Chapter Twenty-Seven

Wyatt

There was a noticeable hole in my life and I wasn't sure what to do about it. Going from spending as much time with Brandy as I had to all but pushing her away like I did, I felt the void.

I liked Brandy, I did, but I couldn't see how I"d ever be able to move on. Susan was still too much a part of me. Her love and death both fed my soul and broke me all at once. I was no man to love because I wasn't sure I could ever love again.

Although it was not something I usually did, I decided there was a first for everything, so I was on my way to see Deacon. A definite first, but I needed to talk to someone and figured he was my best bet. He didn't know what I was going through, but he was a straight shooter and he was in love before and almost didn't get a second chance with Jenna.

I parked my car and walked to their door, but before I could knock, the door swung open.

"Hey, man. I was just on my way out," Deke said, pulling his keys from his pocket. "You here to see me?"

"I almost can't believe it myself, but yes. Do you have a minute to talk or should I come back?"

He gestured to his car and kept walking. "I'm on my way to Mom's. She has something Jenna needs for some dessert she's trying. A pan or pot or whatever, so you can come with me. I'm going there and coming straight back here." He unlocked his car and waited for me to join him.

I had the time, so why not, I mused. "Okay."

"Good. Get in," he said, slipping in to the driver's seat.

I followed suit, getting in on the passenger side. It was the first time I was in Deacon's car. My hand swiped the leather seats appreciatively. "Hey, this is nice."

He chuckled. "It is, but you and I both know you didn't come here to talk about my car, so what's up?"

My elbow poised on the door, I raked my hand through my hair and kept my gaze on the road. "Talk to me about you and Jenna," I said, not sure where the hell to start.

Again, he chuckled. "That's a long story, I don't think we have time for all that. So I'm going to take a gander and assume what you really want to know is how I knew to fight for her. Am I right?"

I shrugged my shoulders. In a roundabout way, I supposed he was right. "I don't know what I want. I'm so confused."

Deke turned his blinker on and waited at the light. Not turning to face me, he also looked straight ahead. "That's an understatement. If what I saw, what we all saw actually, at the anniversary dinner was any indication, you really like this Brandy girl."

Shaking my head, I stopped him. "What makes you say that?"

He laughed. "Come on, give me more credit than that. I see the way you look at her. Besides, she's a catch, but so are you and she knows it. You're both just too damn stubborn to admit it. Am I right?"

"I don't know. I've been down this road before. I was married. I had Susan," I said, not even sure that made sense, but it was how I felt.

He turned once the light changed and the ticking from the blinker kicked off finally. Stuck at another light, he turned to me this time. "You don't just get one chance at love. If I learned anything, you can have many chances, but you have to be willing to open yourself up and fight for them. They don't just come around. So yes, you may have had a great love with Susan, but that doesn't mean you can't have it again with someone else. I believe you don't just get one person, one great love. You just have to be willing to let yourself fall. Again," he tacked on at the last minute.

"That was deep," I mused. In fact, it reminded me of something Susan used to say, but I didn't tell him that. Instead, I let her words play in my mind. To love is to bare your soul and, if you're fortunate, you'll uncover your soulmate. Funny, how she lived on in ways I couldn't even imagine. Sometimes I forget she didn't have to be here to keep teaching me things.

Bringing me back to the present, Deke joked, "Don't look so surprised and believe everything you hear. I'm not just a slab of beef." He brought a finger to his arm and poked his bicep.

"No one said that—ever," I countered.

He brushed off my comment and went on, "If you ask me, you already fell. I meant it when I said we could all see it. You just don't seem to know it yet."

"Great, so even after I brought a girl around, you all sat around talking about me?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Consider it a joint hobby. No, seriously, man, they're just worried about you. Not me, but the rest of the family is."

"Naturally," I said, sighing as I took everything he said in.

"Just remember this, if you don't do something and quick, you might lose her. You have to ask yourself, if that happens, would you be okay with it? Would you be willing to lose her?"

"No, of course not." I leaned my head back and exhaled, looking up for answers I knew wouldn't be there. "That's why I'm here. I don't know what to do."

"Good and you aren't fighting me here, so I think you already know this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You need a big gesture, something that shows her how you feel," he said as he pulled into our parents' driveway. He opened the door and got out, poking his head back in before closing it. "I'll be right back. Wait here. We can plot on the way back."

In his absence, I thought about what he said. A second chance at love, who would have guessed it possible? In reality, I didn't think I'd find love once, but to have found it twice, it was some sort of miracle. It had to be.

It was so obvious, the possibility of loving again, and yet not something I was ever willing to entertain.

I loved Susan so much, it actually hurt me sometimes, but she wouldn't want me to keep going like this, that much I knew. Worse yet, it'd be a double loss, because even I couldn't deny that losing Brandy would be a big mistake, a real regret. With Susan I didn't have any regrets, only that we didn't have more time, but I had no control there. Here, well, here, I was in control and still almost fucked it all up.

It'd been a few days since I'd spoken to Brandy, so I only hoped she was still willing to talk to me after I sent her away before.

* * *

After sitting in my car in Deke's driveway for way too long, thinking, making plans, I finally pulled out and drove to the cemetery. It was a necessary first step. Before I could go after Brandy, I had to see Susan one last time. I'd been carrying around Susan and the memory of her for so long, and it wasn't that I wanted to forget, but I realized it was finally time to let her go. She deserved to be set free.

I pulled into the lot and got out, carrying the flowers I picked up from the local supermarket to lay out for her.

Inside, I walked the path I'd taken countless times before and measured every step. I could get to her with my eyes closed, I knew.

Letting my mind wander, I thought back to that fateful day when we buried her, when I had to say goodbye but refused wholeheartedly. It was just a few days after she passed and her father had come to town, insisting on taking care of all the arrangements. I was so lost in my grief I didn't put up a fight, just let him handle it all. He'd been down the road before, burying his own wife mere months before, so maybe it was wrong or selfish, but I was in no position to make decisions and we both knew it. My family was great, supporting me at every turn, but it didn't help. Nothing did.

I remembered it like it was yesterday, the rain was coming down hard. It felt like even the sky was crying over the loss of Susan. The church was packed, friends and family from near and wide turned out to say goodbye. I played my part well as her grieving husband, standing next to the casket, accepting condolences. But I wasn't ready to say goodbye, not by a long-shot. Instead, I vowed to never give up on her, to never let her memory die. We shared so many memories and I felt like it was up to me to hang on for as long as I possibly could to ensure that Susan could live on.

How could I have moved on and found someone else to love and spend the rest of my life with, to create beautiful memories with, because Susan was never going to have that chance? It just felt so wrong. Her life was cut too short and she would never have the chance to be a mother, to hold her child in her arms, to grow old and laugh about the good ol' days. Loss was never easy, but at such a young age, dare I say it was even harder. I couldn't come to terms with it, I didn't want to. But I let that hold me back, weigh me down.

Instead of honoring her, I used her memory as a shield to protect me from any sort of emotion. I'd become numb, there was no other way to put it.

Brandy, however, reawakened something in me. I wasn't stupid, I knew how important that was, how she'd done me a huge favor without even knowing it. Funny how one decision could change my whole life. It took fake dating for me to realize how much I wanted to date Brandy for real, how I needed it, and more so, how ready I was for it. The time had officially come for me to move on. Susan would never be gone, not truly, but I could no longer hide behind her death. And I didn't think she'd approve of me doing so.

So I looked up at her square of marble, letting my eyes trace over the details. Susan Montgomery Ryder, then her birthday and the day of her death. I thought about that night, our last words. It was so clear in my memory. We were brushing our teeth, teasing and flirting with each other after a long, grueling week of classes. I wanted her to stay up so we could have some fun, but knew she was tired. She went to sleep and my world shifted on its axis without me even really knowing until it was too late.

"Susan," I started, my voice just above a whisper out of respect for the other loved ones nearby. "I miss you every single day, but I think it's time. Probably past time, but it became easier for me to hold onto you then let you go. I like to believe you sent Brandy to me the second time, probably an answer to Mom's prayers. Hey, maybe next you can send me a listing for a proper place to live, then Mom can really be happy," I said and laughed.

"Anyway, I just thought you should know," I patted my chest, "you'll always live on in here, but I think I'm ready to share my heart with someone else now. You would approve, I know you would. She's wonderful. You probably would've wanted me to do this a long time ago, but I was kind of busy defending our country," I said, laughing at that, too. "So maybe you can give me a pass for my tardiness."

To think, her death sent me to enlist, something that wasn't on my radar at the time. Hell, I wasn't even sure I ever wanted to enlist, not like my brothers. Not like Dad always wanted. I was meant for something else entirely, until I wasn't anymore and I succumbed. "You're probably still getting a laugh out of that, aren't you?" Oh, how I remembered her laugh, it was so loud, so boisterous. I used to tell her she felt everything straight from her toes. She was filled with passion, passion for everything. It was one of her best traits. In some ways, Brandy was no different, and it turned out I appreciated that in my life. I needed it.

I blew a kiss up to her and tapped her stone. "Thank you, Susan. For loving me and for looking out for me, both when you were here and even after you've gone." With one final glance, I turned and walked away, feeling a thousand pounds lighter.

I was finally free, free from the shackles I'd put on myself, free from my overwhelming grief. I was finally ready to let the light in, to love again.

My mind wandered to Brandy again. With a glance at my watch, I realized I didn't have all that much time to get over to the bar. I'd called Laurel earlier, asking for her help. It was up to her to get Brandy to the bar where we first met for the start of their karaoke night. Someone was about to make a fool of themselves and Brandy needed to be there.

I closed my car door outside the cemetery and pulled out of the lot. The sun had gone down when I was inside, but that just meant the workday traffic should be over. I could definitely make it on time, or so I hoped.

Hitting all green lights, I pulled into the lot and smiled. It was showtime. I ran inside and things were just getting started, patrons filing in the place for a drink after a long day, couples meeting for dates. Exhaustion and excitement and nerves filled the air and, soon, so would romance. That was right, I was about to romance the pants off my girl.

My girl. I hoped after this I could finally say that and know it to be true. Brandy would be my girl and it would be for real this time.

I walked up to the guy behind the bar. "How do I get my name on the list?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of the makeshift stage.

He passed me a clipboard with a pen. There were a few names already listed. I jotted mine down, hoping she'd be here in time.

"Ballantine's neat, please." That better be enough liquid courage.

There was a table by the door and I grabbed it, just in case I had to go with plan B. As I sat, I sipped my whisky, and song after song was sung and my nerves were starting to fray. But I could do this, I reminded myself.

It wasn't so much that I cared about making a fool of myself, which I'd no doubt do, but that Brandy wouldn't be here in time. Or she'd think I lost my mind.

Shaking my head, I stood as it was my turn. I downed the rest of the contents of my glass and walked up to the front where I had to select my song, but I already had it picked in mind. I was going with the most romantic song I knew.

Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley.

I took the stage and the music started. The lyrics slowly made there way up the screen. As if right on cue, just as I opened my mouth, Laurel, Brandy, and, of course, Geoff walked in. Laurel's eyes immediately went to the stage, but Brandy was fussing with something in her handbag and not paying attention.

I watched as Laurel tapped Brandy on the arm. Brandy looked at her and gave her a questioning look. She pointed to me and Brandy's eyes went wide. She looked over at Laurel again as though for an explanation, but she only shrugged her shoulders. Brandy sat down, slipping into the chair I just vacated, her gaze fixed on me as I sang with every ounce of passion and exuberance she brought out in me. I sang every single line like it was part of a love letter to her. In a way, I supposed it was. Each lyric spoke to our story more than I realized. The truth was exactly that, I couldn't help falling in love with her.

As the song was finishing, I waved her over to come up on the stage with me. "Brandy Pruitt, this one's for you. Come on, get up here," I interjected over the lyrics and the crowd parted, everyone peering over to where I was pointing at her by the door.

She smiled wide and passed her handbag to Laurel before she all but ran to me on stage. Her blonde hair was down and swinging with every step she took. I extended my hand and helped her up the steps. Pulling her close, I forgot all about the song and the audience. It all faded into the background as I whispered, "I couldn't help falling in love with you, Brandy. I know you warned me not to, and maybe I heeded that warning too well, but no more, I refuse to pretend I'm not falling in love with you. You've changed my life. I can't imagine you not being in it. Please tell me you're willing to give me a chance for real this time."

Tears in her eyes, Brandy smiled and the room lit up with the light of a thousand suns. "Of course," she said, grabbing my face and pulling me to her as she kissed me. The crowd erupted in a thunder of clapping and cheering and she smiled against my lips before parting and saying, "Of course, I will, Wyatt Ryder, because I'm falling for you just as much."

I bent down and swept her up in my arms, carrying her from the stage to our friends. She had her hands on my face and pulled me in close for another kiss. This one was more heated, more passion-filled. As soon as our lips touched, she parted hers for me and I slipped my tongue in, loving the way she tasted. Our tongues did a perfectly paced dance and she moaned into my mouth, causing me to hold her tighter against me. I slipped my tongue out only long enough to swipe it across her bottom lip and in return she bit mine and then licked the spot.

When we separated, I put her down, but kept my hold on her. "I couldn't lose you, I just couldn't."

She laughed, still holding my face. "I can't believe you did that. I can't believe you can sing."

I wiped away the rest of her tears and laughed with her. "I mean, I'm no Elvis, but I can hold a tune."

"Yeah, you can. My man can sing!"

I lifted her up and spun her around. If this was what my life was going to feel like now, then I was one happy dude.