Chapter 17: Sierra

It was peaceful laying naked in his arms, head resting on his broad chest. He was fast asleep; why wouldn't he be? The sex had been amazing, and it left us exhausted—tired as fuck. I felt so alive after the ride, so satisfied, and I realized just how much I'd been missing out on simply because I'd been holding back.

Something about the way he handled me very delicately and roughly at the same time brought out a part of me that I'd kept down for a long time. I didn't know exactly why I felt so free, but I was glad that I let myself explore the concept of sex without timidity.

The look of shock and surprise in his eyes when I finally stepped out of my shell was priceless. He loved this new me, and it made me feel so fucking good about myself. His satisfaction was my priority, especially after he made me water.

Fuck! That was mind-blowing. I'd never squirted before. I hadn't thought it was possible to, although I'd heard a couple of girls discuss it before. The feeling was overwhelming, and it was like a veil had been lifted off my face, and now, I could see better.

Even as I lay on his chest, I could still feel my cunt tingling at the thought of last night. Images of the way he kissed me, with his hands all over my body, flashed in my head, and I found myself smiling sheepishly. I jerked my eyes and watched him as he slept like a cute little baby.

Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer, his voice echoed in my head, and I felt my face relax into a warm, easy smile. I was beginning to get very comfortable around him, and so was he; this bond between the two of us was blossoming. I could feel it. And as much as I loved the connection that was starting to grow in our hearts, I couldn't ignore the impending doom that hovered over us like a dark cloud.

As my smile faltered, slowly fading away like a leaf on a windy day, the familiar ache of depression crept into my mind, shrouding my once blissful thoughts in darkness.

My heart was so heavy from this secret, which was killing me in silence.

I watched his face as he slept, thinking how I'd grown so deeply fond of him. How would he react when he finally found out that his archnemesis, Niall Donovan, was my father and his in-law? The two hated each other, and I was caught in the middle—me and my unborn child.

I'd known that I was in deep shit when I first met Joshua in Artem's office. The Irishman had recognized me that day, as well, even though I was looking down the entire time. It was a good thing that he acted like he had no idea who I was because if he had mentioned to my husband that I was a Donovan, things would've taken a turn for the worse.

I wanted so badly to come clean, to tell my husband the whole truth, but I couldn't muster the courage to do so. I was so fucking scared, particularly now that things were starting to fall into place in my marriage. The man I thought I knew, the ruthless killer who had forced me into marrying him, was suddenly allowing me to glimpse his more compassionate and nuanced personality. I couldn't afford to jeopardize this newfound peace, but I was only delaying the inevitable.

"I wish it was easy to just tell you everything," I whispered under my breath, running my finger over his chest. "I really do wanna tell you." I felt a sting in my eyes. My tear glands were charging up. "But I'm afraid. I'm a coward—yes, I know—but you're changing with me, and I like the man I'm seeing. I'm so scared of the violence that will erupt when you find out the truth." I sniffled, drying the tears in my eyes. "I wish you could understand."

He moved silently, adjusting beneath me. He was deep asleep, and he hadn't heard a single word I'd said. Trouble was coming; it wasn't here yet, but it was coming, and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

My joy was stolen by these depressing thoughts that were gnawing at my fragile mind, and now I was tangled in the web of fear, guilt, and anxiety. It would have been a lot easier if we weren't getting along, if he was the monster—the narcissistic prick that I'd thought he was.

Recently, each day was better than the previous, and each day, this secret grew heavier to bear and harder to keep. I barely slept at night, as these thoughts always kept me up late.

My mind returned to my encounter with Niall Donovan back at the event, and I shut my eyes in reminiscence.

Artem was talking to some of his associates after Niall had left us. He seemed engaged in their chatter, even though I could tell that he wasn't entirely interested in the conversation as much as they were.

I, on the other hand, wasn't focused at all, and my heart was still recovering from the close call that had stolen my breath. I needed some air, some space to think, since I wasn't a part of this conversation.

Artem leaned close to me after I'd tapped his shoulder. "I'm gonna use the restroom. Please, excuse me," I whispered.

"Want me to come with you?" he asked with a cocky smile.

I wasn't sure if he was serious or if he was just teasing me; either way, it was cute, and my lips curled up into a gentle grin. "I'm not a child. I can find my way."

His flashy smirk warmed my heart, and I added softly. "I won't be long." With that, I walked away, and even as I left, I could still feel his gaze lingering on me.

The restroom door swung open, and I stepped inside as two stunning women exited. My heels clicked against the floor as I halted in front of the mirror above a sink. My mind was racing, and I set my purse on the sink, grasping the cool ceramic edge to steady myself.

Niall had handled the situation like a good father would; however, I still couldn't help but wonder what he was up to—what his next move was going to be. I'd married his enemy without his knowledge or consent, and I feared how he'd retaliate. He'd had a blank expression on his face, and I couldn't really read him to understand how he felt. Was he disappointed? Was he worried? I honestly couldn't tell.

The woman looking back at me in the mirror heaved a sigh, and I said to myself, "You got this, girl. You've got this."

I took out my lipstick, and after applying a little more, I smacked my lips and returned it, zipping my purse. I'd told my husband I wasn't going to be long, and I intended to keep to my word.

The door swung open again, and more women stepped inside, talking and laughing. Picking up my purse, I headed out, thinking about how much I missed Madelyn. If only she was here and I'd told her the truth already, she would have found a way to make this lighter to carry. She always had a way with these sorts of things.

I could really use your help right now, Maddie , I thought to myself as I wandered the hallway, contemplating the way back. I was still deep in thought when someone grabbed my hand and pulled me into a corner. But before I panicked, I realized it was only Niall.

"What the fuck, Sierra?" he snapped, straining his whisper. "What were you thinking, marrying that monster?"

"I didn't have a choice, okay?" I squirmed out of his hold.

"You didn't have a…." He paused, taking a deep breath. "What're you talking about?"

"Look, it's complicated—"

"Well, I need you to uncomplicate it, right now," he commanded.

I didn't like his tone, so I frowned at him.

"As your father, I demand an answer from you," he added, clearly upset about the situation.

"Ohh, so now , you're my father?" I pushed my head back in disbelief.

His brows furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've never shown any interest in my life, but now that I'm joined together in holy matrimony with your enemy, you suddenly develop a conscience?" I scoffed, folding my arms across my chest.

"That's not true," he said, a bit calmer this time. "I do care about you, and yes, it pains me that you're…." The word was hard for him to say. "It pains me that you're his wife, Sierra. He's a monster."

"Looks like Mom and I are cursed to fall for monsters," I replied coldly. There was something off about that statement, but whatever, he got the message.

He combed his fingers through his hair, trying not to lose control as he took a few paces away before returning to ask, "Does she know—your mother?"

I was quiet, and there was a sudden dryness in my throat that made it difficult to swallow. In the end, I shook my head at her question.

"What the hell, Sierra?" He put his head down, rubbing his eyebrows. "Hold on, are you under duress? Did he force you to marry him?"

"He did it to save my life," I said.

"Save your life?" His brows rose in disbelief. "That doesn't sound like the Artem that I know."

"Well, it's true," I replied. "I witnessed something that I shouldn't have, and the rule is that there are no witnesses. You're very aware of that, aren't you? Considering that you always prioritized the mafia over me. Just like you always chose your other children." I had been dying to give him a piece of my mind, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity.

My relationship with my father had been very complex, especially since Mom separated me from him and the life he led. He'd tried a couple of times to come close, to know me better, but in the long run, he always bailed on me when I needed him the most. He was always so busy with his mafia life, choosing money and violence over me.

He stood in front of me, speechless, as he saw the anger in my eyes. But was I really angry? I was just hurting. Maybe I was mad at him, but I was also very confused about the whole situation and the effect it was having on me.

"The fact that your mother isn't aware of this marriage means that Artem probably forced you into choosing this life. If he hadn't, you wouldn't be keeping it a secret," Niall said, his eyes fixed on me. "She took you away from me when you were a baby because she didn't want you to be a part of the violence that comes with this life, only for you to end up marrying someone as ruthless as I am."

"I didn't have a choice," I repeated.

"Yes, you did. You could've told me. You could have come to me—"

"You aren't exactly father of the year," I cut him off. "Plus, I thought you wouldn't care."

"You think so little of me, Sierra," he said quietly.

"Funny, that's exactly what he says to me," I replied, a small grin at the corner of my lips.

He must have noticed the smile on my face because there was a frown on his. Niall's hatred for Artem was glaring, but I needed him to keep that anger in check. "You've grown fond of him."

I swallowed hard, unable to deny it, but I didn't accept it either. "He can't find out." I shook my head, afraid to even think about what would happen if he did. "He can't know that you're my father. He hates you so much."

"Yeah, the feeling is mutual."

"I can't risk it." I sighed. "He could kill me if finds out."

"Then I'll kill the bastard before he gets the chance." Niall frowned, his hands balling into fists.

"No!" I didn't mean to raise my voice, but I did. "You'll do no such thing. He's not to be touched."

Niall shifted back in surprise. "You're defending him now?" He scoffed, shaking his head. "Could this get any worse? You're looking out for the safety of my enemy?"

He had no idea how worse things were about to get, and I wasn't going to keep this a secret from him.

"I'm pregnant," I blurted out.

His eyes grew cold in an instant, and his pupils went dark. His teeth were gritted, and in his face was a mix of disappointment, rage, and disbelief. This was a game changer, and we both weren't ready for it.

I'd grown up without a father's love, without a father figure—at least not until Mom married Gary. Although he and I were close, there was still a void that he couldn't fill. He was an amazing father to both his son and me, but there were times when I felt like I didn't belong—times when I felt left out. Niall was always with his other kids, and I was mostly all by myself.

I wasn't going to subject my child to the same childhood I had. No. I was going to make sure that they got the love, care, attention, and everything that I'd missed out on.

Niall was still trying to come to terms with my revelation when heaved a sigh and walked away without saying anything.

I massaged my temples and looked at my sleeping husband. "I'm sorry, but you can't find out. At least not yet." One lone tear rolled down my cheek.