Chapter 16 - Peter

For the second morning in a row, I wake up with my arms around Lucy.

We’re in her bed this time. I haven’t even seen her bedroom before today. The soft mattress and clean sheets feel amazing, but the warmth of Lucy wrapped around me is nothing short of heaven.

I can’t remember the last time I slept in a real bed.

My groggy mind attempts to recall details from the night before. I remember waking in the middle of the night and feeling an unbelievable panic. Tossing and turning, soaked in sweat, I fought my wolf, eventually fleeing the house and running for the woods.

Even though every step was painful, I kept on, desperate to break the spell. I pushed harder into the wilderness. When the magic tether began to feel less painful, I started to think I was free—only to catch Lucy’s scent in the forest.

Talking to her under the stars is a surreal memory. Almost like I could have dreamed it. I’ve never opened up to anyone before, about anything. Knowing that I have revealed part of my heart fuels my anxiety, even as I hold Lucy close to my chest.

When we came together under the stars, all I wanted was to clear my mind and not think for a short while. Instead, seeing Lucy writhe beneath me in complete ecstasy stirred feelings in me I didn’t know I had.

I want to see her that happy, every single day. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She deserves the very best in life.

And that is exactly why I can’t stay.

Restlessness builds in me. I want to get up, but I also don’t want to wake her. The room is dark, and I’m not sure if it’s still night or closer to dawn. If I can get out of here and back to the couch, maybe I can pretend none of this ever happened.

Following the memory of our sex under the stars is the walk home, when we held hands and laughed together. I’m still having trouble convincing myself that any of this really happened.

We arrived home very late… and she invited me to her bed.

I remember how happy I was that I’d get to sleep beside her, and wake up with her.

And now all I want is to get the fuck out of here before she wakes up.

Lucy murmurs, her arms tightening around my waist. I love the feel of her wrapped around me, but I’m afraid for her to wake up. I have no idea how to handle this situation. Whenever I slept with a woman in the past, I was always well and truly gone before they opened their eyes.

Then, just as I’m trying to figure out how to extract myself without waking her, Lucy’s alarm goes off.

My body jolts. Every single muscle tightens up, almost like I’m about to jump into a fight. Lucy mutters and leans over, tapping her phone screen to silence the alarm. Then she comes back to wrap her arms around me again.

“Just a little snooze,” she mumbles. “Then we’ll get up and open the shop.”

My chest feels too small as my heart speeds up, pounding against my ribs.

If I could, I would bolt from this house right now!

Lucy sighs happily, running her hand over my bare chest as she snuggles against me. I look down and see her smiling, even though her eyes are still closed. Something deep stirs inside me, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her close and letting the fresh scent of her soak into me.

For just a few minutes, I completely immerse myself in my senses, in Lucy. My heart settles, and my breaths become slow and deep. All my fears melt away when I let go and feel the connection between us.

If my wolf could purr, it would be doing it right now.

Lucy wriggles against me, and when I look down at her smile, the anxiety returns in full force.

I’m not the man you need, Lucy. I’m not the man who can keep that smile on your face.

I know that all I will ever do is bring pain to her. It’s more than likely I’ll also hurt my brother and let the pack down.

Even if I could trust them, they shouldn’t trust me.

Lucy stirs again, and suddenly, my fears outweigh anything else. I can’t look into her eyes as she wakes up. I just can’t.

Moving slowly, I untangle our limbs and slip over the edge of the bed. To my relief, she mumbles but doesn’t wake. I head to the bathroom, where I splash cold water on my face and stare at myself in the mirror.

“You’re such an asshole,” I whisper to myself, shaking my head.

Eventually, I turn my back on the man in the mirror and get changed. When I enter the hall, Lucy’s alarm goes off again, so I head for the kitchen to put the coffee on.

I hear Lucy get up, tracking her footsteps through the house. My heart is twisting and flipping in my chest. I have no idea what to say to her when she finally walks in.

Calm down. It’s just a conversation, not a knife fight.

I think I’d prefer the knife fight.

“Good morning,” Lucy says, coming into the kitchen.

My hands tighten on my cup so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t break. I look up at her, and her gentle, happy expression almost breaks my heart.

If I had a heart.

“Good morning,” I mutter.

She pours herself some coffee and sits down in front of me on the other side of the table. “Ready to go to the shop today? You got up right on the alarm.”

“Yeah. Just restless, I guess.”

She smiles at me, and her expression is so full of quiet joy I feel like ten times more of an asshole than I did before.

How could you sleep with her again when you have no intention of staying?

“Did you sleep well?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I answer. “I did.”

“We didn’t sleep much, though,” she says, winking.

I can’t help smiling at that, and my body relaxes a little. “Just enough, I’d say.”

“I don’t know,” she teases. “Maybe we could push it a bit further. I could handle a bit less sleep if you really want to fit in… other activities.”

I chuckle. “I won’t argue with that.”

She giggles, and a moment of pure connection strikes right into my bones. Looking into her eyes while we laugh gives me a kind of pleasure no physical interaction ever could.

Maybe this will be okay, though. If it’s just physical, then after the spell is broken, we will be able to go our separate ways without any difficulty.

“Seriously, though, are you okay?” Lucy asks, concerned. I’m reminded of her anguish last night when she thought I might be injured and how badly it scared her.

“I’m fine,” I say.

“We should get going. I really have to go to the shop today, and I’m sorry you’re going to get dragged along with me.”

“It’s okay. I can help.”

“You really don’t have to.” She sighs. “I’m sorry for the way I exploded before. You really couldn’t have known the right way of doing things, and I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”

Even though I wanted an apology from her, I feel worse now that I’ve gotten one. I did make an unnecessary mess at the shop, and here at her house. It wasn’t until I had to help clean the kitchen at the bakery that I realized how much cleaning up there was to do.

“I didn’t mind making bread and stuff,” I say. “Like, it was kind of fun, I guess. And I’ll try not to make so much of a mess this time.”

“Thank you, Peter,” she says. “That means a lot.”

I take a sip of coffee so I don’t have to answer. In a way, I can’t wait to get to the shop because then I’ll have something to do and won’t have to think so much.

Lucy gets up to take her cup to the sink and gives me a warm smile as she leaves the kitchen. While she’s gone, I finish my coffee and try not to think.

So, what are the rules now? Are we sleeping in her bed together every night? What does she expect from me?

These questions terrify me all over again. I take my cup to the sink and rinse it, glaring at my hands and clenching my fists against the rising anxiety inside me.

Why does this hurt so much?

“Ready?” Lucy asks, coming into the room behind me.

“Hmm?” I say. “Yeah. Just rinsing my cup.”

“Thank you,” she says, coming up behind me and running her hand up my back.

A shiver runs through me, and I don’t know if I want to grab her and kiss her or try to run away again. Lucy slips her arm around my waist and snuggles against my side. I can’t resist the draw of her scent or the comfort of her body. Before I know it, I’ve wrapped both my arms around her and snuggled her against my chest.

I bow my head and rest my cheek in her hair, immersing myself in her scent. The tension bleeds out of me as I tighten my arms around her, hearing her sigh with pleasure.

She looks up at me with a small but bright smile. “Last night was wonderful,” she says.

“Yes, it was,” I say softly.

“I know we should probably talk about stuff, but—”

“No, that’s okay,” I say quickly. “It was a good time. I don’t think we should overanalyze it.”

Some of the joy goes out of her expression, and I feel like the worst rat bastard that ever walked the earth.

Lucy takes a step back, running her hands down my arms until she’s holding both my hands. She gives my fingers a bit of a squeeze and sighs, finally letting go and stepping away.

I follow her up to the front of the house and out to the car. The sky is only just changing color, a gray-dawn twilight that makes the world look strange and spooky.

Even though Lucy doesn’t look upset, she doesn’t talk to me on the drive to the shop. The bad feeling begins to fade as I remember the reason I’m here, and the reason I can’t leave.

The spell. This is all because of the spell. None of this is real, and as soon as it’s broken, all these feelings will just go away.