Chapter 19 - Lucy

Days go by, and every single minute that passes, I fall more in love with Peter. The normalcy of town life seems to have soothed his soul and given him peace from the trauma of his past.

Just like it did for Rider.

I want to believe that Peter’s changing for me, that it’s my love that’s healing him. The biggest problem with this theory is that I so desperately want it to be true. If it isn’t, I’m heading for an extremely broken heart.

Peter and I settle into a routine, going to the bakery for a few hours each morning and traveling to New Hope a couple of times a week. I watch him coaching the kids, and the way his face lights up when he sees them touches me deeply.

I sit on the benches behind the great hall at New Hope, waiting for Peter to finish today’s session. He’s out there with nine kids, getting them to sprint, climb, then shift and use their wolf skills. All of them enthusiastically follow his directions, and Peter beams the whole time, thriving on their attention.

If he doesn’t love me, at least he has found real, pure love. He knows what it is to be needed, and he doesn’t want to let these kids down. If I am not enough, then this should be.

I know if I truly love him, I should be happy for him that he is enjoying life and moving forward, even if I’m not a part of it. This doesn’t stop me yearning for him, and it doesn’t erase the fear in my heart that he might still leave the second he gets the chance.

“How’s it going?” Fiona asks, sitting down beside me.

I nod towards the field. “He’s doing an awesome job. The kids love him.”

“That wasn’t what I meant, hun,” she says, putting an arm around my shoulders. “I meant, how is it going with you?”

I want to give an easy, flippant answer, but tears fill my eyes. I shake my head.

“Oh, Lucy! That bad?” Fiona hugs me.

“No, it’s not. Not really. We wake up together and have breakfast, work together in the bakery, tend the pack, then make dinner. We’ve been doing everything together, and he seems to be enjoying himself with me.”

“So what’s the problem?” Fiona asks, rubbing my arm.

“The first problem is, I don’t know if any of this is real. The spell might be causing it, enhancing our attraction to each other and drawing us together. Then there’s the issue of being tethered… who’s to say he won’t just take off the second he can?”

“Has he told you what he wants?”

I shake my head, chuckling. “Nope. I’ve asked. But nothing.”

“He really does a great job with the kids,” Fiona says, watching him with appreciation. “They just adore him.”

I look out over the field, and Peter has the kids transforming into their wolf shapes, running an obstacle course, then shifting back to complete the rest of it on foot. Caleb leads the charge, transforming more smoothly than the others and taking on the obstacles with full enthusiasm.

Peter waits at the end of the course. When Caleb reaches him, he grabs the little boy and swings him around, making him laugh. Soon, all the kids are laughing, and so is Peter.

“What are you thinking?” Fiona asks.

“I’m thinking I need him to tell me what’s going on,” I say with a sigh. “The change of behavior doesn’t feel real.”

“If he told you straight out that he wanted to stay, would you believe him?”

“Good point,” I acknowledge.

Fiona laughs softly, reaching out to touch my hand. She rubs her finger gently across my wedding ring. Peter and I had them made a few days ago, very simple gold bands to signify our union and make it real.

“It’s not just the spell,” Fiona says. “You’re married now. No matter what happens in your life, even if you get divorced, he will still have been your husband. I know you only did it to try and break the spell, but it still means something.”

“I’m afraid you’re right,” I murmur.

Peter and the kids have started running towards us. Caleb launches himself at his mother from quite a distance, almost knocking her right off the bench.

“Did you see me, Mom?” he exclaims. “I won on the course! I was like lightning!”

“You sure were, kiddo,” Fiona says, laughing. “Strongest little pup in the pack!”

Peter leans over and tousles Caleb’s hair. “Great job, little buddy!” He turns to the rest of the kids. “Now, everyone, even though Caleb was the fastest today, he might not be next time. Even the alpha can falter. It is your job as pack members to try your best, every single day. Each of you is important—never forget that. You don’t have to be the fastest or the strongest to have value. If the alpha is unable to perform his duty, the rest of the pack steps up. Wolves who might be slower or not as strong can be useful as stealth, scouts, or even back here in town to stand guard.

“The pack is strong because it cares for all its members,” he continues. “Never feel like less because you can’t do what another can do. I guarantee you, there will be a skill you have that no one else can master. What we’re aiming to do is find it so you can live true to your purpose. Understand?”

The kids happily agree, smiling and shouting as they jump up and down. Peter hands out hugs as the kids swarm him, then sends them off to find their parents.

“Come on, little man,” Fiona says, putting her arm around Caleb. “You need a bath for dinner. You look like you’ve been rolling in mud.”

“That’s because I was,” Caleb laughs, following his mom. “Bye, Uncle Pete!” Caleb calls, turning around for one last wave.

Peter smiles, waving back. When he looks down at me, his green eyes are clear, with not even a hint of the pain I’ve seen lurking there in the past.

“Ready to go?” he asks. “Do you want to cook tonight, or should we get takeout?”

“I’m happy with picking something up,” I say, getting up. “Can’t deal with dishes and stuff tonight.”

“Agreed,” Peter laughs. “What should we get?”

“I don’t know.”

As we reach the dirt track that leads out of New Hope, Peter takes my hand, looking up at the canopy of trees above us. The sky is beginning to darken into ink-black, stars appearing one by one and shining brighter as the sun sinks further beyond the horizon.

I squeeze Peter’s hand, wishing that I could let go of my bad mood. I’ve felt tired and a bit sick recently, just out of sorts. I don’t know if it has something to do with the spell, or if it’s just my fear.

I’m probably coming down with something. I’m assuming this has a magical or emotional cause. It’s probably just a stomach virus.

When we arrive at the car, Peter stops me, holding my shoulder with one hand so he can look into my eyes. “Are you okay, Lucy? You’ve seemed really tired lately.”

“Yeah,” I answer. “We’ve just had a hectic routine.”

“Okay. Let me know if there’s anything you want to talk about.”

Yes, everything.

“No, nothing,” I say instead. “Don’t worry about it.”

He squeezes my hands gently, then gets in the car. As I move to open the door, my phone dings, and I pull it out to check.

When I see it’s from Amanda, a mixture of emotions I can’t define slams into me. I’d almost forgotten I asked her to come. I want confirmation that Peter is staying with me out of love, not because of magic, but I’m still terrified.

I flick the screen open.

Hi, Lucy! Sorry, it’s taken me so long. I’ll be there in a day or two to help you out. Talk soon!

Numbly, I put my phone back in my pocket. As I get into the car, Peter chats about what takeout we should get and our routine for the next day. I can barely focus on his voice, just nodding or making a noise of acknowledgment in response.

By the time we get back to Silver Meadows, an awkward silence has fallen between us. I pull into the driveway and stare straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel hard enough to make my fingers hurt.

“Lucy, we didn’t stop for food,” Peter points out.

“No, I guess not.”

“Are we going inside?”

I nod, forcing myself to move. Walking up the path to the door feels surreal, as if I’m in a dream where all my senses are blurred and slow and I can’t even wake up.

When I get to the door, I drop my keys and have trouble finding them on the ground. Peter grabs my arm and makes me look at him.

“Lucy, what the fuck is going on? Like, I’m actually worried about you right now. Did you hit your head?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

Peter lets go of me and crosses his arms across his chest. “You’re going to tell me right now what’s upsetting you, or I’m going to take you to the damn hospital! We were getting along great; I’ve been enjoying my new routines—even though I didn’t believe for a second I’d like a normal life like this, I’ve been really trying. But the last two days, you’ve pulled away from me. And now you’re acting like someone hit you with half a pack of sleeping pills.”

Tears fill my eyes as I look at his handsome face. When he’s angry, the sharp angles of his cheeks and jaw seem more pronounced, and he talks with his hands, becoming animated and vivid.

How can I tell him that it’s all over? I can’t stand this.

“Lucy, talk to me right now, or I’m calling someone,” he says. “You’re scaring me.”

The tears pour down my cheeks. I can’t hold them in. Even though I try to talk, my bottom lip trembles, and I choke on the words. My mind is full of our wonderful mornings together, waking up wrapped in warm sheets, our bodies barely touching. The way he kisses me so tenderly, but with all the savage promise of his wolf raging beneath.

I can’t bear to lose him. Not now. It will be like having my heart ripped out.

But is he even really mine, if he’s being forced to stay?

“Lucy,” Peter says more gently, holding my shoulders and looking into my eyes. “Seriously, babe, are you okay?”

“It’s over,” I say flatly. “It’s all over.”

“What?” he asks, his eyes widening with shock.

“I know you don’t really want to stay, not deep down. I can’t deny you your freedom.”

“Lucy, what the fuck?”

“My mentor is coming!” I yell, pushing him away from me. “She texted me tonight. She’s on her way.”

Peter takes a step back, his face blank. It scares me more than any other expression I could see on his face.

If he was excited or sad, that would be something. But he just looks… numb. Like he doesn’t care.

“I—I don’t know what to say,” he finally says.

“This is what you want, isn’t it? What’s best for you?” I ask, my voice taking on a challenging tone.

“Don’t tell me what I need,” he growls. “I can decide that for myself. How long until she gets here?”

“A day or two, at most.”

He nods. “Okay. Not long, then.”

“No,” I whisper. “Not long at all.”

I watch him take another step away from me, and it feels like my heart is being shredded by razors. My body throbs with sensory memories, reminding me of every single wonderful second I’ve spent in his arms.

Goosebumps rise all over my body, making me throb between my legs as the tension spreads up my belly to my nipples. I can feel his rough hands against my smooth skin, his touch soothing the craving in my soul.

It isn’t real. None of it was ever real.

“Fine, then,” he says tersely. “If that’s how it has to be, then there’s no point talking about it, is there? Good to know where we both stand.”

“Fine by me!” I snap, my voice harsh. “Do whatever the fuck you want.”

“Will do,” he shoots back. “The second I’m free of this damn spell!”

“Fine!” I yell, trying desperately to cover my despair with anger.

“Fine,” he says, his voice flat again. He turns and walks away from me, his fists clenched and his shoulders set in a hard line. I laugh at his useless gesture.

We can try the whole “storming off” trick if we want. It’s pointless to threaten to leave. He won’t even make it halfway around the block.