in the dim light and yawned.

"Hey."

"How come you're still awake? Aren't you tired?"

"Getting there," he said. "I was wired when we got back. I'm getting drowsy now."

"Wired in a good way?"

"Wired in the best way." He shrugged, finding my hand and clasping it. "I'm excited about the future."

"You mean…us?"

"Yeah." He laughed. "Only because I want to stick so many things up your ass. Not for any other reason at all."

I could tell he was lying, and the fact that he could joke about it and benignly lay his feelings out without expressly saying he wanted a serious relationship, was expert level romancing.

"Let's go to bed."

"Sure."

We headed upstairs. When he got to the top, Aiden turned in the direction of the guest room.

"Hey," I said, touching his elbow. "We're going to sleep in my room tonight," I said.

He turned and looked at me, squinting in the darkness. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Aiden nodded. "All right."

I led him into the main bedroom. We stripped to our boxer briefs and got under the covers. I'd bought all new bedding after Daniel had passed because I couldn't bear to sleep in the sheets he had used, even if they'd been washed. They were scrunched up in a box in the attic, and one day I'd get rid of them.

I snuggled up to Aiden again and rested my head on his chest, like I'd done with Daniel on many a night. And although it felt different, it comforted me in the same way, and I realized that Daniel would want to see me cared for in the way that he could no longer manage.

* * * *

Since we hadn't gone for brunch on Saturday, due to not wanting to overindulge before a complex scene, we decided to go Sunday. But first we lounged around having coffee and enjoying a relaxed morning.

I sent my usual Good morning text to Lucy at around nine, and she responded with a happy face, followed by a photo of the cutest little black and white kitten I'd ever seen.

Look what they got me! Kitten emoji, starburst emoji, heart emoji

I sat up and texted back, silently telling myself not to overreact.

A kitten?

My phone rang. I hit Accept.

"They got you a kitten?" I tried to channel surprise more than irritation, as my gaze met Aiden's. "A kitten?"

"I know, right? Her name is Lilly, so kind of close to my name. She's so cute! Dad, you've got to see her when you pick me up!"

"Is she…?" I swallowed hard. "Is she going to live at their place?"

"Yeah, so I can play with her when I'm here. That's going to be hard, though, because I'm usually with you and the dogs. But it will be great when I'm visiting! Maybe I can stay with Granny and Grandpa more often…"

My gaze met Aiden's. "Yeah. Sure."

"Are you okay, Dad? You sound weird," Lucy said. "Ow, Lilly get your claws out of my leg."

"I'm fine. Just tired. I was out late," I admitted.

She gasped. "On a date?"

"Yeah."

"With Aiden?"

"Of course, with Aiden."

"Cool! Anyway, I have to go because we're going to Cora's for breakfast. See you later!"

"Yeah. See you later. Love you."

I hit End Call and sat there staring at my phone, trying to process.

Aiden came and sat down beside me. "They're playing dirty."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Fletcher."

"How am I going to compete with that?" I asked. "I should just give up now and let them have her."

Aiden stiffened. He reached out and turned my face to his. "Hey," he said. "Come on, now. You can't just give up."

"Can't I?" I said, not feeling any will to fight. Perhaps submitting to Aiden hadn't been a good idea after all. "Maybe she'd be better off living with them."

Aiden's face fell. "You don't really believe that."

I shrugged. "I don't know anymore. I'm sure I haven't been the perfect father."

Aiden gave me a stern look. "Doesn't exist. There are no perfect parents," he said. "There are parents, and there are grandparents. And parents are supposed to raise the children."

"Not in all circumstances," I said.

"In most. Look… I've been a supply teacher for a few years now, and I can tell you that committed parents are the best thing for a child."

"Parent," I said, feeling lower than I had in a long time. "It's just me, Aiden. And I've been floundering. And I'm so disorganized. And Lucy, and the dogs. It's a lot."

"Listen. Lucy is healthy, and she's come a long way since…since Daniel's death, right? You told me that."

I shrugged. "Yeah. We both have. But I don't think I'm over it."

"Of course, you're not. Neither is Lucy. Neither of you will ever be over it. It's a lifelong process, dealing with that kind of grief. Ask me how I know."

My gaze flashed to his. I didn't want to ask him at that moment, but I could see that he'd suffered a major loss at some point.

"You may be only one guy, but you have the heart of two men. You hold all of Daniel's love for you and Lucy inside you. She needs that, more than she needs a new pet or a different place to live."

I blinked rapidly, overcome by emotion. "Think so?"

"Yeah. I do. Come here, you old softie," he muttered, pulling me close and kissing the top of my head like I was the child. "You know you can let go with me…in all kinds of ways."

"Thank you, Aiden. You don't know how much I appreciate having you here while this is going on. If I didn't have you, I'd—"

"You'd be strong, and you'd be fine. But I'm glad to be here to lend my comfort and strength."

* * * *

When Aiden dropped me at home after a delicious brunch, the place seemed super empty, even with the dogs there.

"Well, guys, Lucy will be back after supper. Until then, it's just me."

Cocoa, my old girl, gazed at me with sad eyes and gave a little growl.

"Yeah. I know."

She made a mournful, whiny noise and laid down with her muzzle between her paws, then huffed a long sigh.

"They got Lucy a kitten," I said, talking to Cocoa and Eddie. "A fucking kitten. Can you believe that?"

Eddie yipped and wagged his tail, as if the idea were outrageous.

"Right? Lucy's a sucker for baby animals. They know that."

Cocoa growled low in her throat.

"But we're not going to let that bother us, are we? She loves us. All of us. It's not like she'd abandon us for a new baby, just because it's tiny and adorable," I said, my conviction wavering.

The dogs looked at me. I looked at them.

"Fuck."

* * * *

When I got to Brian and Annie's to get Lucy, she insisted on having me come in to meet the new kitten.

"Okay, sure. But we can't stay long."

"Hello, Fletcher," Annie said, barely able to conceal a smug little smile. "How are you?"

"Just dandy, Annie, thanks for asking," I said, trying to sound better than I felt.

"That's good. Lucy was awfully surprised by our little gift."

"I'm sure she was, Annie. What a lovely thought. Strange that you wouldn't just bring it to our place, though."

Her smile faded. "I think there are more than enough animals at your place," she said, as Lucy passed me the black and white kitten to hold.

"She's only nine weeks old, but she's so good at using her litter box. She's cute, right?"

The little ball of fur made a small mewl. Mostly black, with patches of white here and there, she gazed at me with benign curiosity. I gave her back to Lucy.

"We've got to go. Say goodbye to Granny and Grandpa."

"Awe, man. I don't want to leave her…" Lucy said, reluctantly handing the kitten to Annie.

I didn't look at Annie. I knew she'd be trying not to smile, and I was worried I'd lash out.

"I know. But you've got school tomorrow, and I want to catch up with you. I missed you."

"I missed you too, Dad," Lucy said. "But I was only gone for two days."

"Don't forget about Lilly," Annie said. "You'll have to come visit us more often."

"I will. I promise," Lucy said, in an excited voice that just about broke my heart.

"Bye, Annie." I forced the words out and managed to sound relatively normal. I'm not sure how.

"Bye, Fletcher."

In the car, Lucy looked at me strangely. "Don't you like the kitten?"

"Lilly? Sure. What's not to like?" I said, faking enthusiasm.

"I don't know. You seemed kind of weird at Granny and Grandpa's. Is everything okay? Did you and Aiden have a fight?"

My heart swelled at her concern.

"No, no. We had a wonderful weekend."

"Oh. Good," she said, clearly pleased.

I gave Lucy as reassuring a gaze as I could manage. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

She watched me after I faced forward.

"Okay. I don't believe you, but whatever."

"Lucy…"

"Dad. I know when you're lying to me."

"You do?"

"Most of the time. You're not very good at it."

"Thanks a lot."

She grinned and put her sneakered foot on the dash. "I'm a much better liar than you."

"Oh, really?"

"Obviously."

I laughed, my mood improving. She was such a little shit disturber. I glanced over, and she was still watching me with concern.

"Anyway, Aiden and I had a great time this weekend. He's a very special person," I said.

"I knew it!" she said, taking her foot off the dash and sitting properly. "So what did you guys do?"

Oh fuck.I blinked and drove and tried to think of something to say.

"Oh, well, we went out for lunch on Saturday and for brunch today. Otherwise, we kind of just hung out."

"Uh-huh. Did you smash? You smashed Aiden, didn't you?"

"What? What does that mean? And why would I smash him? It doesn't sound very nice."

Her laughter was so loud I couldn't hear the radio.

"Oh my God! Dad!"

"What"

"Smashing is…it's…you know!" She looked around, as if the car might have another person in it. "Sex!" she said.

Oh!

"Smash means to fu—I mean, have sex, with someone?" Huh. I couldn't keep up with all the lingo.

"Yeah, duh. You're supposed to be smart."

"Very funny."

"So? Did you? Did you and Aiden smash? You can tell me, Dad. It won't gross me out."

"Lucy, I am not having this conversation with you."

"Why not?"

"Because what Aiden and I did together is private."

Her mouth went into a big O, and I realized I'd been tricked.

"Fuck," I said.

"I knew it!"

"Lucy…"

"It's okay, Dad. You shouldn't be embarrassed, just because you're old. Old people can smash."

"What? I'm not old!"

She laughed and giggled and smiled all the way home.

* * * *

After Lucy had gone to bed, I went into the master bedroom, got under the covers, and called Aiden. Cocoa hopped up next to me and lay down with her back against my hip.

I was very glad that Lucy's room was on the other side of the house, because that kid had ears like a hawk. Still, I turned on the TV to muffle any conversation.

"Do we really need to have a TV in the bedroom?"

Daniel looked at me like I was from outer space.

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Because a bedroom is for sleeping. And…other things."

"Sure. And now we can watch TV."

"I don't want to watch TV in the bedroom," I said.

"You know," Daniel said, giving me a lustful glance. "It's also a cover for those other things you mentioned, so that Lucy doesn't hear anything when we're…you know."

When Aiden answered my call at the other end, he was laughing and talking to someone. It took me by surprise, and I felt a surge of unexpected jealousy.

"That's not what I meant," he said to whomever was there. "Hey, babe."

"Hi," I said. "Sorry to interrupt." The endearment helped me to push my jealous reaction down a bit.

"No worries. My buddy, Tyler, is here and he's being very annoying."

"Fuck off! You love it," said Tyler from across the room.

"Oh. You've mentioned him. He's another teacher, right? And he's in your band?" I said, eager to place the strange man in my boyfriend's apartment.

"Yeah. He's the drummer. We're having beers and exchanging strategies. Tyler and his wife just had a baby, so he wanted to get out of the house and away from the chaos for a bit."

"Oh! What about his poor wife?"

"Good point. What about Marie? Did you just leave her in the trenches?"

Tyler said something that I didn't hear.

"He says she went out last night. They're taking turns."

"Commendable. I remember those days."

"I…do not. But from everything I hear, I'm glad I've avoided it so far."

So far?"So far?"

There was a pregnant pause. "Really, Fletcher? You want to discuss this on the phone?"

"Discuss what?"

Another pause. "Would you ever have more kids? Or is one enough?"

What…is happening?

I couldn't think of anything to say. I cleared my throat. "Pardon?"

I heard Tyler laughing in the background.

"I haven't absolutely ruled out having kids myself. But it's not something I need."

"Aiden," I said, "are we really at a point in our relationship to discuss this?" I asked, feeling weak in the knees.

"Fletcher, I'm twenty-eight years old. My biological clock is ticking."

Tyler shouted, "You're such a dick, Aiden. He's joking, Fletcher. He's had a couple of beers and now he thinks he's hilarious."

"Nice. Ha-ha," I said.

"Sorry. I'm sorry," Aiden murmured into his phone. "Were you hoping for a private conversation?"

"I mean, kind of. But it's fine. You're allowed to have friends."

Aiden laughed. "Oh good. You, too."

"I don't think I have any."

"Really?"

"Well, there's Patrick. Does he count?"

"Sure," Aiden said.

"Cool." I wanted to tell him about the conversation in the car. "Lucy asked me if we smashed."

"Oh no! What did you say?"

"I asked her what ‘smashed' meant."

"No!" Aiden started laughing hysterically. "Oh, Fletcher."

"What?" Tyler asked.

"Fletcher doesn't know what ‘smash' means."

More laughter.

"I do now."

"What did you tell her?"

"I tried not to tell her anything, but she figured it out."

"Of course, she did. That girl isn't stupid."

"Yeah, well, I wish she wasn't so perceptive. She knew there was something wrong when I picked her up."

"Oh, honey," Aiden murmured, serious now.

"I had to go in and meet the new kitten."

"Of course you did," Aiden said. "Is it cute?"

"Of course, it's cute. It's a fucking kitten."

"Sorry."

"Well, the grandparents were acting all smug, and Lucy was obviously head over heels with the kitten. It was uncomfortable."

"I'm really sorry, Fletcher."

"Thanks," I said, glad to have someone to talk to about it, even if my boyfriend was getting drunk with someone else right now. "I'll let you go. But I wanted to tell you about Lucy's embarrassing question."

"At least you know what ‘smash' means."

"Uh-huh. Maybe you can explain it better the next time we're together. I'm still a little…confused."

"I'd like nothing better." Aiden purred. "I'd love to go into explicit fucking detail with you."

"I'd like that, too," I said.

"Is Patrick free to watch Lucy on Friday?"

"I can find out."

"Should we book the Bordello?"

"The what?" Tyler shouted from across the room.

"Never mind," Aiden said to him. "Do you want me to?" he said into the phone.

"Hell, yes. I'm going to need it."

He laughed softly. "Well, Fletcher. I am dedicated to giving you exactly what you need."

"I love that about you."

"Okay, you love birds," Tyler said in the background. "Wrap it up. Aiden and I have a game of Super Smash Bros to get through before I go back to the ball and chain."

Aiden gave a horrified gasp while I smiled.

"I'm going to tell Marie you called her that," Aiden said to Tyler.

"She refers to me the same way. It's our love language."

"Jesus," Aiden said. "Charming. Bye, Fletcher."

"Bye, Aiden."

We hung up, and I texted Patrick.

Hey. Can you watch Lucy on Friday?

Awe, shit. I'm working.

I thought you said you weren't.

My ringer went off. It was Patrick, calling me.

"Sorry. I said I'd fill in for Cory."

"Yeah, it's just that Aiden wants to book the kink room."

"Oh, really?" Patrick sounded entirely too delighted.

"I guess I'll have to tell him not to," I said, feeling depressed.

"Wait! How about Robin?"

"What?"

"He's looking for extra cash. Lucy would love him."

She probably would love the saucy young man who worked at Molly's with Patrick and had treated us so well the other night. But…

"Do you think he'll want to babysit?"

"It's not really babysitting. Lucy's twelve. I think he'd do it."

"I don't know," I said, trying to imagine the flamboyant server in my home.

"Fletcher, Robin is many things, but he's responsible and conscientious in a strange, sort of irreverent way. I promise. Do you want me to ask him?"

I thought it over for about two seconds. "Sure. Yes. Please."

"Can you give him twenty bucks an hour?"

"Sure." Totally worth it. And that was probably the going rate, anyway. I got away with paying Patrick less since he was family. "Wait. Do you want twenty an hour, too?"

"No, no. It's fine. I'm happy to do it for whatever."

"I don't want to stiff you, though…"

"Fletcher. It's fine. It's just that if I can tell Robin twenty an hour, it will be a done deal."

"Okay. Thanks."

* * * *

I woke up the next morning to a text from Patrick that Robin was on board for Friday. I let Fletcher know I had a sitter for Friday when he called me at lunch.

"Not Patrick?"

"No, he's covering for someone at the club. But he said Robin would do it."

There was a pause. "Wait. Robin? The molly boy with the Miss Piggy jokes? The one that showed me his nipples?"

"Yeah. Why? Do you think that's a bad idea?"

"No, Fletcher, I think it's amazing. Lucy's going to love him."

"Maybe it's a bad idea."

"I already booked the Bordello. If Patrick vouches for him, I'm sure he'll be great."