Chapter 26 - Peter

Days pass, and I settle into a routine. Every morning, when I wake early and head to the bakery to open up, I can’t forget how the very idea of living this life filled me with dread just a short time ago.

And now, I can’t live without it.

Even though I enjoy my work at the bakery, I really love the sessions I have with the kids. We’ve organized a few meetings a week in Silver Meadows and New Hope, and I take groups of pups out on excursions as well as teach them practical skills in town.

Who would have guessed I’d end up coaching little kids. And teaching them to bake, of all things!

The Silver Meadows streets are dead quiet as I drive towards the bakery. It’s still dark out, and I enjoy the solitude as much as the sense of purpose.

The only thing that could make my life even more perfect is Lucy.

As I fire up the ovens, I try to put aside my anxiety, but I can’t. Every day that passes, she looks sicker and weaker, with dark circles gathering under her eyes and her skin taking on a deathly pallor. Everyone is worried about her, but she is still insisting that she’s fine and we should just leave her alone.

Never. I will always be there for her, whether she accepts me back into her heart as her husband or not. I won’t let her stand alone through any storm.

As I set up the bread and cakes, I try to think of a way I can convince her to go to a doctor. At first, she assured everyone she would if her sickness didn’t go away after a few days. It’s now been over a week. Yesterday, when Fiona pushed her about it, Lucy snapped and told her to mind her own damn business.

I can’t crowd her, or try to change her mind. But I’m too worried about her to just leave it.

After the breakfast rush, Sarah comes in, and I go straight to Lucy’s. When I get there, it takes a while for her to come to the door, which has become the typical routine.

“Oh, hi, Peter,” she mumbles. “It looks like I slept in again. I’ll just get ready.”

“Lucy, wait,” I say. “Maybe you should take a day off.”

“No, I’m fine,” she insists. “Just give me a minute.”

I watch her go, noticing her slow stride and slumped shoulders. Her hair looks dull and stringy, and her skin is unbelievably pale. Even her sparkling sea-blue eyes look flat, almost colorless.

What has happened to the woman I love?

I make her a piece of toast and some herbal tea, which she accepts gratefully when she comes to the kitchen. I haven’t seen her drink coffee or eat cake for over a week, and that is just as concerning as everything else.

For all the healthy food in her cupboards, she binged a bit of cake at least once every day. And I’ve never seen her go without coffee.

“Lucy,” I say firmly. “Can we talk?”

She looks up at me, her fingers wrapped tightly around her cup. “What about?”

“I’m worried about you. Everyone is worried about you.”

“Oh, not this again,” she grumbles. “I keep telling you I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. In fact, you look like absolute hell.”

“You really know how to make a girl feel special,” she snaps.

“I’m not trying to!” I say, exasperated. “I’m right on the edge of a full-on freakout. It looks like you’re wasting away right in front of me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Look, Peter,” she sighs. “I’m not well, I’ll admit that. But it isn’t serious, and it’ll pass. Trust me. I will see a doctor soon. I’m just not ready yet.”

“When will you be ready?” I ask. “I’ll take you the second you want to go. Please, Lucy. It’s not just me, but all your friends, too.”

Lucy stares at me, her eyes widening in shock. “I do not need you to take me! When I’m ready, I’ll go by myself, and I’ll tell everyone what I feel like telling them, and I’ll do it when I’m good and ready. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I say through gritted teeth, looking away from her hard glare. I’m truly stuck between a rock and a hard place now. I want her to get treatment, but if I push too hard, I’ll only push her further away from me.

“Come on, let’s go,” she says, getting up. “I want to get to work.”

I keep my mouth shut on the subject, but it isn’t easy.

Her personality has changed so much. Even when she was stressed or upset, she still had an uplifting presence that infected everyone around her. Now, she’s sullen, cranky, and sometimes downright rude.

We get to the bakery, and Lucy walks away from me without saying a word. I let her go, heading out the back to immerse myself in some more baking. It’s true I have a talent for it, but I also find the process soothing.

I follow a set of procedures, and I achieve a reliable result. It’s probably the only thing in my life that has ever made sense.

I’m rummaging through the cupboard, thinking about mini muffins, when I hear Sarah scream from the front of the shop.

“Peter!” she yells, her voice high with panic. “Peter, quick, it’s Lucy!”

I’ve never moved so fast in my entire life. The world seems to blur around me as I rush through the swinging door into the shopfront.

When I see Lucy spread out on the ground, terror freezes my heart in my chest, stealing my breath. I hurl myself down next to her, grabbing her hand. It’s so cold and lifeless, it just scares me even more.

“Call an ambulance!” I yell.

“I just did!” Sarah cries, holding Lucy’s hand on the other side.

“What happened?” I demand.

Sarah shakes her head. “I don’t know! She was just stacking the window. I heard her make a little noise like she hurt herself, so I turned around to check on her… and she was on the ground!”

“Lucy,” I say, tapping her cheek gently. “Lucy, wake up!”

She doesn’t stir, even slightly. Her eyelids don’t flicker. The way her chest rises and falls rapidly frightens me just as much as the wild pulse I can feel in her wrist.

The sounds of the ambulance get louder outside, and paramedics flood the room seconds later. They shout questions at us that we try to answer as they quickly get Lucy onto a stretcher.

“Are you coming with her?” one of them asks, watching me grab the stretcher as if I’m daring him to take it from me.

“I’m not leaving her,” I insist.

“Okay, he says, pushing it towards the ambulance. “Are you her boyfriend, or—”

“I’m her husband.”

“That’s fine. Jump in.”

I wave to Sarah as I get in the back of the ambulance, trying to hold Lucy’s hand. The paramedics keep asking me questions, but none of it helps, and Lucy stays unconscious the whole time.

“I was hoping she just fainted,” I say. “But she’s not waking up.”

“That might mean many things,” one of the paramedics says. “It’s no use getting yourself wound up until the doctor sees her.”

“Easy for you to say,” I mumble.

“No,” the medic answers, shaking his head. “It’s not easy to say at all. This is my job, and I see it every day. It’s the best advice I can give you. Don’t kill yourself worrying about what it could be—not yet. Just focus on being with her.”

His words hit me with the force of a fighter jet hitting the ground at top speed. My head swims, and I can barely breathe as I realize just how serious this could be.

“She’s going to be okay, isn’t she?” I ask.

“Just wait for the doctor, son,” the guy says. “No one can even guess at what’s going on at this stage, but it’s not good that she hasn’t woken up.”

Panic like I’ve never known sings through my blood, completely destroying my calm. The peace I’ve found over the last couple of weeks shatters, plunging my heart into a wild blizzard of despair that feels like it’s shredding my flesh from my bones.

The urge to run, to get as far away from here as possible and kill these feelings with alcohol and petty violence, is overpowering. I can see myself doing it so clearly that my current reality fades away, and a future of hopelessness and solitude beckons to me with a sense of unavoidable destiny.

If I run now, I won’t have to lose her. I can go back to feeling nothing and loving no one. If anything happens to her, it won’t affect me at all.

I look down at Lucy, the dark shadows across her closed eyes, the terrifyingly pale skin, and how fragile she looks after losing so much weight. Emotion wells up in me, engulfing my heart, and I take her hand in both of mine.

“I’m not leaving you,” I swear, squeezing her hand. “I am going to stay right here, by your side, no matter what happens. I will not let you leave me, Lucy.”

Her eyelids flicker, but she still doesn’t wake. When the ambulance stops, I’m shoved out of the way while they pull out the stretcher and roll her away from me.

“Where are you going?” I bark, trying to chase them. “I’m not leaving her!”

“It’s okay, sir,” a nurse says soothingly. “She has to go straight in for evaluation by the doctor. You’ll be allowed in soon. Just wait here, okay?”

She gestures to a room lined with plastic seats. I frown at her, but she just points again, so I go inside and sit down. I can’t even stay still for a few seconds. When the doctor returns, I’m pacing back and forth.

“Peter?” the doctor asks.

“Yes! Lucy—Lucy’s husband. Is she—”

“She’s okay,” the doctor says, smiling. “It would have been much better if she came in earlier. This really didn’t have to happen, and she’ll need a few days here to recover, but she’s going to be fine.”

I’m about to collapse in relief. “We knew,” I say. “Me and all her friends, we told her she should see a doctor, but she kept saying she was okay.”

“That will definitely be something for you to monitor,” the doctor advises. “You’ll need to keep a close eye on her for the next few months and let me know if anything changes.”

“Months?” I say, frowning. “How long is this going to go on? How sick is she?”

The doctor looks at his chart. “Well, her immediate problem is a combination of vitamin deficiency and not enough rest. It affects every woman differently, and it looks like Lucy is just one of those girls who gets the worst of it.”

It?

“Just tell me straight, doc,” I say, barely stopping myself from shaking him. “What happened?”

“An extreme collapse due to exhaustion and malnutrition.,” the doctor says. “But she really will recover completely in a couple of days. And the baby is fine.”

The world swims around me, and I have to grab the wall to stay upright. My head is spinning like I’ve just downed a bottle of Jack, then tried to stand on my head.

“What did you say?” I whisper. My chest is so tight, I can’t even breathe.

“The baby is fine,” the doctor says again, putting a hand on my shoulder and smiling warmly. “You’re going to be a wonderful father, I’m sure of it. Just make sure she takes her vitamins and gets plenty of rest. You can see her now.”

I follow him down the hall, still so shaken that it feels like the walls are flowing around me and the floor is uneven under my feet. When I enter the hospital room and see Lucy sitting up in bed, the relief that floods through me is so powerful, it practically turns my legs to jelly.

“Lucy,” I whisper, grabbing her hand.

“Peter.” Her face crumples, and she starts sobbing. “I’m so, so sorry. I know I should have told you—”

“It’s okay,” I murmur reassuringly, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. “Everything is okay. Don’t stress yourself out worrying about me.”

She looks up at me, her expression edged with fear. “Peter, I want you to know I’ll be okay… no matter what you decide to do.”

Wait, what?

“Neither of us intended for this to happen,” she continues. “And I’ve trapped you twice now. There’s no obligation here, okay? I can manage, and we’ll figure everything out as we go along.”

“Lucy,” I say firmly, taking both her hands in mine. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I want you, and the baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t say that,” she cries, pushing my hands away. “I don’t want you to stay with me out of duty, or pity.”

“Lucy.” I shake my head in disbelief. “I came back to be part of your life, no matter what, because I realized love and family are all I’ve ever wanted. You helped me realize that.”

Tears run down her cheeks as her face crumples again. “I won’t hold you here. You don’t have to make excuses.”

“Will you listen to me?” I say forcefully. I reach into my pocket and pull out a small velvet box. I hold it up in front of her.

She freezes when she sees it. “No,” she whispers.

I open the box, revealing the ring inside.

She shakes her head and cries even harder. “I don’t want you to marry me just because of the baby!” she wails.

“Oh, my love,” I say with a smile, stroking her cheek. “It’s been in my pocket for a week. I was just waiting for the right moment.”

“Really?”

“Really. Check the receipt if you don’t believe me.”

Lucy reaches out for me with both arms. I pull her tight against my chest, letting her cry as she clings to me.

“You know we’re already married, right?” she murmurs with a hint of her old humor.

“Yeah,” I chuckle. “But I thought I’d do the thing, all the same. Make it even more official—have the big party, ceremony, anything you want.”

“Sounds wonderful,” she answers, beaming up at me.

I bend down to kiss her, and as our lips touch, I know I have truly found my home.

In her arms, and in her heart.