Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

JAY

I stared at the mostly empty space that was now my room. My own fucking room. Sure, all it had was a mattress on the floor and a couple boxes. But it was only mine. There was even a working lock on the door.

Dakota’s arms wrapped around me. “How does it feel?” He had been here all day helping us move in. It felt kind of weird, moving out of his space, but we both understood I needed to do this. I still planned on spending a fuck-ton of time at his place. Especially since I could barely sleep without him next to me.

“Weird,” I told him honestly. “But mostly good.”

He seemed to accept that. “Can’t wait to break in your bed,” Dakota said with a cheesy grin, causing me to snort.

“It’s a mattress on the floor.” Kota wanted to buy me a bed—as my housewarming present, he said—but I refused. I’d never had my own before. It felt like something I had to do for myself. Which meant I’d be buying it in chunks since I couldn’t afford that shit in one go. It would be worth it.

“It’s a good mattress though.” I smiled. It really was. I spent hours finding the perfect one.

Dakota’s phone went off. It was time. “I don’t have to go, you know. I can tell them things took longer than we expected. They’d get it.”

I knocked my shoulder into his, forcing a smile. “Nah, go see your family. It’ll give us a little time to get settled. But you’ll come back tonight, right?” The words were too similar to the ones he’d said to me the night I bailed and went to the bar instead. I still felt guilty about that, but we had been so much stronger since then. It was the wake-up call I needed.

“I’ll be here.” Fisting the back of his hair, I brought him into a kiss. Every time I tasted his lips, it was better than the last. I kept waiting for the time I’d get tired of this. That I needed space and freedom, but it hadn’t happened. Even leaving him so we could work, or for things like this family dinner, was painful.

I squeezed his arms. “I’ll miss you.”

Dakota groaned and rubbed against me. We were both half-hard from that kiss. “I’ll miss you too. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“You have Find My Location on?” Dakota rolled his eyes but nodded. After I’d ditched him, we both agreed to put the service on. I had promised myself I wouldn’t look at it unless it was an emergency, I always gave Beck crap for following Riley around, but apparently I was just as OTT as my best friend. I’d gone from constantly pushing Dakota away to clinging way too close.

Dakota hadn’t brought up therapy again, and I’d been happy living in our little blissful bubble. But even as we both knew I’d watch his dot till he made it to his folks’ house, I was aware it probably wasn’t healthy. I vowed to myself I’d ask Wes about the therapist during the cookout.

“I’ll be fine, Jay. I’ve driven thousands of times by myself.” He was trying to hide a smile though. He secretly liked my bullshit.

“I know. Still gonna worry though.”

Dakota smiled. “I kinda like it.” See, told you.

I grinned. “You like me all protective and growly.”

“Yeah, a little. I can take care of myself, but it’s nice to know someone else wants to.”

Fuck, those words made me all fluttery inside. “I always wanna take care of you. Just, sometimes I don’t know how.”

“Just keep being you, Jay. That's all I need.”

He always said shit like that. Which made no sense. He always got mad when I argued about it though, so instead, I just took his hand and led him out of my room and to the front door.

Riley was sitting on the floor with an opened box and like forty bowls spread out in a semi-circle around him.

The dining room/living area was connected to the kitchen by an island. Beck was by the island, on the kitchen side, staring at the two boxes taking up most of the space.

“What’s that?” I pointed to the boxes.

Beck grumbled. “Fuckin’ food. Wes gave us a care package. How much fuckin’ food does he think we eat?”

I walked over, curious. The two boxes were full to the top. I pulled out a box of pasta from the top of one and peered in. There was all kinds of shit. Pasta, sauce, cereal, chips, cookies, bread, rice—I didn’t even know. The other box was insulated somehow and had meat, fruit, and veggies. I don’t think I’d seen that much food in one spot in my life.

“He realizes there’s only three of us, right?”

Riley looked over his shoulder at Dakota. “Plan to eat all your meals here for a long-ass time. Wes is tryin’ to make up for all those years by buying as much shit as he can get away with.”

Beck grunted in agreement, still looking overwhelmed. I dug through the box. I saw my favorite brand of cookies but ignored them. Dakota always bought them for me, and it kind of felt like cheating to eat them from anyone but him now. “Oh sweet. Sour cream and cheddar chips.” I pulled them out and waved them toward Dakota, grinning.

He looked amused, but a little unsure about what he should do. He probably didn’t get the big deal. His ma did shit like this all the time. She even did it for me. The day after I met them, Dakota came home from work with a cooler full of prepped Tupperware. I guess while we were talking I mentioned I was doing double shifts that week, since I took a few days off to move, and she made me some meals and dropped them at the hospital with Kota, so I wouldn’t go hungry. I fucking cried as Kota loaded up the Tupperware labeled with my name in the fridge.

For us though, it was a lot. Beckett was probably thinking of all the ways accepting the food would bite us in the ass. Me, I figured whatever happened, happened. In the meantime, I was gonna enjoy my snacks.

I opened the bag and came back to Kota. “Want one?”

He shook his head with a soft smile. “I’m good. Are you guys?” His eyes flicked to Beck and Riley. Riley had started organizing the bowls into piles around him. He had some kind of system, but I didn’t know what. I didn’t even know how we ended up with so many fucking bowls to begin with. Beck began pulling the food out, muttering under his breath about crazy, overcompensating fuckers. Shit, maybe Kota was right to be worried.

I kissed his jaw. “We’ll be okay. Enjoy your dinner, sweetheart.”

I trailed down his face and started to suck lightly on his neck. I might be letting him out of my sight, but I wanted my mark on him somehow. It was becoming a real problem.

“I can stay…” he started.

I nipped his skin.

“Go. We’re fine. Text me when you get there and say hi to your folks for me.”

He still seemed unsure but finally gave in. Probably wanted to leave before I gave him a mark he couldn’t easily cover. “Alright, I will. Text me if you need me to leave early, and I’ll be back right after.”

“Kota…”

He rolled his eyes and gestured to my two best friends. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. We weren’t exactly handling this like most people would, but Kota staying wouldn’t change that.

“I love you, Jay.”

I swallowed and squeezed his hand. I wanted to say the words so badly, but I always became mute when I tried. Kota didn’t wait for it. He said goodbye to Beck and Riley and left. The door had barely closed when I pulled out my phone and started to watch his little dot as it moved farther and farther away from me.

“Shit, you’re worse than me,” Beck mumbled as he finally left the groceries and watched the dot over my shoulder.

Riley snorted. “No, he’s not. You’re over the top.”

“Yeah well, that’s different.”

“If you say so.”

I ignored them and continued to watch the dot.

I could finally breathe again when it stopped moving and my phone buzzed with a message.

Kota: You can stop stalking me now. I’m at my parents’ house. My sister is watching me from the door like a creep. I’m good.

I couldn’t help but laugh. He knew me too well.

Ok good. Have fun and let me know when you’re leaving.

Kota: I will. Love you.

I shivered and shoved the phone in my pocket. Reading the words was somehow even harder than hearing them. I looked up and realized Beck and Riley were watching me.

“What?”

Beck shook his head, like he was trying to clear it. He seemed to finally notice whatever it was that Ri was doing. “What the fuck are you doin’ with all those bowls, butterfly?”

“I’m sortin’ them.”

Oh okay. “Why are there so many?”

“I got them from work. I guess my boss ordered the wrong color or somethin’. He was gonna throw them away, so I asked if I could take them.”

“We feedin’ an entire football team or somethin’?” I asked. “Why do we need so many?”

Riley shrugged. “You never know. We got the space anyway.” We did have way more kitchen cabinets than I thought we’d ever need, but between Wes’s shopping spree and Riley emptying the restaurant he worked at of dishes, maybe we’d use them all after all.

I looked between my two best friends. I thought for sure I would be the only one that was spiraling because of this. Clearly I was wrong. Time to get this under control.

“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do. First, we’re gonna get all that food in the fridge so it don’t go bad. Then I’m gonna pull out the bottle of Irish whiskey Dakota’s dad gave me as a house-warming present, and the baggie of gummies I cashed in a favor for, and we’re celebrating our new fuckin’ place.”

Beck seemed unsure, but then Riley grinned and bounced up, completely forgetting his organization project. “Yessss.” He grabbed Beck’s hand and dragged him back to the kitchen. “We’ll take care of this, Jay, you go get the goods.”

Laughing, I gave him a thumbs-up. “K, slasher. Works for me.” Beck grumbled about the nickname I gave Ri and I chuckled on my way back to the room. It annoyed the fuck outta Beck, but Riley secretly liked it, so I kept calling him it.

I walked into my room, once again struck by how weird that was. I took in the space, stretching my arms out to the sides.

It wasn’t anything major. Most people would probably take it for granted. It was a square room with a small walk-in closet and one big window. There was nothing super special or fancy about it. But to me, it was everything.

Okay, enough sentimental shit. Booze and weed. That was the mission. I dug through my duffel that was still packed and thrown next to my mattress. The thing was a million years old. My grandpa gave it to me as a Christmas present before he died. It was the last Christmas present I’d ever gotten, besides the little things Beck and Riley managed to scrounge up. Somehow I’d managed to hang on to it. Even when my ma or one of her boyfriends was selling everything not nailed down, I fought fucking tooth and nail to keep this. Eventually it got too beat up for even them to consider it worth it, and I got to stop worrying about losing it. The zipper stopped working ages ago. The strap was safety-pinned on, and there was a huge hole in the side. But it was the only thing I had left of my grandpa, after Ma gave away his pocket watch as a way to pay off a dealer, and I refused to get rid of it.

The bottle of whiskey was wrapped in my work coveralls to protect it. I unrolled it, and the small baggie of gummies fell out as well. When I stepped out, Beck and Riley were cuddled on the plush sofa. Apparently, the living areas came pre-furnished so we didn’t have to worry about things like chairs, a couch, TV, whatever else. I was pretty sure that was bullshit and it was furnished by guilty-feeling Papa Wes, but if Ri and Beck weren’t gonna call him on it, I sure as fuck wasn’t. The couch was mad nice.

There was plenty of room for all three of us on it, especially when Ri was basically in Beck’s lap like he was now. I sat down next to them with the goods. Ri had pulled out three glasses from somewhere and had a few of his forty-seven bowls filled with some of the snack food Wes had left for us.

I opened the bottle and poured each of us some.

Once we had our drinks, I held out the glass. “To our new place.”

Beck rolled his eyes but tapped his glass to mine. “To new beginnings,” Riley added, before we all took a drink. And holy fuck, there was something to say for good whiskey. That went down smooth.

“Yo, you gotta tell Daddy Kelly thank you from us,” Riley said after his third drink and a full gummy later.

His head was in Beck’s lap with his feet draped over mine. Beck snorted but didn’t say anything else. He was preoccupied playing with Ri’s hair.

“Can you please stop calling him that; it’s weirding me the fuck out.”

“Why, he’s a Daddy ain’t he?”

“He’s a dad, yeah. Anything else, not my fuckin’ business.”

Riley just laughed and reached for his glass again. I was wondering if I should stop him, but Beck was right there. I didn’t need to be his keeper right now. “Well, either way, this shit’s delicious. Way better than the crap we usually buy.”

“It probably costs a week’s salary.”

Riley pouted. “Lame.” He swatted at Beck. “Put on a movie or somethin’. I don’t wanna just stare at the two of you all night.”

I batted my eyes at him. “Oh, come on, I’m fuckin’ glorious to look at.”

“Yeah, gloriously ugly,” Ri replied, already cracking himself up before he even finished. He wasn’t as thrilled when I grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed it at his annoying ass.

That finally woke up Beck. “Hey, not on the fuckin’ couch.”

Ri turned around so he was facing him. “Oh, so do we have rules now?”

Beck booped his nose. “Yeah. To not live like fuckin’ animals. Might be too difficult for the two of you.” But Beck couldn’t totally hide his smile.

Still, Ri and I made eye contact, and without any words, came up with a plan. Beck, who clearly didn’t have the best tolerance when it came to the gummies and was a little slower than usual, realized too late what we were doing. By the time he started to push Ri off him, I had the bowl of popcorn and Riley had the bowl of M&Ms, and we dumped them right on his head.

“You little fuckers.” Riley all but rolled off Beck’s lap as I darted off the side of the couch and fuckin’ sprinted outta the room. Riley did some weird bear crawl type thing, trying to run after me, but didn’t get far when Beck’s tall ass just leaned over the couch and grabbed his ankle, dragging him back.

“Jay! Help!”

“Sorry, slasher, you’re on your own. Beck might actually kill me.”

Beck snarled at me as he threw his boyfriend on the couch. “Be ready, Jay. I’m coming for you.”

I just laughed. “Oh, I’m fuckin’ ready.”