Chapter Four

Saylor

Last night was the one of the worst I’d had in years. After Matt and my dad arrived, they worked the rest of the night with the information they were given from the guys. My dad called Reed, and they had a lengthy conversation about what they’d found. Reed did not know about the ritual room, only about the small group of individuals who were taken by the person that was operating in the black market. After they talked, Matt gave Reed instructions, to which I wasn’t privy, and honestly I didn’t really care to know. My heart was already heavy for the lives that were lost. Not to mention, a ball of anxiety was bouncing in my gut knowing how close a call Ciaran and Silas had down in those tunnels. Ci already tried to brush it off, using humor and making a joke about it. He didn’t want to worry me, but he forgets I have access to everything that he reports. Meaning, I know he almost got blasted by a fireball, and his joke about his sunburn is not from being on a mission, but vacationing in the tropics, only made me more upset.

By the time I fell into bed, the sky was already lightening. Just thinking about all the welcome packets I now had to put back in the drawer made my eyes sting with tears. I hate losing targets. It isn’t usual, and in such a large number, it’s devastating. The fact that those monsters were given a heads up that Rogue was on their way, brings back memories of the last time we had upheaval in the organization. It feels like a lifetime ago, but I remember how terrifying that summer was. The lives that were lost. The constant wariness about who we could trust, and who we couldn’t. Since Ciaran, Kai, and my brother took over Rogue, many steps have been taken to ensure that wouldn’t happen again. Lux was taking extra precautions when recruiting, and there were very in-depth interviews and background checks that came next. Not to mention, Reed also got involved. Our security for members, and families in homes, should be airtight. All homes were upgraded. So the idea that somewhere, someone betrayed us again, kills .

“Say, are you heading home soon?” Mila’s voice brings me back to the present. My head snaps in her direction, my face instantly softening while looking at my baby sister. Only she isn’t really a baby anymore. Mila has come so far since we first encountered Rogue. She has grown and changed in some of the most beautiful ways, and also the most painful. My eyes track over her wheelchair.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” I tell her, trying to discreetly flick the tears from my lashes.

Mila shrugs, “You were pretty lost in thought.”

“I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m worried,” I tell her honestly. Once Ciaran gets back, I’ll put on my brave face, but right now, with my sister, I can be vulnerable.

“We don’t know enough yet. Reed isn’t entirely sure it wasn’t coincidental, and he isn’t a huge believer in chance,” Mila moves closer to me, her hand held out, and I take it.

“Do you talk to Reed a lot?” I knew that before he left, Mila was helping Reed a lot down at the shop, with the computers and surveillance. They formed a friendship that made Ciaran wary, but not me. If anyone besides us could protect my sister, it would be Reed. Silas seemed to think there were romantic feelings involved, but Reed left, and Mila kept going, like she always did. She didn’t seem to be broken-hearted, or hold a grudge for him leaving.

“I check on him more than he likes, I think,” she laughs softly. “I don’t want him to think we don’t care about him beyond what he does for Rogue.”

I nod, and for some reason, my chest squeezes. My sister is so good. Her heart is the purest, despite what we’ve been through. “I think that’s good. He needs it.”

Mila nods, and I squeeze her hand. “What are you doing over in this side of town anyway?”

She rolls her eyes, “PT. Angelo is insistent. I started trying to walk the sidewalks, not just on the treadmill.”

I glance at her chair, and then down to her feet where she’s wearing her running shoes, “How did it go?”

“Same as always. I made it halfway to where he wanted, then got tired and needed to sit,” Mila stares back at me, her eyes unflinching despite the exhausted way she sounds. I want to hold her, comfort her, and make everything alright. I can’t though. I can’t change the damage that the bullets left on her body. I truly believe, if anyone can change their circumstances, it’s Mila, but I worry that she doesn’t have the motivation she needs.

“It’s progress, Mi,” I tell her, giving her my best encouraging smile. “You’re already stronger than I would be.”

“It would be nice if Mom felt the same way,” She responds, her eyes falling to her lap.

“She’s just worried. You going to college, and wanting to move out, it’s a lot for her right now,” I sigh.

“If someone would plan their wedding, she might take her focus off of me,” Mila throws out, and I immediately shut her down.

“Not you too! We will plan the wedding soon. I just want to be able to help more, and I don’t want to use Rogue funds. That’s all that’s going on.”

Mila studies me. Besides Ciaran, she is the only other one who seems to be able to tell if I’m lying or not. “I can understand that, and I’m sure Ciaran would too.”

“He just wants it all done. Any girl would be happy to hear how much their fiancé wants to plan a wedding,” I tell her shrugging, “and I do, but I want it to be just ours.”

“There is nothing wrong with that Say,” Mila tells me, taking my hand in hers again. “Speaking of my future brother-in-law, I saw his truck was back at the auto shop.”

Excitement floods my veins, as well as lust. I’ve missed Ci, and just talking about what a great guy he is, makes me want him so much more. “Let’s go!”

Mila laughs, “Mom is picking me up on her way home. You go see your man,” she winks before turning her chair around and heading to the front doors.

I grab my bag and shove the last of my papers inside. After locking the front doors, I wave to my mom and Mila as they drive off, and then I get into my car and head into town. The street lights pop on as I pass. Some people are out walking the streets with their dogs, or kids, enjoying the early spring weather. I take it all in and try to calm my racing heart. These are the true tests I’ll be facing with Rogue, and any mission Ciaran goes on. I knew it. He knows it. This is the life I didn’t want to walk away from. I just hope that Ciaran really is taking as many precautions as he can. Sometimes I worry he is so headstrong about Rogue, that it blinds him to remembering his safety matters too.

Pulling into the Rogue parking lot, I notice very few vehicles are left, but I do see Ciaran’s truck. I park next to him and stop my engine. I practically run to the front doors.

“Hey Saylor!” One of the mechanics, Jon, calls to me and I wave back.

“Is Ciaran upstairs?”

“No, he’s down in the cages,” Jon replies, and I move towards the back of the space to the door that leads to the basement. After that summer, it was decided that in rebuilding, we would add this extra space. On the outside it looks like a storage area, and we do store things down here. It has become the new home of any weapon, ammunition, and other safety equipment we need.

My feet hit the bottom stairs right as Kai comes out of the equipment room, “Hey, Say.”

I wrap my arms around his middle, “I’m glad you’re safe. Make sure you give Oak some extra attention, okay?”

He nods, a mischievous smile pulling his lips, “I think I can handle that.”

I shake my head as he walks past me and up the stairs. I hear rummaging from the weapons room, and decide to try that door first. Placing my hand on the scanner, it only takes a second to read before the door slides open to let me in. The sight that greets me, suddenly makes all the worrying worth it. Because at the end of the day, I have Ciaran. Who is currently shirtless, his muscled back flexes and ripples while he hangs up one of his newly cleaned guns. His tactical pants ride low on his waist. And the frozen blonde hair I love so much? It looks wild, as if he’s been running his hands through it. I want to run my hands through it.

He turns to face me, not even surprised to see that I’m there, “Are you going to stand on that side of the room all night?”

I bite my lip to keep from crying, yelling, laughing, I don’t know. I love this man, and I never want anything to happen to him. Without a word, I stride across the room, launching myself into his arms. Ciaran is ready for me, and scoops my body up into his arms. My hands dive into his hair, angling his head back, so my mouth can find his. My legs wrap around his torso and squeeze, refusing to lower even a little bit. His hands glide over my back, holding me close while his lips move urgently against mine. He smells faintly like smoke, and I remember that he came so close to becoming a fireball. My hands move down to my shirt and I pull it off over my head, wanting to be closer to him, feel his skin and his heart beating against mine. He’s alive . He made it.

My shirt hits the floor and Ciaran groans. His long legs walk over to the bench, and he sits with me straddling his waist. Ci places kisses along my jaw and down my neck to where the skin meets my shoulder. I shudder in his arms, warmth coats my skin and raises goosebumps in its wake, before his lips move across my chest, biting and sucking at the skin there. His hands grip my hips and lift me off his lap, so I’m standing between his legs. Without my lips leaving his, I shimmy my pants down my legs and kick them off. Ciaran pulls my panties off next, while I work at the clasp behind my back. Ciaran’s hips lift off the bench and soon his pants are undone, his cock freed of its restraints. I move to straddle him again, positioning his head at my entrance, and slowly sinking down onto him.

My breath hitches as Ciaran groans low in his throat when he’s fully seated inside me. “I missed you,” I tell him, my voice is breathy and desperate. Desperate to have him, and desperate for him never to be taken from me. Ciaran’s blue eyes flash. His hands grip and pull at my lilac locks of hair, bringing my mouth back to his. He kisses me as if he’s starved for me as well.

I start to move, gasping every time Ciaran lifts his hips and pushes further into me to match my rhythm. My orgasm is embarrassingly quick. It has only been days since I’ve had him last, but it feels like months. My body needs him, my heart needs to feel that he’s alive, and we’re together. In the aftershocks, my body trembles against his, twitching from the sensitivity of where we’re connected. Ciaran works me through it, before standing with me in his arms. Quickly, my back hits the bench and then Ciaran is back inside me, stretching, his hips pounding into me so hard the bench squeaks. My arms and legs wrap around him, holding on while he buries himself so deeply inside me, I’m not sure where he ends and I begin. It feels like an apology that he came so close to death, and is wanting to make it up to me. Like he can’t live without me.

Ciaran rests his forehead against mine, forcing my eyes up to his, and our gazes lock. He gives me his vulnerability, I can see the flash of fear soon replaced by a look of love. My arms tighten around him while he pumps into me, deeper, longer, hitting that perfect spot inside of me, until my back bows off the bench pitching me into another orgasm.

“I love you,” he growls against my skin as he comes inside me, holding my body to his. We’re both breathing heavily and the room is starting to feel muggy. I should care about that last part, but I already know Ciaran will take care of it. He’s my love, and my protector.

“I love you more,” I respond, and watch as his icy blue eyes catch fire again.