Chapter 7 - Beth

She could spend only so many days in listless despair before she grew tired of herself. Beth had reached that point. The day was dark, dismal, with rain lashing at the windows of her bedroom while the trees bent in the wind. She was trapped inside. She'd already read the books on the shelf and, though she could ask for more, she was tired of sitting around. She hadn't gone out since that day with Devon.

The memory of it still burned her with embarrassment. She'd thought she was strong enough to outrun him, smart enough to outmaneuver him. She had lost him for a moment and felt the chance of freedom stretch out in front of her.

It had been snatched away before she could savor it when Devon's body collided with hers. He hadn't hurt her, physically at least, but her ego was still bruised. She'd been avoiding him since then. Worse, there was a part of her that was… ashamed? It was an odd feeling. He'd seemed genuine that day when he'd come to her room like a friend dragging another out to a party they knew they'd enjoy. He'd wanted to let her run.

She had used that. Used his trust and his kindness to try and escape. It pained her to think of his face when he'd brought her back to her room, the sadness etched in the corners of his eyes, the way he'd pushed at his hair, and the grey streaks shining in the sunlight. But that was ridiculous. He'd kidnapped her. Of course, she would try to escape. She owed him nothing, and owed the White Winters even less.

That complicated desire she felt in his presence only made things worse. She'd thought of that moment every night since it had happened, his hands on her thigh, then higher. His mouth on her skin, her neck, her lips. It had kept awake, tossing and turning with an unmet need for her alpha. How could her body betray her like that?

Frustrated with herself, Beth got up and yanked open the door. She couldn't stand one minute more with only her thoughts for company—even the White Winter wolves were better entertainment than that.

"Woah, hey there." Jonah looked up from his book, a pulpy detective novel with a yellowing cover from a time long before he was born.

He gave them to her as he finished, but she didn't get the appeal. The women were always helpless damsels, and the men were on the borderline of asshole, even when they were supposed to be the good guys.

She could hear the other pack members moving around the house and wondered where Emma was. The only bright side of staying in her room all the time was that it meant she never had to deal with her. Despite Beth's new position as luna, Emma still treated her like something she'd found on the bottom of her shoe. Then again, Beth had yet to see Emma treat anyone with anything resembling kindness, even the people she was clearly having sex with.

"Hey, Jo," Beth said, leaning against the doorframe. She gave him a smile and got one back. It was easier with Jonah, to forget that he was a White Winter. "Are you bored?"

He got to his feet, tucked his paperback into his back pocket, and flashed me a knowing grin. "Are you?"

She nodded. "Super bored. Losing my mind, pulling out my hair, sort of bored. In fact, I'm so bored I'd rather hang out with you."

Slapping his hand to his chest, he staggered back as if shot. "You wound me. I get it, though; rainy days make me crazy too. Rec room? Gym? Kitchen? Pick your poison."

She thought about it for a minute. From Emma's body, she could assume the woman spent a lot of time in the gym. Her stomach grumbled, deciding for her.

"Kitchen it is," she said, patting her stomach.

Jonah took them down to the kitchen, a huge, bright room with an industrial oven and enough snacks to feed an army.

"Grilled cheese?" Jonah asked, pulling out a pan. "Seems like that kind of day."

"Got any tomato soup?" It was an old favorite of hers, something her dad would make on rainy days.

Jonah nodded his chin toward the pantry. "I bet we do. Go ahead and take a look. Grab me some cookies while you're in there, too, I'm starving."

Beth rolled her eyes. Jonah was always starving, but she grabbed the package of chocolate chip cookies from the shelf and tucked it under her arm before pulling two cans of tomato soup from the shelf.

"We lucked out," she said, returning to the kitchen where the smell of butter filled the room. She stopped short. They weren't alone anymore.

One of the other Winters, Caleb, she thought his name was, sat on the countertop. He nodded cooly when she came in.

"What's up, Beth?"

He wasn't cruel, like Emma, but he wasn't kind like Jonah. Like the rest of the White Winters, he didn't know what to make of her yet. As their luna, she commanded a certain respect, one reinforced by Devon, but as a Rosewood, she was their enemy. They were all stuck in that liminal space.

She cleared her throat, pushing past the fear that still filled her in the presence of a bloodthirsty White Winter. He wouldn't hurt her. Devon would kill him. She didn't know much about her alpha but knew he was protective.

"Not much. Cookies?" She held up the package lamely.

Caleb opened his hands for her to throw it, and she tossed it to him. He caught it easily and ripped it open.

"Hey, those are for me," Jonah protested as Caleb grabbed three of the cookies.

"You boys can share," Beth said, slipping onto a stool across the island from the oven where Jonah was cooking. She felt safer with a little distance between herself and the boys.

"See? Getting a luna was a good idea, after all. She'll make you learn to share," Caleb said around a mouthful of cookie.

Jonah poured the tomato soup into a pot and turned the heat on to simmer. The sweet smell of the tomatoes made her stomach growl again. Despite the lack of exercise she'd been getting, she'd lost weight during her time with the White Winters, and her body was protesting the lack of food. Not much of an appetite when living as a prisoner. What did it mean now that her hunger was rising again?

"So how's it feel being the Luna of the White Winters? Must be a mindfuck, huh?" Caleb brushed the cookie crumbs off of his legs and reached for another cookie. "To, like, go from hating us to having to help lead us."

"Caleb," Jonah said warningly.

But Beth didn't mind the question. After all, she'd been puzzling it over herself, turning it around and around in her head like a Rubik's cube. Maybe talking about it out loud would be the key to solving it.

"It's… strange. I was losing my mind at first, honestly." She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Emma wasn't lurking in the doorway. No way would she divulge any of this in front of her. "I still kind of am. But I'm trying to accept it now. This is where I am, and I don't have a choice in the matter, so I might as well make the most of it, you know?"

"You're strong." Jonah slid a grilled cheese off the pan and onto a plate, adding a cup of soup on the side before setting the dish down in front of Beth. "Devon was right to pick you."

She flushed, looking down at the food. "Thank you, Jo. This looks delicious."

"Don't let it go to your head," Caleb said, ruffling Jonah's hair. "It was a desperate move, though, Dev picking you. Bad luck that we didn't have a single girl in our pack other than Emma. Made it kind of unbalanced, yeah? Like too much testosterone, too many egos."

"Right, because Emma is so soft and maternal," Jonah snorted.

Beth dipped her sandwich into her tomato soup and took a bite, chewing to give herself time to think. A desperate move. Why was Devon desperate? They could have spent their time finding a woman that wanted to join their pack. Sure, it would've taken a while, especially given their reputation, but it was doable. What was the rush, anyway?

"Why did he need a luna so badly? I don't understand it. You guys aren't like a regular pack, no offense," she stumbled over the words.

Not like a regular pack was an understatement. The crimes they'd committed, the violence they'd reveled in, they were nothing but a band of monsters. She took another bite of food to stop herself from saying more.

"Right, but that's the thing," Jonah said, sitting beside her with his own plate. "Devon didn't want it to be like that anymore. He and Em, the two of them, cobbled us all together. We were all rejects from other packs, and he gave us a place to go."

Caleb nodded and picked up from where Jonah left off. "It wasn't easy. We didn't make it easy. We lost some along the way, but we've got a good group now, a core group, and Devon wants to make us something more."

It was hard to imagine the notorious Alpha of the White Winter pack longing for anything more than blood and money. But then, looking at Devon and seeing just the alpha, not the man behind it, was hard. There was depth there, something softer beneath the exterior that he wasn't allowed to show. Something that made her want to know more.

"So he decided to start off this new life by kidnapping someone and forcing them to be his mate?" Beth couldn't keep the sarcasm from her tone, but Caleb and Jonah just laughed.

"Yeah, it's fucked up. But he was desperate." Caleb leaned in closer and dropped his voice low. "Don't tell anyone I said this, but Emma was gunning for alpha. She was nearly there, too, but once Devon got a luna, that was it, people settled down and it took the wind right out of her sales."

"If Emma was alpha," Jonah broke off with a shudder. "White Winter under Devon's rule would look like a daycare compared to what they'd do under Emma. She's a sociopath, I swear."

"But you'd fuck her." Caleb countered, pointing at Jonah with a cookie.

"Well, yeah, look at her."

Beth made a noise of disgust. "Men."

That only made the two boys laugh harder. Sitting there with them, Beth could almost imagine they were her pack. She couldn't fight her own laughter, bubbling up and surprising her, but her mind was heavier than ever. Caleb and Jonah had given her a glimpse into what drove Devon. He wanted more for his pack. Wanted more for himself. Everyone had a past. She knew that. But could she forgive him and help turn the White Winters into something more than they had been? Could she teach them what a pack should be?