Chapter 34 Indie

Chapter 34

Indie

Ronnie whines at my feet as I shift on the couch. Agitation rolls off me in waves, making it nearly impossible to sit still, but I have too much work to do to blow it off for a hike. I’m sure she’d rather be at home. I don’t blame her. Who wouldn’t? But staying there for this quick three-day road series seemed a tad clingy.

Dom didn’t seem to think so. In fact, he practically begged me to stay at his place, but I’m going to assume it had more to do with playing voyeur with his dog cam than it did with anything else. Dealing with the constant emptiness that seems to surround me since he left is enough. I don’t need the existential crisis over why I miss him so much first thing in the morning when I wake up in his bed alone on top of it.

I mean, I know why . I’m just not ready to admit it. Not to him or myself. Admitting it makes this all very real. And the last time I let myself feel that it ended with me broken. This time would be so much worse.

God, I sound like a brat. These are first world problems. Instead of my whiney internal tirade, I should be grateful that the Bandits schedule allowed Dom to come home for my appointment. Going from a game on the west coast to one on the east means one day in Denver between the series. That little detail kept three days from turning into eight days apart, and I’d have gone through my appointment alone. I’m not sure without him physically there reminding me that it’s exactly where he wanted to be that I wouldn’t have succeeded at pushing him away.

“Maybe a short walk isn’t a terrible idea.” Ronnie’s ears instantly perk up at her favorite four-letter word. I can’t help but laugh as she circles her own body, turning herself into a black and brown donut of excitement. This girl never fails to make me smile, even with the inner turmoil over missing Dom and waiting for the dreaded phone call from Dr. Smith. It seems that she’s a perfect match for her owner, and in turn, me.

Indie:

Your dog is ridiculous. [Photo Attached]

Yours:

Nah, she’s perfect, just like her momma.

Indie:

I did not birth this furry thing.

Yours:

Biology isn’t important. She loves you. You love her.

We’re a family. My mom is thrilled.

Indie:

What in the purple dinosaur are you smoking? You know they drug test baseball players, right?

Yours:

Just high on life, Baby. Enjoy your walk.

Indie:

How’d you know?

Yours:

I’m her dad. I know her walk face. Suck it biology.

Indie:

You’re a weirdo is what you are.

Yours:

Your weirdo.

Indie:

“Weirdo,” I tell Ronnie with a laugh, clipping her leash on and letting her pull me through the door. Even from across the country, he managed to make me smile and lift the grumpy hazy I was stuck in, just like he always does.

“Wait, he did that in the garage?” Delilah whispers between a fit of giggles, her cheeks pink as we huddle around a table at Buns to my fears and worries. But I can see how it’s affecting him even if he won’t admit it. He hides it behind jokes and lavishing me with affection, but I’ve noticed the lines at the corners of his eyes from not sleeping and the early morning batting practice or extra runs.

The rest of the drive is mostly quiet. Every time I glance over at Dom, I can see his wheels turning. When he feels my eyes on him, he gives me a tight-lipped smile. It’s nothing like the easygoing, panty-melting smile he usually tosses around.

There’s barely enough room for me to turn the key in the lock with Dom hot against my back. Fumbling with the lock, I finally get it open and he’s guiding me through the door so fast that my head spins trying to track our movement. Lowering to one knee, he pulls me down to sit on his thigh and keeps one arm firmly around my waist. Like he’s afraid to let me go out of fear that I’ll slip away from him. Ronnie skids across the floor, crashing into him.

My stomach flips at how she burrows her wet nose into his neck like she can’t get close enough. Me either, girl. This feels right. We feel right; the two of us laughing in the middle of my kitchen as Ronnie’s tail thumps against the linoleum. This girl was meant for us, and right now, she eases the pain in the way only she can with sloppy kisses and her happy wagging tail.

“My two favorite girls. Life doesn’t get any better than this. I think the three of us could use a nice long hike and maybe a picnic. What does my goodest girl think?”

I will not get jealous of a dog. I will not get jealous of a dog. I will not get jealous of a dog.

Repetition makes the mantra finally sink in and I notice Dom watching me. He’s carefully waiting for my reaction more than Ronnie’s. The polar opposite of me, she’s clearly hyped based on the puppy sprints she’s doing between us and the door on a loop. I’m less excited. It’s not that I don’t want to hike, it’s exactly what I need, but I’m worried that it’s not what he needs.

“What do you say, Firecracker? Want to spend the day exploring with me?”

“You must be exhausted. We don’t have to do that.” I shouldn’t still be shocked that he’s putting my needs first. It’s been a constant since I moved. It’s just one reason why I fall a little deeper each day. Someone else is finally taking care of me. I’ve been the lone soldier in this battle for too long, and with Dom by my side, I feel like I have a whole army at my back.

“Never too tired to spend time with you.”

“But we could do that here.” The lump in my throat tightens at the words, fighting my attempts to talk him out of this.

“Something tells me you need to get out of this apartment more than I need to sleep. Besides, I took a nap on the plane. Dean even sang me a lullaby.” Seeing the easy smile I’m so used to back on his face has my shoulders dropping away from my ears.

“He did not.”

“You’re right, it was Cruz.”

That I find a little more believable. “Fine, take your girls on a walk, you crazy man.”

He stands us up, his lips finding my neck before he goes to my fridge. “I’ll make some sandwiches. You go get ready.”

I glance at the jean shorts and t-shirt I’m wearing. Perfect for coffee, but not so practical for hiking. “Did you have a trail in mind?”

“There’s a state park about thirty minutes from here that has a nice loop that’s hard enough to take your mind off things, but still gets cell reception—just in case—and no scrambles that might re-injure that ankle.”

It’s exactly what I need. My ankle is healed, but it’s not quite ready for the strenuous mountain biking or trail running I’m used to. Swimming and sex with Dom have been good alternatives to take my mind off things when my wheels just won’t stop spinning, but I can’t deny I’m on edge. “Get out of my head,” I tease, rounding the doorframe to get changed.

“Nah, I think I like it here.” A smirk pulls up his lip as he works in the kitchen, pulling lunch meat and cheese out of the fridge to add to the selection of fruit and vegetables he already grabbed.

Dressed in a pair of spandex shorts and a sports bra, I rejoin him in the kitchen to find him packing the sandwiches and snacks into a small insulated bag.

“I thought we could use this for water and lunch,” I say, laying down the daypack that I use when I hike. “And don’t forget a bowl for Ronnie,” I add when I take a seat at the kitchen table to put on my trail runners.

He holds up one finger before producing a small bowl from the pile of stuff. “I grabbed her some treats for lunch too.”

“Seems like you thought of everything.”

“I’m more than just a good time.” He’s teasing, yet guilt sits heavy on my chest for how harshly I judged him when we first met.

Pushing up from my chair I cross the kitchen and wrap my hand around him from behind, kissing his back. “You’re so much more than that. Thank you for not giving up on us. For not being the self-centered, playboy I wanted you to be when we first met. For being my lifeline, my friend, mine. ”

Pulling the cord to cinch the backpack closed, he turns in my arms. “I’m glad you made me earn it because you’re worth the fight.”

“I don’t know about that.” All my doubts about how my test results affect this future he sees between us tunnel in on me. My brows pull together and I open my mouth to tell him, but he’s already there, forcing my eyes to his and making me think twice about what I was about to say.

“It’s my job to remind you every damn day that you’re worthy of a partner who puts in the work.” Those dark eyes flick back and forth between mine until I finally nod, letting go of those destructive thoughts. “Let’s get out of here.”

Dom fills the ride with stories about the road trip and the games they played. When the sign for the park turn off comes into view, my cheeks ache and it’s hard to believe it’s been almost forty minutes already. But that’s how it is with him. His charismatic personality sucks you in. You can’t help but be happy when he’s around. Resisting is pointless. Trust me, I tried so damn hard.

He parks in a shady spot near the trailhead saying, “This trail has a really gorgeous overlook that we can have our lunch at before heading back.” Then he jumps out, opening the back door to let Ronnie out and coming around to do the same for me.

“How are you feeling about your chances at a wild card spot?” I ask when he leads us out onto the trail, Ronnie leading the way, nose in the dirt.

“With the schedule we have, and the way everyone is playing, I think we have a serious shot. We just need to stay healthy and focused.” His voice is steady and rich, filled with confidence, but when he glances to the side and scraps his teeth over his lower lip, I can tell there’s more.

“That’s amazing. What’s the ‘but’?”

“There’s no ‘but.’”

“Don’t get shy on me now. There’s something.”

“My parents are coming into town to watch the last series of the regular season.”

“That’s nice for them to be able to do that. Will your sisters be with them?”

“They will.” He huffs out a breath. “And I’d like you to meet them.”

My feet stop moving, rooting themselves to the ground like the wildflowers around us. Next to me Dom’s arm is yanked forward as Ronnie keeps moving, completely unaware of the significance of the moment or that her owner is no longer moving.

“But what if—”

“No what ifs. They are dying to meet you. In fact, they’ve asked every time we’ve talked in the last few weeks.”

Nervous laughter bubbles out of me. Given the events that transpired that night in the car, I have to ask, “Details?”

“Just that I want my own version of what he has with my mom and that I was still very hung up on the one that got away. He reminded me that the best things are the ones you have to work for and he was right.”

“So sweet details?”

“Did you really think I would tell him anything else?”

“Just checking.”

“If it makes you feel better, my parents don’t know anything about what happened that first night. Not the picture in the club, or that Dean had it buried.”

I swallow roughly, letting my eyes flutter shut and soaking up the memories that flash through my mind of that night. Me in his lap, my skirt bunched up around my hips, soft sensual music pumping through the interior of the car, his hand gripping my hip as he helped guide me over him.

When my eyes open, Dom is right there, staring down at me with a wicked glint in his eyes that tells me it’s not the mountain lions I should be afraid of. If anything is going to eat me alive, it’ll be him. Not surprising, the man lives to eat and I’m his favorite meal.

Slowly, he steps us backward off the trail until my back is pressed against the rough bark of a tree trunk. “You can’t bite your lip like that out here.”

“My lip?” Old me would be embarrassed by how breathy and desperate I sound for him. New me is just accepting that this is who I am now.

“Yeah, Baby. You were biting your lip.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” I comment, struggling to focus with his hard muscles under my fingers and his thigh pressed between my legs.

“Were you thinking about how good it felt when I made you come after you played cat and mouse with me all night, pretending that I wasn’t exactly what you wanted? What you needed.”

“Yes.” No point in lying. It’s exactly what I was thinking of.

“That night is etched in my memory. Everything before then is hazy and everything after—technicolor. Even the time apart because I knew I was coming for you. You gave me a glimpse of something I’ve always craved and it was no longer just a fleeting feeling but a tangible, real thing. A person—my person. My future.”

The night was magic, and I’m not talking about the stars he made me see on the ride home—or several times after—but the in-between. Being up all night, fighting sleep, because you want to soak up every second of time you have with that person. The flowing conversation, the seamless way we just fell into each other. You hear about it all the time in movies or books, but I’ve never found that with anyone else and doubt I ever will.

“You’re sure it’s not just because you were feeling cocky about showing Dean everything he was missing?” I tease, my hands smoothing up the hard planes of his chest.

“Definitely a highlight, but no.” Heat and admiration swirl together in his eyes.

“And it wasn’t how you settled me over your lap once the driver pulled out of the club parking lot and whispered in my ear, ‘You wanted to play games, give him a show he’ll never forget.’”

His throat bobs as he swallows when my lips graze the side of his neck. “It wasn’t that, or the way you pinned your knees on either side of my thighs and looked over your shoulder at him as you started rocking your hips.”

“You did not like that,” I comment, and his chest vibrates against me. The roughness of the tree bites into my skin as he crushes his body to mine.

“And I still don’t like it,” he practically growls at me, his hand finding the side of my neck and tilting my head back. “You’ve got a thing for being watched? Is that why you’re baiting me out here where anyone could find us?”

“Not for being watched, but for driving you crazy.”

“That you do. Are you going to call out my name when I roll my hard cock over your clit until you’re panting in my ear, telling me you’re mine, just like you did then?”

A branch cracks somewhere nearby, causing Ronnie to shoot up from where she’s sitting at Dom’s feet and ending our charged stroll down memory lane. It’s probably a good thing considering it felt like we were dangerously close to saying things that I’m not certain either of us are ready for.

“Come on, Firecracker, you’re not getting it on the trail where anyone could see what’s mine.”

He steps back and I follow, not wanting to lose the weight of him, but in the light of day, right on the trail where anyone, park ranger included, could find us, is more of a risk than even I’m willing to take. “Fine,” I grumble, picking up the pace, hoping to redirect the blood back to my heart and dull the heavy ache between my legs.

For the first time since I fell off my bike, I’m able to really push myself outside the pool and I chase that feeling for the rest of the climb to the overlook. Letting it wash away the anxiety and the lingering horniness from earlier. When we stop at the clearing, Dom wraps his arms around me from behind. His lips brush my temple, and his heart beats almost as fast as mine against my back.

“It’s stunning.”

“Sure is,” he replies quietly.

Glancing over my shoulder, I find his eyes on me. “I meant the view.”

“Me too. What else would I be talking about?”

“Ass,” I tease, trying to wriggle out of his hold.

“Now that you mention it . . .” He steps just enough to glance down between us. “Yeah, that ass is stunning too. Although you have some sap stuck to it.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Yours. I can’t be held responsible for what happens when you look at me like you might climb me like a tree.”

I roll my eyes and relax back into his hold.

“Feel any better?” The tone he uses is soothing and calm, but there’s a hint of urgency that underscores how deep his concern runs.

It’s confusing as fuck to love being taken care of this way and simultaneously hate it. I want it for me, that presence I’ve missed in my life since my mom passed, but I hate it for him because I remember what it’s like to be on the other side. The never-ending worry that comes along with caring for someone like my mom . . . like me.

“This helped. Thank you for thinking of it,” I tell him, choosing not to get sucked into the worry and just be.

His chest caves underneath me with the deep sigh that rushes out of him. “I hope you worked up an appetite, because I made us a feast.”

“I’ve seen what was in my fridge. A feast feels like a stretch. ”

“Prepare to be amazed,” he says, shaking out a blanket we grabbed from his car and spreading it out for us.

We sit down, side by side and he starts unpacking the bag, setting everything between us on the blanket. When I think it’s all there, he reaches in one last time and pulls out a small box.

“Is there a rabbit in there too? That didn’t come from my apartment.”

“Nope. I grabbed it yesterday from the bakery by our hotel and snuck it in when you were changing.”

“What is it?”

“Open it and see.”

I slide my finger on the tape that seals the box shut and open the top. When I see the chocolate and caramel, layered over the shortbread crust, I smile because it’s straight out of my childhood. I’ve never been a fan of cake and my mom used to make these for me anytime there was something to celebrate. I have to roll my lips together to keep the emotions from pouring out of me. “Twix Cookie Bars?”

“I’m not sure if they are the same as what your mom used to make, but I tried one the other day and they taste just like you described, sweet and salty—just like you. So I figured it was worth a shot. And we have so much to celebrate.

“We do?”

“You got rid of the boot and you’re finally giving me a chance to make you the happiest woman on the planet.”

That makes me snort—loudly. Bittersweet laughter takes over and I crawl into his lap, careful to set the box out of harm’s way.

“I’ve tried so many times to recreate these and every time I end up crying over the mixing bowl. These look just like hers. Thank you.” I crush my lips to his, kissing him with every ounce of admiration that’s pumping through my body for this man. And for the first time, I voice the words I should have said weeks ago. “I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like less than the man you are. It was never about you. You’re nothing like I thought you would be.”

“Putting in the work was never a hardship. Being yours is a privilege, one I was happy to earn and I’ll keep earning.”

“My only experience being in a relationship with a man was nothing like this. It was my only serious relationship, and because it was such a disaster I never gave anyone else a chance. My ex was actually the worst, and for a long time I didn’t date men. I’d hook-up now and then . . .” The hold he has on me tightens. “Calm down. We both know you’re not a saint.”

“It doesn’t mean I want to hear about your past partners.”

“Yeah, well, ditto. But I think you need to know this. Or maybe I just need to say it to move on. You know, stop letting it hold me back. For us.”

“Proceed,” he says through gritted teeth, only loosening his hold a fraction.

“Other than Bri, I’ve kept things casual. Our relationship was too new to be serious when I moved. The guy I dated in college was an athlete. Everyone knew him and he loved being revered. He was always throwing up high fives when he walked around campus. It was hard not to get sucked into his charismatic personality when he set his sights on me. Eventually, I stopped fighting it and for a while, things were good. Then my mom’s cancer came back. I needed him, or I thought I did. But he didn’t want to stop having a good time to console his girlfriend—didn’t understand why I wasn’t in the mood to go out. I brushed it off. Told myself he worked hard and deserved a chance to blow off some steam without having to deal with my trauma.”

“Fucking asshole. You were devastated, and rightfully so. ”

“Oh, it gets worse. I’d just come out to my friends on campus before we started dating and was upfront with him about my sexuality.”

Dom’s jaw is clenched so tight I swear I hear his teeth crack. I bring my hand to his face and stroke along it, weaving my fingers into his hair.

“He didn’t seem to care at all, just kind of shrugged it off. It was too easy and I should have known better. I was stupid.”

“Uh uh,” Dom chides.

“You don’t even know what happened.”

“I know you, and you are not dumb. You trusted the wrong person because you’re a good person.” His lips brush the inside of my wrist .

“I gave him years of my life. I thought he was the one, but he waited until my mom was in hospice to tell me I wasn’t the kind of girl he saw himself marrying. Dating the bisexual girl was a fun experiment for him—I was a notch on his bedpost, a game. See if you can get the queer girl to date you, maybe she’ll let you have threesomes. A fucking joke for him and his buddies.”

“What the hell.” The vein on the side of his neck pulses angrily, but I have no anger left to give Jensen. The piece of me he’s held onto for so long is mine again, and it’s so damn freeing. Dom erased so many of my scars without even realizing it. Pressing my lips to his, I kiss him softly until the tension eases from his body.

“It’s fine—I mean it’s not, not even a little, but he doesn’t hold any power over me anymore. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. He was a selfish prick. From how he broke my heart when I needed someone the most, to how he treated my sexuality as a game. But he doesn’t get to cloud my judgment where you are concerned. Not anymore, because you’ve shown me you’re nothing like him.”

“Give me five minutes alone with him,” he grits out.

“Someone needs another kiss.” Dom doesn’t even crack a smile at my attempt to ease the tension radiating off of him. “I can’t help you with that. I have no clue where he is or what he’s doing. He transferred schools the next year. Poppy cleansed him from my phone and socials. Not that I wanted to check up on him after what he did, more to protect me from an ambush when I opened my apps.”

“You said he was an athlete at Lakeside?” I can see him mentally cataloging the players he knows trying to put the pieces together.

“Mhmm, but I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” Reaching over I grab the dessert box, Ronnie watching my every move. Taking a bar, I bring it to my lip and bite off the corner, chewing it slowly. The groan doesn’t so much slip out, as I let it fly free, distracting Dom from his worries the same way he’s done for me. Out of the corner of my eye I see the brown and white paws scooting closer. “You should try this.” I hold it in front of him to take a bite. The set of his jaw eases as I bring the bar to his lips.

Hit bites the corner, his eye never leaving mine. “Already tried it.” He drags his gaze down my body, setting me ablaze little by little. “But you know what I’m dying for a taste of?” His cock swells between us, and I don’t have to use my imagination to figure it out. This man would live between my legs, never coming up for air if he didn’t have to play baseball.

“Are you getting hard watching me eat dessert?” I try to keep my tone light, but the effect he has on me with just a glance is devastating. And the smile that tilts up the corner of his lips when I stumble over my words just makes it worse.

“My favorite treat is sitting in my lap, moaning obscenely. What do you think?” His hands smooth up my thighs, thumbs hooking in and tracing the juncture where my thighs and hips meet. Next to us, Ronnie groans and buries her face under her paws.

I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. “That we should finish lunch and break land speed records to get home.”