Chapter 11 - Lena

The incident at the diner leaves me a little rattled. Even a few days later as I'm finishing my afternoon shift, my feelings are still fresh. While I wipe down tables and stack plates, I go over everything in my mind.

Even though Jack initially said I didn't have to work, I assumed it was just a nice thing to say and he'd be upset if I didn't contribute.

When he showed up, I thought I'd read the situation all wrong and that he really didn't want me at work. After he left, I was more confused than ever but relieved that I could keep the job.

Jack doesn't know that I use every spare cent to support Sam. He needs all the help I can give him until he graduates high school. Then he's going to get out of here and make a great life for himself. I just know it.

I wish that I could settle into my new life and relax, but every day raises my stress level another notch. I sleep in the master bedroom, and Jack sleeps on the couch. It makes me feel very lonely and unwanted. But the trouble is, I don't like being too close to him, either.

When I get near him, I don't know myself. Warmth sweeps through my body, making my skin tingle. There is a deep, almost painful throbbing inside me that begs to be satisfied. Sometimes, when I'm looking at him, my eyes linger on his mouth, and I actually lick my lips.

Focusing hard on cleaning the tall glass tumblers, I try to direct my thoughts elsewhere, but it doesn't work. Just thinking about Jack brings back all the memories of his kisses. Even though there have only been a few, they were so hot and passionate, they seemed to burn straight through all my inhibitions, leaving me a shivering mess of lust.

"Lena?" Jack's voice is low and welcoming, but it cracks through my fantasy world like a blaring siren. I can't help but give a little jump, and I just pray it wasn't noticeable. Luckily, I don't drop the glass I'm attempting to clean, but manage to carefully put it down before I turn around.

"Hi, Jack."

"Hi," he answers, smiling. "You're nearly finished, aren't you?"

"Yep. Only ten minutes until my shift is over."

"That's great! I was hoping I could drive you home? I gave the crew an early mark, just because it's Friday."

"Sounds good," I say, putting away the rags and cleaner. "I'll be right back."

I head out to my locker and hang up my apron, saying goodbye to a couple of the other waitresses on my way out. I feel a bit nervous, but otherwise excited to spend the evening with Jack.

If only I was enough for him—the kind of girl he really wants. Then we could be really happy together.

I just don't know how to be anything other than myself, and that has never been enough for anyone. Why would it be enough for Jack?

I meet him out front, and we get into the truck to head home. I wonder if it's going to be another night of mostly awkward silence scattered with short bursts of lively conversation.

I know we get along. It's just the physical chemistry… I feel like we have it, but if he felt something for me, surely he would tell me…

The problem is, I might not even believe it. Not after being so brutally rejected. It was bad enough being hurt like that and then not seeing him. It would be so much worse to bear that hurt while looking into his face every day, as well as knowing I would have to live through it for the rest of my life.

"I've got a bit of a surprise for you," Jack says. My heart leaps and flutters a bit.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I organized a little date for us. I promised you I'd take you to the movies, remember?"

I can't help smiling. "You did."

"Well, I thought tonight might be a good time to fulfill that promise. It's not fancy, but it should be fun."

Even though I like the idea, I'm not sure I want to get stuck next to Jack, alone in a dark theatre for hours. My mind is reeling with thoughts, and my heart is being torn in two by conflicting emotions. It might be safer to burrow under the blankets on my bed and not come out for the entire weekend.

"I invited Gina and Bailey, too," he says. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," I answer, relieved. "That sounds really fun."

After we get home I quickly have a shower and get changed before meeting Jack in the living room. His black hair is still damp from the shower and curling against the pale blue collar of his shirt.

Whenever I see those dark, unruly curls, I just want to run my fingers through them.

"Ready?" Jack asks. I smile up at him and nod, almost reaching for his hand. I stop myself just in time.

When we get to the theater, Gina and Bailey are waiting out front. Gina hurries over to give me a hug.

"It's so good to see you!" she says. "How is married life?"

"It's ah… going to take some getting used to."

"I understand exactly what you mean," Gina nods. "I had the same experience with Bailey."

"You did?" I'm amazed that their relationship could have had a rocky start—they look so perfect together.

"Come on, I'll fill you in a bit while we grab some popcorn." Gina links her arm through mine, and we head inside. Jack and Bailey follow us, involved in their own conversation.

"It's nice to get out of mother mode for a bit," Gina says as we order snacks. "But I miss my little baby bundle already." She chuckles, shaking her head.

"I never thought I'd see the day I'd be the mother of Bailey's kid!"

"Why?" I ask, reaching for my soda so I can take a long sip.

"We… ah, had an issue in high school," she says, grabbing some popcorn. "It wasn't nice at all, and I left town for a bit. When I came back, I found out I was his mate, but I didn't want to believe it at first."

I'm struck by how similar the situation feels. Even though she hasn't told me all the details, I can hear it in her voice.

"But you guys look great together, now?" I ask. Gina nods.

"It took some time for me to trust him, but I'm glad I did. The loyalty of a strong wolf is like nothing else in this world, and the mate bond is unbreakable."

"Hey, girls," Bae says, coming over with Jack. "Looks like you guys are going off to party without us! That's hardly fair."

Gina grins and nudges him with her elbow. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and gives her a squeeze. The way they look at each other makes me feel warm and fuzzy but kind of jealous, too.

They are so comfortable together… they obviously love each other so much. Will I ever have that with Jack?

"Hey," Jack says, smiling. "I got tickets for the creature feature. I hope that's okay?"

"Fine by me," I answer, grinning.

"Good choice," Gina agrees. "I haven't seen a good thriller in a while."

"I give you all the thrills you need," Bae says, tickling her. He chases her into the theatre, with Gina giggling the whole time.

Jack and I follow quietly, walking close together but not touching. The space between us is small but feels insurmountable at the same time.

We sit in the center of the theatre, not too close to the screen. Bae and Gina whisper and giggle a lot, and I find it a bit distracting.

I'm jealous. I want what they have. He obviously loves her so much.

After the movie, we have coffee at a café nearby. Jack has loosened up a lot, joking around with his sister and laughing with Bae about school days.

I don't understand why Father said he was a bad person. There's no way to fake a connection like this.

It hurts me even more because it's perfectly obvious how much Jack cares about his sister and best friend. I don't feel anywhere near that important to him.

Gina and Bae have to get back to Natalia, so the group breaks up and we head home. Jack's in high spirits, and I can't help but catch the mood.

"The movie was good, wasn't it?" he asks.

"Yeah, it was. Better than some of the modern ones that have come out."

"Not too violent. Lots of suspense."

I laugh softly. "Yeah. I did expect a movie about a killer croc to go straight to the gore, just like Lake Placid ."

"This one was way more classy. Setting it in outback Australia really made it spooky. What was it called again?"

" Rogue . It had that guy in it, you know, from Avatar ?"

"Yeah! Man, that scene where he got killed was good. The whole time they were setting up the zip line to stay out of the water, I knew he was going to get nailed on land."

"I know, right! Like, they can run almost as fast as they can swim."

"It was nicely done, though. The suspense was full-on."

"Yeah," I'm giggling now. "It was a good setup! I liked it."

"Do you want to go out again next time they play a non-mainstream type film?"

"Absolutely. I love checking out things that never made it to blockbuster status. Some of the best thrillers have a small cast and a budget of next to nothing."

"I'll keep an eye out for the schedule," Jack says as he pulls up into our driveway. "They do these vintage nights once a month, I think."

"Cool," I answer, hopping out of the truck. "I'd love to go with you. I didn't realize you liked thrillers so much."

"Neither did I," Jack answers, laughing softly as he unlocks the door. "But I really wanted to do something you enjoy so we could appreciate it together."

A warm throb in my chest makes my eyes sting, just a little. "I'm touched, Jack. Thank you."

He turns to me after locking the door behind us. His face looks serious, his eyes dark and intense.

"I just want to make you feel safe and appreciated," he says. His tone is just a little urgent, making his voice deep and husky. We are standing very close together. The space between our bodies feels electrically charged, drawing me towards him like a gravitational pull.

I look up at him and place my hand gently on his chest. He's so warm it feels like he could burn my fingers. The light is very dim—Jack flicked on a lamp on the way in, but didn't turn on the main lights.

Jack tilts his head towards me, and I can feel his breath across my cheek. I want to move, but I can't. That force of gravity between us has me caught, and my only choice is to collide with him…

And maybe be destroyed by the impact.

Jack kisses me. The touch of his lips on mine sends a hot, tingling rush of pleasure through me, so powerful that I waver on my feet. I grab his shoulders to keep myself upright, and he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close.

I tighten my grip on him, pressing my body against his. Jack's kisses get harder as he holds me against him, and I reach up eagerly with my lips and tongue, begging for more.

The fire that burns deep inside me is now a roaring inferno. I can't think, all I can do is feel. My hands grip Jack's shoulders tightly as I start to writhe against him, desperately seeking release.

When his hands slide down and grab my ass, a yelp bursts from my throat. I jump up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He holds me easily and takes a few steps across the room to put me down on the couch. I relax against the soft cushions, opening my mouth for his kiss and trying to pull him down on top of me.

Finally, finally!

Suddenly, Jack stops and pulls back. I can see the glint of his eye in the dark room, and the curve of his lips. The heat in my body pulses steadily, and I wait for him to kiss me again, but he doesn't. A chill starts to creep into me, killing my lust with fear.

"Jack?"

"I can't," he shakes his head. "I meant for tonight to be a treat for you. To relax after a hard week. It's not supposed to be an exchange."

"What?"

"You don't owe me anything," he says, standing up. "I just wanted you to know that. It's okay."

I sit up slowly, looking up at him and trying to stay calm. My heart is fluttering around in my chest like a trapped bird desperate to be free. I feel shaky and cold.

"I… okay."

"Before I go to bed, I wanted to ask you something. Do you think you could do a few less hours waitressing, and come and help me at my shop?"

"Sure," I whisper, trying to keep my voice even. "No problem."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." He takes a step away from me, and I look up into his face, but I can't see his expression in the dark.

"Good night, Lena."

"Good night, Jack."

He leaves, heading towards the bathroom. I wrap my arms around myself and walk slowly down the hallway towards the bedroom.

I will never be good enough for someone like him.

I can't forget it. I need to remember this marriage is about duty… not love.