Chapter Thirty-Seven Madison

I t feels strange being home. Though it’s literally been four months since I was in New York with Jaxson, and just over three months since I last saw him. Knox and Sam both told me that he was hard at work with something to do with his show, as well as handling other issues. To which I can only imagine it has something to do with his new life, maybe.

Our last interaction left me more broken than I was when I came back to Willowcreek. Though I try not to show it. Part of me was left back in New York—I know that much.

Knox says I forgot to pack my happiness, and Sam simply wants to skin Jaxson for hurting me. But that’s not it. It isn’t that I’m not happy, because I am in a way. I’m back home with my mom, and the bakery is doing better than ever after the show was released. Kylie and Sam come back to visit often, and even Knox, Callum, and I have been hanging out more .

It’s just that even though I see them more than I did this time last year, it doesn’t fill the empty place in my heart. A void that Jaxson once occupied. I honestly feel more lonely now than I did back then. And I hate it.

Having woken up early this morning, I made myself busy in the bakery long before my mom arrived to help open the store. I barely slept properly the last few months and I know she notices. But she never presses for more details.

Which I’m glad for.

Because honestly, I don’t want to keep talking about it. I hear enough of it from Sam. I mean, the damn woman was furious when she found out, and it took me and Asher to convince her to not go to New York to beat the daylights out of Jaxson.

Regardless of his and my issues… I didn’t want the others to treat him differently.

“I was thinking we could make those chocolate chip muffins you like to make tomorrow,” my mother says softly as she walks back from the front, staring at the inventory clipboard in her hand.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Picking up the tray of cookie dough I’d just laid out, I pop it into the oven and turn back around, coming face to face with my mother. Her right brow raised slightly, and her arms crossed over her chest.

Shit. I know that look .

“Enough is enough,” she says flatly. “I’ve been more than patient with you, Madison, since you came back, but you can’t keep going on like this. You can’t keep moping around like someone killed your puppy and pretend that things between you and Jaxson didn’t happen.”

I’m a little taken back by her comment about a puppy. I mean, of all things you could use to describe my situation with Jaxson, I wouldn’t say that’s the best. But I get the point, and a heavy breath escapes me as I turn my gaze from her towards the front of the store.

“It’s not something I’m ready to talk about… I mean, we kinda already have.”

“Not ready to talk about it?” She laughs, shaking her head. “Madison, we’re closed and everyone's gone. I’m going to make us some hot tea and get us a snack, and we’re going to talk. So go out there and take a seat. ”

I scoff with a smile, shaking my head. “Seriously? Do we have to… it’s not important.”

If looks could kill, I’d be dead right now. Because the taken aback, ‘who do you think you’re talking to’ look she’s giving me right now makes me reconsider my words rather quickly.

“It wasn’t a request, Madison. Now, go.”

Fuck .

Closing my eyes for a moment, I let out a heavy breath before taking off my apron and making my way towards the front of the bakery. My feet move slower than I’m sure my mother would like as I unwillingly take a seat at a small table near the counter.

All I want to do is finish this last batch of cookies and do the dishes so I can go upstairs, take a shower, and crawl into my bed. But it’s clear that's not going to happen anytime soon.

It doesn’t take long for her to come out from the back with two cups of tea on a tray and two chocolate croissants. My eyes narrow slightly at the croissants before glancing to my mother, who acts like she doesn’t notice a thing.

“Didn’t you just tell Knox an hour ago that we sold out of those this morning?”

She feigns innocence as she shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Seriously?”

“We’re not here to talk about what I may or may not have told Knox,” she replies sternly as she hands me my tea and takes a seat across from me. “We’re here to talk about you. So start talking.”

“Mom,” I sigh, shaking my head. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Madison,” she snaps. “Start talking. What really happened in New York?”

I was a fool, for starters .

Glancing down at the teacup in my hand, I try to bite back the emotion in the back of my throat as I recall the events from New Year's Eve. “Jaxson and I just weren’t working. He found someone else he’d rather be with… that’s it.”

“Is that right? ”

“Yes,” I reply with a dramatic sigh, raising my gaze to hers once more. “I’m not trying to be second fiddle.”

“Second fiddle?” She laughs. “I’ve seen the way that man looks at you. You’re not second fiddle. He’s in love with you, Madison.”

Part of me wants to believe that, but I suppose I’m just so fucking hurt by everything that I can’t. And even though I’d seen the news lately, the confession of Caitlin admitting to the lie… the press release with lawyers and his PR team. I just can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t fucking called me then. It’s been months.

“Mom—”

“No,” she replies flatly. “I have put together the many pieces I’ve heard from you and seen on TV. I’ve even heard from his sister Avery about the conversation he had with his parents.”

My attention piques at her admission as I stare at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Well,” she shrugs absently. “I guess a few months ago, he had a falling out with them. He told them about how that girl made things up… what was her name—”

“Caitlin.”

“That’s it,” she nods. “Her. Now, she said that he put them in their place. And Avery admitted that it was the first time in a long time she was really proud of her brother for finally standing up for himself. You know she tries to stay out of most things, especially since her mom helps with the kids.”

I was aware of that. Avery and Jaxson were never close, and growing up they fought all the time.

“I’m glad he was finally able to admit things to them,” I say after a few moments. “Maybe he can now have the closure he needs.”

The gaze my mother gives me is alarming. A smirk litters the corner of her mouth as she slowly brings her teacup to her lips before setting it back down. “And that’s what we’re going to discuss with you, Madison.”

“What?” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. Because if she means closure with Jaxson, that’s just silly. “I don’t need closure with Jaxson.”

“Yes, you do," she says quickly. “So, again. Do you want to tell me what’s going on? Or possibly why when I was watering the plants in your apartment a few weeks back—which, by the way, they would die without me… I saw the paperwork on your end table from where you saw the doctor for pregnancy-related issues?”

Oh, shit .

My eyes widen at her words as my heart sinks into my stomach. “Mom, I can explain.”

“You know, Madison," she says, shaking her head. “I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each other?”

Tears quickly fill my eyes before running down my cheeks. It’s as if every emotion I’ve kept bottled up for months is rushing forward at one time, and I can’t stop them. My mother quickly stands to her feet and comes round to take a seat next to me, wrapping her arms around me into a tight hug that only makes me cry harder.

“I wanted to tell you,” I sob. “I just didn’t want you disappointed in me.”

“Disappointed?” She laughs, rubbing my back. “Sweetie, I’m not disappointed in you. Though I am glad you aren’t pregnant… at least not right now. You still have so much life to live ahead of you before you start worrying about children.”

And that was the hard part. Accepting that she is right about that.

There is still so much in the world I want to see and experience, and at twenty-eight years old, I’ve barely done anything with my life. But the fear of leaving Willowcreek, of leaving my mother, hangs so heavily on me that I don’t know what to do anymore.

“I don’t know what to do, mom.” I finally admit when she pulls back to look at me. “I feel like I’m missing something, but I don’t know what it is.”

“Well, why don’t you pick a place and go there? Anywhere you want to go… go experience it. Start the cake business you’ve always wanted.”

“What?” I gasp, wiping the tears from my eyes. “I can’t… the bakery takes a lot of work and I can’t leave you—”

Holding up her hand, she stops me in my tracks. A concerned gaze crosses her face as she seems to take a moment to collect her thoughts. “Is that why you’ve never gone anywhere all these years? Because you’re worried about me and the bakery?”

“Well, I mean, of course.” I reply as if it’s a stupid question. “You need me here. I don’t want to leave you. The two of us have to stick together. ”

“Madison,” she sighs, shaking her head once more. “I never wanted that for you. I’m happy to have you here working with me, sweetie. But I want you to live your own life. I have never wanted you to put your dreams on hold for me. I’m quite capable of running this place by myself and hiring help if I need it. I mean, I did perfectly fine when you were in New York.”

She does have a point, and hearing her voice it out loud only makes me cry harder. All I ever wanted to do was to take care of her and help her with the dream she had. Even if that meant putting my life on the back burner. I don’t regret what I did, because it made our relationship only that much stronger. Not to mention, the amount of things I learned from working beside her.

But she’s right. I have put my life on hold, and I still have so much to experience. Life isn’t going to stop for me to catch up on everything I’ve missed.

“I don’t know what to do,” I finally stutter between sobs.

Slowly, my mother reaches into her apron pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. Her eyes glistening slightly as she takes a deep breath and meets my gaze again. “So, a long time ago… you’re father wrote something for you. I was supposed to wait to give it to you on your wedding day, but I think he would want you to have this now.”

My heart all but stops at the realization of what she’s saying. For years she has held onto a letter that my father wrote me. A man that I don’t remember but have yearned for since I was old enough to understand that he is gone. With trembling hands I take the folded piece of paper from her outstretched hand and hold it within my fingers.

Every part of me wants to rip it open and tear into the words that he wrote so many years ago. But I can’t help but feel scared to do so. As if reading this will be a final moment in a chapter of my life I haven’t wanted to close. A chapter that makes his death all that much more real.

Taking a deep breath, I force the uneasiness within me aside and unfold the paper to admire the sleek black ink that swirls across the page in my fathers handwriting.

My darling Madi,

Life is not simple.. It’s messy, and chaotic,and completely perfect… so use all the ingredients life has to offer, and create the perfect recipe to your own happiness. I’m so proud of you, my sweet girl. I’m sorry that I’m not able to be there for you on your special day, but know that I’ve always been with you. Every step of the way through your life, I’ve been there. Watching you and cheering you on despite the obstacles that you’ve been faced with. And I will continue to be there no matter where life takes you. I love you, more than anything. And I always will.

Love,

Your father

Tears flow down over my cheeks like a rushing waterfall. My heart shattering at the words upon the paper. All these years, I’ve wondered what it would have been like to have him by my side, and he was there—in spirit.

Lifting my gaze to my mother once more, I take note of the tears that flow down her cheeks as well. Their love was stronger than anything, or so much grandmother used to tell me before she passed away and for most of my life that’s what I too have yearned to have.

A love that lasted a lifetime, no matter the distance between us.

“It’s ok to go, Madison. Leave Willowcreek. Seek Adventures. Live your Life. Fulfill your dreams. A mother’s dream is for their daughter to be happy, that’s what brings me happiness as well. Know that you're not leaving me, and I know that you never will. I have loved our adventures together, but now it’s time for you to have your own.”

As much as she’s telling me to go and I want to, I can’t help but wonder if it’s too late for me to have a love like her and my father did. If it’s too late to fix things with the only man who's ever made me feel complete. “I don’t know if that’s even possible anymore.”

“Why do you think that?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and fold the letter once more. “It might be too late… I was horrible to him—I said things…”

“We all say things when we’re hurt, Madison. Love doesn’t have a time limit on it. It’s never too late to fight for what we want, both in love and our future.”

“So, what do I do?” I finally ask, realizing that she isn’t wrong.

“Why don’t you start with figuring out what you want to do with your life? And perhaps, give the situation with Jaxson another thought. Regardless of what’s happened between the two of you… you were both friends before anything. And I think fixing that may make you feel better.”

I nod my response, wiping the remaining tears from my face before letting out a heavy breath. The last thing I expected to do this morning was to have my day end with having this conversation with her. But, I’m honestly glad it happened.

“Give me a hug,” she sighs, pulling me into her embrace as soft laughter leaves my lips. “Promise me from now on you won’t hide things from me, okay?”

“I won’t,” I mutter softly against her. “I promise.”

With my mother’s blessing to do more with my life, I find myself at a loss. Our conversation comes to an end as the timer for the cookies goes off, and we’re back to our normal routine of prepping and cleaning for the next day.

Thoughts of Jaxson float through my mind as I recall what she said about his conversation with his parents and the fact that, like he said he was going to do, he fixed the Caitlin situation.

Perhaps that means that she did make it up.

That the girl saw me as a threat and tried everything in her power to get rid of me so she could work her way back into his life. Which only pisses me off thinking about it.

Because all she did in the end was drive a wedge between us, while also creating her downfall.

Though it did give me the courage to realize I want to experience more.