Chapter Sixteen

Deacon

So what's the deal? You think you can fix it?" I asked Damon again after he finished examining my motorcycle. I brought it to him because for the past few days it kept firing up and then dying. As if I didn't have enough crap on my mind, I needed trouble with the one thing that brought me any semblance of happiness, especially now.

He wiped some grease off his hands on the towel that was hanging out of his pocket and cleared his throat. "You have a clogged fuel filter."

I rubbed my forehead, frustrated. "Fantastic."

He backed up, right to a stool and sat. "All right. What the hell is going on? Because I know you're not this upset about a simple malfunction that I can have fixed in no time. So what's really the matter?"

I shook my head. He didn't need to hear about my problems and I didn't want to talk about them. How could I tell him that Jenna and I slept together, that we made a baby and she lost it? I could barely still understand it all myself. It wasn't going to help and, frankly, gossiping like a schoolgirl was the last thing I wanted to do.

It'd been a week since I acted like a total asshole and left Jenna standing outside of her parent's house. I knew it was wrong, but the longer I was standing there, I knew the more likely I was to say something I couldn't take back later. I had to walk away from her and take time to think.

Not that it had done me any damn good yet.

When I came back, I swore I'd fight for her, but I didn't know the secret she had been keeping from me. Not that I believed her sister at first when she pulled me aside to tell me at that damn dinner party. But the more she went on, the more I realized she wasn't lying. Everything made sense.

I mean, I wasn't a naive dumbass. We shared a passionate night together, staying up all night and fucking on the couch, on her bed, in the shower, against the wall, on the kitchen counter. Everywhere. Anywhere. She wasn't on birth control, so I used condoms, but there was always a chance. Apparently, we fell within the two-percent of the time they didn't work.

Sure, it would've blown my mind to learn we made a baby, I would have been overwhelmed and underprepared, but we would have figured shit out. None of that mattered, though, because Jenna miscarried, so I would have never had the chance to be a father anyway. All the more reason she should have told me back then. I could have been there for her, could have. . . I don't know. . . . It didn't matter because she never gave me a chance to do or say anything. She made the decision for the both of us.

Then she distanced herself all this time.

Damon shook his head and chuckled, bringing me away from my thoughts. "What's so damn funny?"

"I've never been able to read you, bro. You're like made of steel or something. But, this time, it's written all over your ugly mug."

My brows pulled together. "And just what do you think you know?"

"You've got girl problems."

I frowned. "Jenna—"

"And you broke up. Again. It doesn't take a rocket scientist."

"It's not that simple," I relented, giving in to sharing like he obviously wanted—he was such a married man now, it was sick.

"She's complicated. Always has been. So what's new?" He shrugged.

"That's putting it mildly."

"It's why you love her, though," my brother reminded me. Not that I needed the reminder. "So what gives? You going to go begging for forgiveness for whatever you did because we both know you must've done something?"

"Why did you bring it up if you were just going to bust my chops?" I rubbed the back of my neck and frowned. "She lied to me, Damon, and I don't know if I can forgive her for this one."

Damon waved it off, as if it didn't matter. "So I was wrong, obviously. Listen, even so, we both know that's bullshit about you not forgiving her," he explained. "So the real question here is, how are you two going to move forward?"

"How can you be so sure? I didn't even tell you what she lied about. Oh, and then there's her ex." I brought my hand to my jaw and scratched my stubble. "You should have seen the way she reacted when she saw him. It felt like she was—" I couldn't even finish that thought. "She looked surprised to see him, but in a good way."

"Take it from me, man. Women are puzzles. Sabrina and I had an altercation early on in our relationship and I didn't understand why she was so upset with me. The real problem? I wasn't listening closely enough." Then he laughed. "You know, maybe you're reading the whole thing wrong."

"None of this is black and white, Damon. I don't know what the hell was going on in her head and I don't know why she lied to me, why she felt the need to lie to me all these damn years."

"That's the thing. It's been a long time, brother. Can you really hold whatever it was that happened all those years ago against her? There must've been a reason, she's not one to do something without a reason. If you want my opinion, I'd say, it's time you asked to hear her side of things. You'll probably regret it if you don't." He put his elbow on the small workstation holding the computer next to him and leaned over. "As far as I'm concerned, you need to get your head out of your ass and go fix things."

Was he not listening to what I just said? "Damon, how many more times can Jenna and I give this another go? And this time she lied to me. I have never lied to her."

"Shit, I feel like I'm listening to a broken record. And who gives a damn about the past? The two of you are stubborn as bulls, but you love each other and if you think you don't belong together, then you've lost a few screws, man, because no woman will put a smile on that ugly mug of yours like she does." After a beat, he said, "It's time you get your girl back."

My girl, I mused. I liked the sound of that, always had. I couldn't help but let my mind go back in time to the first time I called Jenna my girl. I'd never forget it.

"You know, it should be a crime for you to look as good as you do in that dress." I was following behind her and lightly swatted her ass, wanting to do so much more than that.

She looked back at me, her eyes wide. "Deke! Someone might see you."

We were walking down the hall in her apartment building, where she'd live when she went to college and I went off to the Army, and I couldn't wait to get inside already and have my way with her. "No one's around, princess." I wrapped one arm around her waist and tickled her side a bit, making her giggle. We were on borrowed time and I knew I had to make the most of whatever we had before I left.

Jenna began looking at the numbers on the doors and then shook her head. "We're on the wrong floor, Deke. How could we be so stupid?" She always got frustrated with herself when she made a silly mistake. It came from years of her parents insisting she be perfect. Good thing I didn't give a crap whether she was perfect or not.

I pulled her close and kissed her cheek. "It's just more of an adventure."

"To take another elevator ride?"

"Yeah," I said, my hands working their way under her dress.

She swatted them away. "We're in public," she reminded me. "And how do you figure that?" she asked as we turned around to get back on the elevator we just came off of.

I gave her a playful grin, my hands ready to pull her close again. "The inside of the elevator isn't so public," I pointed out.

"Oh, no." She chuckled and shook her head. "No, we can't. What if someone sees us?"

"No one's going to see us. That elevator is slower than molasses and the way I see it, we can stop it and I can have my way with you before someone gets here."

She blushed and swatted my shoulder. "You're so bad, Deke."

"Isn't that why you love me?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're not the bad boy you think you are."

I shrugged. "Isn't that what every girl wants in her boy?"

She didn't answer, just pressed the button and waited for the elevator to open. It was empty, just as I suspected. I wasn't too surprised, though, considering it was the middle of the day. No one was around, everyone was probably at work or school, and that was just fine by me.

Whatever trepidation she had dissipated when she turned and looked me directly in the eyes. "I can't say no to you, you know that?" She flipped the emergency lever and raised an eyebrow, as if challenging me.

I nodded. "I may," I said, pushing her back against the wall.

She leaned back and spread her arms over her head, her legs spread, too. She was mine for the taking and I had to remind myself we were on borrowed time. "What are you waiting for?" she asked, a mischievous look in her eyes that made me groan with desire.

Without another word, I raised one arm above her head, locking her wrist in place, my mouth hot with desire over hers. With my other hand I made fast work of her skirt, lifting it, inching my hands up, pushing her panties to the side. She was wet with desire and I let my fingers slip in, finding her center.

I inhaled deeply and whispered in her ear, "You'll always be my girl." I worked my magic and she moaned my name until she was finally about to come over the edge when I got down on my knees and replaced my hand with my tongue so I could taste her.

Panting, she raked her hands over my back and pulled me closer as I stood tall again. "I'll always be your girl? Always sounds like a really long time."

I kissed her, lifted her up, hitching her legs over my hips, her skirt pooled around her waist. "It's not nearly long enough. No amount of time with you will be."

She made fast work of the button and zipper on my jeans now, releasing me. "Now, Deke, now," she cried before throwing her head back and letting me do the rest.

Damon's voice brought me out of my head again, away from thoughts of the past. "Earth to Deacon. Where'd you go?"

I ignored his question, not wanting to get into the thick of it, and jabbed my elbow into him lightly. "You know, you're a goof, but you dole out some sage advice. Sometimes. Don't let it go to your head."

"Just get out of here so I can do my job. I have a few cars ahead of you today, so you can come by tomorrow morning to pick up your death mobile."

"Hey, be good to it. I love that thing."

"Boy, do I know."

Before I left, I had to ask, "How did you know, Damon, when to propose to Sabrina?"

"I followed my gut," he said. "If you're asking me whether you should propose to Jenna, I'd say work out your shit and then go for it, it's high-time you did. You two have been together for a couple of decades already."

It was good advice and I was keenly aware that if I could forgive Jenna, then we needed to make some real changes. No more one foot in, one foot out. No more playing around. No more waiting. I wasn't even sure what we were waiting for. I did love her and if I could forgive her like Damon suggested, then there was no reason not to make this official.

Ignoring his commentary on my life, I asked, "You do know I'm not that old, right?"

"I know, but it's fun to annoy you."

I turned around only to bump into my baby brother Colt.

"What are you doing here, Deke?"

"Motorcycle was acting up. How's Scarlet? I've been meaning to stop by."

"She's good, ready to deliver. I can't say I'm not ready for her to, either. It's been like walking on eggshells around her. Anything I say, even if it's a compliment, gets blown out of proportion. She either cries uncontrollably or hurls an object at my head. Last night it was a heel and it was a good thing I saw it coming so I knew to duck."

"See," Damon added, "this is why I'm glad Sabrina's not looking to have children right away. We're just enjoying each other's company."

"Yeah, can't say I envy you, brother." I clapped Colt on the back. "You can always stay at Mom and Dad's with me if you'd like. They're still away, so it'll just be the two of us."

"Tempting, but I'm pretty sure Scar wouldn't appreciate that."

Damon nodded. "This is why we have the ladies and Deke here is having trouble keeping his."

I rolled my eyes.

"What's he talking about?" Colt asked.

"You'll have to ask him," I answered. "I have someplace to be."

"Damn straight you do," Damon said. "You going after her?"

"I'm going to get some answers." Whatever happens after that, we'll just have to see.

* * *

I closed my eyes and rubbed the back of my neck before opening them back up and walking the distance to my parents' house. The auto repair shop where Damon worked was a short distance, so walking was manageable and did me good. It gave me plenty of time to think about Jenna and me, everything I'd learned, and where I wanted to go from here.

I still didn't have all the answers, but it wasn't like the love I had for her could be turned off with a switch. I still loved her, I just didn't know where we could go from here. She lied to me and I had always trusted her. Trust was the one thing neither of us ever worried about. We never doubted one another because we always told each other the truth, even if it was hard on us. Or so I thought.

I wished things weren't so complicated.

As I approached the front door, I noticed someone on our bench—a striking woman with short platinum blonde hair partially covered by a baseball cap. She had big blue eyes and lips that wore nothing more than a hint of lip balm.

And I knew exactly who she was.

"Carmen," I exclaimed, "what are you doing here?"

She got up and grinned, opening her arms for a hug.

I went in for one, but reminded her, "You didn't answer my question."

Carmen was a woman of few words, always had been. She kept things close to her vest and didn't like to let anyone in. I always got along with her for those reasons. Some things were better left unsaid. But we served together, so we got to know each other better than either of us had hoped for.

"You never were one to mince words, soldier."

I furrowed my brows and crossed my arms. "Well?"

She chuckled. "My enlistment contract's up, and before I head home to Georgia to see my folks, I thought I'd stop by and say hi to a friend, see how you're doing after the accident. Seems to me you're doing just fine, though," she said, eyeing me closely. Then she looked around and chuckled again. "I gotta say, Deacon, I never thought this was what you left behind. Nice community, nice place. So you've always been a fool."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "What were you saying about not mincing words?"

She shrugged. "We have so little time on this earth. Why waste it using pretty words to cover up hard truths?"

I uncrossed my arms and sat down on the bench, gesturing for her to join me. "That nervous to see your folks, huh?"

She shook her head. "It's not that," she replied, "it's just that I haven't seen them all this time. I never visited them when I had the chance."

I knew that. She'd told me before. "They're going to be happy to see you."

"How could you know that?"

"I just do," I said.

She brushed my comment off and asked her own question, "So what have you been up to?"

Where to begin? "I reunited with my ex."

"Jenna?" she questioned.

I eyed her suspiciously. "How did you—"

She tilted her head back and laughed. "Oh, please. Don't even try to ask how I knew. Everyone over there knew who your ex was. We all heard about the fabulous Jenna McAllister."

"Carmen, she's something else. If only you met her."

"I'd love to, but I've got a flight out later today."

"That and the fact that we're technically not together anymore," I mumbled.

"What did you do?"

I cocked my head. "Why does everyone immediately jump to that conclusion?"

"Because you're a grade-A knucklehead."

"Yeah, well, it's a little more complicated than that. She kept something from me and now I know the truth."

"She told you whatever it was?"

"No, Carmen." I shot her a look. "Her sister did."

"Yikes."

I sighed. "I don't understand for the life of me why she felt the need to hide it from me in the first place."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure she had her reasons."

"I would have told her." I raked a hand through my hair, frustrated. "I tell her everything."

"Like you, I believe in laying everything out in the open," she said, "you know me." Then she went back, "But some things are better left unsaid. Perhaps she felt this was one of those things."

When I didn't say anything, she continued, "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Popular question today." And a really damn annoying one, I thought. I supposed if Jenna and I were ever going to move forward from this, I would have to understand where she was coming from and get some answers. Because right now, the only thing I knew for sure was that she lied to me. And she couldn't say it was because she didn't think I'd be happy about the baby because I would have been. Hell, she should have known that.

She tapped my knee with her hand and then got up. "All right, well, I better be going."

I nodded. "That's it?" I got up, too.

She laughed and looked at her watch. "I'm on a schedule and do you know how long I waited for you anyhow? I was about ready to leave when I saw you walking up."

"I'm glad you didn't."

She smiled and enveloped me in a quick hug. "Hey, and don't give up on Jenna."

"Why so invested in this?"

She shrugged. "You give the rest of us hope."

When Carmen was no longer in sight, I turned around and went inside. It wasn't going to get any easier the longer I put this off and it was inevitable that Jenna and I would have to talk about this. We couldn't very well leave things the way we did. I needed to see her.

I took my phone out of my pocket and called her. Straight to voicemail. "Hey, Jenna, it's me. We need to talk."