Chapter 14 - Jack

After I confess to Lena, I can't stay sitting at the table with her. I still haven't told her everything, and I don't even know how to.

I came home early, hoping to have dinner with her and get even closer after our encounter at work a few days ago, maybe even encourage her into those feelings a little more. Now she feels even more distant to me, as if that moment of extreme intimacy never even happened.

I head for the shower, trying to unwind after work and the uncomfortable scene that was waiting for me when I got home. After I've calmed down a bit and gotten changed, I head back to the kitchen, hoping to talk, but Lena isn't there.

When I realize that she's in the bedroom with the door closed, I head back to the couch, feeling rejected. I know we need to talk about this, but I want to respect her space as well, so there's no way I'm going to knock on that door.

Coward .

I'm well-aware of the fact that I don't want to reveal everything. I had good reasons for staying away from her before the party, but the main reason I decided to leave her alone was that finding out she was a virgin utterly shocked me.

I sit down on the couch with a cold beer and watch some football, the players running mindlessly across the screen. I can't focus on anything except the huge mess of emotions inside me, as well as the knowledge that Lena is carrying an even bigger mess.

I have no idea how she feels about what happened between me and her father. Is she angry with me that I beat him up? He's definitely not a model parent, but I know these relationships are exceptionally complicated. No matter how abusive he is, I'm sure she still loves him and feels some loyalty towards him.,

Did she know he was dealing illegal weapons?

She didn't confirm or deny this. The idea of her being involved in crime literally makes me sick. Her innocence and integrity are a huge part of what I love about her. I can't stand to think she's been faking it.

The question sticks in my mind like a prickly burr, making me feel like my skin is itching on the inside. I want to rush down the hallway and bang on the door, demand that she answer me—

But then I'd have to admit I rejected her for the very things that make her special—her innocence and purity.

I groan softly, finishing the beer and starting a new one. Bailey told me to stay away from the family, to not mess around with Peter again for the sake of the alliance. I intended to obey him, but he didn't know how I felt about Lena.

I went to her at the party to find out how deep my feelings truly ran. If she was worth it, then I'd tell Bailey. If she only wanted me as much as I wanted her… then it would all be worth the risk.

And I was ready to take it, until she told me she was a virgin.

I could not—still cannot—make a sacred bond with her like that if there is any chance I could betray it. I realize that rejecting her has only dug me into my own grave twice as deep, and if the arranged marriage hadn't happened, I might run from it for the rest of my life.

But it did happen.

The separate threads of this sticky web are too much for me, and after a few more beers, I end up passing out on the couch. I wake up mid-morning, and Lena greets me as if everything is fine. I foolishly begin to think we might not have to talk about it.

Luckily for both of us, Jenks has a party tonight that we were planning on going to. We manage to get through the day with light conversation and head out late in the afternoon without talking much.

Jenks has the party cranking already, even though the sun is only just at the horizon. Music throbs through the old timber house, the scent of frying meat saturates the air, and laughter rings out through every window.

I'm looking forward to relaxing with Lena and having a good time for once, but Gina hurries out of the house and pounces on Lena the second we get out of the truck.

"Come on, I want to introduce you to the girls!" Gina says. "I want you to feel welcome in the pack. We're all here for you, anytime you need us."

Lena smiles shyly, letting Gina take her away. I watch them go, heading out to the back deck to find some steak and hopefully a lot more beer. I've settled myself in a deck chair with a huge rack of ribs and a six-pack when my old girlfriend Tara comes striding along the edge of the pool.

Immediately, I feel uncomfortable. It's been years since we were together, and it was all very amicable, so I should have no reason to feel bad. I know she's still good friends with Gina, and she's probably just stopping by to be polite.

When she pulls her towel off her waist, revealing her skimpy bikini, I start to have doubts. Jenks has a heated pool, but it's still cool out here, and there is no good reason to be practically stripping right in front of me.

"Hey, Jack," Tara says, her voice low. "How have you been?"

"Good," I answer, trying to focus on my food. She sits down in a deck chair next to me, crossing her legs and leaning back to show off her breasts.

Fuck .

"You don't look that good," she says, leaning forward. "In fact, you look downright frustrated, honey."

She brushes her fingers across my forehead, playing with my hair. I jerk away from her, quickly putting my plate down beside me.

"Tara, what—"

"Jack," she whispers, leaning in so I can feel her hot breath on my cheek. "I know the look of an unsatisfied man, and you're wearing it all over your face. That wife of yours isn't taking care of you, is she?"

"Tara," I say firmly, grabbing her shoulders. "I think this is inappropriate—"

"Oh, come on," she giggles, wriggling in my grip and bringing her face closer to mine. "We're just having a bit of fun. You're a man in need, and I've got the urge to satisfy. How about you take me out to one of the spare rooms and let me swallow your cock whole?"

I'm so shocked that I can't even move for a second. It's the unluckiest second of my life.

"Jack?"

Lena's voice hits me with a shock that feels like pounding waves of glacier ice. I jump slightly, suddenly very aware that my hands are on Tara's shoulders and our faces are almost touching.

Fuck!

"Lena!" I let go of Tara and turn around, getting up. Lena looks angry, but I can also see the hurt in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Her voice is so flat, it's not even a question.

"Nothing! I was just telling Tara—"

"Just telling me what, dear?" Tara asks, grinning up at me as she licks her lips.

Lena takes a few quick steps towards us and puts herself between me and Tara, grabbing my arm.

"Back off," Lena snaps. The combination of her grip on my arm and the commanding tone of her voice affects me more than I thought it could.

The thick, intoxicating scent of her seems to be getting stronger as she glares at Tara. Her rival is actively backing down as well. I've never seen Lena like this, and it's turning me on so much, I'm losing my ability to think clearly.

That might also be the beer.

"Okay, whatever," Tara says huffily. She gets up and pulls her robe around her shoulders. "Don't sweat it. I've got places to be, anyway."

Lena watches Tara walk away, keeping her eyes on her until she's out of sight. Only then does she loosen her grip on my arm.

"Lena—"

"Don't," she snaps, turning and walking away from me. I stand there stunned for a few seconds before running after her.

Lena manages to stay ahead of me through the house and out onto the front lawn. We are quite a distance away by the time I catch up.

"Lena, please, wait. We need to talk."

"Damn fucking right, we do!" she cries, turning around to face me. Her expression is a mess of emotion, fury, confusion, hurt. I don't even know where to start addressing her emotions.

"Tara's just an old girlfriend, okay, nothing serious. I'm sorry I let that go on, I was just telling her I wasn't interested."

Lena glares at me. "You looked pretty interested to me. She was all over you."

"I didn't expect her to hit on me! It's been years since we had our fling. I don't know why she came on to me all of a sudden like this."

"Sounds like you're just trying to cover your tracks," Lena says, crossing her arms. "You've been screwing her the whole time, now you just want to keep getting away with it and do your duty to the pack at the same time!"

"Lena…" Her name leaves my lips with the soft reverence of a prayer. There is still so much to unpack about what happened between me and her father, and the pack politics, but I'm suddenly realizing where the heart of the problem lies.

"Lena," I whisper again, stepping up closer to her to put my hand on her arm. "Do you… do you think I don't want you?"

She looks up at me, and her eyes are so full of tears I can't read them. Her face is pale, her lips tight. Suddenly, I see a girl who's been rejected and emotionally abused every day of her life. A girl who believes she's unlovable, undesirable, and completely inadequate.

She shakes her head and looks away.

"My love," I say softly, coming around in front of her. She won't look up, so I sink down to my knees so I can see her face.

"I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you," I say firmly. "Even a year ago, at the party, I wanted you so much, I…"

Now I have to look away. Lena bends over and takes my hand, urging me to look up at her again.

"Yes?" she asks. I shake my head and look into her eyes, praying she can read the truth there.

"I had a fight with your father. When I told Bailey, he said he and Decker would handle it. That I should stay away. Even though I should have advised against the alliance after knowing what your father was doing, I couldn't say anything like that because it would mean never seeing you again. I assumed that Bailey and Decker handled it, and your father was reprimanded or punished—I don't know. I left it up to them, just as I was told to."

Lena's eyes have softened, but her mouth is still a hard line. She squeezes my hand, just once.

"I came looking for you at the party because I couldn't leave it like that. I wanted to fight for you. But then when you told me you had never been with anyone before… I got scared."

I look away for a second, shaking my head. It's hard, but I have to admit this. I have to tell the whole truth.

"I got scared because if I was your first… and your only, then it would be a sacred bond between us. I wasn't sure I could honor it. Everything seemed so complicated. I decided that I had to just leave you alone completely. It was the only way to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" she asks, her voice almost a whisper.

"From me," I whisper, looking away. "The reason why I couldn't do it… is because I want you so fucking much, I can't control myself. I want you too much… you're the only one I do want…"

I let go of her and sit down, putting my head in my hands. Lena gets down on her knees and grabs my wrists, pulling my hands away so she can see my face.

"I'm so sorry I made you feel like you're not enough," I say, looking into her eyes. "I'm so sorry I made you feel unwanted. You are a beautiful, precious, untouched flower… and I was afraid to be the one that hurt you."

"Jack," she whispers, brushing my hair back from my forehead. "My poor, sweet Jack. Why didn't you tell me?"

I shake my head, struggling with my emotions. "I wanted to protect you… from everything. I thought if I stayed away, your life would be better. The alliance would be strong, your father would be kept in line. And just look at everything—I wasn't wrong. It's fucked, it's all fucked."

She smiles, brushing my cheek with her fingers.

"But we're together. That's all that counts."

I nod, weakly. I'm praying beyond all hope that this confession is enough, that she'll forgive me, and we can move forward from here on even terms.

"Have you been suffering, sweet Jack?" she asks. I shake my head.

"What?"

"Have you been wanting me? Do you want me so much that it hurts?"

I nod, gripping her hands. "Yes. Fuck, yes, Lena. I want you so much I can't stand it. It's like being on fire, endlessly tortured, but never wanting it to stop."

A strange light comes into her eyes then. She smiles, seeming to take on a sudden and complete confidence that is nothing like the innocent girl I've known so far.

"Then let me ease your pain."

She pushes against my chest, so I fall back against the grass. Before I know what's happening, I feel her hands on my belt. I want to protest, tell her she doesn't have to, but I'm a weak man. I just don't have it in me.

She yanks my pants open, the zipper making a very loud noise as it's forced apart. Shocked, I lie back on the grass and try to relax.

I don't even know what she's going to do. Is she—

Lena's warm hands caress my cock. A groan shakes my chest as my body screams for release. Her soft fingers run up and down the shaft, gently squeezing me and teasing me with light touches.

She wraps one hand around the shaft and pumps me slowly, gripping me tighter on each stroke. My entire body is trembling now, as a sensory overload collides with an emotional peak.

Lena… is touching me. Oh my fucking God, Lena is actually touching me.

Just when I think my cock can't get any harder, I feel her lips wrap around the head. I'm so shocked, my body convulses on the ground. Lena puts her hands on my thighs, holding me down as she sucks me down her throat.

Her every move is slow and experimental, as if she is fully learning every inch of me with her hands, then her mouth, before moving on to the next. When she clamps her lips around the base of my cock and slides her tongue along the shaft, I gasp and shudder against the ground like I've been struck by lightning.

"Hmmm," Lena makes a small sound of pleasure as she moves her mouth up and down, sucking on the head of my cock and bobbing her head up and down. I've never been so aroused in my entire life, and I know I won't last much longer.

Not like I want to.

When she grabs the base of my cock firmly with one hand and starts pumping me while sucking hard on the head at the same time, it's all over. I writhe on the ground, pleasure exploding through every single cell of my body as my cock jerks and blows down Lena's throat.

I'm gasping for air, barely aware of where I am, as she runs her tongue around the head, cleaning me off. Then she runs her fingers along my belly, giggling softly. When she cuddles up against me, she has the most amazing smile on her face. As if she finally understands herself and the power that she has.

Over me.