Prologue

Jenna

5 years ago

Deacon's icy-blue eyes stared into my own like they could see right through me. "Jenna, please," he begged. "Help me forget. Help me forget about all of it."

With my arm leaning against the side of my open apartment door, I tried to steady my breathing, but knowing he was watching the rise and fall of my chest in the thin pajama shirt I was wearing made my heart beat even faster. I brushed my hair to the other side with my hand and blinked, making sure this wasn't a dream.

It couldn't be, though, because I knew Deacon was in town because his younger brother, Damon, was in the hospital for injuries he'd sustained while serving.

I licked my pouty lips and shook my head. "Are you sure that's what you need right now?" I clarified, "To forget?"

He stepped forward and with every step he took toward me, I stepped back, until I finally felt the side of the couch against me. His eyes never left mine as he brought his thumb to my bottom lip. My breath hitched and I parted my lips to his touch. He let his finger slip in my mouth and I sucked on it, loving the way he tasted. "This is exactly what I need," he insisted.

I brought my hands up and ran them against his buzz cut. "I want to. You have no idea how badly I want this." I swallowed hard. "But—"

Deacon cupped my cheek with his hand and I leaned into his embrace, sighing in contentment. I hadn't felt like this in a long time, too long. But we couldn't do this. It would ruin everything and we both knew it.

He was my first love and I would always love him. He meant more to me than he would ever know, but I didn't just want this one night with him. I wanted so much more. I wanted something I would never have with him—forever. That was the one promise Deacon couldn't keep, the promise of us being together forever.

"But?" He searched my eyes for the words.

Words that could only be found in my heart. I was a fool when it came to Deacon because I couldn't help the way I felt about him. When he first enlisted right out of high school, I was flabbergasted and hurt. I didn't understand why he'd want to leave me and everything we'd started to make together. But he didn't take those beautiful memories with him. No, I still had those. What he did take was half of my heart and the life I planned on us having together.

As much as we both wanted to stay together and make it work, there were no amount of letters or video chats that were going to help. It wasn't an easy decision for either one of us, but we knew things weren't the same, so we let each other go in that first year.

I feared I needed to make another hard decision tonight because spending the night together would only confuse my heart. I walked out of his embrace, but he grabbed my elbow, pulling me back against his sculpted chest. Damn, he was even more ripped than before. "You should be with your family right now. They need you. You should be at the hospital for Damon."

He shook his head. "You're wrong. I just came from the hospital. I can't do anything for them. I'm not what they need right now."

I knew what he was saying without even saying it. He felt useless, but on top of all of that he was scared and angry.

My eyes filled with tears, and he brushed his hand along my hair. "Don't cry, princess. I'll leave if you want me to."

I sucked in. "That's the last thing I want."

"Then what is it? Don't we deserve this?"

I swallowed hard. It'd been a long road, but was this the answer? "I love you so much, Deke, it physically hurts sometimes. I just don't think I can let you go again."

"You can," he countered.

"No," I refuted, "I can't!"

"You're stronger than you think."

"Not that strong, because we both know I can't deny you, Deke. Tonight. One night," I said, feeling the weight of my words, a stark reminder to my heart.

"Then we better make the most of it."