Chapter 22 - Jack

After I get back to work, the afternoon picks up and the whole place is extremely busy. It's a shame that Sam is back at school and Lena is sick, we could use the extra help.

We end up finishing late, and I'm exhausted by the time I drive home. As I come inside, I'm surprised to see Sam is not there. I find Lena alone in the kitchen with a cup of tea, staring blankly at the table.

She looks up when she sees me, and her usual, eager expression is absent from her face. She looks drawn and tired, her eyes wide and almost sad.

My poor girl. She's really unwell.

"Lena?" I ask, sitting down next to her. "Are you okay? Where's Sam?"

"He went out with Jenks and some of the others. He wanted to give us some privacy."

A nasty ache cramps my stomach. I feel like this is going to be big news, I just have no idea what it could be.

"Are you still too sick for dinner? I can go and get something. Or I could cook. Well, try to cook."

She doesn't even smile at my joke. My worry goes up several notches, making the atmosphere in the room supercharged with tension.

My God, what if she's really, properly sick? What if something really bad has happened?

"Lena," I say, unable to keep the urgency out of my voice. "Please, tell me what's wrong. Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "I already saw a doctor today."

My stomach twists like someone just punched me in the guts. She's not just sick. She knows exactly what's wrong, and she's afraid to tell me.

I take her hand gently in both of mine. I know there's fear on my face, and I make no attempt to hide it.

"Please, baby, tell me what's wrong."

She looks up at me, and there's a spark of alarm in her eyes, as if my words have triggered something in her. She sighs and looks at the table, then looks up again. She fixes her beautiful green eyes on me and stares steadily into my face.

"Jack. I'm pregnant."

The words strike me like a physical blow. It feels like the earth bucks under my feet—reality itself explodes around me into meaningless shapes and colors. My hand tightens on hers a little, and I have to look away. I know she's still watching me, but I can't look at her.

"I know how you feel," she says, her voice rushed. "But we can work it out together, I promise. I just want you to know that."

A baby. I'm going to be a dad.

I know I should look up at Lena and say something—anything—but I can't find my voice. I can't think of any words. I have no idea how to describe this feeling inside me.

"I'm not sure where we go from here," Lena goes on, her voice high and nervous. "But I think it's best if we figure out the details now. Don't feel too overwhelmed, please. Nothing drastic has to happen at this time, I just want to reassure you."

I can't believe she's being so nice to me, while I'm sitting here like a granite statue. My guts are leaping around like live fish in a net. I assume she's talking about hospital schedules, baby classes and groups, schools. I appreciate the amount of thought, but I think it's a bit soon for all of that.

Lena's hand trembles a little, and she removes it from mine. I look up at her, knowing that my expression is just blank shock and wishing I could do better.

"I know," she says. "You weren't expecting this. It's a hell of a shock. I'm really sorry."

Her choice of words finally sinks in. She's not laughing, singing, and dancing around the kitchen. She's just sitting here looking upset. Suddenly, I remember the way she reacted every time I mentioned kids.

"Lena—"

"No," she says. "Don't try to spare my feelings. We should get this all out there right now. How we both feel, what we would like to do. Then, reach some compromise."

She doesn't want the baby.

Shock floods through me, making me feel cold and shivery. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I'm completely lost as to what to say.

I have to convince her I want this child. But if she doesn't want to be a mother, what can I possibly do?

"It's okay," Lena says, her voice cracking. She reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. "I know how you feel. I know I can't convince you, anyway, so just tell me. I can take it."

I look up into her eyes and shake my head. Where do I even start?

Lena takes a deep breath, and her next words come out in a rush.

"I know you don't want this baby. Why would you? You were dreaming of a real family, a nice, agreeable wife, someone from a decent family who wouldn't bring shame on you or threaten your position in the pack. You didn't want this marriage, the elders all decided together. Now you're stuck with me, and if I keep the baby, then you're trapped forever."

Her words hit me like arrows to the heart. Sweat breaks out in patches all over me as panic sparks deep in my chest.

What is she saying?

But Lena hasn't stopped talking. She hasn't even slowed down.

"I think it's best if we just decide right now. I don't blame you at all for anything you feel, or what you want to do. I don't even know what I want to do, so I don't expect us to agree. The point is, I understand. I know this isn't the life you wanted, and I won't force it on you. I can't be what you need—"

"Lena!" My voice comes out much louder and sharper than I intended it to be. It cuts through her cascade of words, and she stops abruptly, shock on her pale face.

I shake my head, still trying to find the right words but knowing that I have to. "I don't know where you got all of these ideas from. But I want this baby, desperately. I've been hoping for this from the second we got married."

"Really?"

"Really. I don't want a docile, quiet wife, and I sure as hell don't care about a family's social standing. I was pushed into marriage, that's true, but I chose you."

"You did what?" she asks, eyes wide.

"Decker tried to bargain after your father made a scene, but once I saw you, I knew that this was meant to be. I told them if the marriage was going ahead, then it had to be you, and I didn't want anyone else."

She's watching me with those big, deep green eyes, her face slack with shock. She shakes her head a little as I take her hand.

"I'd rather have a quick-witted, sharp-tongued little spitfire like you than a demure lady any day," I say, grinning. I give her hand a squeeze, and she squeezes back, a smile starting to dawn on her face.

I move my chair a little closer so I can wrap my arms around her. I rub her belly gently, still feeling complete awe at the situation.

"I can't tell you how much I want this baby, Lena. It scared me to the core when it sounded like you didn't want it. I want you, and our kid. Together, forever."

Tears spill down her cheeks as she reaches up to touch my face. "Oh, Jack," she whispers. "I was so scared. I didn't know if you wanted me to be the mother of your child."

"Lena." I brush her hair back, trying to impress upon her how important she is to me. "You're the only one I do want."

"I thought the elders chose for you. I didn't think you had a choice. I was so afraid you got stuck with me against your will."

The idea is so preposterous I laugh softly. "Lena, I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you! If it wasn't for the threat to the alliance, I would have never left your side. I was only trying to give you your best chance."

She shakes her head a little, snuggling against my chest.

"When I realized you could be my wife, I acted immediately. There was no way I was going to let you go. I convinced the others that it had to be you. You didn't know?"

"No," she whispers. "I didn't know. I felt like I was being sold, like a piece of meat or a farm animal, and you didn't like the price or the product."

I grab her shoulders and kiss her fiercely, wrapping my arms around her and holding her as tightly as I dare. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you felt that way, my love. I thought you'd never forgive me for rejecting you, no matter what silly reasons I had. I should have fought for you. I realize that now. But all I have wanted to do for the last few months is make it up to you."

She shakes her head. "You thought I didn't want you? But I've never stopped thinking about you! You're the only one I've ever wanted. I've never even had another boyfriend."

I look into her eyes, cupping her cheek with one hand. "I love you, Lena. I love you with my whole heart. I always have, and I always will. I can't wait to meet our child—you make me so happy, I don't know how I ever lived without you!"

She clings to me, holding onto my shirt as she looks into my eyes. "I love you, Jack. You've changed my life more than you could possibly imagine. You've shown me love, safety, and what it means to have a real family. I knew that I loved you, and I'd be happy if you wanted me, too—I just didn't expect to be welcomed into your family as well."

I smile gently as I stroke her hair.

"They all love you as much as I do," I say softly. "And wait until Mom finds out. She won't leave you alone for the whole nine months."

She giggles, resting her head on my chest. "I hope not. Your mom is awesome. Do you think she'll cook for me?"

I can't hold in my laughter. "Try and stop her!"

Lena laughs, too, and I hold her in my arms, feeling the love between us growing by the second. The emotion between us is pure magic, and it never fades. Every time I look into her face, it's like seeing her for the first time. My heart leaps in my chest, my breath feels short and my head swims as I lose track of my thoughts.

All I want is to spend the rest of my life making her happy, and I'll do anything to make sure that happens.