Chapter 64 RóISE

I look around with new eyes, because this is our home .

But the fresh perspective doesn't change what I see.

A soulless space devoid of family. "I don't mind moving in with your family. There are less De Lucas living there than Shaughnessys in the Long Island house."

For once, the memories of living there with even more family don't hurt as much.

But Miceli shakes his head in denial. "It's a bad security decision to have the godfather and the don of the most powerful of the Five Families living in the same building."

"But the Godfather right now is a don." Which means both the don and godfather live in the same house.

"We don't do things the way other families do them. That's why I will be don when Sev steps up to be godfather."

I think their separation of duties is smart, and maybe their decision not to live together is too.

But does that mean we have to live here ? "What about getting a house on Long Island? With the helicopter, you could get here faster than driving from the De Luca apartment building to Oscuro."

He's shaking his head again and I hastily add, "Not in one of the boroughs of course."

That would cause all sorts of problems.

" Mi dolce fiore , the don of the Genovese has to live in Genovese territory. And that is Manhattan. "

"But this isn't even an apartment building. It's an office building."

"That's a benefit, not a detriment. Most offices are empty by seven p.m. and with the private elevator we'll have the kind of privacy that could only be achieved by having a standalone house."

"I don't want that kind of privacy. I've lived my entire life surrounded by other people. I don't want to live on the top floor of an office building."

"We'll get to see more of each other when home is only an elevator ride away." Every time he says the words home, some emotion I can't read passes through his dark gaze.

Okay, that's a fair point. Given the choice between seeing more of Miceli, or less, I choose more. But an office building?

The idea of living here with no family around makes it hard to breathe.

"I can't live here, Miceli."

"We don't have a choice right now."

Does that mean we might in the future? Hope sparks to life inside me, but it's not enough. "But my cousins," I try to explain so he'll get it. "I had four months to get used to leaving them."

"Sometimes just ripping the Band-Aid off is best. "

"That might work with Band-Aids and waxing my pubes, but this isn't that. People with actual emotions take time to adjust to emotional changes. You and your brother can't just rip me away from my cousins, from my whole life and think that's okay."

"I'm not ripping you away from anyone. You can see them when you like."

"So I can leave right now and go visit my cousins?"

"You know you can't. Don't be childish."

"Let's get one thing straight, Mr. Made Man, every time you get frustrated with me or angry or whatever the heck is going on here, you do not get to accuse me of being childish. I may be twelve-and-a-half years younger than you, but from where I am standing, I am the one with the emotional maturity. You are the one with stunted growth in that department. "

It's a lot to say in one go and I feel kind of bad saying it, but if we're going to build a relationship that works, it starts with both trust and honesty. He's been working on the trust. I'm working on the honesty.

And communication.

Yeah, he's got a ways to go on that one.

He doesn't reply.

"Nothing to say?"

"I'm mulling it over. You might be right. "

The admission disarms most of my residual anger and that makes me mad all over again. What is with this guy?

Love and hormones have a lot to answer for. I'm just saying.

"I need a say about the important decisions in our life," I add when the silence stretches and stretches.

"You can decorate this place any way you want. Make it our home."

That is not an answer. "Seriously? Could you be any more of a chauvinist? What if I don't want to decorate this place?"

And no amount of interior design can fix the basic flaw of the apartment's isolation.

When I tell him that, he says. "We have barracks two floors down for the single soldiers on our elite teams."

"Barracks?" I practically screech. "That is no better than offices. It's not like I'm going to spend time with mafia soldiers chatting over coffee. Or watching movies."

"You sure as fuck won't!"

"Are you being deliberately obtuse?"

"You're not going to be isolated, Róise. You can have your friends over. Your cousins can come to stay. Your grandmother too. They just won't live here with us."

Which is exactly the problem. "I'm going to do this whole place up in every shade of pink I can find."

He laughs. Not a chuckle, but a freaking belly laugh.

He's so different like this, I sit entranced watching him until he grabs me and kisses me like he can't get enough of me.

I'm dazed when he lifts his mouth from mine. "Make it as pink as you want, as long as you are the one doing it."

"You better watch out or I'm going to think you like me."

A lot.

Does he? I never had the high school crushes my friends did. It just wasn't an option in my situation. I couldn't bring boys to the Shaughnessy mansion because I was going to school as Rosy Aisling.

For my own safety, I couldn't socialize a lot away from home either. So, yeah, I'm attached to my cousins. Sue me.

But these giddy feelings inside of me this up and down, this uncertainty…it feels like that. Miceli and I are going to be married for goodness sake, and I am wondering if he likes me.

If he doesn't like me, we're both in a world of trouble .

Which I know is a complete about face for me. Because yeah, I started this whole thing sort of despising him.

I love him now though.

"I more than like you, mi dolce fiore . You make me believe in my own soul again." His kiss almost obliterates mine.

That sounds like love.

Will the underboss learn to love me, after all? Stranger things have happened, right?