Chapter 13: Sierra

These past few days had been full of bliss—just joy and happiness. Zoya's stay with us had its benefits; she'd helped me see a side of Artem that was surprisingly cool. I wished that she could stay longer, but sadly, she couldn't; her parents had returned from their trip.

I'd grown fond of this smart four-year-old with a sharp mouth and a brilliant mind. Zoya was more mature than I was when I was her age, and that, amongst the numerous other qualities she possessed, was the reason I connected with her.

She was an amazing little girl with a beautiful soul, lovable with a kind heart, and had an adorable pair of blue eyes. Having her around made me wish for a second that I was her mother. I'd always loved kids, and now, being Zoya's babysitter had opened my eyes to the concept of motherhood. I'd realized that in the not-so-distant future, I would become a Mom myself.

Shit.

As great as that should seem, it scared the living daylights out of me. I didn't think that I was ready to be a mother just yet.

I shook my head, brushing off the thoughts that were gradually creeping in before they could settle in my mind. I was dealing with a lot already, and the last thing I needed was another depressing possibility weighing me down.

"Pass me the salt, please," Frank said to Zoya.

His words drew my attention back to the dinner table, where my husband and I were seated side by side. Across from us, Kara and her husband sat beside each other with their little girl close by. The air was filled with the delicious aroma of roasted chicken and the sweetness of caramelized onions. The table was set with truffle mac and cheese, filet mignon, and roasted vegetables.

Zoya passed him the salt. "Here you go, Dad."

"Thanks, sweetheart." He smiled at her.

Kara lifted her crystal glass, half filled with wine, to her lips, and her body trembled. It was subtle, but I observed the movement. Her husband's palm was caressing her thigh underneath the table, and she was struggling not to expose him. With the faint smile on her face, I knew she was enjoying it. The fact that I was a woman, as well, meant I could recognize the expression of pleasure when I saw one, however discreet. Kara did her best to hide it, and her husband kept a straight face like his hand wasn't doing anything. This was inappropriate, considering there was a child at the table, but fuck it; it was spontaneous. Besides, the child had no idea what was happening.

I looked away so they wouldn't notice that I was aware of the happenings underground, and my husband caught my eye. For a fleeting moment, he flashed a smile at me as though he'd noticed the couple as well. I wasn't sure that was the case since he didn't say anything, but I was glad to see him smile.

"So, Frank," Artem started, "what's the update on that new deal you struck with the Langleys?"

"Ohh, uh…." He cleared his throat, both hands hovering over his plate, now holding some cutlery. "It's great, actually. We're looking to take another step forward, you know, like venture into the stock market…."

At this point, everything else that came out of Frank's mouth didn't sound like English to me, nor did my husband's responses. They were discussing business with terms that only someone else in the line would understand.

Speaking of businesses, I missed my computers. I missed the thrill of writing codes, building algorithms, and bypassing impossible frameworks. I felt so useless doing nothing, and it affected me more than I cared to admit. It was something that I loved to do, but I hadn't even touched a laptop in weeks. Shame.

"Are you alright?" Kara asked me. "You've barely touched your food."

I jerked my eyes in her direction and observed she was looking at me strangely, her eyes roaming my body in a manner that should've made me uncomfortable. Ironically, I wasn't. I was okay with that. But why, though? Why examine me like that?

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied with a smile.

That wasn't entirely true. I'd been feeling funny these past few days, and even at the table, while she spoke, my head was heavy; it'd been heavy since yesterday. My body was aching—especially my breasts, which, by the way, seemed a bit bigger than usual, but my mind could've been playing tricks on me.

"Come on, Sierra," Kara prodded, her gaze locked on me. "I know you're not completely fine. Okay, let me rephrase that." She adjusted in her chair. "How do you feel, like, physically?"

I heaved a sigh. There was no point in withholding the truth anyway. "Well, it's no biggie," I said. "I've been feeling weak lately. And it's like my body is glitching."

"How so?" she asked.

"One minute, I'm hungry—like I'm really hungry—and the next, I lose my appetite. Puff! Just like that. Not to mention that sometimes, even my favorite meals make me feel nauseated."

"Really?" She raised her brows.

I nodded.

"Any aches? Headaches, body aches, et cetera?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Swollen breasts?"

Why all these questions? What has one got to do with the other?

I was clueless, but I answered honestly, "Yes."

"Okay, let's see…." A smile began playing on Kara's lips as she listed out the things I'd said and those I'd agreed to. "Weakness, loss of appetite, nausea, body aches, migraine, swollen breasts…." She looked straight up at me. "These are all signs of…?"

I squinted my eyes, finally catching up with what she was trying to say, but she was wrong; she had to be. Right? I mean, I would know if I was….

"When did you last see your red friend?"

At this point, my heart was almost flying out of my chest as I thought about her valid question.

Fuck!

I was already late by about ten days, which was strange because I'd never missed it, not once. Yes, it had shifted a couple of times before when I was overwhelmed with stress, but never for ten fucking days. How the hell had I not realized until now?

My entire body was on fire, heat crawling beneath my skin, and I could hardly catch my breath.

Oh, God, no….

My silence was the answer Kara needed to conclude that I was pregnant.

"Looks like Zoya will be getting a cousin soon," Kara said to Artem, smiling.

He turned to face me, but I couldn't afford to freely look in his eyes. I couldn't let him see the discomfort in mine, not yet. He didn't seem surprised; in fact, it was as though he'd been expecting this to happen, which was understandable, considering we were married.

But this wasn't how I wanted to bring a child into this world. I loved kids and was anticipating having my own someday. But not like this!

Things had just taken a drastic turn, and I wasn't sure if it was for the best or the worst, but at the moment, the latter seemed more likely.

Damn it.

**********

Assumptions were not facts until proven otherwise, and that was the reason I was in the bathroom this long. Quietly, I stepped out with a pregnancy strip in my hand and a palm over my mouth as I tried so hard to hold back my tears.

Artem pushed off the wall he was leaning against and stepped forward, his eyes fixed on me. "I'd ask what the outcome is, but I guess I already know the answer."

"It's positive," I managed to say, showing him the double mark on the strip.

"So, I'm gonna be a father soon," he declared, flashing me that genuine smile.

I was too disoriented to take note of the spark in his eyes, but even though his excitement was subtle, I could sense it.

I, on the other hand, was falling apart in despair and was on the verge of breaking down. Tears filled my eyes, and despite how hard I fought to gain control of my emotions, they got the better of me, and I burst out sobbing.

"Hey…." His soft voice felt like a balm on my open wounds as he held my hand. "This is a good thing—it's good news,"

I sniffed, drying my tears. "I know."

"Then why aren't you happy?" he asked, pinning me with a stare.

"I am …and I'm not at the same time," I struggled to explain, my chest tightening. "My feelings are all tangled up, and I'm…." The words rushed out of my mouth as I blinked rapidly in an attempt to push back any other tears.

He was quiet, watching me vent. As I looked into his cold hollow eyes, I remembered the kind of man he was and the life he led. Those tears soon returned, flowing more than before.

Was bringing a baby into this world of violence the right thing to do?

"I'm scared, Artem," I said, my voice catching on a sob. "I'm scared for the baby's life—for my life. I mean, you're the Pakhan of the Tarasov Bratva, which means you have a lot of enemies looking to hurt you." My hands were flying around as I spoke earnestly from my heart, expressing my feelings. "What if they target me and the baby? Shit, I don't even care about myself right now; all I'm worried about is our unborn baby, Artem. The mafia world isn't a place to raise a child." I paused, letting my words sink in for a moment.

At least Mom was smart enough to keep me away from this life as a kid, my mind mused.

It wouldn't be fair if I didn't do the same with mine.

What kind of a parent would that make me?

"I wasn't raised in this world, Artem." I shook my head, a subtle hint of my contempt.

"But I was," he said, wiping my tears with his thumb.

"Yes. Yes, you were. Look how you turned out." The last statement fell out of my lips. I honestly hadn't meant to say it out loud. "No offense," I added weakly.

He sighed, and surprisingly, he didn't frown or threaten me. Maybe he understood that usually, I'd never say that to him; I didn't have the balls to do that. It was the pregnancy hormones pushing me.

"You're afraid. I get it." He looked into my eyes. "And you have every right to be. But I promise you, no harm will come to you…or our baby. I promise."

The sincerity of his words was comforting in a way, and it helped me relax a bit. I'd married into the Bratva, and now, I would have to deal with all the drama, the violence, and anything else that came with it. But despite my reservations, I knew Artem meant every single word about keeping me and the baby safe. He'd lost someone precious to him in the past, and something told me that he wasn't going to let that happen again.

Then, he just had to open his mouth again. "Calm yourself, Sierra, and get used to this life because this isn't going to be the last child you'll carry for me."

He wants more children. Great. I'm screwed.