Chapter Twenty-Five

Wyatt

"I think I'll stay out here for a minute," Brandy finally answered, crossing her arms over her chest and looking outward, clearly avoiding my gaze.

I took a step toward the outdoor sitting area where Mom kept blankets and pulled one up, wrapping it around Brandy's shoulders. "It's getting cool," I explained, silently acknowledging her request to be alone for a minute.

I understood the feeling, the need for some time alone. It felt like the more time we spent together, the more mixed up everything was getting.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn't that I wanted it to be like this, like I didn't want this to be real, but I had to be honest with myself. Brandy and I couldn't be any more than we were before this weekend. I let things go farther than they should have and I needed to remember Susan. I needed to think about her and everything we had lost. I took my eye off the ball for a moment and it felt like Susan's memory was slipping away. I wanted to keep her at the forefront of my mind. I didn't want her to become such a distant memory that I diminished what we shared. She didn't deserve that. I was the only one that could keep our memories alive. So I needed to remember that. And while this had been fun with Brandy, I couldn't very well be the man she needed me to be.

I waited for her to say something, anything at all, but when I was met with silence and she turned to face out, I took that as my sign to go back inside.

"Dude, fake, my ass!" Colt teased, elbowing me as soon as I got back in. "Come on, you can't honestly tell me you don't have feelings for her."

I exhaled. "It's complicated."

Smirking, he shook his head. "See, I think you're making it more complicated than it needs to be."

"You wouldn't understand." None of them could. How could they? They hadn't been through what I'd been through. Thankfully.

"Why do you keep saying that? Just because you lost Susan doesn't mean that you have to be alone for the rest of your life. It doesn't mean that you have to turn a blind eye to this girl that clearly has feelings for you, too."

I brushed off his comment. "You don't know what you're talking about," I insisted. "Brandy just got out of a relationship. She's in no place to jump back into another one." Then I let out a sigh. "And even if she is," I paused and rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm not and it has nothing to do with Susan," I lied. It was easier that way.

"That's bullshit," I heard Damon's voice approaching and nearly groaned. This was going to be whole damn intervention or something. Why did this always happen? Coming here always seemed to be a mistake.

Damon popped a grape in his mouth as he walked over to us and I thought about Brandy eating those grapes at the pool party. Only she could forever change the way I saw and thought about grapes.

Back in the here and now, after he swallowed, he shook his head and wagged a finger in my face. "I'm disappointed in you, man. Clearly, you're oblivious."

I rubbed my forehead and prayed this conversation would end. "I'm going to regret asking, Damon, but what is it that you think I'm oblivious to?"

"You have feelings for her." He said it as though it was as simple as breathing.

I looked up, wondering why me. "Good thing this is none of your business. Either of you." I shot Colt a look, too, and he held up his arms in surrender.

"Hey," the sound of Scarlet's voice had Colt's head whipping around. "Brandon's getting kind of fussy. I think we should probably take off before he wakes up and has a full-on fit."

"All right, yeah, we should get going."

I clapped his back as he turned around. "Don't worry about me so much."

Colt laughed. "You think I worry about you? That's funny ‘cause I don't."

The truth was, I knew that we all worried about each other. Just because we were all home living the civilian life didn't mean the worrying stopped. Sure, it wasn't the same kind of worry, but that nag of concern for one another was always there. It was just who we were. We were a big, close family that worried about one another and nothing was going to change that.

I just didn't see how my love life was something that factored in. I was doing what was right for me. And they seemed to forget that I already did the whole wife thing. I had the white picket fence with the woman of my dreams. If for only a short period, I'd been there and done that.

My time had come and passed.

It was that simple.

Next thing I knew, Brandy came in behind me. She looked to Damon and then back at me. "Am I interrupting something?"

Damon shrugged. "Nope."

A beat passed.

"We should probably be going," I suggested. "It's been a long weekend, you probably want to get home."

Brandy nodded. "Yeah, it's probably for the best. It's been a long trip and I'm pretty tired."

I knew that Brandy had energy for days, so something else was going on, but I wasn't about to put her on the spot now. Not when I had my own motives for wrapping the night up.

After our rounds of goodbyes, I placed my hand on the small of her back and walked us out.

In the car, she placed her hands in her lap and sat there, as if contemplating the world's problems. I nudged her arm with my elbow and smiled at her.

Glancing over, her beautiful eyes stared back at me, filled with hope and gratitude. It was like she was waiting for me to say something, anything, but I knew that whatever I said would only let her down, so I decided to keep my mouth shut instead. I turned the car on and pulled away from the curb.

Neither of us said a word the entire drive back to the resort so she could get her car where she left it before the trip. The silence that filled the air spoke volumes.

"Are you sure you can drive home?" I asked, concerned about the time. It was late and I didn't want her getting in an accident.

She unbuckled her seatbelt and grabbed her purse, holding it tight. "I'll be okay, thanks."

I didn't argue with her. She opened the door and swung her legs out before contorting in the seat so she could look at me. "Wy?"

I raised a brow, waiting for her to continue.

She rubbed her lips together before saying, "I think this could be something." Then her eyes lit up and she got back in the car, but left the door open. "Scratch that." Her voice grew louder as she spoke. "I know this can be something. Frankly, I think even you have to admit it already is."

I went to open my mouth and respond, but she placed a finger over my lips.

"Let me finish. Let me say what I need to say. Let's give this thing a real shot. I want to be with you, Wy. I want to be your real girlfriend. None of this fake crap anymore. Just you and me going out on real dates, kissing each other whenever the hell we want, and making love as many times we want. You and me. What do you say?"

She smiled, her eyes dancing with such hope it actually physically pained me to say the words that were on the tip of my tongue. I closed my eyes, looking for the courage to say what I needed to say.

It wasn't going to be easy to get her to see that I was no good for her. No matter how many times I seemed to say it, she didn't believe it. She saw the good in me, she saw me as this guardian angel of hers. But I was so far from that it wasn't even funny. And when the fantasy faded, when it all ended, she was going to see what I had been telling her all along to be true. I didn't want to be there when the twinkle in her eye went out, when the dream all but crumbled around her.

I opened my eyes and searched hers.

Brandy was one of the best women I had met. She was fierce, loyal, compassionate, beautiful, brave, and so incredibly smart. Wickedly so at times. And I didn't think I would be forgetting this weekend anytime soon, but I had to give a voice to my thoughts. "This was fake, Brandy."

A shadow passed over her eyes and she looked at me through hooded lids. "What?"

I swallowed and cracked my knuckles on the steering wheel. "It was a charade, Brandy, for your mom, for your family. It was never meant to last longer than this weekend."

"And that's really how you feel?"

I nodded. "That's really how I feel. You were a great fake girlfriend."

She raked her lip between her teeth, like she was fighting back tears. "Okay."

Never had Brandy been at a loss for words, not like this. I knew she was so far from okay. "Brandy." I reached over and tried to grab her hand. I didn't want this. But this was the way it had to be. I knew she'd see it one day, too.

She moved away from me, though, and continued getting out of the car. Right before she closed the door, she popped her head in. "Just so I'm clear, this was all fake to you?"

I could have said what we both really wanted to hear. That it became real for me along the way and that the feelings I had for her were real. But it was up to me to shut it down. All I had to do was say it one last time and I knew Brandy would walk away. I knew she wouldn't ask again. I took a deep breath and did it, hurting us both. "Yes, it was a fake relationship, Brandy. You said so yourself."

"Yeah," she blew out. "You're right. Guess I just didn't know you were such a great actor." And with that she slammed the door shut and went around to the trunk to get her suitcases.

Why did something that I knew was right feel so fucking wrong?